Boyz Nite In
Run now while you can!
It was a warm afternoon, dark storm clouds
on the horizon, and a very angry spiky headed blond kicking an empty
Coca-Cola-can in frustration.
It wasn't fair!
How was he supposed to know that they'd do
that?!?!
His pride was still burning after the
incident a few nights ago-they'd crashed Vincent's place, and partied on all
night. A prank allowed Vince' and Sephy to sneak into the girls party, and,
and…!
"AARRRGGGHH!!"
It
was so UNFAIR!!!!
And now…now
Tifa and Vincent were…'Going out'…oh, the nerve of that bastard! How was it
that the most unbalanced member of AVALANCHE got sex on a regular basis?
Ooooh, it made him so mad…
And…and…!
Lots of mile away (I have no sense of
math's…just ask my teacher!) in Nibelheim, Sephiroth sighed, picked up his nice
shiny new red pen and went over the checklist for about the…um…dozenth time.
"There is such a thing as a
'dozenth'?" He asked, aloud.
Shhh! Don't talk to me! I'm the narrator!
"Oh sorry, Dragon!"
So you should be. Anyway, before I was
rudely interrupted, Sephiroth, I was
to tell the readers what was going on. Like this: Arranging a party of one's
own is a hard task, but when you're as highly-strung as Vincent, anything is
possible…
Sephiroth looked up at the person walking
down the stairs, and grinned.
"Took you long enough."
"He was struggling. I had to tie him
down."
"I didn't know you were into
bondage!"
Tifa gave him a dirty look. "I'm not,
you kinky bastard. Ah!" She raised a finger. "I don't want to hear
what you do with that slut Aeris! That's your business, not mine!"
"Aeris is not a slut! Just
experienced…that's all!" Sephiroth blushed.
"Oookay." Tifa held out a hand
and counted of her fingers one by one. "Tseng. Cloud. Zack. You. I heard
she's been seen with Squall-"
"No! Not fur boy! Not ever!"
"Is he coming tonight?"
"NO!"
"Geez, don't fill your pants! I only
asked!" Tifa put her item pouch on the dining room table. It sounded
empty.
"Umm, how many Tranks did you put into
Vincent?"
"No, the question is, how much coffee
did you put into his drink this morning? Or was it Hypers? Dammit, Jenova-boy!
He's been bouncing off the walls all day! I've never seen him so
energetic!"
"Except in bed."
"Yes!" She paused, and blushed,
realizing what she'd just said. "No! What he's like in bed is my affair
not yours!"
"Speaking of affairs-"
"Oh, shut up, Sephiroth!"
Night fell (Rather heavily, bruising its'
bottom.) and the mansion was glowing with little fairy lights.
"Woooo! How long did it take you to
catch all those little fairies?"
"Ages! They only hang around at the
bottom of the garden, around those stupid rings of freakin' toadstools! And
that pink one there bit me!" Sephiroth stroked the bandage covering his
hand. It seemed a little large…
"Is that why you nailed it by it's
wings to the door?"
"Yes, and the fact it did the finger
at me!"
"Oh diddums!" Reno grinned like a
child at Christmas, and eyed the mansion. "Can I go in? Please?
Please?"
"No. Not yet."
"Aww, Sephiroth! Please? With sugar on
top?!"
"No!"
"Plleeeaaassseeee?!"
"Oh shut up!!!" Sephiroth spat "Okay!! Go in for Christ's
sake, and leave me alone!!"
"WooHoo!"
Reno, in a haze of joy, ran into the door.
Hard.
"He's going to feel that in the
morning!"
"I think he is feeling it now!"
Sephiroth smiled at the two men standing
there. "Hi Zell. Hi Seifer."
His turquoise eyes picked out the DVD Zell
was carrying.
"Finally!!
You bought it back! I thought I was never going to see it again!!"
"You and your 'Ghost in the Shell'
Jeez, you can't function with out it can you?"
"Well, it's better than that stupid
Mandy More fixation that Rude has…"
The three of them shuddered.
"Has Rufus arrived yet?" Asked
Seifer, hopefully
"Uh…no…I'm not sure…I had a nap
today…"
"…?!"
Sephiroth frowned. "Tifa wanted to be
sure that I wouldn't become Mr. Cranky-Pants and try and destroy the world
again…"
Squall Leonheart opened his eyes, blearily,
and through the PHS against the wall.
Who was calling him at this hour?
Come to think about it, why were they calling at this hour?
Was it something he'd done? Said?
Something-
"Squall! Squall! Are you there ya
great big pussy?!"
"I beg your pardon? Who is
this?!"
"It's Barret Wallace from Final
Fantasy 7. I was thinkin'-"
"Don't think, you pathetic mass of
polygons. You'll hurt yourself!"
"Hey, I'm tha' stoopid!"
"Look you…you…you thing you! Why are you calling great and powerful me at this
moment? I want nothing to do with an outdated piece of crap like you. FF7 is
so…so 1997!! FF8 now rules the roost-"
At that moment, the author, i.e ME got
seriously upset at Squall's comment, and decided that revenge is a dish best
served cold…but on with the story…
"Look, pretty boy! Your bum-buddies
Zell an' Seifer are hangin' with some buds of mine, an' I think that you an' my
boss" He spat the word disgustedly " Think tha' mebbe you might wanna
come on down an' give us a hand."
"Zell?" Well, if the chicken
wanted to make friends with silly little anime characters, he could, but
Seifer?
"What exactly are they doing?" He
asked, suspiciously.
"S' biggest party I ever sawed, man!
They's inviting everyone!!"
"Except me!!"
The party was in full swing, and everyone
was having a good time.
"Hey Spyro, wanna come over here and
light my cigarette?" Cid asked wistfully.
The little purple dragon gave him a worried
look. "Uh, didn't Tifa and Sephiroth search you when you came in?"
"Umm yeah…" Cid paused.
"Sephiroth seemed to enjoy it…"
"Didn't they take away you smokes?
Your lighters and stuff?"
"Yeah" said Cid, sadly. "All
15 of 'em."
"Then…where did that cigarette come
from?"
"An old friend of mine showed me how
to conceal a packet of smokes! I smuggled 'em in-"
"AARRRGGHHH!! Don't tell me!! I
DON"T WANT TO KNOOOOWWWW!!!"
The little dragon ran off into the crowd.
"Poor kid." He paused and noticed
someone walking towards him.
"Oh, hi Snake. Uh…what's the
matter?"
"Tifa caught me smoking…" Solid
Snake muttered, sweating nervously. "In fact it was my own brother who sprung me! Cocky
bastard!"
"What did they do?"
Solid Snake took a deep breath.
"Cavity search."
"Ooh" Cid murmured sympathetically.
"Anal probe!" whimpered Snake.
"I can't believe my own brother tried
to something as stupid as that"
"You're heartless, Liquid!"
"Ah, revenge, my vampiric friend, is a
dish best served cold."
Raziel nodded. "But you're dead…"
"So are you, but am I
complaining?"
The SoulReaver shrugged. "Seen
Kain?"
"Uh, let me think…umm…If you want
Kain, he challenged Meryl Silverburg and Rhinoa Heartily to a game of
Twister…"
"Argh! He gets all the damned luck,
doesn't he?!" Raziel growled. "It is soo unfair! I have to go through
all those stupid clans for no Goddamned reason!!" He paused. "If you
want me, I'll be in the Spiritual Plain. Sulking."
He disappeared, fading from view, leaving
Liquid feeling a little disorientated. And
I won't even know if he's walking through me…uhh…bad thoughts…
He turned his attention to a corner of the
room where the owner of the house was being picked on.
"Mm. Fight."
"Stop hittin' yourself, stop hittin'
yourself!"
"Oowww!!! Stop it Sydney!"
"Awww poor little wimp!"
"I'm warning you!"
"Look I have two claws! You only have
one!!
"I will take those claws and shove
them up your pitiful arse!"
"Wooo those are fighting words!!! Put
'em up, vampire boy!" Sydney jumped back, with an evil smile, and went
into a fighting stance.
Vincent backed off. "The last time
there was a fight, this house was almost destroyed! I am not going to fight
you!"
"Oh yeah?!"
"Yeah!!" Vincent took off his
cape and put it over Sydney's head, then ran away, as fast as he could. The
injuries from Ehrgeiz were still incredibly painful…
As he ran off, Raziel appeared, and found
himself bowled over by a very angry Sydney.
"Outta the way, you idiot!"
"Idiot?! IDIOT!! AARRGGHHH!!"
"Give him hell, Raz'!"
"Go for the throat!"
"Get him!"
"Fight, fight, fight!!"
There was a loud crashing sound, and both
fighters fell to the ground. Tifa stood behind them with a pot in both hands.
"No one is to fight in my house.
Understand?"
"Yes mummy…"
At that moment in time, outside the
Nibelheim mansion, Squall, Cloud and Barret lay in wait for any unsuspecting
victims.
They were going to have to wait a long,
long time.
Seifer grinned at Tifa. "Isn't he
cute?" He asked.
"…!"
Rufus wriggled in the head-lock.
"Lemme go, Seifer! Lemme go!"
"I shall call him, Mini-Me!"
giggled Seifer holding his little finger to his mouth, Dr. Evil style. (Ugh, I'm getting twisted…!)
"Nnnooooo!!!" Rufus continued to
struggle. "Don't mess up my hair! DON"T MESS UP MY HAIR!!!"
"Oops, too late…!"
"AAAARRRGGHHH!!"
Tifa shook her head in distress. When those
two ever grow up?
As she walked away, she heard a knock from
the front door. She opened it. Stared.
"What the…?! How the hell did you get
here?!"
"By bus." The speaker grinned.
"By the way…uh…there are some guys out there plotting something horrible
in the garden."
Vincent peered past Tifa's shoulder.
"Oh, hi Dragon! I wasn't sure if you received your invitaion!" He
gave her a big hug. "I luv my Dragon!"
"Ugh…get offa me! I didn't! I just
wanted to crash your party because school is really boring!!"
"Cool. What was all that about someone
in my garden?"
EarthDragon grinned evilly. "Squall,
Barret, Cloud and a couple of cronies. I think they might be planning
something."
"Mmm. Hey Sephiroth!" He paused.
"Stop trying to root that pathetic purple dragon and get your sexually
frustrated arse over here!"
Dragon stared in surprise. "…!"
"You're rubbing off on me"
Vincent chuckled. "Hey, Seph', turns out that Cloud and co are at it
again. I think it's time for some payback, don't you?"
Sephiroth's eyes glinted evilly.
"Bring it on!"
One thing that I'm sure most practical
jokers know is that you must never, ever, fall asleep on the job. To do so is
to have a joke played on you…Right?
Right!
As the first rays of dawn hit Nibelheim
with the force of feathers, Squall woke up.
He was dimly aware that his legs were cold,
and that there was a horrible breeze in his nether regions.
Someone giggled, softly.
His eyes snapped open, and he sat up, with
a gasp of fear. He'd fallen asleep in the heathen's world! Damn FF7ers!!
"Blaspheme against my boys will
you?" growled a soft English voice. "You've been a bad, bad
boy…"
It was the voice every good guy dreads to hear. It speaks of horrible revenge,
humiliating defeat, and above all losing.
"…Earth…Dragon…?"
"Heh, heh, heh!" The brunette
sniggered. "Blue looks great on you. So does cherry red lipstick!"
"AAARRRGGHH!!!"
"Hey, the photos are back!"
"Excellent!"
Tifa sat down on Vincent's lap and snuggled
into him, with a warm smile on her face. Perhaps a little too warm, in
Sephiroth's opinion. They'd probably done it
again…
"Oooh, check out this one!"
"The Kodak guy gave me a really weird
look when I got them back…probably thought I was some sort of pervert or
something…"
"You are a pervert, Seph'!"
"Grr!"
"But we love you for it." Said
Vincent, as sincerely as possible, without cracking up.
The first photo was a delightful group
shot…of Ashley Riot, Squall, Cloud, and a few more guys in a heap, looking like
they'd just had a drunken orgy.
The second, was a single shot of Squall in
a delightfully small blue dress, and plenty of make up. More followed. Single
guys and sometimes girls…Yuffie had been determined to kick Cid's arse for some
reason known only to her… dressed in embarrassing clothing and make-up.
Oh, yes, people had had fun that night!
"Jeez, some of this shit is really
incriminating…watcha gonna do with 'em?" asked Cid conversationally. He
was glad he'd been invited…he hadn't wanted to annoy Vincent and Sephiroth
again…they had powerful friends…
Vincent smiled leisurely. "I'm running
a Website. Actually, to be honest, Rufus is running it."
Silence descended over the whole group.
"No way…"
"Someone has to take those bastards
off their high horses!!"
~Plink