Chapter Eleven: The Feelings of Loss and Regret

It was dead quiet at the base after we returned. We all got out of our gundams silent as death. After Quatre got out of SandRock, he turned around and took one long lonely look at it. Tears welled up in his eyes. He tried to fight them, but in one drawn out sob that racked his body, they came. He sat heavily on SandRock's left foot and sobbed.
"I told her I would go in her place. . .I told her. . .I would. . ."
I turned and went to our room. I took a look at one of her sneakers lying haphazardly on the floor of our room. A sigh escaped my lips. Turning around , I lay on the bed on my side, thinking about Fortune and it hadn't even been three hours since we left her at the mercy of Zechs Merquise and the OZ organization, and I felt as if half of me was missing. My eyes started to sting a bit as a soft knock sounded at my door.
"It's me, Duo."
I rolled over. I didn't feel like company at the moment.
"Go away, Duo. I don't want to be bothered."
He came in anyway. He still had his black suit on, like me. He smelled of sweat, engine grease, and Aspen cologne. A frown was on his face as he neared the bed where I was curled in fetal position.
"Didn't I tell you, I wanted to be alone?. . .Now get the hell out of my room." I tried to make my voice as angry and inhospitable as possible. But the last words came out with a tremble. I curled even tighter, my arms around my body, my knees tucked into my chest.
I felt his eyes on my back as I lay on the bed. Then I felt the bed shift as more weight was applied. Angrily, I whirled around.
"Okay, I said this once, I will not say it again. I want to be alone. I want some to think. I want to think about what went wrong with the mission. I want to think about how I was the one who left her, how I could have saved her from that tyrant, but he was going to kill her. Now they are doing God knows what to my friend and there is nothing I can do about it. . ."
A tear squeezed out of my eye and I quickly dashed it away. I am going to be strong for her.
(I will not cry.)
Another tear betrayed me. I also savagely wiped that one away, and hung my head.
(I will not cry.)
Duo gently placed both of his hands on my head. He lifted my head so I could look at him. I saw an old man's eyes in a young man's face. In his eyes, I also saw grief, the grief of one thousand lifetimes.
"You know. It is alright to cry sometimes. Fortune will be okay, she fought bravely, as did you. But now, you need to rest."
"How can I Duo? It was my fault! If I didn't let Tallgeese strike me, I could have saved her." Tears were falling unchecked down my face and onto the bed.
(I will not. . .)
"I could have saved her. . ." I rested my head on Duo's thigh as tears continued to fall.
(I will. . .)
"I should have . . ." My voice was no more than a whisper now, my eyes were open, staring out into the room, still leaking tears. "I should have. . -"
"Shhhhh." He began to stroke my hair, slowly and softly. We sat as he stroked my hair, silent to the world. I started to fall asleep. My staring eyes started to close. Then there was a soft snore as I fell completely asleep. Duo gently lifted my head and placed it on the pillow on my bed. Stretching out, he lay behind me, wrapping one arm around my waist. Drifting off to sleep he heard a small whispering noise. He listened once more. . .
"Never again. . .never again. . ."