Chapter 4
Chapter 4

Allen was in his room, still dazed over what Gaddes had said. First of all, the men, his men, were planning a mutiny against him. But more than that, Gaddes loved him. Gaddes loved him?! He shoved that thought away. He wasn't quite ready to deal with that yet. But then he was at an impasse, for in order to deal with this mutiny, he had to deal with Gaddes.

Allen sighed. Everything has been so much easier before Gaddes had said anything about having feelings for him. But once Gaddes admitted that, everything changed. Allen didn't know what to think, or what to do, and that put him right back where he was when this whole mess began, except this time he couldn't go running to Millerna for comfort. Not that she had actually comforted him in any way. All she had succeeded in doing was making him feel empty. The entire 3 months he'd been sleeping with her, he felt like something was missing.

But what? Allen still didn't want to contemplate that his feelings for Gaddes might be more than friendship. And he didn't want to talk to Gaddes for fear of what might be said. But Allen had to talk to Gaddes, of that there was no doubt.

Gaddes stood, looking out of the main window on the bridge of the Crusade, staring off into space, when he heard Kio's voice pull him out of his thoughts.

"Boss?"

"Kio, have I told you about calling me boss?"

"Sorry, Sarge."

There was silence between them for a few moments, before Kio finally broke it.

"You're thinking about the boss again, ain't you Gaddes?"
Gaddes turned slowly to look at Kio. Kio hadn't actually called him by his name in years, but that wasn't what caused him to turn.

"Kio, why would I be thinking about the boss?"

"Come on, Gaddes! Do you think I, or any of the others are dense? We know how you feel about the boss!"

Gaddes stared at his friend.

"What are you talking about Kio?"
"Come on, Sarge! I know how you look at the boss. You look at the boss the way the boss looks at a woman. Everyone on the ship knows you want him."

"It's more than want, Kio."

"Heh. I bet. But you ain't gonna get him just standin' here."

"He's given his body to Millerna," Gaddes said, making a face.

"I know," Kio said with a smirk. "You should just forget about him, Gaddes. We'll find you a nice guy once the Crusade reaches its new destination."

"Are we doing the right thing, Kio? Is this mutiny of ours the right thing to be doing?"

The grin left Kio's face. "For yeas we followed the boss, Gaddes," he began. "That hasn't changed. But with the way he is now…Allen ain't the boss anymore. We don't know what that bitch did to him, but he ain't the man we pledged our service to anymore."

Gaddes nodded. He knew that Kio was right.

"So we move out in 3 days?"
"Yeah."

"Do we have a set course, Kio?"
"Well, originally, we were planning on going to Fanelia, but that was on a diplomatic mission and also for Allen to see the king."

"We're not going to Fanelia. We have no reason to anymore."

"Well then, where to Sarge?"

"How 'bout we go to Basram? We haven't been there in a while."

Kio nodded and walked off to tell the rest of the crew the change of orders. He knew why Gaddes wanted to go to Basram. He probably wanted to get as far from Asturia as possible, and Basram certainly fit that description.

The next day, Gaddes was sitting on the bridge of the Crusade alone, and drinking the strongest Asturian whiskey that he was able to afford.

"So we're off to Basram," he said out loud to no one but himself. "When we get there, I guess it will be just be another few nights of warm drinks and cold sex before we move on."

Gaddes was still a victim of sobriety, but he was trying rather hard to change that. He probably would have succeeded if Pyle hadn't come in.

"Sarge?"
"What, Pyle?"
"The boss is here to see you."

Gaddes whacked the side of his head to make sure he was hearing right.

"I must be drunker than I thought. Repeat that. I thought I heard you say Allen was here."

"I did. He is. And he wants to see you."

"All right," Gaddes said, blinking and downing the rest of his liquor. "Show him in."

Pyle left and came back with Allen several minutes later. Then he left them alone, almost definitely going off to tell the others.

"Come to stop the mutiny?" Gaddes spat once Pyle had gone.

"Yes," Allen admitted, "but I also came to talk to you."

"What more is there to talk about? I think we've said everything that needs to be said."

"We need to talk about your feelings," Allen said.

"My feelings?" Gaddes laughed. "Since when have you given a damn about my feelings, Allen?!"
"Since you decided to betray your friends and your country!"

Gaddes shook his head. "You know, Allen, for someone who always seems to know the right thing to say to women, you certainly don't know what to say to me."

"Gaddes!"

"What, Allen?! How long is it gonna be til you get it that I've been in love with you for years?! Why do you think I've stayed by you, fought with you, and bled with you for so damn long?!! Why do you think I watched as you led on Millerna, pursued Hitomi, and sweet-talked dozens of other women? But as I've said, I can't watch anymore. I've seen enough, and so has the rest of the crew. That's why we decided to leave."

"But all of you pledged allegiance to Asturia!"

"You didn't hear a word I just said! We never pledged allegiance to Asturia, Allen! We pledged allegiance to you! I pledged allegiance to you!"

"Gaddes…"

"What? I already know how you feel, Allen. You made that perfectly clear when you started trotting after Millerna!"

"Damn you, Gaddes, I don't know how I feel!" Allen shouted, finally losing his temper.

Gaddes looked at Allen and blinked. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Don't patronize me, Allen," he said quietly, not wanting to get his hopes up.

"I'm not. When you said you had feelings for me, I got scared. I didn't know how to cope with it. So I ran to Millerna. I thought she could make me feel better, but she didn't. She just made me feel empty. And after she and Dryden began getting closer, the feeling just got worse."

"Then why did you stay in that position? Why did you let her use you like that?"
"Because I was still scared. I didn't want to deal with the fact that you claimed to have feelings for me. And I definitely didn't want to deal with the fact that I might return those feelings, to an extent."

Gaddes arched an eyebrow and looked at Allen. "To an extent?"
Allen nodded.

Gaddes allowed a grin to cross his features. "I guess I'll take what I can get for now, if you mean what you're saying."

"I do."

"Well then, how about we go to my room to talk about this, boss?"
"Your room?" Allen asked, smiling a bit. Gaddes was calling him boss again, that was definitely a good sign.

"My room," Gaddes confirmed.

"Won't the men suspect anything?"

Gaddes smirked. "Still worried about that, Allen? Most of the men know I've been trying to get you into my bed for years, and the ones that don't soon will once Pyle finishes telling them."

"Don't tell me this is just about sex, Gaddes?"

"Of course it isn't, Allen. I wouldn't be making such a big deal about this if it were. But I'm not expecting a one-night stand. I'm not having my heart broken by you again. Now come on," Gaddes said, and he walked out.

Allen swallowed, but followed Gaddes to his room.