The only sound outside the chamber, once it had sealed the others so completely away from Gene and Melfina, was the sound of Jim Hawking's breathing. At least, that's all he heard as he stood, silent and unmoving with an image of Gene burning its colors into his mind.
He was programmed to examine first, let the heart speak later... when he had seen the Scrappler pulled out, he had first seen the black-red flesh of the gaping wound and assessed it. If it were to heal, it would leave a horrendous scar, and the bones, muscles, and ligaments which had been mutilated would have to be surgically repaired with bio-engineering if Melfina couldn't help. He had then focused on blood loss; it welled up inside the deep hole of the wound, overflowed, and poured out in thick layers of elegant, liquid satin, which soaked into Gene's chest and stomach and fell to the floor. That kind of blood loss percentage meant Gene wouldn't be able to sit up without passing out for at least a week...
But as Jim had looked over Gene's pale and slack form, and after he had filed all this medical, technical information in his mind, his heart, finally claiming its turn, had gone mad with emotion. He had stood at his side, his aniki's side, and forced himself to remain silent as Suzuka passed Gene to Mel, a look of pain mixed with dominating, wretched horror on his face.
He had wished nothing more than to fling his arms around Gene, to hold him close, to cry out to him and tell him it would turn out all right, to give his life to him if that was what it took. To save him, protect him from anything that would ever hurt him, was all his heart desired. He wanted that. So badly...
But he knew to hold him would mean his death. So he stood by, his heart crying out in anguish, his mind barring his emotions. But finally one desperate request got through...
"Hang in there, Aniki," Jim had managed to cough out. It was barely a whisper... but Gene gave a soft groan in response, startling them all; it was the only sound he'd made since the Scrappler had been pulled.
Jim was disgusted and thrilled at the same time; that sound probably took effort, and could have drained some needed strength, and it was his fault!... but Gene had heard him, he *could* respond, and that filled him with hope.
Why couldn't he listen to his heart all the time? He now thought. Why couldn't he leap foreword, be held back by Aisha or Suzuka, and scream with all the pain he held barred up inside? Why couldn't he let it out... cry and yell and groan and beg to whatever God would listen to save this man that was his aniki, his everything! This man who took him in, cared about him, brought him into a better life than the hell he had been living! He loved Gene so much. Did the ability to keep everything in mean he didn't love him as strongly as he thought?
This question burned so painfully into him he didn't feel Suzuka's gaze on him. No. That couldn't be. Where was the pain coming from, then? Besides, he reminded himself, he couldn't be more grateful for the control. If he didn't have control over his emotions, everything would fall apart for him, and for the others. He wasn't a child, despite his age, and to listen to his heart before his mind was too dangerous for a man like him. He was the one who always had the answer. Always had everything under control.
As Melfina lowered into the chamber, holding Gene close to her, Jim had felt the heat of tears rising in his face. Yet the tears refused to fall.
So many things screaming through his heart. Such complete emptiness at the same time.
"Don't die," he had said, just before the door slammed shut, blocking his eyes and jump-starting his nervous system. For some reason, when the seal locked, he felt as if someone had punched him in the stomach.
He now clenched his eyes, trying to block any possible tears away; he needed to concentrate now, in case anything went wrong and he was needed. He would be needed...
He felt a hand on his shoulder. Startled, he looked up to see Suzuka's eyes looking into his.
"Jim."
He breathed in, and let out a choked sigh. He gave a nod, and moved out from under her touch to go to his console.
"Let's get ready. We need to be on standby in case something goes wrong and..."
"You don't have to be strong all the time, Jim."
He stopped dead. He felt the heat again, so he looked to Suzuka in a begging, wishing look, like she had an answer... only to meet with her eyes and feel even more vulnerable under her gaze. She never cried... why couldn't he be like her?
"Jim. Don't do that."
He blinked. "Do what?"
She sighed. "I have less strength than you think," she said in a sort of tired, despondent voice... nothing like her usual tone. "I don't cry, because I have forgotten how. I'm sure I would shed at least one tear for Gene, in hope, if I could."
He stared at her, bewildered. She smiled, a small, nice smile.
"But you still remember how, don't you, Jim?" she whispered.
He gave a sort of whimper, but swallowed it. "B... but I..."
He felt his wall begin to crumble. It would take only one more blow.
Then Suzuka knelt down and gently wrapped her clean arm around him in a comforting embrace, her hand pressing him close.
Jim was shocked; was this Suzuka? His eyes showed his amazement as they stared widely into nothing at all. But as she held him, he remembered suddenly the last time he was held like this. The way Gene hugged him, that one time after his surgery...
He remembered as Suzuka patiently held him. It was during a bout between Gene and some forgotten bounty prospect; a rogue dagger had hit Jim in the chest, and landed him in intensive care. Jim's heart had stopped during surgery, and they thought he was a lost cause after the fourth or so shock... but the doctor, refusing to give up, managed to save him. He emerged, beaming with relief, to tell Gene that Jim would be just fine... but he came to a man who had thought his partner was dead for twenty eternal minutes. Gene had been told Jim had died on the table.
When Jim woke up on the starchy hospital bed... he could still remember the way the wallpaper, a faded yellow with white flower-baskets scattered all over it, looked against Gene's wrecked, tear-streaked face... the instant he opened his eyes, Gene had groaned in relief and hugged him close in a tight, desperate embrace. It was as if he believed that if he let go, he'd lose him again.
Gene had never hugged him before, and hadn't since. Maybe it was because he knew that if he hugged him again, he'd remember that moment, just as Jim did now. And he knew he'd remember along with it the roller coaster of wild agony and blessed happiness he had ridden that day, just like Jim felt everything now. ...And he knew that if it all came back, all at once... it would probably be too much for him to control, and he'd be powerless to stop the tears.
... Just as Jim was now.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Okay, that Jim chapter was fluffy. It wasn't romance, but yet I still managed to fluff it. In fact, that was the most fluffiest fluff I've ever fluffed. (Yet...) Well, next section-chapter-thing is gonna be the melt-over chapter, going from angst back to episode (You'll notice chapter 7 was the opposite melt-over), so stick around, because if all this angst is wearing you out it's only toning down from here.
Remember to review to tell me if you loved all that angst, or loved some of it, or want me to burn in hell for doing that to you! If you don't tell me what you like, then I can never know!! But remember, intelligent criticism only! Dumbass flames will be laughed at!! ^_^
