Van Diemen's Land: part quattro
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam sat at home on her couch after finally being released from Janet's hawk-like gaze in the infirmary.
She was permentantly trapped in a cage of darkness, unable to see anything but black. But it wasn't
even the normal black that you or me would see, with tiny spots of light dancing before us, even though
our eyes are closed. It was a dull, complete blackness that was flat and claustrophobic, even though
Sam had her eyes open.
She felt for the arms of the couch and stood up. She inched with agonising slowness over to the
kitchen, intent on making herself a cup of coffee. Janet had warned her not to do anything with hot
water or food without her say so, but Sam was not going to depend on anyone, she was an Air Force
officer, and she was determined to look after herself.
It had taken her a long, long time to even be able to recognise the fact that she could no longer see.
Jacob had been recalled from his Tok'ra mission and had rushed to her bedside, but she had refused to
talk to anyone, cocooning herself in her own world off darkness. She cried to herself silently, turned
away from her father and Jack, unreachable in her desolation. She had felt a kind of grief for herself,
knowing that she would probably never see again. It had taken days for her to realise that she no
longer had a career in the Air Force, that she no longer had her life, that she'd be reliant on other people
for the rest of her life. Daniel had been distraught, begging her to talk to him, and Sam felt his brotherly
pain for her, but she'd ignored him. Jacob had paced back and forth, talking in quiet tones, persuading
her to talk, then he had walked out, unable to take it any more. Jack had merely sat next to her, even
though she kept her back to him, and even though she couldn't see him, and although he didn't say
anything, she felt his presence there almost always.
She felt along the shelf for the coffee and spooned some into a mug. She flicked the switch on the
kettle and leaned against the wall, sighing as the kettle began to hiss. Was everything she did cursed?
It had begun to feel like it.
The switch on the kettle clicked and Sam picked it up slowly to pour it into the mug. She misjudged
the distance and screamed as the boiling water cascaded over her hand.
"Shit!" She shouted, tears springing to her eyes. She began to grow angry, feeling helpless was not
something Sam enjoyed. She hurled the mug at the opposite wall and heard the china break. She
slid down the wall, sobbing, and curled up on the floor.
Half an hour later
~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack opened Sam's front door with the key that Janet had given him, and called for her,
"Carter! I hope you're decent, I'm coming in!"
He walked through into the living room and looked round, puzzled. Where the hell was she?
He spotted something out of the corner of his eye and looked closer at the kitchen. He saw the coffee
stain on the wall and his eyes followed it down to the broken mug. He saw Sam sprawled on the floor,
asleep (though he didn't know it).
"Carter!" He hissed and ran to her, sliding onto the floor beside her. "Carter! Come on, don't do this!"
He turned her over, listening to see if she was breathing. She began to move, wriggling away from him
and opening her eyes.
"Sir?" She asked.
"Carter! Are you okay? What d'you do?"
"I just tried to make some coffee. I burned my hand."
"What?! Carter!" Jack yelled at her. "What do you think you're playing at?!" He ran a hand through his
short hair and glanced at her as she didn't say anything. He noticed her eyes were red and puffy. "You
know the doc told you not to do anything like that! It's for your own good!" He softened his voice
slightly.
Sam sniffed and tears began to fall down her cheeks. She hated not being able to do anything, and she
hated having Jack shout at her.
Jack felt a pang of guilt as he saw her begin to cry again, biting her lip to stop herself. He sank down
and sat next to her, touching her arm gently so she knew where he was.
"Sorry, Carter. You know we worry about you."
Sam nodded, then burst into tears, sobbing into her hands. Jack sighed and gave in, pulling her towards
him and holding her as she sobbed into his shoulder, her arms wrapped round his neck.
"Sshh, Sam." He whispered and stroked her hair as he rocked her gently to calm her. He held her round
her waist until she stopped crying and was silent against his chest. He looked down and saw she was
asleep once more.
He lifted her up and carried her to the couch, laying her down and covering her with a blanket. He
smoothed the hair away from her forehead and sank into the chair opposite. He sat watching the
blanket rise and fall to her breathing and sighed. It hurt him so much to see her like this, and no matter
how much he tried to deny it, he knew that sometime soon, he'd have to tell her how he felt. And he'd
take the incentive to do something about it, this had made him realise just how much he cared for her.
And how much he needed her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam sat at home on her couch after finally being released from Janet's hawk-like gaze in the infirmary.
She was permentantly trapped in a cage of darkness, unable to see anything but black. But it wasn't
even the normal black that you or me would see, with tiny spots of light dancing before us, even though
our eyes are closed. It was a dull, complete blackness that was flat and claustrophobic, even though
Sam had her eyes open.
She felt for the arms of the couch and stood up. She inched with agonising slowness over to the
kitchen, intent on making herself a cup of coffee. Janet had warned her not to do anything with hot
water or food without her say so, but Sam was not going to depend on anyone, she was an Air Force
officer, and she was determined to look after herself.
It had taken her a long, long time to even be able to recognise the fact that she could no longer see.
Jacob had been recalled from his Tok'ra mission and had rushed to her bedside, but she had refused to
talk to anyone, cocooning herself in her own world off darkness. She cried to herself silently, turned
away from her father and Jack, unreachable in her desolation. She had felt a kind of grief for herself,
knowing that she would probably never see again. It had taken days for her to realise that she no
longer had a career in the Air Force, that she no longer had her life, that she'd be reliant on other people
for the rest of her life. Daniel had been distraught, begging her to talk to him, and Sam felt his brotherly
pain for her, but she'd ignored him. Jacob had paced back and forth, talking in quiet tones, persuading
her to talk, then he had walked out, unable to take it any more. Jack had merely sat next to her, even
though she kept her back to him, and even though she couldn't see him, and although he didn't say
anything, she felt his presence there almost always.
She felt along the shelf for the coffee and spooned some into a mug. She flicked the switch on the
kettle and leaned against the wall, sighing as the kettle began to hiss. Was everything she did cursed?
It had begun to feel like it.
The switch on the kettle clicked and Sam picked it up slowly to pour it into the mug. She misjudged
the distance and screamed as the boiling water cascaded over her hand.
"Shit!" She shouted, tears springing to her eyes. She began to grow angry, feeling helpless was not
something Sam enjoyed. She hurled the mug at the opposite wall and heard the china break. She
slid down the wall, sobbing, and curled up on the floor.
Half an hour later
~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack opened Sam's front door with the key that Janet had given him, and called for her,
"Carter! I hope you're decent, I'm coming in!"
He walked through into the living room and looked round, puzzled. Where the hell was she?
He spotted something out of the corner of his eye and looked closer at the kitchen. He saw the coffee
stain on the wall and his eyes followed it down to the broken mug. He saw Sam sprawled on the floor,
asleep (though he didn't know it).
"Carter!" He hissed and ran to her, sliding onto the floor beside her. "Carter! Come on, don't do this!"
He turned her over, listening to see if she was breathing. She began to move, wriggling away from him
and opening her eyes.
"Sir?" She asked.
"Carter! Are you okay? What d'you do?"
"I just tried to make some coffee. I burned my hand."
"What?! Carter!" Jack yelled at her. "What do you think you're playing at?!" He ran a hand through his
short hair and glanced at her as she didn't say anything. He noticed her eyes were red and puffy. "You
know the doc told you not to do anything like that! It's for your own good!" He softened his voice
slightly.
Sam sniffed and tears began to fall down her cheeks. She hated not being able to do anything, and she
hated having Jack shout at her.
Jack felt a pang of guilt as he saw her begin to cry again, biting her lip to stop herself. He sank down
and sat next to her, touching her arm gently so she knew where he was.
"Sorry, Carter. You know we worry about you."
Sam nodded, then burst into tears, sobbing into her hands. Jack sighed and gave in, pulling her towards
him and holding her as she sobbed into his shoulder, her arms wrapped round his neck.
"Sshh, Sam." He whispered and stroked her hair as he rocked her gently to calm her. He held her round
her waist until she stopped crying and was silent against his chest. He looked down and saw she was
asleep once more.
He lifted her up and carried her to the couch, laying her down and covering her with a blanket. He
smoothed the hair away from her forehead and sank into the chair opposite. He sat watching the
blanket rise and fall to her breathing and sighed. It hurt him so much to see her like this, and no matter
how much he tried to deny it, he knew that sometime soon, he'd have to tell her how he felt. And he'd
take the incentive to do something about it, this had made him realise just how much he cared for her.
And how much he needed her.
