Little Men from Neptune III
I woke up on the morning of the
first day of school. My alarm clock was going off, shouting the familiar, "Hey
Arnold!" which I hadn't heard much of all summer long. I yawned, stretched,
pulled the plug out of the potato, quieting the alarm, got out of bed, and made
my way to the bathroom, which was thankfully unoccupied because I had risen so
early. I entered, locked the door, and proceeded to disrobe out of my red plaid
boxers and white undershirt. Long gone were the days of my blue pajamas, as I
had discovered that my new sleepwear was easier and more comfortable.
I proceeded
to get in the shower, letting the warm water wake me up. I washed in five
minutes and stepped out of the shower, throwing a towel around my waist. I brushed
my teeth and made my way back to my room to figure out what to wear. I tossed
the towel to the floor, put on my boxers, and inspected myself in the mirror. I
had turned 15 just a few days before, and decided that the summer had been good
to me. Heh, Gerald threw me an awesome party.
"Happy
Birthday Arnold!" everyone shouted as I walked in the door of Gerald's rec
room. He had helped his dad turn the basement into a rec room that summer, and
it turned out to be extremely wicked awesome. Now, Gerald knew how to throw a
party. I have to admit; I think he is better at party throwing than Rhonda. His
parties always had loud music, great food, and plenty of girls, and my party
was no exception. I don't know where he finds these people, but they show up.
'Everyone'
included all of our friends from PS118, along with about 20 people we had met
in Jr. High that Gerald had become good friends with, and about 10 more people
I had never seen in my life. All of them were girls.
"Where did
you find all these girls, Gerald?" I asked quizzically.
"They just
follow me around, man. I'm a babe magnet," was his reply.
Ever since
Phoebe and Gerald had broken up over 'irreconcilable differences' last summer,
Gerald had been moving from girlfriend to girlfriend every couple of weeks. I
on the other hand, just watched this spectacle from the background. I had
always been way too shy when it came to girls, and so I had never gotten up the
nerve to ask out any of my crushes, resulting in my still having never been
kissed, besides those times by Helga... which I don't count anyway.
So, the
party was going great. I was dancing and attempting to socialize by having
Gerald introduce me to people who I had never met or didn't quite remember. I
also chatted to Helga and Phoebe who were standing by the snack table.
"So, Helga,
check out that hot Latin hunk over there, he's a total babe." I heard Phoebe
saying.
"Yeah, he's
OK, but you know I go for blondes, like that one." Helga said and pointed to
me.
I smiled and said, "Hey girls,
how's it going?"
"Just
fine." They both said in unison
Helga had
told me that she loved me way back in the fourth grade, and basically, I didn't
know what to think. I was flattered, but that was about it. I was too young to
have any romantic feelings toward her. Look where that got Gerald and Phoebe.
Anyway, we became pretty good friends after that, but she has never let the
fact go that she once used to obsess over me, and constantly teases me.
"That's
good. Having fun?"
"Yeah
football head, this party is boss."
"Gerald
always throws the best parties."
"There you
go again, Phoebe, complimenting Gerald. If I didn't know better I'd say you
still liked the guy."
"Shut up
Helga, you know I got fed up with his player mentality. Plus, I think I'm going
to go talk to that guy I've had my eye on. See ya guys." She walked away.
"So, see
any guys you like?" I asked Helga giving her a friendly poke.
"Yeah,
those blondes over there are pretty sultry. You know I go for 'the boys with
the cornflower hair'."
"Heh,
yeah."
Just then,
Gerald announced that we were going to play some "7 minutes in heaven." Yeah, I
knew what that was, but I didn't expect Gerald would actually suggest it. I
tried to go hide in a corner somewhere, but he located me, and dragged me by the
arm, over to the closet.
"You get to
go first birthday boy! Pick your partner in crime!" I just stood there,
dumbfounded. After a minute, Gerald spoke again. "Fine, I'll choose for you.
Jacqueline, come here."
A really
cute blonde girl who was about my height came over to me. "Hi Arnold, I'm
Jacqueline, a friend of Gerald's." She extended her hand to me and I shook it.
"Nice to
meet you," I said shyly.
"Ok, enough
chit chat, get in there, and don't come out till we say so! Have fun!" Gerald
said, and practically shoved us into the closet, closing the door.
My heart
was pounding a mile a minute and I wasn't sure exactly what to do. I probably
would have sat there in the dark freaking out for seven minutes, but all of a
sudden I felt Jacqueline's lips touch mine. We just stood there in the dark
closet, well, she was kissing me, but for a while I just stood there, shocked.
She pulled away.
"It takes
two people to kiss," She whispered.
"Huh? Oh,
yeah, sorry."
She resumed
kissing me, and this time I attempted to kiss her back. It was all new to me,
and I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing, but she didn't stop, so I assumed I
was doing it correctly. Suddenly, I felt her tongue in my mouth as she began
frenching me. I don't know what came over me at that point, but I really liked
it, and I frenched her back. My brain was filled with all these thoughts and
feelings. 'Wow, I'm having my first kiss,' kept racing through my mind, and I
really liked it. I was having the time of my life!
About five
minutes later, I believe Gerald opened the closet door, but I didn't notice
until I heard the sounds of clapping and cheering and "Go Arnold!" being
chanted. I pulled away and blushed up a storm with this big goofy grin on my
face. (I really need to learn to control my blushing.) Everyone else had their
turns after that, though I think Gerald got longer than seven minutes, but I
just couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. It had felt so good! It had been
so much fun!
I didn't
really talk to Jacqueline for the rest of the party. I was too busy lost in
thought.
Yup, it had
been a great summer. Not only for the good times though, but physically as
well. Gerald and I had decided we wanted to start working out, so at the
beginning of the summer, Gerald had gotten a home gym for his birthday, and we
had used it every day. I gave my stomach a little pat and inspected it in the
mirror. Every single ounce of baby fat that I had was now gone, and it was
perfectly flat.
My arms and
legs were pretty well toned too, and I began flexing to get a good look at
them. I also turned around and checked out my butt, which I must admit was
looking pretty good too. Lastly, I checked out my face. Still completely
zit-free and my beard was coming in nicely. Well, it wasn't really a beard. It
was more like a few blond hairs that were barely visible, but I was quite proud
of them.
I went to
my closet and looked for something to wear. Going clothing shopping with Rhonda
and Gerald had been a lot of fun, and my closet was brimming with new fashionable
attire. I chose a pair of baggy jean shorts and put them on with a belt.
(Gerald said they were supposed to be low fitting, but I decided I'd rather not
have my boxers poking out for the world to see.) I grabbed this black T-shirt
that I had gotten and put it on. It was kind of tight, but Gerald had again
said that it was supposed to be and upon inspection, I decided it showed off my
physique quite nicely. That done, I put on my flannel and checked myself out
one final time. It just didn't look right. Perplexed, I took off the flannel
and all was spiffy again. My flannel was such an important part of my look, I
didn't want to go without it, so I simply tied it around my waist, and that
completed the ensemble nicely. My black flip-flops were the final touch. My hat
remained quiet on the bedpost because the high school dress code didn't allow
hats. I only wondered how poor Sid would feel.
I went over
to the dresser and reached for my hair gel. I had decided that my long hair was
too much of a hassle, and had gotten it cut earlier in the summer. At first it
didn't look quite right, but then Rhonda told me about hair gel, and I've worn
it spiky ever since. Helga seemed to like the new 'do, so now I'm hoping all
the other girls do as well.
I spiked my
hair, put on some cologne, gathered my backpack, and psyched myself up for the
first day of high school. 10th grade was going to be sweet, and
there would be a very different Arnold wandering the campus.
I groaned as I awoke to the familiar
booming of Bob's voice.
"Helga, get your butt outta bed, it's
the first day of school!" Knowing it
was the only way to pull myself from the warm comfort of bed, I rolled out and
plopped onto the floor. I untangled
myself from the sheets that I had taken down with me and pulled myself up.
I walked into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror before I got in the
shower. Not a pretty picture. I had pillow marks on my face, my eyes were
still asleep looking, and my hair was a total mess. I took off my nightshirt and got in. I just stood there for a couple minutes letting the hot water
wake me up before I actually did any shower related activities. When I was done I put on a towel, wrung out
my hair, and then ran down the hall before Bob saw me. I toweled off in my room then went into my
closet to get dressed.
The back wall of my closet was bare, but
the empty spot no longer bothered me.
When I had told Arnold about how I felt I had taken my shrine down. I still loved Arnold, though he didn't love
me. I was very surprised at how little
it hurt when I learned that he had no feelings for me. The first couple of shrine-less years it was
weird not seeing it when I pulled aside my clothes. But I matured past needing one and it no longer bothered me.
The little pinks books were still in a
box at the back though, and I occasionally jotted something down. A little pale blue book among the pinks ones
stood out like a sore thumb. The little
blue book wasn't full, but I was done writing in it. That one was from a few years back, the summer before Jr. High
started. That was the summer Miriam and
Bob divorced.
I still don't know how Mom got the
ability to demand a divorce from Bob, but she got it. They had gotten a divorce and seeing how Bob was the only one
with a job and a house at the time, he got me in the beginning. I remembered with terrible clarity the
lawyers, the fights, the documents and contracts. How I hated those lawyers, dividing up and sectioning everything,
slicing and dicing our lives to pieces with no more emotion than if they were
splitting a pizza. Bob got that and
Miriam got that was bad enough, but then they started discussing me as if I
were no more than a piece of furniture to also be split and divided! I was furious when I learned that I was
going to be "given" to "Big Bob the Beeper King."
Miriam had gotten a third of Bob's money
and tricked the lawyers into making him pay alimony. They both knew Miriam was perfectly capable of working for
herself, but Miriam put on her best show of stupidity, lethargy, and
helplessness she had ever pulled and got a very large alimony to help her until
she got a job. Bob tried his hardest to
fight her since he remembered very clearly what had happened when he had thrown
out his back and Miriam had taken over the "beeper empire" for him while he
recovered, but she still won.
She had gotten a good business executive
job and a nice sized apartment not far from where Bob lived about a month and a
half after the divorce was settled and I happily got to live with Miriam. Now she had child support to replace the
alimony. She was completely different
now and was no longer the lethargic, stupefied zombie she used to be. She also tried very hard from becoming a
workaholic. But since I'm living with
Miriam why am I with Bob right now you may ask.
Bob had visitation rights for
practically the whole summer and I was staying there a little longer this
summer because Miriam had a business trip to make. She'd be back in a few days and I could go home.
Also after I had told Arnold how I felt
I guess I had stopped being quite so hard and mean without my secret to
protect. I didn't realize that until
7th grade. Because of the divorce I was
feeling very fragile. My whole life had
been split apart at the foundations and to make it even worse I was about to be
starting a new school with new people and none of the old familiarity of PS
118. I had bullied up again so that I
couldn't be hurt in my delicate state.
Despite the fact that I had become my old self again, everyone had
plenty of sympathy for me once they learned about the divorce. They helped me get through it, and I never
realized before how many friends I had.
I also figured out that I had softened after fourth grade. There was no way I would have had this many
friends if I hadn't.
Meanwhile, back to getting ready for
school. (You people shouldn't let me
reminisce so long. It's bad for the
story.) I pulled on a pair of flare
jeans, put on a bra, then pulled a red blouse down off its hanger and put it
on. I tied it off to one side on the
bottom so my midriff showed. I pulled
on a pair of black boots. They were
platforms (like I needed them) and the tops disappeared into my jean legs. The toes were sort of squared off so my feet
weren't pinched. I then struggled to
pull a brush through my gnarled, still damp hair for ten minutes. Muttering and cussing under my breath I
yanked out half of my hair before I managed to make it presentable. I stood in front of my full-length mirror
and examined myself.
The great figure that had started to
show itself in Jr. High had almost finished appearing. I was very proud of my chest and waist. I had kept my waist in control without it becoming
a Barbie waist like some anorexic girl.
I was amazed that I had gotten nice sized boobs since those didn't
really run in the family. I flipped my
hair. It was long and I no longer wore
it on the sides like when I was a girl.
It was darker because it was still wet, and the water was weighting
it. When it dried I would have a few
definite waves in my hair. Those had
come out of nowhere last year. I had
also started applying Nair to the middle of my eyebrow so that I now had the
normal two. Over all I had a body that
girls envied, hair that was great when it wasn't wet, and I was a fashionable
dresser.
I walked out of my room psyched up and
in a great mood for the first day of the year.
Bob had already made breakfast.
He had somehow managed to become self-sufficient after the divorce. I ate, grabbed my backpack and money for
lunch, and then walked out the door to catch the bus. I quietly said a challenge under my breath as I walked to the bus
stop.
"Gimme your best shot Seattle High."
"Mmm mmm
mmm, I am one sexy dude!" I said to the gorgeous face in the mirror. Yeah, I
like to talk to myself every morning, but this morning was extra important. It
was the morning of the first day of High School. I stood naked in front of the
mirror, checking out every aspect of my gorgeous body. Arnold and I had bulked
up all summer using my home gym, and it had given me superb muscles.
"The ladies
are gonna be all over me this year," I said as I held up two pairs of boxers in
front of me, deciding which ones to wear. I finally chose the red silk ones
because they matched my baggy black jeans with the red stitching. I pulled on
my jeans and let them fall to the proper place at my hips. "Perfect." I stared
at my chest in the mirror. It was very nicely defined, though it still needed work
to become as buff as possible, but I was satisfied. I put on my tight red
muscle shirt and it showed off the definition in my chest nicely. I ran a hand
over my short hair, which my mom had put into cornrows. I thought the new 'do
suited me just nicely, and brought out my dashing eyes.
I checked
myself out one last time and caught the bus to school. This would definitely be
my last year of riding the bus or my name wasn't Gerald Martin Johanssen. I
longed for a car so badly, but mom said I was going to have to wait until I was
16 to get one. Moms can be so annoying. All the way to school, I dreamed about
the perfect car. It would definitely have to be red, my favorite color. Sleek
and sporty with a kickass speaker system. Yes, I could just taste it.
Before I
knew it, the bus arrived at Seattle High. Damn, the place was huge! Arnold and
I had practically gotten lost 50 times at registration, and now we had to go it
for real, without a map. I entered the school grounds and scouted around for
familiar faces. I saw oodles of my ex girlfriends around. They were all staring
at me, I could tell. They all wished for more of me, but none of them had
really had that special something I was looking for. Ever since Phoebe and I
broke up, I haven't been satisfied for very long with anyone for one reason or
another. I hated to be known for breaking up with girls every two weeks, but
that didn't stop them from coming onto me, so I didn't dwell on it too much.
I first saw
Phoebe and Helga standing together like always, so I went up to them to say hi.
"Phoebe!
Helga!" I exclaimed, hugging both of them in turn. We all started chatting
about various things when Arnold walked up to us.
"Hey
Arnold!" I said happily, and we did our secret handshake. "Lookin' good muh
brotha!"
"Thanks,
right back at'cha!" Arnold said to me with this attitude in his voice that I
was surprised to hear. Heh, my man had changed for the better so it seemed.
After I had
said my greetings to Gerald, my attention turned toward Phoebe and Helga. Both
of them were looking extremely sexy. Phoebe was wearing a long blue skirt with
a slit up the side and a tight shirt that showed off her chest very nicely.
Helga looked extremely cute with her midriff showing, and that's when they
noticed me staring.
"What's up
Arnold? Other than the obvious," Helga joked, which made me blush. I had to
stop doing that!
I gave them both a hug and
muttered, "Nothing much," Just then, the bell rang, signaling the first day of
school to begin. Gerald and I both had Driver's Ed first period, while the
girls had PE, but we'd meet up with them again in English class where we all
had, you guessed it, Mr. Simmons. I swear he plans it that way, how we all get
him for one class or another. At registration, the PS118 gang all checked our
schedules, and we all had Mr. Simmons for 2nd period English.
Gerald and I stepped into the
Driver's Ed classroom and took some seats in the middle of the room. "This way
we can get a good view of all the girls as they come in," was Gerald's theory.
"Good plan Gerald, lets start
scoping."
"Man, what's got into you? And
whatever it is… keep it!"
"Well, you remember my party,
right? That kiss brought out this whole new side to me. I loved it! And I want
more of it!"
"Now that's the spirit!"
Gerald and I did our handshake
again and watched the people pile into the classroom. Some pretty hot girls
came in and Gerald motioned for them to sit near us.
"Hi, I'm Gerald, and this is my
main man Arnold. Why don't you foxy ladies come sit by us?"
The girls giggled and took seats in
front of us. This really cute blond girl sat in front of me. She was wearing
these adorable little black shorts and a tight pink baby tee, and she was
smiling, at me. I smiled back and stuck out my hand, "Hi, I'm Arnold."
She shook it, "I'm Alicia, pleased
to meet you."
She smiled me a smile that made me
melt, and I could feel an involuntary grin rise to my face. 'I think I'm gonna
like this class,' I thought to myself.
"Ooh, Helga, take a look at that
one." I pointed out a guy I thought
looked especially hot.
"Do you always go for Latin guys?"
"No, I don't, thank you very much.
Helga, what's with you? You're
not joining me in any of the scoping and oogling and you're acting all
moody. You were perfectly fine before
class started. I mean, here we've been
for the past ten minutes surrounded by all of these hot athletic guys. Why won't you admire them with me?"
"I thought you wanted a guy with a brain," she retorted back at me
sourly. I humphed at her and we sat silent
for a little while. She said something
I missed... while examining the hot guys.
"Hmm?"
"I said does Arnold seem different to you at all? He didn't seem like himself this morning."
"How so?" I said, not really paying attention. The Latin guy from Gerald's party for Arnold was in this class
and I was trying to think of a way to talk to him again.
"Well, the way he said hi to Gerald.
He said it with the same sort of attitude that Gerald says it with."
"Maybe he was just humoring him."
"Yeah, he has before, but...."
"But what?"
"Well, the way he was staring at us."
She paused for a minute. The
next thing she said was angry. "Phoebe,
would you quit staring at that Latin guy and pay attention to me?!" I turned away from him.
"Fine. Now what about Arnold
staring at us? I don't get what's so
special about that. He was just being a
normal guy."
"But that's just it! Arnold
didn't used to act like other guys. He
was different. What's with you
Phoebe? Have you lost all of your
observational skills over the years?"
"I'm sorry I don't study your beloved Arnold's every move like you do,
Obsessive Girl."
"Yeah, you're too busy examining Gerald."
"Exac-no!" Was I that
obvious? Damn Gerald! Why couldn't I get over him?! We were so completely different. I despised his player mentality and his
whole "black homie" attitude. We had to
dump each other when the differences became too many, and too large. "I do not examine Gerald. Right now I'm examining Enrique, the hot
Latin guy from Gerald's party."
"It was Arnold's party. And he's
in our class? Good for you."
"Why do you care so much about a few tiny differences in Arnold? I thought you'd gotten over him."
"How could you possibly think I could get over Arnold? I still love him as much as I used to. I know he doesn't like me back but still..."
she trailed off. "And I just don't know
if I like the changes."
"Well I'm sure you can figure it out on your own," I said and went back
to staring at Enrique.
I entered the boarding house with a
spring in my step. Grandpa must have noticed my air of gleefulness. "Hey short
man, good first day at school?"
"It was better than good, Grandpa!
It was great!"
"Oh, how so?"
"Gerald and I are going out this
afternoon, with girls!" We had chatted up the girls we met in Driver's Ed most
of the period. I had barely paid attention to what the teacher was saying
because I was too busy flirting with Alicia. Gerald was also having his fun
flirting with Kiki. Interesting name huh? Well, tonight, the four of us were
going to the movies to see "Little Men from Neptune III." Gerald suggested the movie. Don't ask. I may
as well have one more fun night before the mass wave of homework hits. Mr.
Simmons may have been extremely nice, but he sure knew how to teach English,
massive projects galore.
"Hello Class!" I said, just like
every year before. It was kind of like my special greeting to my favorite
class. With all the other classes of the day, I was just going to greet them
with the usual teacherly "good morning students" or something like that, but I
loved this gang. Ever since they lovingly accepted me into their special
hearts, I knew I could never let them go, so every year I pulled strings and
talked to superintendents about how much they meant to me, and I was able to
teach them every year. I don't know what I'm going to do when they go off to
college, but I try not to think about that for now. They all look so grown up,
but I must try to control my emotions.
"Welcome to a very special year!
This is your first year of High School! Look how grown up you are!" I covered
my emotions behind a shield of happiness. "Welcome to English II! I hope you
all did the reading I assigned over the summer! If not, I suggest you get
started now! I have many fun and educational projects for you this year. For
the first one, I want you to get into groups of four and act out a scene from
any of these short stories."
I passed out books to the class and
watched them arrange into their usual groups. I loved assigning these special
projects to this class because there was never a dull moment, whether it be
Curly's crazy antics or Helga's brilliant poetry. I knew she had a huge crush
on Arnold since the fourth grade, and wasn't surprised when Arnold, Helga,
Phoebe, and Gerald paired up. I couldn't wait to see what was in store for
these four this year.
"This will be due on Monday! I want
you all to memorize your parts of at least a page in length and bring some sort
of costume to perform in!" The class groaned like always, but deep down I knew
they loved it as much as I did. I loved the theater extremely, and put on as
many plays as possible in PS118. At the Jr. High, I encouraged the kids to
perform as much as possible, and I went to every play. The director was pretty
old though, but good. I've seen the director here though. He's very cute. I
think I'll chat with him sometime.
So, Gerald, Helga, Phoebe, and I
had this project to do and it was only the first week of school. We'd probably
need to work on it all week, so tonight I was going to have some fun. Gerald,
Kiki, and Alicia arrived at my door at half past 6. I told Grandpa I was
leaving and got out of there before he could say too much.
"Hey Gerald, Kiki," I said politely
outside the door. Then I got a look at my date. She looked even more gorgeous
than she had in school. "Hey Alicia, you look gorgeous!" I purred at her and
gave her some intense flirty eyes. Even though I had been shy, I had always
been able to give a good pair of flirty eyes. Now I had the confidence to back
up those flirty eyes with flirty comments.
"Thanks Arnold, You look pretty hot yourself." Again, I blushed at this.
Damn, I needed to stop doing that. "And those rosy cheeks are to die for!" She
put her arm around me and I felt her hand slip into my back pocket. I glanced
over at Gerald who gave me a look of approval. Well, perhaps the blushing
wasn't such a bad thing after all. We walked to the movies with a little small
talk here and there. I learned that Alicia and Kiki were best friends and that
they were kind of smart and loved to party. Gerald and I talked about ourselves
too, but I let Gerald do most of the talking.
All I'm going to say is that I had
an absolutely wonderful time on the date, and I came back home at about 9ish
with this big dopey grin on my face, and my hair a little out of place. Now I
just had to avoid Grandpa. If he asked me what the movie was about, I wouldn't
have been able to tell him.
Mmm mmm mmm, I am SO proud of my
man right now, you wouldn't believe it. First of all, the date was awesome.
Kiki is one special girl and she has got skills and booty. Gotta love the
booty. But anyways, First of all, the foxy ladies picked me up at my house and
complimented me on my suave looks as usual. I retaliated with some comments
about their sexy selves, and then we made our way to Arnold's.
My man was on the ball the entire
night. Watching them walk with their arms around each other and their hands in
each other's back pockets was just so damn cute. We got to the movies and
Arnold and I paid for our lovely ladies, such was the gentlemanly thing to do.
We then took our seats and waited for the lights to dim. Arnold sat on my
right, with Alicia on his right. Kiki was on my left.
Heh, as soon as the lights began to
dim, my man pounced on that girl like a cat. I barely had time to wipe a tear
from my eye when I was pulled away from my moment by Kiki's sweet lips. It was
two hours in heaven for me. After the movie ended, the girls asked us to wait for
them outside while they freshened up. Gee, it seems like girls always need to
freshen up.
"So, did you like the movie
Arnold?" I asked, curious as to what his response would be.
"What movie?" he responded and
grinned at me.
"That's muh boy!" I gave him a
camaraderie pat on the shoulder.
The girls finally came out looking
fresh as daisies and we walked them home since they had been so kind as to pick
us up. Lets just say my man and I got some final smooching action before we
parted ways back to our homes.
I stared at the pile of books.
"Did anybody read any of these?" I
asked.
"Sorry Helga, not even I read the
books," Phoebe answered.
"Gerald and I didn't read any of them
either." Arnold plunked back against
his pillow. He was sitting with his
back against the side of his bed and his pillow was behind his head. I was lying on my side on his little couch
and Phoebe was lying on her stomach on the floor across from me. Gerald was the
desk chair. Between the four of us was
the pile of books we were supposed to read over the summer.
"Maybe we could just pick one randomly
and practice one scene for the project."
Arnold closed his eyes as he responded,
"But which one, Gerald?"
"I said random. How about..." he picked a book from the
middle of the pile, "this one?"
"Lemme see." He tossed the book to me.
I read the title aloud. It was
called 'The Doomed Life of Eliza.' I
glanced through it. "Seems good to me.
Anyone else wanna look at it?" Arnold
wordlessly held up his hands and I tossed it to him. "Can I be Eliza?" I put on a melodramatic voice. "I'm feeling
doomed at the moment!" Phoebe giggled
as I threw a hand to my forehead.
Arnold was trailing his finger down the
cast list. He stuck it down and said,
"I am- oh wait, that's a girl's name. I
am really.... Rhys!" He tossed it to
Phoebe.
"Hmmm, I believe I shall perform the
part of Isabelle." The book was tossed
to Gerald.
"Ummm, Cerdric. Now that we all have parts, let's look for a
scene with all four... and no one else.
That'll be hard." It was short
story and it only took us about forty minutes to find a scene with all four of
us and no one else. It was the last
scene in the book and it was where Eliza's life got to its most doomed
point. We looked through the book twice
to make sure it was the only one. I had
mixed feelings about the scene, for reasons you will soon see.
"Okay, now that we're sure that this is
the only scene we can do with our characters, let's run through it once for the
feel of it," Phoebe said.
I walked to the middle of the room
after studying the scene for a second. I took my pose. I held the imaginary
dagger in my hand, ready to plunge it into my chest. "Rhys" rushed into the room.
"Eliza!
No!" 'Eliza' spun around in
surprise, anger on my face.
"And why not Rhys? If it were not for me, Josaine would be
alive! If it were not for me, that
village would not have been burned! If
not for me those men would not have been needlessly sent to their deaths!" 'Rhys' was slowly walking up to me. Arnold checked the book for his line while I
did the same.
"Those things were not your fault! Josaine died because she was sick."
"From poison meant for me!" We both checked our lines again.
"The village was burned as a casualty of
war."
"If it were not for me the messenger
would have reached the town in time to tell them all to leave!"
"And it was Lord Morin who sentenced
those men to be executed, not you."
"It was because of me the order was
given." We checked our lines again.
A faint blush rose
in Arnold's cheeks at what he had to say.
I struggled not to laugh. 'Rhys'
was facing 'Eliza' and was staring into my eyes. I would have loved it if it weren't for the fact that he was blushing. I almost lost control of my laughter. 'Rhys' took the dagger from 'Eliza' while
she was lost in his eyes.
"There's a shortage of perfect breasts
in the world. It would be a shame to
ruin yours." Through out the whole sentence he kept blushing harder and
harder. I lost it and burst out
laughing. He glared indignantly at me,
still blushing. I laughed harder. Phoebe and Gerald were laughing, too.
"Dammit!"
"Damn what?" I managed to choke out
through my laughter.
"Never mind," he muttered, as he stalked
out the room to get control of his cheeks.
We went through three more tries, and every one of them sent his cheeks
aflame. After the third try before he
left the room I said to him,
"Remember, you're not complimenting my
boobs, Rhys is complimenting
Eliza's."
"Thanks," he said sarcastically. His cheeks got redder. I really didn't mind his blush break-
outs. First of all, they were cute. Second of all, they kept me from having to
do the part I had mixed feelings about.
Right after his line I was supposed to throw my arms around his neck and
kiss him. I was overjoyed at the chance
to kiss him, and yet... I wasn't sure those feelings needed to be tampered with
at the time, what with the way
Arnold was changing.
The fourth try he got through it without blushing. I tried to throw my arms around his neck,
but they wouldn't move. I couldn't lift
them. My helplessness must have showed
on my face because Arnold threw his arms up in the air and said, "Great! What now?"
I
felt really sheepish and stupid as I mumbled quietly, "My arms won't work."
"I finally get through the... line
without blushing and your arms won't work!"
"I'm sorry. How 'bout we skip the line and the kiss. We can just embrace and that way the next
bit can happen. We can practice the
line and kiss later."
"All right, let's do this again." I held
the imaginary dagger in my hand, ready to plunge it into my chest.
"Eliza!
No!"
"And why not Rhys? If it were not for me, Josaine would be
alive! If it were not for me, that
village would not have been burned! If
not for me those men would not have been needlessly sent to their deaths!"
"Those things were not your fault! Josaine died because she was sick."
"From poison meant for me!"
"The village was burned as a casualty of
war."
"If it were not for me the messenger
would have reached the town in time to tell them all to leave!"
"And it was Lord Morin who sentenced
those men to be executed, not you."
"It was because of me the order was
given." He walked up to me again to drown me in his eyes and take the dagger.
"There's a shortage of perfect breasts
in the world. It would be a shame to
ruin yours." I managed to throw my arms around his neck this time. I placed my chin on his shoulder instead of
kissing him. He wrapped his arms around
me like he was supposed to in the script.
I felt his fist between my shoulder blades and knew it was my cue.
Rhys still has the dagger in his hand
but forgets. As he wraps his arms
around Eliza he accidentally drives it between her shoulder blades, killing
her.
He pulled the "dagger" out in
realization as I dropped slowly to the floor.
He dropped the "bloody dagger" in excellently feigned disbelief. He fell to his knees at my side. "What have I done? No, no, not you. Not you,
Eliza. Nooooo!!!" The last no was a stretched out howl of
anguish, loss and despair, becoming wracked sobs over my dead body. He did such a good job I almost started
crying with him.
Isabelle, Eliza faithful friend, and
Cerdric, Rhys's brother, hear the cry and come rushing to Rhys's aid, not
knowing what they'll find. 'Cerdric'
opened the 'door', followed by Phoebe, and took in the 'dagger', my dead body,
and Arnold sobbing over me at a glance.
He immediately rushed to Arnold's side and asked what happened. Arnold raised dead, empty eyes to look at
Gerald.
"I killed her," he said in a great
hollow voice.
"How?
And why?" Arnold just continued
sobbing. Phoebe kneeled by my head and
started cradling it.
"She died just as tragically as she
lived. I just hope she finds peace in
her passing. Farewell, my dear friend,
doomed Eliza." At that second, the final second of the scene and book, Arnold's
Grandpa broke into the room. He saw Arnold sobbing over my dead body as Phoebe
held my head.
"Who- whatcha?! What in the name of Heddy Lamarr goin' on
here?!"
I lifted my head and said,
"Wha?" The look of confusion on his
face was so funny we all burst out laughing.
Arnold managed to explain through his laughter what was going on to his
Grandpa. It's a lot of fun to screw
with peoples' heads.
"Mmmmm, Helga, look how much his
P.E. shirt shows off his chest."
"Umm, Phoebe? You've been admiring him in his P.E. outfit
every chance you've gotten. It's
obvious you like his looks. Why don't
you talk to him and see if his personality is as great as his bod?"
"Hmmm. We have the same lunch; maybe I can talk to him then. I think I'll do that Helga, thanks." I tried through out the rest of my morning
to figure out what I was going to say to him.
Finally I decided that maybe it would be a bit practiced if I decided on
one thing and that I should just say whatever and try to have a normal
conversation. I mean, come on, was I
gonna decide on just a single ordinary everyday phrase to say to him and then
repeat it over and over in my head to remember it? Hi Enrique, hi Enrique, hi Enrique, hi Enrique. Finally fifth period, and lunch, came.
I bought lunch and started looking
for Enrique. He wasn't inside the
cafeteria so I looked around the outside tables for him. I found him; he was alone so I sat down.
"Hi, mind if I sit here?"
"Nope, go ahead." He had a light Spanish accent that was to
die for. He continued eating his lunch
and I started mine while I tried to think of something to break the ice. Thankfully, and yet not, he broke it for
me.
"Don't I know you from
somewhere? Like one of my classes?"
"Umm, I dunno." I started to take a drink from my bottle of
soda.
"Yes you do. We have P.E. together and I know you know
that because you're the cute little oriental chick who keeps staring at
me." I did something I would kick
myself for days afterward right then. I
did a spit take and dropped my soda. I
tried to recover as best as I could, but no one can fully recover from a spit
take. I picked up my soda and tried to
clean what little of the table I could with my napkin. Most of it dripped through the table to the
ground. I knew I was blushing. I blushed harder when he tried to help me.
"I guess I was right, then."
"Mmhmm."
"You know, when you're not spitting
soda in surprise and blushing, you're very cute. Especially in that outfit."
I blushed harder. Dammit! "And
you look hot in your P.E. outfit, too."
Before I knew what I was doing I
said, "You look really hot in yours, too." Thankfully I didn't blush at this,
not that I think I could have blushed any harder than I already was. Eventually we fell into a normal conversation,
and also eventually my blush faded away.
About seven minutes before we had
to go back to class the conversation slowly died. Then out of nowhere he said, "Will you go out with me?"
I tried to sound casual as I said,
"Maybe." The shock showed clearly on his face.
He was mine.
"What do you mean maybe? You stare at me in P.E. and you said so
yourself that you think I'm hot, we had a great conversation, and as far as I
can tell, a lot in common. Why maybe?"
"Cuz I wanted to make sure you
really wanted to. Now I know. How 'bout the movies tomorrow night?"
"All right. And here's a preview." Then he leaned in and kissed me! When he pulled away, I moved in and kissed
him myself. Then I picked up my lunch
trash and said to him, "I believe this promises to be a very interesting cinematic
experience." I threw out my garbage and headed back to class. I was feeling a little proud of myself.
I walked out of the cafeteria with
my food and Kiki. I started scouting
for an empty table. As I was looking
for a table my eyes fell upon something that even now sends a wave of chills
and rage through me.
There was a Latin guy kissing my
Phoebe!! Just some ordinary dog dared
to put his lips on my sole possession?!
Wait, man! Stop thinking like
that! You and Phoebe ain't together anymore and haven't been for over a
year. She can kiss whomever she wants
to. Doesn't mean I have to like it
though. You have to get over her, man! She is not yours anymore. She's obviously this Latin guy's now, so
forget her.
I saw an empty table and headed over
there, followed by Kiki. It had been
about two weeks and what I knew was inevitable happened. I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant
either. I waited a little while, and
then I broke it to her.
"Listen Kiki, your a real sexy
chick, very foxy but-"
"But what? This isn't what I think
it is, is it? Jackie told me this was
gonna happen. I knew that you never stay with a girl for long. I've heard that most girls pour some of their
drink on you when you break up with them.
Is that right?" This was what I was
afraid of.
"Umm, yeah, why?"
"Well, that would mean it's sort of
tradition." Her face got hard. "And who
am I to break tradition?" She stood up
and poured her whole cup of punch into my lap.
Damn, this always happens. Good
thing I always bring extra duds when I plan to break it off with a girl. As Kiki walked away, Arnold came up with
Alicia. He took one look at my lap and
laughed.
"I take it you broke up with her
like you planned?"
"Yup. Good thing I got some pants in my locker. I'd better go get 'em and change. See ya later brotha!"
"Later Gerald."
I wish breaking up with girls
didn't always end up with some part of my clothes soaked in punch for
once. At least when Phoebe and me broke
up she only slapped me.
Man, it has been a hectic month.
Mr. Simmons has assigned us more lame projects. Eh, some look pretty fun, like
baking a cake in the shape of your favorite author. De-licious as Gerald would
say. It's his universal term for anything yummy such as food or girls. Well,
Gerald hasn't been very good with girls this month. He's dumped not one, but
three girls, all ending with the inevitable result of Gerald becoming soaked
with one beverage or another. He particularly didn't like the cappuccino.
Our first English project turned
out very well. Helga and I had kept putting off practicing the kiss, so we had
to just do it the day of. Gerald had taken the liberty of volunteering our
group to go last, to phoebe's annoyance, so we were forced to watch the rest of
the groups perform. I had to admit that none of them had done a very good job.
Most everyone acted poorly, and the only slight entertainment was Curly's
'monologue'. (He couldn't find a group to be in.)
"Oh, Stella! I love you so much!
Please say you'll be mine and leave this treacherous villain!" Curly said with
a deep, heroic voice.
"But Eduardo! I love him! But,
alas! I love you too! I am torn between two men, you, the brave knight, and the
dastardly Victor whose dark side cannot I resist!" His voice became incredibly
high as he switched to his falsetto.
Victor entered the scene, also
played by Curly, who talked with his normal voice, which was already quite evil
sounding. "I see you will not give up! We will duel!"
Curly then began attempting to duel
with himself. This was highly amusing because he was jumping from one position
to another, switching between the role of Eduardo and Victor, and every once in
a while he would switch to a shrieking Stella. Finally, Eduardo managed to slay
Victor as Curly pretended to kill himself with the prop sword.
"Stella! I have proven myself true
and worthy of your love! God would not have let me win the battle if we were
not meant to be together!"
"Oh, Eduardo! I guess now I have no
choice! Take me!" Curly then turned his back to the class and proceeded to do
the 'one person make out' move. This caused the class to burst out in hysterics
and applause. Mr. Simmons seemed to like the performance.
After Curly went, it was my group's
turn to go. We went up to the front of the class and began our performance. Helga
held the dagger to her chest, ready to "kill" herself. Gerald had found a
collapsible dagger somewhere in the back of his closet. He didn't even remember
what he had bought it for. I rushed onto the scene.
"Eliza! No!"
"And why not Rhys? If it were not for me, Josaine would be
alive! If it were not for me, that
village would not have been burned! If
not for me those men would not have been needlessly sent to their deaths!"
"Those things were not your fault! Josaine died because she was sick."
"From poison meant for me!"
"The village was burned as a casualty of
war."
"If it were not for me the messenger
would have reached the town in time to tell them all to leave!"
"And it was Lord Morin who sentenced
those men to be executed, not you."
"It was because of me the order was
given." I had been slowly moving closer to her and now I was right in front of
her. As I pulled the dagger from her
now limp hands I realized that I'd never noticed how many different shades of blue
were in her eyes.
"There's a shortage of perfect
breasts in the world. It would be a
shame to ruin yours." Thank goodness I managed not to blush.
This was the part where Helga was
supposed to kiss me. Since we hadn't practiced it before, I was a bit nervous.
She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me gently. I was surprised at how
different it felt than kissing Alicia or Jacqueline. Then again, I had kissed
Helga many times before, and it had felt different then too. There was the 4th
grade "Romeo and Juliet," Babewatch, that truth or dare game in the 6th
grade, that time in 5th grade that she kinda "fell" on me, the 8th
grade "West Side Story," and some more times too that all of which I never
counted as true kisses, cuz well, they just weren't.
I wrapped my arms around her and
proceeded to accidentally stab her with the fake dagger. We had discovered that
the hilt of the dagger could be screwed off so we made a batch of fake
blood. We put it in the hollow hilt of
the dagger and that way when it collapsed into itself the fake blood would be
spread all over the blade. I pulled it
out with feigned disbelief and horror.
She collapsed to the ground.
"What have I done? No, no, not you. Not you, Eliza.
Nooooo!!!" I wailed. We had practiced so much that I even managed to
squeeze out a few actual tears.
"What happened?" inquired Gerald as
Cerdric.
"I killed her," I said, still
sobbing.
"How? And Why?" Nothing but my
cries followed. Phoebe picked up Helga's head.
I could see a few fake tears glistening in her eyes.
"She died just as tragically as she
lived. I just hope she finds peace in
her passing. Farewell, my dear friend,
doomed Eliza." Phoebe finished. The room burst with applause, and I could see
that most everyone was crying, including Mr. Simmons who wiped a tear from his
eye. We got an A+.
That was the highlight of the
month. The rest went pretty smoothly, until yesterday.
We started driving in Driver's Ed
about a week ago. I've heard of some schools that wait until the second
semester to even begin driving! I'm glad ours gets right into it instead of
going through all that needless bookwork. Anyway, Alicia and I had been seeing
each other nearly every night since our first date at the movies, and I really
liked her a lot. I also really liked making out a lot. It was really fun trying
to find creative places to kiss like my closet, my couch, the unoccupied rooms
of the boarders, the bathroom, the laundry room, the kitchen, the basement, the
roof, (I got that tip from Sid.) on the hood of the Packard, and not to mention
nearly every room and nook of her house as well. Part of the fun was seeking
out new locations!
I had talked to Gerald on the phone
and asked him for suggestions on the best places to make out.
"Arnold, you're looking for a good time,
right?"
"Yeah."
"Join the French club!"
"What?"
"Haha, just a poster I saw in the
hall, anyway, from a man of experience, believe me, the best way to have fun
while making out is to put a hint of danger into it."
"Danger?"
"Yeah, go somewhere where there's a
chance of getting caught, but don't get caught. My personal favorite place is
the janitor's closet."
"You've made out in the janitor's
closet?!" I was shocked. I had not known this information about Gerald.
"Yeah man, and the chill factor
increases the thrill factor!"
"But, how do you manage not to get
caught?"
"Its easy! Get to school early and
have at it! Just make sure you're out of there by five minutes before the bell
rings if you want to escape free and clear."
"Yeah, but the janitor's closet has
been done. That's where everyone goes, right?"
"Well, yeah, but, where else is
there to go?"
"I think I've got an idea now.
Thanks for the tip!" I hung up the phone.
Now where was I? Ah, yesterday, I
asked Grandpa if he could take me to school early because I had to talk with
one of my teachers. He agreed and then I asked that we pick up Alicia as well
because she was in my class. (Well she was in one of my classes, so it
wasn't a total lie.) He also agreed to that too. Grandpa is so easy to
manipulate!
Alicia was curious as to why I
picked her up, but I winked at her, and she seemed to understand. We made it to
school 25 minutes before the bell was supposed to ring, and barely anyone was
there.
"Follow me." I took her hand and
led her to the Driver's Ed range. "We're gonna start class a little early
today," I said with flirtatiousness in my voice and in my eyes. She giggled as
I walked with her to the range.
The cars were already in their
spots, ready for driving, and unlocked. I led Alicia to the car furthest away
from the school, set my watch to beep at five minutes before the bell rang, and
opened the back door to Driver's Ed car number three. We entered the car,
closed the door, and had at it.
She was lying on her back on the
back seat, and I was on top of her and we were just making out like crazy!
Gerald was absolutely right! The thrill of possible danger made the experience
like ten times more enjoyable! It was such a rush, and I could tell that she
was enjoying it too.
I don't know what happened, maybe
we had been to loud, maybe I was too absorbed with it all, but the next thing I
heard was the sound of the car door opening, and a very angry Driver's Ed.
teacher saying, "So I guess you two aren't absent after all." I could see
Gerald standing back with the rest of the class, and the look of shock on his
face was priceless.
It had all happened so fast like
some bad dream. The next thing I knew was that we were in the office, and we
were in big trouble. I was called in to see the principal first. He looked over
my records and after seeing that they had been previously clean, decided to
only suspend me for two days. I had to call Grandpa to have him come pick me
up.
"Hello?"
"Grandpa, you need to come pick me
up."
"Why? I'm busy watching my new
Heddy Lamarr video that I ordered. It's all about her life and-"
"I got suspended." I mumbled.
"Suspended?! For what?"
"I got caught making out in a
Driver's Ed. car."
"You what?! Arnold! That's not like
you."
"Sorry."
"Yeah, well, just, don't let it
happen again. I'll be right over."
Later that evening, I was eating
dinner when the phone rang. "Arnold! Its for you!" I picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Arnold, its Alicia. We need to
talk."
"Yeah, look, about what happened
this morning…"
"That's exactly it Arnold. We can't
see each other anymore."
"What?! Why?!"
"Look, I didn't exactly have a
clean record, so I got suspended for a week. When my dad came to pick me up, he
was absolutely furious and made me explain why. I told him everything, how you
took me to the Driver's Ed. car to make out, and that we got caught because we
lost track of time. He told me that you were a bad influence and is forbidding
me to see you. There's really nothing I can do except go along with it, and I
think he's right. You are a bad influence. If it weren't for you, I would never
have thought about us making out in such a risky area. Good-bye Arnold, I'll
see ya in Driver's Ed." She hung up.
I was so shocked that I spilled my
water all over myself. I guess I was meant to befall the same wet fate as
Gerald, even if it was indirectly. I went upstairs to change my pants and
flopped down on the bed in frustration. I had been dumped, suspended, and
called a bad influence all in the same day. I wondered what my friends were
going to think of me.
Ahh, my homework was finished. Now I could have some fun. What to do?
Man, I sure do get bored between girlfriends. Hmmm, I could call Arnold; see how he's doing. I think I'll do that. I dialed his number.
"Hello?"
"Hey Arnold! How's muh main man doin'?"
"Eh, not bad. Not good either."
"So have you talked to Alicia at
all?"
"Not since she called me to tell me
she was breaking up with me."
"She broke up with you?"
"Yeah. So how are you?"
"Bored, that's why I called
you. You planning anything to do this
afternoon? Maybe we can go to the park
and play football or something."
"Nah. I don't really feel like it right now. Hey, don't you have a new girlfriend yet or something?"
"Nope. Maybe I'll go to the movies.
I think I'll actually try watching the movie I go and see. You know I've seen "Little Men from Neptune
III" five times and I still don't know what the main character's name is."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing, man. I'm just curious as to the plot. Maybe there's a hot chick in distress somewhere
in that movie."
"I'm sure there is Gerald. Well, have fun at your movie, bye." We hung
up.
I headed over to the movies and
bought my ticket. I was enjoying the
movie, even though it was confusing, until about halfway through it. That was when I heard a familiar
giggle. I don't know how I heard it
since the giggle was coming from across the theater but I looked across and I
could just barely make out who giggled.
It was Phoebe! And she was with
that Latin guy who was kissing her at lunch!
And they were making out!! I
couldn't believe it!! I was mad as
hell, but I couldn't take my eyes away!
And do you know, I still didn't learn the name of the main character of
that movie. I left the theater at the
end of the movie feeling worse than I had before I went in. On my way out I ran into two girls I knew,
Katie and Tina.
"Well, fancy meeting you two
here." Katie glared at me, slapped me,
and then stalked off. Tina followed
her, but not before she poured her soda over my head. Damn, why do girls hold grudges so long?
I heard that giggle again behind
me. I heard Phoebe say something to the
guy she was with. "Looks like Gerald
ran into a couple of his old girlfriends."
I clenched my fists and marched out of the theater. Pretty soon the coke wasn't the only liquid
on my head. It was raining. And I had to walk home. By the time I got there I swear I must've
been mud splattered by at least five different cars. And twice by another car.
Dating is dangerous.
Dammit!! Why the hell couldn't I
get over Phoebe?!
I dumped my muddy clothes in the
hamper in the bathroom and got in the shower.
My hair was getting sticky.
While I was in the shower I tried to think of a way to get Phoebe back. I couldn't stand seeing her with another
guy! Then, it came to me! All I needed was to get Arnold and Helga in
on it.
I was sitting watching "Little Men
from Neptune III" with Enrique. He was holding my hand and I was resting my
head on his shoulder. The movie was kind of boring, so I was hoping Enrique would
hurry up and make some sort of move. Boredom caused me to pan around the movie
theater, and I don't know how he managed to catch my eye, but I noticed Gerald
sitting across the aisle, a few rows back from Enrique and me. Was he following
me? Well, I wasn't gonna let him see me on a date with a guy and just sit
there.
I lifted my head off Enrique's
shoulder and turned his head to face me. Then I went straight for the kill. If
you can make out everywhere Gerald, so can I! I kissed Enrique with all my might.
He seemed pretty shocked at first, but I could tell that he began to enjoy it
almost immediately. He kissed me back passionately, and he was pretty good too!
Not as good as Gerald, but… wait, why was I thinking of Gerald when I was in
the middle of making out with a Latin hottie? I pushed the thought out of my
head, and I should probably go see the movie again sometime, because I don't
know what happened after the little men left Neptune. Just because it was
boring doesn't mean I can't know what happened.
After the movie, I noticed Gerald
being harassed by two of his ex-girlfriends. I felt kind of bad for him in a
way, but of course, I couldn't let him or Enrique know that, so I let out a
little laugh and said to Enrique in a mocking tone, "Looks like Gerald ran into
a couple of his old girlfriends."
Enrique laughed, and Gerald stormed out of the theater. Good. That'll
teach him to go around acting like a player, dating every girl on the
planet.
By the time we got to Enrique's
car, it had begun to rain. We quickly hopped in and he began to take me home. I
noticed Gerald walking all alone, and that pang of guilt returned. Maybe I
should invite him in the car and Enrique can drive him home.
"Enrique?" I inquired in a small
voice.
"Yes, my darling Phoebe?"
"Do you think you could pick up
Gerald and take him home. I wouldn't want him to catch cold or anything."
"Oh, you know I would, but he's all
wet, and I don't want my interior damaged, you understand."
"Yeah." I didn't really understand,
but I didn't want to argue. We drove past Gerald, and the car splattered him
with mud as we passed him. I felt kind of bad for him, but again I pushed it
out of my mind. He deserved it…didn't he?
Arnold hadn't been at school that
day, and I wondered why. Was he sick? I hoped not. I couldn't bear the thought
of my precious Arnold being sick, so I decided to give him a call.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Grandpa, may I speak to
Arnold?"
"Who is this? It better not be that
little hussy tramp that dumped him!" So Arnold had been dumped by Alicia. I was
inwardly glad that he was single once again, but then became concerned that
maybe he wasn't at school because he was grieving so hard. I hoped that wasn't
the case.
"No, this is Helga."
"Oh! Why didn't ya say so!" He
called for Arnold to answer the phone, and soon I heard his voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi Arnold, It's Helga. I just
called because I wanted to know why you weren't at school. Are you sick?"
"No, I'm not sick."
"I heard Alicia dumped you. Is that
why you didn't come to school? Are you too sad?"
"No, surprisingly, I'm not really
that sad, just a little frustrated."
"Why are you frustrated?"
"I didn't come to school because
I'm suspended, and I won't be at school tomorrow either." Suspended! That wasn't like Arnold at all.
Arnold had been acting more and more strangely ever since his birthday party,
and now he was suspended! I was beginning to get just a little turned off.
"Suspended! That's not like you,
Arnold! What in the hell did you do to get yourself suspended?!" I kind of
shouted at him, but I was getting mad.
"I'd rather not say."
"You'd rather not say?! Arnold, I thought
I was one of your best friends."
"You are, it's just… Fine." He
mumbled, "I got caught making out in a Driver's Ed. car with Alicia."
"You did what?!" I was really pissed
at him now. I was even close to the point of lessening my feelings for him
because this was not the Arnold I had fallen in love with. "Arnold, what
gave you such a dumb idea?"
"Gerald told me that danger would
add more fun. Look, I'd appreciate it if you didn't give me the third degree. I
feel disgusted with myself enough already." Aww, how could I resist that sweet
countenance? He felt sorry for himself, so maybe there was still hope that he'd
become that sweet, caring, thoughtful guy again.
"Look, don't be so hard on
yourself. High School will tend to make a guy think he's invincible or
something. Just, I would advise you to not follow Gerald's example so much. You
and I need to get together to try and save him from becoming a world class
player."
Arnold laughed. "Yeah, you're
right, we do. Gerald is the bad influence, not me!"
"Huh?"
"Oh, Alicia's dad thought I was a
bad influence."
"Haha, he don't know you very well
do he?" We laughed. Perhaps things would get back to normal after all.
I could hear the phone ringing on
the other end. I waited for him to pick
it up. The ringing stopped and I heard
him say hello.
"Arnold man, I'm going insane!!"
"Hi to you too, Gerald. Why do you need to be put in a rubber room?"
"Phoebe!!" I cried as I fell
backwards onto my bed.
"What about her?"
"Do you really need me to spell
everything out for you? I still love
Phoebe madly and her new boyfriend is driving me insane with jealousy!"
"Maybe if you hadn't have been such
a player you'd still have her."
"Don't you think I know that? But I have a plan to get her back. I just need your help."
"What makes you think she wants you
back? She most likely doesn't love you
anymore and she's got her new boyfriend.
She seems happy. Why screw with
it? You'd be doing something very
selfish if you disturbed her happiness for your own."
"Ummm, Arnold? Is it just
me, or do you sound like your old self?"
"I would hope I sound like my old self because that old self is
now the current self. I didn't like
myself when I was the new self. That
personality may suit you, but I didn't like it. I'm going back to the old me."
"Too bad. But anyway, my
plan won't force Phoebe to come back to me; I don't think I could ever force
Phoebe to do anything. This is just
gonna let her know that I still love her and want her soo bad! If she doesn't want to come... she doesn't
have to. But I need your help."
"All right. I'll be a good best friend and help. What do I have to do?"
The phone rang.
"Bob!!! Phone!!!"
"You're the teenage girl!! It's probably one of your friends!" I got up and walked to the phone.
"That remark was cliché and
ignorant! I'm gonna laugh if this is
for you!"
"Helga?"
"Arnold! Hi!" I took the phone
into my room. Bob, guessing from my
actions that the call was for me, sent ridiculing laughter after. "Shuttup!!"
"Helga?"
"Oh, I was shouting at Beeper King, not you. You lost me an argument."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. I
don't really care anyway. So what's
up?"
"The opposite of down."
"Shuttup. I meant why'd
you call me? Any specific reason?"
"Yup. You know how we said
before that we needed to get together to try and save Gerald from becoming a
world-class player? I know you were
joking, but I have a way."
"What?"
"He wants Phoebe back. He still loves her. He has a plan he needs our help for to show
her how he still feels. If they get
back together, he won't be a player anymore.
Phoebe won't let him."
"Hmm, I'm listening," I said with a
malicious grin.
It was a week since Gerald got
Arnold and me into his plan. We had to
wait that long so he could practice and it had to be Friday anyway. I was walking with Phoebe to third period.
"Friday at last. And if we're lucky, no weekend
homework. Or at least very little."
"Yup. Say, Phoebe, if you have no homework, you got anything you really
want to do this weekend? Or tonight?"
"Nope, can't say I do. Enrique is busy this weekend so we can't go
out. I really don't have anything
planned."
"Well, in that case do you wanna
come with me and Arnold and Gerald to the Karaoke place near PS 118? They changed it and remodeled it. It's a lot cooler now. We were gonna go check it out."
"Sure, why the hell not?"
"I have no idea."
"What if this doesn't work? What if I screw up? What if she hates me even worse? What if Enrique comes along at the last
second?"
"Gerald, would you stop
pacing? Everything will be all
right. You already knew it might not
work, you've been practicing all week, so you can't screw up, if she hates you
even worse its no biggie. She'll be
just like all your other exes."
"But I didn't care about my other
exes, Arnold. That's why they're
exes. I care about Phoebe and I don't
want her to hate me like the others. And what if Enrique shows up?"
"Helga said that Phoebe said that Enrique
is busy this weekend. Don't worry. And would you quit pacing already?! I'm trying to read this book for Simmons."
"What if whatever is making him
busy this weekend is canceled or something?
What if he comes as a surprise for Phoebe?"
"Phoebe didn't tell him she was
coming here tonight. He can't drop in
unexpected. Just calm down. If you give yourself the jitters than you'll
screw up for certain."
"Fine." Gerald sat down in a chair across from me. He sat for about two seconds before he sprang
up again and started pacing. I sighed.
"Phoebe! Let's sit up here. This
table's empty and it's right in front of the stage."
"Okay. Where are Arnold and Gerald?"
"Arnold will be here soon. And I forgot to tell you, but Gerald
couldn't make it. He said he had
something he needed to do."
"Probably flirt with another girl
or two or twenty and try to convince them to be his temporary ornament." Poor Gerald. If Phoebe really felt that way he was gonna have a hard time of
doing this. Arnold came from backstage
when Phoebe wasn't looking. He came
over and sat down.
We waited for Gerald to come
on. We only had one song to sit through
before him. Mr. Simmons was wearing
this weird purple getup and funny ass hat and Wartz was wearing a leisure
suit. They were singing something that
sounded like "I Will Survive," but not quite.
I think it was called "I Will Prevail."
When the song ended we were all laughing so hard. But we tried our best to hide it. Phoebe was still laughing when the next
person came on stage. Her laughter
turned into surprised chokes when she saw whom it was.
"What the frig is he doing
here?! I thought you said he couldn't
make it, Helga." I leaned back, put my
feet on the table, and folded my hands on my stomach.
"I lied. Now be quiet and listen."
He started to sing "I Wanna Know" by Joe. For anyone who knew Gerald, and knew that he had dated Phoebe,
and knew that Phoebe was in the crowd it was obvious whom he was singing
to. Of course, no one in the room knew
all three of those things except us four.
"It's amazing how you knocked me
off my feet
Every time you came around me I get
weak
Nobody ever made me feel this way
You kissed my lips and then you
took my breath away
So I wanna know
"I wanna know what turns you on
So I can be all that and more
I'd like to know what makes you cry
So I can be the one who always
makes you smile
"Girl I never understood what you
were worth
And we never took the time to make
it work
Baby I'm the type of man to show
concern
Anyway that I can please you let me
learn
So I wanna know
"I wanna know what turns you on
So I can be all that and more
I'd like to know what makes you cry
So I can be the one who always
makes you smile
"Tell me what I gotta do to please
you
Baby anything you say I'll do
Cause I only wanna make you happy
From the bottom of my heart, it's
true
"I wish that I could take a journey
through your mind, alright
And find emotions that you always
try to hide babe
I do believe that there's a love
you wanna share
I'll take good care of you lady,
have no fear
So I wanna know
"I wanna know what turns you on
So I can be all that and more
I'd like to know what makes you cry
So I can be the one who always
makes you smile
"Tell me what I gotta do to please
you
Baby anything you say I'll do
Cause I only wanna make you happy
From the bottom of my heart, it's
true."
At the end of the song I looked at
Phoebe. She had a very strange look on
her face and I couldn't tell what it meant.
After Gerald left the little stage she slowly pushed out her chair and
got up. She walked slowly, then quicker
and quicker. She was all but running by
the time she reached the door, but I could tell she wanted to do that. I would've gone after her if I hadn't seen
Gerald watch her and then go out a back door I could barely see. He would have to do everything by himself
now.
I found Phoebe in the alley behind
the building. She was sitting placidly
on a trashcan with her hands in her lap.
She looked like she was somewhere else.
"Phoebe?"
"Gerald!" As I walked towards her, her face became angry. "You know what? I could, I should slap you, or- or punch you, or kick you, or...
pour a beverage on you right now!"
Dammit! This was gonna be near
impossible.
"Phoebe, I know we broke up over a
year ago, but I still love you. I never
stopped though God knows I've tried. I
wasn't a player cuz' I thought it was fun, though it was, I just never found a
girl that meant anything near as much as you to me. I managed to live with it but when you started going out with
Enrique I almost went insane with jealousy!
I'll understand if you still hate me and don't wanna get back together,
and if you wanna stay with Enrique. I
just wanted you to know how I felt, and how much I still cared for you. You can slap, or punch, or kick me now if
you want to. I don't think you have a
beverage with you. At least I
hope." She hopped adorably off the
garbage can and walked up to me.
"It's pointless for you to try and
win my heart."
"Dammit. I thought as much. I'll
go now."
"You stay put right here! You didn't let me finish. It's as pointless and redundant as beating a
dead horse. It's already dead, so why
try to kill it? My heart's already
yours, so why try to win it?" She stood
on the tip of her feet and kissed me.
She was just as sweet and de-licious as the last time I kissed her, if
not more so. I kissed her back
passionately. We just stood there and
kissed in the alley behind "The Karaoke Place."
I could barely sleep a wink the
night that Gerald and I got back together. I guess deep down, I had never
really gotten over him, and when he sang me that song, I knew that we were
meant for each other. The weekend passed by too quickly for words. Gerald and I
were together nearly every second. He took me out to dinner; he serenaded me
with every love song imaginable including "I Wanna Know," which inevitably
became our song. There was only one thing that worried me. How was I going to
tell Enrique?
Monday during P.E., I tried my best
to avoid Enrique, but he kept insisting on running with me. I wished I was fast
enough to outrun him, but he was faster than me, so he jogged at my pace.
"Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry that I
was busy this weekend. I'll make it up to you tonight. We can go out, just the
two of us."
"Look, Enrique, I'd love to…" The
teacher's whistle blew, signaling the end of class.
"Great! I'll pick you up at six!"
"Enrique, wait!" but he was already
ahead of me, jogging to the boys' locker room. I'd have to wait 'til lunch to
break it to him, and I had wanted to sit with Gerald too.
Later, at lunch I spotted him,
"There you are my beautiful Phoebe! Come sit down with me." I sat.
"Enrique, in P.E. the whistle blew
before I could finish. About tonight…"
"It'll be perfect! Dinner for two
by candlelight, cooked to perfection by yours truly."
"I can't go."
"You can't? Why not?"
"I think we need to stop seeing
each other. It's not you, it's me, you see, Gerald and I got back together."
"You what? But, how could you do
this to me?"
"I guess I never really stopped
loving Gerald, and when I learned that he wanted me back, I was overjoyed. I'm
sorry Enrique."
"Well, sorry isn't going to cut it!
I guess my mom was right. Oriental girls are trouble!"
The Jerk! I try to break it to him
gently, and then he insults me. There was only one thing to do. I stood up.
"Later, loser," I said, and dumped my cappuccino in his lap. Just then, Gerald
came up to me.
"Phoebe, is he giving you trouble?"
"He just insulted me, I'm ok."
"No one insults my Phoebe!" Gerald
then did the sweetest thing. He emptied his bottle of Coke on Enrique's head.
"That oughtta cool you down. Man, it feels great being on this side of the
beverage pouring." He offered me his arm, walked me to a table, and we sat down
to eat.
Being suspended really bites. I
swear, I am never going to do anything that may cause me to get in trouble
again. The only teacher that let me make up my assignments was Mr. Simmons. I
got zeros in all my other classes. Ouch, but I guess I deserved it. I'll just
have to work twice as hard in my other classes to bring my grades up.
The week went by pretty slowly. I
worked my ass off, and so far, I seem to be raising my grades. Helga has been
coming over after school every day to help me study. She's really a great
friend. Gerald and Phoebe are so cute together. I saw the spectacle at lunch on
Monday. Heh, Enrique got it good, but I'm so glad its Friday! I need a break
from all this studying.
I decided to call up my friends and
see if we could do something. I called Helga first.
"Hello?"
"Helga, its me, Arnold. I was just
wondering if you wanted to do something this evening." Gee, that kinda sounded
like I was asking her out. I added, "I'm also going to see if Phoebe and Gerald
wanna come." Gah, now it sounded like a double date. Oh, well.
"Sure, Arnold, what do you wanna
do?"
"Well, I really want to find out
what happens in 'Little Men from Neptune III.' I never got to see it all
because, well, you know."
"I gotcha. Sure, I'd love to go see
a wacky sci-fi horror flick with ya."
"Great. I'll pick you up at
six-thirty."
"See ya then." I hung up. It was
time to call Gerald.
"Hello?"
"Gerald, Helga and I are going to
go see 'Little Men from Neptune III' again, wanna bring Phoebe and join us?"
"Are you gonna actually watch the
movie this time?"
"That's the plan!"
"Well, ok then, I'll bring Phoebe.
Can I ask you a favor though?"
"Sure."
"I actually wanna find out what
happens, so if Phoebe and I start making out, will ya tell me what happened?"
"Ok, I'll let you know what happens
then." I said with a grin. How could he and Phoebe not make out in the
theater?
"Thanks man, you're a pal! We'll
meet you outside the theater at six forty-five. Bye!"
I picked up Helga at six thirty,
and we walked to the theater. She actually looked very pretty in her jeans and
blouse. We got there at six forty-seven and saw Phoebe and Gerald making out.
"Save that for inside the theater."
Helga and I both blurted out at the same time. All four of us laughed.
I bought Helga a ticket, and Gerald
bought Phoebe a ticket. Then we went inside the theater and sat down. Not long
after, the movie started. I saw the familiar opening credits come onto the
screen and kept watching for once. The movie was actually pretty good, and of
course I ended up telling Gerald what happened. Zeeblot and his men were the
little men from Neptune who invaded the earth for yet a third time. It was all
up to Brandon, the kind-hearted reporter to save the earth from the evil
aliens. I thought it was better than 'Little men from Neptune I and II' because
it involved a love story. Brandon's girlfriend was captured by the little men,
and he had to choose between saving his own life and hers. He died a hero, and
the world was once again saved.
Perhaps it was the element of
romance that caused me to do what I did. During the long, beautiful
conversation between Brandon and his girlfriend, I took Helga's hand into my
own almost automatically. She smiled at me and rested her head on my shoulder.
We sat like that for the rest of the movie, and I couldn't have had a better
time.
The End!