Disclaimer as for all other chapters. Story continues straightforwardly, or at least as straightforwardly as it can.
The Revenge of the Slug-slimed.
Late that night two shadowy figures crept up the stairs to Gryffindor tower and hid in one of the convenient niches that litter Hogwarts corridors. They did not have long to wait before the portrait hole was thrown back and a cloaked figure hurtled out.
"Stupefy." hissed one shadowy figure, pointing their wand at the newcomer, who keeled over and was quickly dragged out of sight. The other shadowy figure waited for ten minutes before the portrait hole swung open again and another cloaked figure sprang out. The spell was repeated, and soon the unconscious bodies had been manoveured out of the castle to a glade on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. It had obviously been designed as a romantic retreat - a soft blanket was spread on the ground in front of an oak tree that cast black shadows under the bright moon. An empty jug and two half empty glasses stood next to it with a box of chocolates.
The shadows threw back their hoods, revealing themselves as Draco and Lorelei. The cloaked figures, now identifiable as Ron and Hermione, were spread out on the blanket. Lorelei spoke at last.
"See," she said, with satisfaction, "I told you they's fall for the old 'note saying I've gone to fight a duel trick', didn't I?"
"Yes, but how are we to get them into compromising positions? Like their clothes?" Draco shuddered delicately and grimaced. "I have no desire to strip either of them, myself."
"I know a spell to use. Turn your back if you're squeamish." Lorelei commanded. She then spread out some frothy pink lingerie over Hermione, and some racy underpants over Ron. She muttered the spell, and Hermione and Ron's clothes reversed themselves, so that their cloaks and pyjamas were now on top. Draco looked mildly nauseated as Lorelei threw the cloaks and pyjamas away, as if abandoned in passion. As she drew a blanket ovr the pair of them, Hermione shivered and snuggled up to Ron, who curled an arm around her possesively in his sleep.
"You'd think they did this all the time, wouldn't you?" sneered Draco. "Any lingering guilt has completely vanished."
"You can still feel guilt?" asked Lorelei in surprise. "Nevermind answering." She raised her wand and said a sleeping spell over the two. "There, that should last long enough for them to be discovered, so I guess we can wave goodbye to Hermione and Ron's reputations."
They walked away arm in arm, still laughing.
Harry was worried the next morning when he woke early and discovered that Ron wasn't in the dormitory. Instead, he found a note, saying that Hermione had gone to duel with Lorelei. Harry sprinted over to Hermione's dormitory, where, careful not to wake the other girls, he found a similar note in her bed, saying that Ron had gone to duel with Draco. Clutching both, he ran to Dumbledore's office without pausing, and was relieved to find Dumbledore already up.
"Please, sir.." he puffed, "Found these... now they've disappeared, not in their beds.." Dumbledore looked mildly alarmed, and took the notes to consider them. As he took his glasses off to reply to Harry, Hagrid burst into the room.
"Dumbledore," he pleaded, "come quickly, I ain't nivver seen nothin' like it..."
"Certainly I will come." Dumbledore assured him. "Does it have anything to do with Ron and Hermione?" Hagrid went pale beneath his beard.
"Yes, I've got Fang guardin' thim." Dumbledore followed Hagrid and Harry followed Dumbledore, turning over in his mind all the ghastly fates that could have befallen his two best friends. Ghastly enough for Hagrid to be almost incoherent, which implied, to Harry, something very serious.
When they reached the glade even Dumbledore was shocked, and Harry felt instantly queasy. The straps of Hermione's rose pink camisole could be seen as she curled against Ron. It was obvious that Ron was not wearing a shirt as he continued to cuddle Hermione close. The blanket had ridden up, showing their bare legs tangled together. Harry's appalled eyes took it all in - the strewn robes, the food, the drink, his (and his stomach dropped at the thought) semi-naked friends.
"You didn't wake them?" asked Dumbledore.
"Too shocked." Hagrid choked out. "Nivver would've thought it of thim two. Nivver."
"Don't worry, Hagrid. I think this is a joke in an attempt to ruin their reputations. Who would want to do that?" Dumbledore turned his bright gaze onto Harry. Fighting to control his feelings of nausea, Harry answered:
"Lorelei Van der Vork and Draco Malfoy." The whole story spilled out of Harry, Causing Dumbledore to look very grave. At last he turned back to the still sleeping Ron and Hermione, considering the best course of action. Before he could speak, Ron stirred suddenly.
"Oh, no, they're going to wake up." came Harry's anguished whisper. Dumbledore grabbed both Harry and Hagrid by the arm and firmly propelled them out of sight.
"There are some things that it is better not to witness." he explained, staring toward the rising sun resolutely.
Back in the glade Ron stretched. Beside him, Hermione stirred too, and wriggled closer. Ron opened his eyes briefly, saw Hermione, smiled, and tucked his arm around her more securely. Hermione too opened her eyes, saw Ron, smiled, and snaked her arm around him, too. There was a peaceful silence. About ten seconds later, their brains registered what thaey had just seen.
Dumbledore heard the screams and yelling. "Give them a minute or two to get back into their cloaks." he murmured, then slowly led them back to the clearing, where Ron and Hermione, now decently covered, were shouting at each other. Dumbledore's deep voice interrupted them and they spun around, the very picture of guilt.
"Just who I wanted to see." he said, and Ron and Hermione looked as if the sky had fallen on their heads. "I believe you have been lurd out here by Miss Van der Vork and Mr Malfoy, so we needn't waste our time on explanations. You will have to do a detention, of course, for gluing them together and making them urp slugs on each other, but for the moment let's get you up to the castle before anyone else finds out."
At lunch that day a very relieved looking Ron enthused to a still faintly green Harry : "So, that's all good. Draco Malfoy suspended and Lorelei expelled! And I thought that seeing him as a ferret was the pinnacle of my life." He smiled radiantly, and added: "If I'd known that sleeping with Hermione would have this effect, I would have done it ages ago."
"Thanks." muttered an equally relieved looking Hermione, and Harry turned greener still.
"Harry, why are you avoiding looking at us?" she suddenly demanded.
"Sorry." mumbled Harry. "Just got this mental picture. Can't get rid of it. Tangled up bare legs and Ron with his arm around you. You with your head on his chest." he swallowed hard and looked greener than ever. "Sorry, got to go." He pushed himself away from the table and left the room.
Hermione looked after him reflectively.
"Hagrid doesn't seem to able to look at us either." she noted. "I didn't think my legs were that bad."
"No, your legs are great." replied Ron without thinking. Then he realised what he'd said, and turned bright red. "Not that I looked, or remembered, or even noticed or anything." he hastily disclaimed.
"Well, I think you've got nice legs too, Ron." squeaked Hermione, blushing as brilliantly crimson as Ron. They looked at each other in considerable embarassment for a few moments, then fled in opposite directions.
The Revenge of the Slug-slimed.
Late that night two shadowy figures crept up the stairs to Gryffindor tower and hid in one of the convenient niches that litter Hogwarts corridors. They did not have long to wait before the portrait hole was thrown back and a cloaked figure hurtled out.
"Stupefy." hissed one shadowy figure, pointing their wand at the newcomer, who keeled over and was quickly dragged out of sight. The other shadowy figure waited for ten minutes before the portrait hole swung open again and another cloaked figure sprang out. The spell was repeated, and soon the unconscious bodies had been manoveured out of the castle to a glade on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. It had obviously been designed as a romantic retreat - a soft blanket was spread on the ground in front of an oak tree that cast black shadows under the bright moon. An empty jug and two half empty glasses stood next to it with a box of chocolates.
The shadows threw back their hoods, revealing themselves as Draco and Lorelei. The cloaked figures, now identifiable as Ron and Hermione, were spread out on the blanket. Lorelei spoke at last.
"See," she said, with satisfaction, "I told you they's fall for the old 'note saying I've gone to fight a duel trick', didn't I?"
"Yes, but how are we to get them into compromising positions? Like their clothes?" Draco shuddered delicately and grimaced. "I have no desire to strip either of them, myself."
"I know a spell to use. Turn your back if you're squeamish." Lorelei commanded. She then spread out some frothy pink lingerie over Hermione, and some racy underpants over Ron. She muttered the spell, and Hermione and Ron's clothes reversed themselves, so that their cloaks and pyjamas were now on top. Draco looked mildly nauseated as Lorelei threw the cloaks and pyjamas away, as if abandoned in passion. As she drew a blanket ovr the pair of them, Hermione shivered and snuggled up to Ron, who curled an arm around her possesively in his sleep.
"You'd think they did this all the time, wouldn't you?" sneered Draco. "Any lingering guilt has completely vanished."
"You can still feel guilt?" asked Lorelei in surprise. "Nevermind answering." She raised her wand and said a sleeping spell over the two. "There, that should last long enough for them to be discovered, so I guess we can wave goodbye to Hermione and Ron's reputations."
They walked away arm in arm, still laughing.
Harry was worried the next morning when he woke early and discovered that Ron wasn't in the dormitory. Instead, he found a note, saying that Hermione had gone to duel with Lorelei. Harry sprinted over to Hermione's dormitory, where, careful not to wake the other girls, he found a similar note in her bed, saying that Ron had gone to duel with Draco. Clutching both, he ran to Dumbledore's office without pausing, and was relieved to find Dumbledore already up.
"Please, sir.." he puffed, "Found these... now they've disappeared, not in their beds.." Dumbledore looked mildly alarmed, and took the notes to consider them. As he took his glasses off to reply to Harry, Hagrid burst into the room.
"Dumbledore," he pleaded, "come quickly, I ain't nivver seen nothin' like it..."
"Certainly I will come." Dumbledore assured him. "Does it have anything to do with Ron and Hermione?" Hagrid went pale beneath his beard.
"Yes, I've got Fang guardin' thim." Dumbledore followed Hagrid and Harry followed Dumbledore, turning over in his mind all the ghastly fates that could have befallen his two best friends. Ghastly enough for Hagrid to be almost incoherent, which implied, to Harry, something very serious.
When they reached the glade even Dumbledore was shocked, and Harry felt instantly queasy. The straps of Hermione's rose pink camisole could be seen as she curled against Ron. It was obvious that Ron was not wearing a shirt as he continued to cuddle Hermione close. The blanket had ridden up, showing their bare legs tangled together. Harry's appalled eyes took it all in - the strewn robes, the food, the drink, his (and his stomach dropped at the thought) semi-naked friends.
"You didn't wake them?" asked Dumbledore.
"Too shocked." Hagrid choked out. "Nivver would've thought it of thim two. Nivver."
"Don't worry, Hagrid. I think this is a joke in an attempt to ruin their reputations. Who would want to do that?" Dumbledore turned his bright gaze onto Harry. Fighting to control his feelings of nausea, Harry answered:
"Lorelei Van der Vork and Draco Malfoy." The whole story spilled out of Harry, Causing Dumbledore to look very grave. At last he turned back to the still sleeping Ron and Hermione, considering the best course of action. Before he could speak, Ron stirred suddenly.
"Oh, no, they're going to wake up." came Harry's anguished whisper. Dumbledore grabbed both Harry and Hagrid by the arm and firmly propelled them out of sight.
"There are some things that it is better not to witness." he explained, staring toward the rising sun resolutely.
Back in the glade Ron stretched. Beside him, Hermione stirred too, and wriggled closer. Ron opened his eyes briefly, saw Hermione, smiled, and tucked his arm around her more securely. Hermione too opened her eyes, saw Ron, smiled, and snaked her arm around him, too. There was a peaceful silence. About ten seconds later, their brains registered what thaey had just seen.
Dumbledore heard the screams and yelling. "Give them a minute or two to get back into their cloaks." he murmured, then slowly led them back to the clearing, where Ron and Hermione, now decently covered, were shouting at each other. Dumbledore's deep voice interrupted them and they spun around, the very picture of guilt.
"Just who I wanted to see." he said, and Ron and Hermione looked as if the sky had fallen on their heads. "I believe you have been lurd out here by Miss Van der Vork and Mr Malfoy, so we needn't waste our time on explanations. You will have to do a detention, of course, for gluing them together and making them urp slugs on each other, but for the moment let's get you up to the castle before anyone else finds out."
At lunch that day a very relieved looking Ron enthused to a still faintly green Harry : "So, that's all good. Draco Malfoy suspended and Lorelei expelled! And I thought that seeing him as a ferret was the pinnacle of my life." He smiled radiantly, and added: "If I'd known that sleeping with Hermione would have this effect, I would have done it ages ago."
"Thanks." muttered an equally relieved looking Hermione, and Harry turned greener still.
"Harry, why are you avoiding looking at us?" she suddenly demanded.
"Sorry." mumbled Harry. "Just got this mental picture. Can't get rid of it. Tangled up bare legs and Ron with his arm around you. You with your head on his chest." he swallowed hard and looked greener than ever. "Sorry, got to go." He pushed himself away from the table and left the room.
Hermione looked after him reflectively.
"Hagrid doesn't seem to able to look at us either." she noted. "I didn't think my legs were that bad."
"No, your legs are great." replied Ron without thinking. Then he realised what he'd said, and turned bright red. "Not that I looked, or remembered, or even noticed or anything." he hastily disclaimed.
"Well, I think you've got nice legs too, Ron." squeaked Hermione, blushing as brilliantly crimson as Ron. They looked at each other in considerable embarassment for a few moments, then fled in opposite directions.
