Look, I'm just really getting this done aren't I? As usual, I basically don't own anything I use in this part, such as Gundam Wing or Monty Python. However, I do own a sheep costume somewhere… Oh well. Ya know, it's a shame I didn't actually have Relena die in this part. That would be funny… but then again, I need her later. You'll see what I mean. FYI- There are few hints at yaio relationships… just cause I can't stand the idea of Heero and Relena. Nothing too serious that I think it would offend anyone, but ya never know. Oh, and sorry to all of you who read the reviews… one of my strange friends kinda gave this part away a little.
Have fun, enjoy the story, and *whispers* watch out for flying sheep.
BAA…BAA…FLAP, FLAP, FLAP… WHOOSH…THUD!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Episode 2: Sex and Violence
By the time they got around to the second episode, Nerurisa was glad to be alive and slowly putting her chair back together.
Flying Sheep
Duo skips into the scene. Hilde leaned on a tree trunk with a staff in hand, watching him carefully. She was determined to do this somewhat correctly.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Eh, 'tis nothin' much," she replies in a thick British accent.
"You here on vacation?"
"Nope, I live 'ere."
"Well that sucks."
"What are you saying you pompous…"
Duo looked slightly confused before bolting around her and staring up at a tree.
"Hey, is that a pacifist freak up a tree?"
"Cut!" Nerurisa yells, "What pacifist freak?"
"Baa… baa…"
She jumps at the sight of two of the characters in sheep costumes who the rest had forced up the fake tree."
"What? It is two pacifist freaks, isn't it?"
"Duo, be nice…"
"Ah thank you for that Hilde…"
"What?" she asks, looking over at the boy in the tree, "I meant don't insult sheep in general. It's no use trying to not insult you Quatre…"
"If sheep are pacifist then I am proud to play one." Relena coos, "All people should turn to pacifism too…"
Before she could finish, Duo shot a small rock from a slingshot he just so happened to have, knocking Relena out of the tree. She kept her mouth shut while concentrating on getting back up.
"Can we get moving?"
"Action…" The director sighs.
"Uh… Those are pacifist freaks, aren't they?"
"Ere, sir? No, those be sheep, sir…"
"Um, yeah… right. Why the hell are they up there?"
"A fair question…"
"Naw, a fair question 'ould be why the 'ell are they pacifist," Duo replies, failing miserably at imitating Hilde's accent.
"I am not pacifist!" Quatre protests, "I used to be but that…"
A gunshot knocks the entire tree over. There's a scramble to get it back up, and the camera pans over Heero and Zechs fighting over a gun.
"As I said… a fair question and one 'at in recent weeks 'as been much on my mind. It's my considered opinion 'at 'ey're nestin'…"
"What?"
"A prime example of American stupidity," Wufei mutters.
"I'd keep my mouth shut if I were you, Wu-man…"
"Yeah, look whose talking. So Duo's stupid by nationality. You're a chauvinist pig, overly temperamental, and totally insane. Do we hold all that against you?"
"Bad comparison…"
"Aye," Hilde continues, louder than normal in order to attempt to end the conversation off stage, not that it did any good."
"Kinda like birds? Maybe Treize and Zechs?"
"Wait just a damn minute! Where did they come in?"
"Well, the tend t brood over stuff and aren't they such a cute couple?"
A disgusted groan runs though the audience.
"Duo, you are such a perv."
"Well it's true!"
"Omea o kurosu…" Zechs retaliates, grabbing the gun from Heero.
"No one…" Heero begins, taking his gun back, "Uses my line."
There was another struggle for the gun until Relena ran over. At that moment, Heero took cover to avoid the stalker and Zechs stood there dumbfounded.
"You mean my brother is a fag!"
"Relena!"
"I don't care to know anything about their preferences or personal life…" Nerurisa interrupts, flushed and feeling slightly sick to the stomach.
"But it that's true," someone continues, "It would seem that Zechs is hitting on Heero."
By that time, Relena took to right out screaming at her brother, ranting as she usually would. Duo looked severely offended, and if he thought he'd be able to, he would have been yelling at Zechs too. Not that Relena would let him… Heero flinched at the thought, but being he was hiding from Relena, and other reaction couldn't be distinguished. The rest passed around amused looks. Hilde took that moment to continue the sketch, seeing as any further discussion of the issue would lead into something most of them didn't want to hear.
"Yeah… I guess. It's my belief these sheep are laborin'…"
Duo snickers and she whacks him over the head with her staff.
"… under the misappre'ension 'at 'ey're birds. Observe 'eir be'avior. Take for a start, the sheep's tendency to 'op about the field on 'eir 'ind legs. Now…"
"I didn't know sheep hop."
"Tis 'eir misappre'ension, sir…"
"Their what?"
"Ne'er mind, sir… Now witness 'eir attempts to fly from tree to tree…"
"SHEEP CAN FLY!!!"
"Ave you been declared an official imbecile by you 'ome country, sir… or do you just 'ave an extremely short attention span?"
"Huh?"
"I thought so… Notice 'at 'ey do not so much fly as… plummet."
"Baa… baa…"
Quatre looks over the branch. Before he could comment on the fall, Dorothy pushed him from behind.
*FLAP, FLAP, FLAP… WHOOSH… THUD*
"Whoa! Cool!" Duo yells, jumping up and down pointing, "Did you see that? Like… Like…"
"As I said… plummet. Like a rock, sir?"
"No, like maybe a missile, or some kamikaze pilot, or maybe Heero in Wing…"
Hilde rolls her eyes apathetically, "Aye… whatever."
Quatre dusts himself off and walks over to Hilde in deep thought.
"Why, exactly, would a sheep even consider it was a bird? I mean, that's ridiculous…"
"Monty Python is supposed to be stupid… I've never seen one that makes sense."
"That's why it rocks!" Duo adds.
"As for the sheep," she continues, "It's blatantly obvious you ain't a creature of the air. Sheep 'ave enormous difficulty in the simple act of perchin'…"
Relena had started ranting about pacifism again while all this happened. While Hilde seemed preoccupied reciting her lines to a pacifist sheep, Duo snuck off and climbed the tree. Tying and gagging Relena, he stood there for a second holding her over the branch, contemplating what he was about to hopefully accomplish. So what if Heero would kill him if he actually did kill Relena for him. The camera focuses on the tree again and Duo winks before tossing the girl over.
* WHOOSH… THUD *
"YES! DEATH TO THE PACIFIST FROM HELL!" he howled, running around cheering and screaming for quite awhile.
Nerurisa attempted to stop the run, but she couldn't be heard over the braided Shinigami.
Heero came out to see what exactly was going on and scared Hilde, who jumped about a foot in the air. Instead of trying to calm Duo down, she went on talking to him instead.
"Trouble is, sheep are very dim. Once 'ey get an idea in 'eir 'eads 'ere's no shifting it."
"No wonder pacifism doesn't work! It's made up by complete idiots in sheep costumes!" Duo chimes in, for once paying slight attention.
"Right…"
"HHHHEEEEEEEERRRRROOOOO!"
Relena jumped up and made chase, but the assassin had a convenient head start. Zechs had since taken refuge up in the tree and watched, thoroughly amused.
"But where would they get that idea?" Quatre asks, in absence of anyone better.
"From Harold. He's the most dangerous of creature's… a clever sheep."
The shot pans from Dorothy to Duo, and finding that neither would fit the description, focused on Zechs up in the tree while someone quickly through him a sheep costume.
"He's realized that a sheep's life consists of standin' 'round for a few months and then bein' eaten. And 'at's a depressing prospect for an ambitious sheep."
Quatre was now eyeing Harold, or in this instance the first Harold Dorothy, and slowly backing away.
"So," Duo says cheerfully, taking over now that Quatre was running from Dorothy, who was very slowly gaining on him, "Let's send out a hunting party and blow the sheep to smithereens! We can use…"
"Sir, we can't do that!"
"Well, why not? I mean, if you use…"
"Because of the enormous commercial possibilities if 'e succeeds."
"What?"
"If not, then we can always use an idiot like yourself."
"Cut! Now what the hell was that?"
"Ere? I mean… here? That was the skit."
"It was not!"
"It's right here…"
Nerurisa grabs the script and reads over it quickly, noticing that someone had done a whole lot of rewriting. She sighs and motions for them to continue with the next sketch.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE… R&R!!! Thanks… um, now that I'm sane again, if there are any questions, email me. Other than that, just thought I'd let ya know the next sketch will be… *drum roll* 'A Man With Three Buttocks!' Dare ya to guess who that is.
Have fun, enjoy the story, and *whispers* watch out for flying sheep.
BAA…BAA…FLAP, FLAP, FLAP… WHOOSH…THUD!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Episode 2: Sex and Violence
By the time they got around to the second episode, Nerurisa was glad to be alive and slowly putting her chair back together.
Flying Sheep
Duo skips into the scene. Hilde leaned on a tree trunk with a staff in hand, watching him carefully. She was determined to do this somewhat correctly.
"Hey, what's up?"
"Eh, 'tis nothin' much," she replies in a thick British accent.
"You here on vacation?"
"Nope, I live 'ere."
"Well that sucks."
"What are you saying you pompous…"
Duo looked slightly confused before bolting around her and staring up at a tree.
"Hey, is that a pacifist freak up a tree?"
"Cut!" Nerurisa yells, "What pacifist freak?"
"Baa… baa…"
She jumps at the sight of two of the characters in sheep costumes who the rest had forced up the fake tree."
"What? It is two pacifist freaks, isn't it?"
"Duo, be nice…"
"Ah thank you for that Hilde…"
"What?" she asks, looking over at the boy in the tree, "I meant don't insult sheep in general. It's no use trying to not insult you Quatre…"
"If sheep are pacifist then I am proud to play one." Relena coos, "All people should turn to pacifism too…"
Before she could finish, Duo shot a small rock from a slingshot he just so happened to have, knocking Relena out of the tree. She kept her mouth shut while concentrating on getting back up.
"Can we get moving?"
"Action…" The director sighs.
"Uh… Those are pacifist freaks, aren't they?"
"Ere, sir? No, those be sheep, sir…"
"Um, yeah… right. Why the hell are they up there?"
"A fair question…"
"Naw, a fair question 'ould be why the 'ell are they pacifist," Duo replies, failing miserably at imitating Hilde's accent.
"I am not pacifist!" Quatre protests, "I used to be but that…"
A gunshot knocks the entire tree over. There's a scramble to get it back up, and the camera pans over Heero and Zechs fighting over a gun.
"As I said… a fair question and one 'at in recent weeks 'as been much on my mind. It's my considered opinion 'at 'ey're nestin'…"
"What?"
"A prime example of American stupidity," Wufei mutters.
"I'd keep my mouth shut if I were you, Wu-man…"
"Yeah, look whose talking. So Duo's stupid by nationality. You're a chauvinist pig, overly temperamental, and totally insane. Do we hold all that against you?"
"Bad comparison…"
"Aye," Hilde continues, louder than normal in order to attempt to end the conversation off stage, not that it did any good."
"Kinda like birds? Maybe Treize and Zechs?"
"Wait just a damn minute! Where did they come in?"
"Well, the tend t brood over stuff and aren't they such a cute couple?"
A disgusted groan runs though the audience.
"Duo, you are such a perv."
"Well it's true!"
"Omea o kurosu…" Zechs retaliates, grabbing the gun from Heero.
"No one…" Heero begins, taking his gun back, "Uses my line."
There was another struggle for the gun until Relena ran over. At that moment, Heero took cover to avoid the stalker and Zechs stood there dumbfounded.
"You mean my brother is a fag!"
"Relena!"
"I don't care to know anything about their preferences or personal life…" Nerurisa interrupts, flushed and feeling slightly sick to the stomach.
"But it that's true," someone continues, "It would seem that Zechs is hitting on Heero."
By that time, Relena took to right out screaming at her brother, ranting as she usually would. Duo looked severely offended, and if he thought he'd be able to, he would have been yelling at Zechs too. Not that Relena would let him… Heero flinched at the thought, but being he was hiding from Relena, and other reaction couldn't be distinguished. The rest passed around amused looks. Hilde took that moment to continue the sketch, seeing as any further discussion of the issue would lead into something most of them didn't want to hear.
"Yeah… I guess. It's my belief these sheep are laborin'…"
Duo snickers and she whacks him over the head with her staff.
"… under the misappre'ension 'at 'ey're birds. Observe 'eir be'avior. Take for a start, the sheep's tendency to 'op about the field on 'eir 'ind legs. Now…"
"I didn't know sheep hop."
"Tis 'eir misappre'ension, sir…"
"Their what?"
"Ne'er mind, sir… Now witness 'eir attempts to fly from tree to tree…"
"SHEEP CAN FLY!!!"
"Ave you been declared an official imbecile by you 'ome country, sir… or do you just 'ave an extremely short attention span?"
"Huh?"
"I thought so… Notice 'at 'ey do not so much fly as… plummet."
"Baa… baa…"
Quatre looks over the branch. Before he could comment on the fall, Dorothy pushed him from behind.
*FLAP, FLAP, FLAP… WHOOSH… THUD*
"Whoa! Cool!" Duo yells, jumping up and down pointing, "Did you see that? Like… Like…"
"As I said… plummet. Like a rock, sir?"
"No, like maybe a missile, or some kamikaze pilot, or maybe Heero in Wing…"
Hilde rolls her eyes apathetically, "Aye… whatever."
Quatre dusts himself off and walks over to Hilde in deep thought.
"Why, exactly, would a sheep even consider it was a bird? I mean, that's ridiculous…"
"Monty Python is supposed to be stupid… I've never seen one that makes sense."
"That's why it rocks!" Duo adds.
"As for the sheep," she continues, "It's blatantly obvious you ain't a creature of the air. Sheep 'ave enormous difficulty in the simple act of perchin'…"
Relena had started ranting about pacifism again while all this happened. While Hilde seemed preoccupied reciting her lines to a pacifist sheep, Duo snuck off and climbed the tree. Tying and gagging Relena, he stood there for a second holding her over the branch, contemplating what he was about to hopefully accomplish. So what if Heero would kill him if he actually did kill Relena for him. The camera focuses on the tree again and Duo winks before tossing the girl over.
* WHOOSH… THUD *
"YES! DEATH TO THE PACIFIST FROM HELL!" he howled, running around cheering and screaming for quite awhile.
Nerurisa attempted to stop the run, but she couldn't be heard over the braided Shinigami.
Heero came out to see what exactly was going on and scared Hilde, who jumped about a foot in the air. Instead of trying to calm Duo down, she went on talking to him instead.
"Trouble is, sheep are very dim. Once 'ey get an idea in 'eir 'eads 'ere's no shifting it."
"No wonder pacifism doesn't work! It's made up by complete idiots in sheep costumes!" Duo chimes in, for once paying slight attention.
"Right…"
"HHHHEEEEEEEERRRRROOOOO!"
Relena jumped up and made chase, but the assassin had a convenient head start. Zechs had since taken refuge up in the tree and watched, thoroughly amused.
"But where would they get that idea?" Quatre asks, in absence of anyone better.
"From Harold. He's the most dangerous of creature's… a clever sheep."
The shot pans from Dorothy to Duo, and finding that neither would fit the description, focused on Zechs up in the tree while someone quickly through him a sheep costume.
"He's realized that a sheep's life consists of standin' 'round for a few months and then bein' eaten. And 'at's a depressing prospect for an ambitious sheep."
Quatre was now eyeing Harold, or in this instance the first Harold Dorothy, and slowly backing away.
"So," Duo says cheerfully, taking over now that Quatre was running from Dorothy, who was very slowly gaining on him, "Let's send out a hunting party and blow the sheep to smithereens! We can use…"
"Sir, we can't do that!"
"Well, why not? I mean, if you use…"
"Because of the enormous commercial possibilities if 'e succeeds."
"What?"
"If not, then we can always use an idiot like yourself."
"Cut! Now what the hell was that?"
"Ere? I mean… here? That was the skit."
"It was not!"
"It's right here…"
Nerurisa grabs the script and reads over it quickly, noticing that someone had done a whole lot of rewriting. She sighs and motions for them to continue with the next sketch.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE… R&R!!! Thanks… um, now that I'm sane again, if there are any questions, email me. Other than that, just thought I'd let ya know the next sketch will be… *drum roll* 'A Man With Three Buttocks!' Dare ya to guess who that is.
