The Secret Nightlife of Ron Weasley

By the Penumbra_fic Round Robin Team (we need a better name)

This is all in good fun; Ron and the rest shall be returned to J. K.
Rowling at the end of the week (Saturday, April 28th, 2001). No
infringement is intended.

The crickets chirped loudly outside the window. Ron Weasley
wished they would shut up; he was trying to figure out if Harry was
asleep yet. A cloud passed over the moon and the chirping stopped
momentarily; Ron distinctly heard four different snores and assumed
that it was safe to rise.

He did so slowly, checking left and right, slightly paranoid
that someone would catch him up at that hour. Silently, he opened
Harry's trunk and pulled out the Invisibility Cloak. It was just the
right size for him- after fifth year, there had been no collective
sneaking-out under it for the Dream Team, which was really a shame,
because Ron was just getting comfortable with being under there with
Hermione…

Ron shook himself out of his trance and glanced at his watch,
eyebrows raising. If he didn't hurry, he was going to be late…


If Invisibility Cloaks hadn't existed, one would have seen a
decidedly messy head of red hair peeking around corridors on the
third floor. Ron tiptoed past the Charms classroom (in which Draco
and another Slytherin with very blue hair were quite involved, Ron
was amused to notice), down the hallway and past the tapestry of the
founders, looking in both directions before doubling back, pulling
one corner aside and slipping under it.

The chute that he slid down deposited him near the front
doors of the school, just a hop, skip and a jump away from the
broomshed. Ron grabbed his broom and took off into the night, headed
for Hogsmeade.

Ron quickly jogged down the dark streets of Hogsmeade, eager
to get were he was going. He passed Honeydukes, Zonko's, The Three
Broomsticks and didn't stop until he'd reached the owl post office.
With a quick look around, he removed Harry's cloak and hid it inside
the ear of the large owl statue above the door. Then (after smoothing
down his hair and straightening his pajamas) he knocked on the door
once, then twice, once more and stamped his left foot on the ground.

An eye appeared at the key hole. "What's the password?"

Ron rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "Boxers and briefs."

The door swung opened to reveal a young girl, no older than
thirteen, wearing a nightgown covered in pictures of smurfs. Ron
figured she was a new recruit. "S-sir," she stammered when she saw
who it was, "welcome. Everybody is w-waiting for you..."

She bowed as Ron walked past and followed him down the hall,
past the front desk and into an empty owl room. Ron waited while she
tapped her wand against the floor and opened a trap door then
followed her down a flight of stairs into a large room filled with
various Hogwarts students, ranging from first years to seventh years.
They all bowed with respect when they saw him.

Ron grinned to himself then took his place a the head of the
crowd. "Welcome," he said, his voice magically amplified, "to another
meeting of the AIP." He looked around at all of the new and old
faces. "Assassins in pajamas."
He waved his wand, Summoning his attendance sheet. When it didn't appear
immediately, he frowned. "Amanda," he said, turning around to the girl
behind him, "where's the list? It was here last Friday."

"Oh!" she exclaimed, and turned around quickly, removing a
brick from the wall. "Erica found this spot after you left last week.
We thought it was a pretty good hiding place." Amanda tossed him a
roll of parchment.

"Thank you," Ron said, catching and unrolling the sheet.
Amanda was an okay girl, for a Slytherin, he thought. "Brocklehurst,
Mandy." There was a shower of blue sparkles in one corner of the
room. "Cameron, James." Red sparks. "Davis, Erica," was present, as
were "Diaz, Lauren; Emerick, Michael; Fontez, Steffi; and Graff,
Steven." Ron looked up with serious eyes. "Granger, Hermione," he
said.

Nothing happened.

"Where's Hermione?" he asked.

The fifteen-year-old Ravenclaw he recognized as Erica Davis
jumped up to the speaker's platform. "She's not here? She told me
she'd come early to help set up..."

Just then, the Smurf pajama-clad girl from the entrance burst
in, followed closely by Hermione (who was wearing red pajamas);
Vriesen, Corinne; and Vriesen, Kaitie, clad in yellow and blue
respectively. "Death Eaters!" Hermione exclaimed, turning heads. "In
Hogsmeade!"

After a moment of stunned disbelief, there was a complete uproar.
"DEATH EATERS?!" shouted Amanda, clutching her wand. "Where?"
Her sentiments were echoed by numerous other AIPs as they all looked
at Ron.

"Herm, where are they?" he asked, fervently hoping that they weren't
here because of him.

"They were walking into The Three Broomsticks as I passed by,"
Hermione replied, still breathing hard.

"That's on the other side of town..." Ron mumbled as he thought.

"Well then, I think that we had better get back to the school. This
is a major setback, as I had hoped to discuss the failure of Plan Gato
with you, but we have to alert the others," he announced after some
consideration. "We will have to form our attack groups. Group
ChatMorte, you will lead the way. The Head Honcho Kaitie," he nodded
to one of the girls who had followed Hermione in, "will be expected to
scout for the rest of us. Got it?"

There was a chorus of "YES!" after he was finshed speaking. Then Group
CM readied themselves for departure by slipping on their camoflage
bathrobes. As people changed around them, Ron grabbed Hermione's
hand. He led her towards the corner of the room where most people
had their backs turned. "'Mione, are you alright?" he asked, face
creased with concern.

Hermione swallowed and nodded, "I was so scared! And Ron, this is going
to put off Plan Katze! She'll be allowed to wreak havoc for another week!"

Hermione looked as if she was going to cry, Ron quickly pulled her into a
hug. Then, realizing what he was doing, he let go of her and felt his ears
go red. "You'd better get changed," he muttered, and walked away. He cursed
under his breath. "Damn you, Norris! You're free for another brief respite,
but we'll get you!"

Group ChatMorte surrounded the Three Broomsticks, brandishing wands.
The apprehension in the air was chokingly thick. Head Honcho Kaitie,
in her haste to scout the area, had tripped over a large black dog in
the street and sworn aloud; luckily nobody had heard it.

Ron, at this point, was back at the owl post office with Hermione,
retrieving Harry's invisibility cloak. Group ChatMorte watched as
their heads appeared side-by-side in midair, then as Hermione slipped
out from under the cloak. "Right," Ron said. "Cover me, 'Mione. I'm
going in."

An senior AIP took up a position at either side of all entrances and
windows around the Three Broomsticks, knowing that they'd have to be
ready with the Stunning curse if one of the Death Eaters decided to
make a guest appearance. Ron himself slipped in the back door,
closing it gently as he entered the kitchen. (Nobody saw this,
however, as he was very much covered by the invisibility cloak. How
sad for the voyeuses.)

Rosmerta nearly had a heart attack when Ron's disembodied head
appeared in the kitchen. He clamped a hand over her mouth, then, when
he was sure she wouldn't scream, removed it.

"Ron Weasley!" Rosmerta yelled in a whisper. "What are you doing
here? Don't you know who's in there?!"

"We know, Rosmerta," he answered grimly. "Where are their drinks?"

Rosmerta, looking sufficiently confused, pointed to the counter to
his left.

Ron turned, digging an envelope out of his pajama pocket and
measuring the appropriate amount of the condensed potion into each
mug of Butterbeer or goblet of mulled mead. "Sorry, Rosmerta," he
said as he turned around again, brandishing his wand. "Obliviate."


Come morning, The Three Broomsticks was crawling with rather confused
ministry officials.

Ted Galliger stroked his beard in a perplexed manner. "And you say
they just vanished? How do you know they simply didn't Disapparate?"

Rosmerta sighed. "They didn't vanish; they fell through the floor
like they were ghosts. I checked down in the cellar, but they weren't there."

"Sir! Sir!"

Ted strode over to the young witch jumping about excitedly. "What is
it, Hopkins?"

Hopkins handed her find to Galliger: A yellow rubber duck.

Hopkins looked at her boss fearfully. "The AIP?"

"The AIP."

Rosmerta shot uneasy glances between Ted and Hopkins. She leaned
towards them.

"What's the AIP?" she whispered fearfully, her eyes wide.

Ted and Hopkins exchanged an uneasy glance.

"You explain, Hopkins," Ted ordered. Hopkins scowled, looking like she
disapproved of Ted's use of his power as superior officer. She
swallowed uneasily and began fiddling with her cloak.

"Well..." she began slowly. "We don't, um, really, well, know. I mean,'
she said quickly, "we know a bit, I mean..."

"They're a group that we believe to be based in Hogsmeade," Ted
interrupted irritably. "They've done things like this before. And you
say theses people just vanished? Did anyone cast any spells on them at
all?"

Rosmerta shook her head, her eyes wide.

"No, not that I can remember. This AIP," she continued uneasily. "It's
not, well," she lowered her voice, worry clear on her face, "dangerous,
are they? Thsi won't put my customers at risk and stop them coming,
will it?"

Ted and Hopkins exchanged another uncertain glance.

"Well," Ted said, shifting uneasily. "We think it stands for
'Assassins' something-or-otehr, so I'd say, yes, they can be
dangerous."

"Terrorist group," Hopkins added knowledgeably. Rosmerta's hands flew
to her mouth.

"Oh, no! Do you know who's in the group?" Hopkins shot Ted a dark
glance.

"We suspect a couple of Hogwarts students," Ted whispered. "But that's
confidential, so it doesn't leave this, er, bar."

Rosmerta gulped.

Hopkins appeared in the alleyway that night. Seeing the sign
she was looking for, she spoke quietly. "You shouldn't be here, you
know."

The invisible almost-man pulled off his hood for a moment. "You
should talk."

Hopkins ignored him. "Galliger's on to you, you know. The AIP, I
mean. You can't just go around making Death Eaters fall through
floors in the middle of Hogsmeade. Someone is bound to get
suspicious."

"Death Eaters shouldn't *have* meetings in Hogsmeade!" Ron pointed
out, nervously glancing from side to side.

"Well," Hopkins continued, "I reckon Galliger's on his way out,
anyway. The Aurors know he's a-"

"Shh!" Ron commanded, glancing from side to side again. He lowered
his voice considerably. "You mean he's a Dark wizard?"

Hopkins snorted. "Hardly. He's a heretic, for an ordinary Cleanup
Crew wizard. They're transferring him to the Unspeakable unit."

"Oh," Ron said, somewhat mollified. "Anyway- what do we have to fear
from the Ministry? Are they coming after *us*, or are they going to
leave us be? We're certainly doing them no harm, unless you count
overworking the Cleanup Crews and making the Aurors' jobs a lot
easier."

"Lucius Malfoy wants you on assault and underage use of magic."

Ron swore. Someone said, "Ron!" It sounded like it was coming from
under the cloak.

Hopkins grinned. "Is there enough *room* for the two of you under
there, Ronniekins?"

There was a muffled, "Don't call him Ronniekins!" and then, "ow!"

At this point, Amanda and Kaitie skidded to a halt at the front of
the alley. "Sir!" Amanda said somewhat urgently, "Professor Snape's
here! We have to get back to Hogwarts, now!"

Ron's eyes widened. "Right," he said. "I'll talk to you later, Linds.
Thanks for the FYI. Let's go, Hermione." His head vanished, and the
rest of group ChatMorte ran off to the Shrieking Shack.

Ron sat next to Hermione in potions, showing no signs of fatigue.
He'd been with the AIP since his third year and the first lesson to
learn was how to hide any tiredness.

He cast a sideways glance at Hermione, who was taking the notes he'd
be copying down later. She'd been a member for only a year, but had
already advanced to red robe level. He sighed and fiddled with his
quill. All the seemingly never ending Death Eater activity were only
distracting them from their main target: Norris. Ron had begun to
wonder if his worst enemy was somehow responsible for the swell of
Death Eaters. It was the sort of thing she'd do.

"Ron," Harry poked his friend with his wand, "do you want to go to
lunch or not?"

Ron looked around and saw everybody standing and leaving and quickly
gathered his things.

"Don't worry," Hermione whispered as they made their way towards the
Great Hall. "We'll get her tonight, no matter what. Mrs. Norris
doesn't stand a chance."

Ron, Harry and Hermione walked into the Great Hall. Most of the
school was already inside. Ron scanned the tables; the new recruit
he'd noticed at the meeting seemed to be holding up well.

Just as he'd sat down at the Gryffindor table, he felt a tap on his
shoulder. He turned to see Davis, from group ChatMorte. Quickly, she
whispered a message: "There's a complication, we have to call the
attack for tonight off! No time to explain."

Ron nodded and she quickly walked away. He turned to Hermione.
"Hermione, can we go out side for a second?" he mumbled.

Hermione, who had been watching out of the corner of her eye, quickly
stood up. "Certainly, Ron," she said as she picked up her bag.

They were almost at the door when a cold voice stopped them. "Well,
well, well, what do we have here?" it said.

"Sod OFF Malfoy, I don't have the time," Ron said exasperatedly. He
turned to face the other boy and his goons.

Draco's eyes narrowed. "Where do you get off using that sort of tone
with me?" he said, a sharp edge of anger adding to his already cold
tone.

"Look, you just interrupted our plan!" exclaimed Ron. He heard
Hermione gasp, thinking he was about to expose them. He fervently
hoped she would understand his next words.

"We were planning to head outside and SHAG!" he said, practicly
shouting the last word. It seemed to work, as he heard Hermione let
out a small "Oh!" of understanding. She turned and ran out of the
room, leaving Ron to face an incredulous Draco.

~*~*~

Hermione ran full out down the corridor. She reached the Fat Lady in
2 minutes flat and gasped out the password. "D-Defy the Dark!"

She tore inside, raced up the stairs to the boys' dorm and burst
through the door. After verifying that no one was inside she ran over
to Ron's trunk, whispered "Alohomora!" and dug around inside,
frantically pawing past the boxers and jumpers until, with a whispered
"Yes!" of triumph, she pulled out a small box.

The box began to feel faintly warm in her hand, and she quickly
whispered the password for the warding charms. "Sex and candy," she
murmured and tapped her wand on the lid. The lid popped off,
revealing a rectangular pillowy object, with a round hole in the
middle, just about the right size for a wand tip.

Hermione quickly stuck the Secret High-tech Alarm Gadget (or SHAG for
short) on her wand and dashed into her dorm, where she locked herself
into the bathroom and started whispering.

"Shaggus Alertus: Vriesen, Kaitie; Mancini, Amanda; Davis, Erica;
Cameron, James." There was a glow in the SHAG, and soon, four little
bells told her that all four were listening.

"Kaitie, Amanda, Erica, James, we have some sort of problem," she
said, speaking into the SHAG as a Muggle would a microphone. "Now, I
believe that you, Erica, came to talk to the BigWig Ron just a little
while ago, and that as a result, this evening's activities must be
called off?"

A voice spoke into Hermione's ear. "Yes," it said, "I've recieved
information from Hopkins through one of my agents. The ministry is
conducting tests on the school tonight. These tests would interfere
with Plan Katze. A certain Harry Potter was trying to eavesdrop on
the message so I had to keep it short and simple. You should watch
that one; he's getting curious. What's happened to the BW Ron?"

"He was detained, but everything should be alright," Hermione
answered. "We'll have to postpone it, *again*! Kaitie, James, and
Erica, please alert your groups of the postponement, we don't want
any mishaps like the last time. I'll be in touch through the SHAG
later."

Three affirmations came through, James' with a certain amount of
embarrassment. One of his agents had been in the infirmary the last
time a plan had been called off last minute. It had been a near
disaster, but Ron had managed to repair all the damage to their
secrecy.

"Alright, 'til later orders come in, finite incantatem." Hermione said.
Hermione looked at her watch and was startled to see that lunchbreak
was already over. She cursed under her breath. "Oh no! Shag's made me
late for class!"

She hurriedly put SHAG back in its proper place and ran off to meet
Ron and Harry in Charms.

Professor Flitwick was just getting started as she got in the
door. "Sorry, Professor," she wheezed, grabbing a seat at the trio's
usual table. "I, er, had an emergency meeting with Professor Sprout."
Hermione thanked her lucky stars that Sprout was actually an AIP
taking polyjuice and would back her up, no questions asked.

The tiny teacher nodded once and went back to his teaching. "This new
charm should be relatively easy for you. The incantation is 'Canardus
rubberus'-"

Hermione and Ron exchanged a look over top of Harry's head. Nobody
else was supposed to know that charm! It was top-secret AIP business.

"- and its most well-known use is with the AIP, or Assassins-
something-or-other, we haven't quite finished decoding that, have we
gentlemen?" Professor Flitwick asked, looking towards the back of the
classroom.

Involuntarily, Hermione glanced back over her shoulder. *Oh, no.*
There sat two men in business robes, equipped with sunglasses and
everything. They seemed to be taking notes. She swallowed hard and
exchanged another look with Ron.

Harry looked at her funny. "Something wrong, Hermione?" he asked,
looking from her, to Ron, and back again. He grinned. "I heard
through the grapevine that Malfoy caught you two going outside for a
little extracurricular activity at lunch today." Harry waggled his
eyebrows suggestively.

Hermione turned beet red, and on Harry's other side, Ron did the
same.

"So, get together in threes, and let's see how you do with this."

The three of them spread out across the table and raised their
wands. "On three?" Hermione asked, and the other two nodded. "One...
two... three! Canardus rubberus!"

Two perfect rubber ducks popped up on either side of a rather
dilapidated one. It looked as if it'd been chewed on by an
enthusiastic tiger cub. Harry looked meaningfully at Ron and said in
a low voice, "Guess I need more *practice*, huh?"

Ron's eyes grew very wide and he had to resist the urge to look back
at the men over his shoulder. "I don't know what you're talking
about."

Right, Hermione thought. Me neither.

Her eyes drifted towards Ron's and for the briefest moment she caught a
hint of the same fear she felt reflected within his gaze. He quickly
adjusted his expression, and the two of them turned their eyes on
Harry, whose arms were crossed over his chest.

"You're awfully good at that for something we just learned!" he hissed,
shooting an accusing glare at Ron and Hermione. "Not even you're that
good first time Hermione!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Hermione exclaimed, fighting
to keep her voice from showing her nervousness. "I just happen to be *
good* at Charms, thank you very much!" She sniffed haughtily and turned
away from Harry, hoping that Ron would back her up.

"You know she's always been better at Charms than you," Ron said
quickly.

"And better than you!" Harry retorted. "Where'd you develop *your*
sudden skills?"

"Well . . ." Ron said, his voice trailing off. He raised an eyebrow at
Hermione across Harry's head.

"I've been coaching him. What Malfoy caught us preparing to do wasn't
our *only* extra-curricular activity!" She sniffed again, and this time
Ron joined her. They both turned their backs on Harry.

"Class, let's take a look at your work!" Flitwick called from his desk.
He began strolling around the room, examining the rubber ducks on each
student's desk.

Ron gave a nervous gulp. Hermione could tell he had seen exactly the
same thing she had. This class was a trap, and they had fallen right
into it, for theirs were by far the best ducks in the room.

At the same time, they both surreptitiously began trying to alter the
ducks, but Hermione knew in her heart it would never work, certainly
not in time. She could see Ron had realised this too, for he gave up.

"These are very *good* ducks . . ." Flitwick told them as he reached
their desk. Hermione avoided meeting his eyes.

"Mr Weasley, Miss Granger, I think we'd better have a little *talk*,"
one of the wizards in business robes said. "This way please."

Ron and Hermione exchanged a sullen glance, then complied, following
the wizard from the classroom.