Title: Distressed
Author: Melpomene
Email:
melpomene@stories.com
Disclaimer: They're not mine.
Rating: PG
although I'm tempted to say G
Spoilers: up to
and including whichever ep that was that aired on May 8, 2001 in the States (Spiral?)
Distribution: If you
want it, take it. But please let me
know where it is.
Author's Note:
This jumped into my already crowded brain while I was thinking about another
show altogether and I hurried across campus and to my car to scribble it down
before I forgot it. I don't generally
to character studies of any kind, so we'll see how I did.
Summary: {POV}
Waiting for Glory, someone starts to pay attention.
Distressed
What is it they call fabric that's been engineered to look
old? Distressed? Who would have thought that buying brand new
clothes that look old would become such a popular fashion statement?
I remember the day she bought the shirt, peering at the
label, a sweetly perplexed frown creasing her mouth as she tried to decide if
the 'distress' was supposed to be indicative of the wearer's emotional
state. Or maybe she thought that's how
the manufacturer had felt while he was aging a perfectly good piece of
clothing. I don't know what she thought;
I never really cared enough to ask.
I had known she was slightly baffled as she stood there
among the racks full of clothes but I hadn't tried to help her sort it through
then either. She went ahead and bought
it, smiling cheerfully at the girl who stood behind the counter and handed her
purchase to her.
Now that I think about it, there have been lots of times she
was unsure of things that I thought were blindingly obvious. At least they should have been blindingly
obvious to someone who hadn't spent a thousand years or more as a demon.
When I saw her today, I wondered if she had chosen to wear
that shirt for that reason. She is distressed,
we all are. No one can think of much
else besides the fact that Glory finally managed to get her grimy little hands
on Dawn.
But I notice something else as well. She's lost weight, a lot of weight
considering she wasn't over-weight to begin with. That's something I should have noticed before now. I wonder how long I've not been noticing it. I see
her every day, I'm in extremely close contact with her every day, and still I
hadn't noticed how thin she was getting until now.
I've never seen her wear a T-shirt before. It had been something of a joke when she
bought it, and I never thought she'd ever actually wear it. But there she is, staring out the window at
the hazy dusk-filled evening, wearing that shirt and a pair of denim shorts,
positively the most uncharacteristic clothing she could have chosen--short of a
neon orange prison jumpsuit, that is.
She's even got sneakers on.
I'm suddenly regretful of all the times I ignored her
confusion, of all the times I walked away or just blocked out her
questions. I regret that I turned my
back on someone who could have been a friend, that I never once gave her a
chance to be anything other than a demon in my mind's eye.
I can see that now, I can see it with painful clarity. I witnessed how gentle she was Tara after
Glory stole her mind. How she tried to
be supportive of Buffy and Dawn after Joyce died, even though she was confused
and frightened and no one would explain it all to her. How she was willing to sacrifice her life
for Xander's when Olaf was trying to force him to choose between her and me or
die himself for his refusal to pick one of us.
I didn't jump up and say
"choose me," she did.
And so I wonder, now that we're all pondering the likelihood
of any of us surviving this final battle with Glory, whether she has any
regrets. Has she even been human again
for long enough to have any? She seems
happy enough, under the circumstances.
She has Xander who has professed his undying love for her. She even has Giles as a sort of strange father
figure. I'm not sure she'd claim to
have any real friends, but she seems quite well adjusted without them. I don't suppose she does have anything about
her life she'd rather change.
I've discovered that I have plenty of regrets, and
surprisingly enough, she's one of them.
the end
note: This started off
as a Xander POV, but it changed into Willow before I'd even gotten half way
through it, I swear it has a mind all of it's own.