Chapter 2
Gaddes was in his room, getting smashed. He couldn't believe he'd actually told Allen how he felt about him. He'd known for years how Allen would react, which is why he'd never said anything before now. But Allen had just made him so damn frustrated that he'd just blurted it out, and probably ruined everything in the process.
Unfortunately for Gaddes, the liquor had not yet taken hold of his brain, so he was still coherent enough to brood on his present situation. He could leave the crew of the Crusade. Allen probably wouldn't object after what had happened tonight. But the rest of the men would object, or at least Teo, Kio, and Pyle would. And they were his best friends. He could try to force himself straight, and in doing so, hopefully forget about Allen. Of course, with Gaddes' luck, he would probably end up dating Celena Schezat and then his feelings would never go away. Or, he could act as if he hadn't said anything, which was probably what Allen was going to do.
But any way you look at it, I'm fucked, Gaddes thought bitterly.
Little did Gaddes know what effects his confession was going to have.
While Gaddes was trying to drink himself into oblivion, Allen was brooding over the confession that Gaddes had made. It scared him in a way, because this meant that men, as well as women, desired him. It meant that Gaddes desired him. Allen never even thought about a relationship with another man, and now Gaddes was professing his undying lust for him. That was all Allen thought it was. He honestly didn't think it went any deeper than that. He'd heard Gaddes talk freely about his sex life. He just never realized that he was talking about men.
Allen started getting panicky. If men, particularly Gaddes, found Allen desirable, did that mean that he would start feeling that way about other men? What would people say about him if that happened? Allen didn't want to think about that. He needed to do something to reaffirm his masculinity.
So he did the most logical thing that he could think of.
He decided to take Millerna up on her offer. And it was that decision that changed everything.
Millerna was in her room, pouting. She couldn't believe that Allen had turned her down. Did he want her to be unhappy? Surely he was as lonely and miserable as she was after Hitomi left him. Of course, Millerna was glad that Hitomi was gone, because that meant that Allen was all hers again. But the only problem was that Allen didn't seem to want her anymore. She didn't understand why.
"Maybe he was just on edge from his trip to Freid. Or maybe he was just upset that I actually married Dryden," Millerna said, trying to rationalize Allen's behavior to herself.
Obviously he couldn't mean that he didn't love her. He had to still love her. He loved her sister, so why didn't he love her?
"It doesn't make any sense," she muttered.
She was still brooding over it when she heard a knock on her door.
"Who is it?"
"Princess, may I come in?" Allen's voice came from the other side of the door.
"Of course, Allen," Millerna said, trying to keep the excitement out of her voice.
He walked in, strode over to her, and bowed low in deep respect,
"I'd like to apologize for my words earlier, Princess. I didn't mean to be so unkind to you."
He spoke formally, Millerna noted. He must really want to be forgiven.
"I forgive you, Allen," she said, looking down at him.
He straightened up and looked at her. His mind was at odds with his heart over what to do. In his heart, he knew he didn't love her. But then, who did he love? The answer was too frightening to contemplate. But in his mind he was scared. Gaddes' admission terrified Allen, and this was the best way he knew to make himself feel safe. His mind was waging war with his heart, and he didn't know which one would win.
Millerna looked questioningly at Allen. He was just standing there staring at her. She had no way to tell what he was thinking. She wanted him to kiss her, and if he didn't soon, she'd kiss him.
Allen finally decided that this was what he needed to do, and he pulled Millerna into his arms.
"Allen," she murmured.
He said nothing. He started leaning towards her in order to kiss her. His heart protested, screaming for him not to do this. Telling him that he didn't love her, and that this would only cause pain for both of them. But at the moment, Allen Schezar wasn't paying attention to his heart. As his lips met hers, he had know way of knowing that he had just set the wheels of fate in motion.
When he finally let her go, Millerna looked at Allen.
"Does this mean what I think it does?" she asked with a smile.
"It means I'm taking you up on your proposition, Your Highness."
"Please, Allen. If we're going to be together, then there's no need to be so formal. You know my name."
"Of course…Millerna."
They had sex that night. Millerna thoroughly enjoyed herself. Allen did not. He had been with Millerna once before, and her sister before that. He could not say why he didn't enjoy it. Doing this was supposed to make him feel better. But it only made him feel empty. Maybe it was because he didn't love Millerna. Or maybe it was because he was still shaken up from his encounter with Gaddes. Whichever it was, he hoped that he would feel better soon.
The next day, after getting Allen out of her room, Millerna went to see Dryden. He was talking with a palace aide when she walked in, so she had the good grace to wait her turn.
"Dryden," she said once the aide was gone.
"Yes, Millerna?"
"I came to tell you that you and I won't be sleeping in the same bed anymore."
Dryden
laughed. "Like I ever slept with you in
the same bed to begin with!" he exclaimed with a touch of bitterness in his
voice. "Though I suppose this
revelation is because you were finally able to seduce Allen?"
"I didn't seduce him! We love each other!"
"I love you, Millerna. Allen is just doing this for you because he feels obligated to do so. And you're still enthralled in this childish infatuation you have for him."
"Dryden!"
"I can't force you to love me, Millerna. And even though I'm a merchant, your love is the one thing I can't buy. I can only hope that one day you outgrow these feelings you have for Allen."
"Why did you marry me if you knew how I felt?"
"If I remember correctly, this marriage was originally your idea."
"That was out of necessity! We needed it during the war!"
Dryden sighed. "I never should have come back," he said. "You probably would've been happier that way."
"Dryden…"
"I do love you, Millerna. And I hope, for your sake at least, that your knight feels the same way."
Millerna said nothing. There was nothing more to say.
