Hermione gasped. "Percy!"
Percy Weasley sneered, "Yes, me. Percy the Pinhead prefect."
Ron grabbed his brother by the shoulders and shook him. "Percy! What
have you done!? What have you told Norris?"
"I've told Norris everything. You didn't think you'd ever beat Norris,
did you!? You're a fool, Ron! All of you. Fools!!"
Hermione could see a wide array of emotions battling it out on Ron's
face, but he was a good at what he did, and knew he had no time to
waste. So he clenched his fist and knocked his brother out cold.
"Ron," Hermione fought back tears, "I'm sorry..."
"No time." He grabbed her by the wrist. "Go and get the others; take
care of the Death Eaters. Hurry!"
Hermione hesitated. "But what about you?"
Ron pulled out his wand. "I'm going after Norris."
"No you're not," said Hermione. "Who would watch Percy? If you go
after Norris, that would leave me here with him. And you are not doing
that. I refuse to babysit Bighead the Bungling Bore."
"I'm not letting you go after Norris alone, especially with Death
Eaters in the castle. You have to get on the SHAG and contact the others!
I'm sure as Hell not letting you go out alone!"
"And you think I'm letting *you* out alone?"
Ron and Hermione glared at each other. Finally, Ron sighed and
said, "Fine. So neither of us is going alone. Which means we're going
together."
"Right," said Hermione. "And what do we do with Captain Obnoxious
over here?"
Ron shrugged, pulled his foot back, and kicked Percy in the ribs. It
made a satisfying crunch noise. "We tie him up and break his wand."
"Makes sense," Hermione admitted. When Percy was tied up to their
satisfaction and Ron had used a very destructive curse on his
brother's violence-proof wand, they headed out into the corridor to
see what was to be done.
*
"Wish we had the invisibility cloak," Ron muttered, poking his head
around a corner. "Or the Marauder's Map. At least we'd know where the
Death Eaters are hanging out."
The hallway was completely deserted except for the two of them.
Hermione shivered. "It's definitely odd that there's no one in the
corridor. I know it's late, but usually there's a ghost, or Peeves,
or Filch or Mrs. Norris-" she cut herself off. "Honestly, Ron, are
you a wizard or aren't you? Accio Marauder's Map!"
A few seconds later, it appeared, whizzing through a small hole in
the wall with a quiet 'thunk.' Hermione grabbed it out of the air. "I
solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," she said, tapping it with her
wand.
Ron looked at the map over her shoulder and scoffed. "It's
Confunded," he said. "Strong hex, too."
"It's not Confounded, Ron," Hermione argued, giving him a skeptical
look. "The Marauder's Map is Unconfoundable, just like Hogwarts is
Unplottable."
"*Somebody* plotted it," Ron pointed out crossly. "Besides, what
would Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy Sr. be doing in the Great Hall with
Professor Dumble-"
"Ooooh," said Hermione. "And look in that secret passageway! That's
Draco! He must've set a trap!"
It appeared to be so. Among many other names, seventy-five percent of
the AIP had surrounded secret passages leading into the Great
Hall. "What's the fastest way to the Hall from here?"
"Through that suit of armor," Ron answered.
Hermione peered at the map. "That's not on here."
"The Marauders didn't know *everything*, Hermione," Ron responded
with a smile. The suit of armor swung aside, revealing a narrow chute
in the rock wall. "After you."
*
"So what you're saying is, there are a whole bunch of big bad Death
Eaters in the Great Hall who want revenge on our souls for sending
them swirling through space and time for half a week. These guys are
generally acknowledged as uncongenial at best, have been known to
kill without provocation, were Voldemort's right-hand men and women,
and you want us to attack them?!"
"Pretty much," Draco said. "But you forgot about the part where
you're not supposed to curse Dumbledore and Snape."
"Snape deserves it if he gets cursed," Amanda muttered, fingering her
wand nervously. "Fine," she finally conceded. "I'll put in a word
with the other group leaders. It's not like we aren't helping
ourselves in the process. Hey, Vriesen! Davis! Cameron!"
Kaitie heard her voice from another section of that particular
passageway and came running. "What's up?"
"Malfoy here wants us to get rid of some Death Eaters in the Great
Hall. Only, we're not supposed to hurt Snape or Dumbledore."
Kaitie whipped out her wand, a feral light gleaming in her
eyes. "Great. When do we start?"
"Not *yet*," Amanda said, mentally shaking her head at her friend and
fellow AIP's obvious thirst for Death Eater blood. "Where are Erica
and James?"
"They left the Norris Ambush meeting a couple of minutes ago..."
"Well, where did they go?"
Kaitie looked a bit sheepish and a bit reproachful. "I didn't ask,"
she said mildly.
There was a sudden commotion at the end of the secret passageway and
Bigwig Ron and his personal assistant Hermione rushed in, looking
slightly harried. (Pardon the pun.) "Sorry we're late for the party,"
Ron apologized, taking in the impromptu strategy session. "Where are
Cameron and Davis?"
"Shag 'em, sir."
"What?"
"The SHAG, genius," Hermione said, reaching into Ron's
rucksack. "Honestly. Sex and candy... James, Erica, where *are* you?"
"Umm..."
"Never mind. Meet us in the secret passage that leads to the Great
Hall as fast as you can. We've got a code three."
"A whaa?"
"Death Eaters in the castle, and Norris could be involved."
"Be there in three shakes of a lamb's tail. Cameron and Davis out."
Ron and Hermione exchanged glances, unwilling grins spreading across
their faces. These grins spread even further when James and Erica
burst in, rosy-cheeked and with their attack pajamas slightly askew.
"Let the fiesta begin," Kaitie said, brandishing her
wand. "Alohomora!"
There was a *Click* as the door to the Great Hall came unlocked.
"Alright everyone! On your marks, get set, GO!" Ron shouted as he
kicked open the door.
"Attaaaack" Cried the AIPs as they poured into the Hall and started
kicking- erm *supply Ron word*.
It was soon apparant that the lesser Death Eaters were in an outer
ring, protecting their superiors. Behind the second ring was a very
surprised looking Snape and a grimly smiling Dumbledore. Once Ron and
the rest of the AIP leaders had fought through the outer circle it
was possible to see a cat form lurking behind the Superiors.
"It's Norris!" Ron shouted to Hermione, who was standing a few feet
away, hurling curses at what looked like a very feminine Death Eater.
"Stupefy Perminente!" She commanded, and as the Death Eater fell to
the floor she shouted back, "We can deal with her when the time
comes! Look OUT!"
Ron turned to see a Death Eater raising his wand.
"Avada Ked-" was as far as he got. Ron quickly did a Duck-Roll (a
specialised AIP combat move) and kicked the man's wand away. Pointing
his own wand at his opponent Ron muttered "Stupefy Perminente" and
Death Eater #2 went down. As he jumped to his feet, Ron kicked off
the mask, then recoiled as the frozen snarling face of Lucius Malfoy
was revealed.
Ron quickly looked around the Great Hall, most of the lesser DEs had
been defeated. Not without cost to their side, he noticed a couple of
first years on the ground holding various injuries. They were being
helped out by the MIPs (Medics In Pajamas, a side operation) He was
pleased to note that there didn't seem to be any fatalities yet.
He caught a bit of movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned
to confront the attacker.
It was Norris. She had been trying to slink around him and out of the
Hall, but when he turned she launched herself at him, claws out.
Ron ducked, flinging out his arm to shield himself.
Mrs. Norris missed him by inches. Furious, she whirled to attack
again, but Ron had already managed to point his wand at her.
"Impedimentia!" He yelled. Norris froze. Hissing in rage, she made
mad lunges towards Ron as he approached her. After assuring himself
that she was going nowhere Ron surveyed the room.
Death Eaters littered the floor, with only two camoflage clothed
forms among them. These two didn't seem too badly hurt, as the MIPs
weren't urgent in their tending them. Ron heaved a sigh of relief as
he saw Hermione and Erica guarding a group of tied up DEs (Some t
Snape and Dumbledore conversed in a hushed tone. Snape spluttering,
and Dumbledore gently shaking his head.
He quickly pulled out the SHAG. Once he'd gotten Hermione, Erica,
Katie, Cameron and Amanda on, he started, "Alright. This was quite
the successful mission, I have Norris here now, under the
Impedimentia. Hermione, Erica, I want you two to assign new guards
and get over here. Cameron, Amanda and Katie, drop whatever you're
taking care of and do the same. We need to SNOG Norris."
~*~*~*~
Ron, Hermione and the group leaders stood circling Mrs. Norris.
"Alright Felicia," Ron said,pointing his wand at Norris. "The game's
up. Start Nattering On Now!" A jet of red light flew out of his wand
and hit Norris in the throat. Ron hoped the spell would work, he'd
just invented it this year, and he only knew it worked on humans, he
had a suspicion that it'd work on anything that spoke, but he
couldn't be sure.
There was a tense silence, then: "Oh sod it!" Mrs. Norris spat. "You
brats know most of the plan anyway."
Even though Ron had been expecting something of the sort, he was
shocked to hear the high-pitched, evil sound that was Felicia Norris'
real voice.
"What plan?" HH Katie probed.
"Why the Taking Over The World Plan, of course." Norris hissed.
"So Crookshanks was *RIGHT*!" Hermione exclaimed.
"Yes, I now wish I hadn't brought my brother in on my alliance with
dear Voldiekins." The cat said, "I always knew that that idiot was
the sort to use our family's gift for *good*." She spat the word as
if it were a bad taste.
Hermione was raising her wand, infuriated by the insult to her pet.
Ron shot her a warning look and she reluctantly lowered it again.
"Where can we find Voldiekins?" James asked.
***(A/N: Warning! I've disgusted myself with this little bit of crude
humour! If you do not want your virgin mind soiled skip the next
paragraph!)***
"I don't know, he always came to meet me somewhere. We never went
back to his place." A tinge of sadness accented Norris' voice. "He'd
rent a room but..."
"Oh EW!" groaned Erica, "You have *got* to be kidding me. Halt!
Desist! Stop Nattering On NOW!!!"
Mrs. Norris, finally getting back the ability to lie/stop speaking,
immediately tried to begin confusing the AIPs. "That was all a lie
you fools!" She screeched with a frantic look in her eyes.
But they all knew that the SNOG curse was fool-proof. "I think that
we've kept her around for long enough, don't you?" Ron said, looking
a bit green. They all nodded, except for Amanda, who had gotten the
dry heaves over Norris' last SNOG comment.
Once she'd recovered, they all raised their wands and begun to chant:
"Quackus obliviato, Sous Vetements, SHAGGUS!" And Felicia Norris
disappeared, to spend the rest of eternity outside of space and time.
~*~*~*~
"Good job Mr. Weasley; Mrs. Weas- Oh! I'm sorry Ms. Granger, my tired
mind is wandering; Mr. Cameron; Ms. Vriesen; Ms. Mancini and Mrs.
Camero- oh! I beg your pardon, Ms. Davis I must ask your forgiveness,
I'm becoming senile in my old age and forgetting to cover up my
divin... oh drat it all! You've proved your abilities in this last
event."
The officers of the AIP all grinned (Erica, Hermione, Ron and James
blushing), thanking Dumbledore for his kind words. "Now, now. We all
know it's true." Dumbledore said when Katie tried to be modest. "I'm
very glad that I've managed to get you all to join my little Order.
Now, you'll find that Professor snape will obstain from discussing
tonight's occurances with anyone. I would ask you all to please alert
me before you make any new attacks in the future."
"Will do sir!" Ron assured him.
"Very good. Now, there's a bit of a Thank You/Death Eater Defeat
celebration being held in the Great Hall for the students. I'm sure
you are all eager to attend. I'll see you all at our next meeting."
As they all filed past the Gargoyle, James and Erica shared a brief
kiss. They parted, blushing furiously and disappeared through the
doors into the Great Hall after Amanda and Katie. Leaving Ron and
Hermione alone in the corridor.
"Erm-" Ron mumbled.
Hermione turned to face him. "Ron," she said. "There's something I've
been meaning to try out with you, but I'm not sure you'll like it."
"Uh, what is it then?" Ron asked, feeling his ears start to redden.
"This." Said Hermione, and, taking a deap breath, she kissed him.
Ron stood in shock for a moment, before coming to a realisation that
made him feel as though he were about two feet off the ground,
floating. He kissed her back.
And *that* is where Harry and Ginny found them. Snogging passionately
outside the Great Hall, as the rest of the Hogwarts population
celebrated the defeat of the Death Eaters by the mysterious AIP.
The END
Percy Weasley sneered, "Yes, me. Percy the Pinhead prefect."
Ron grabbed his brother by the shoulders and shook him. "Percy! What
have you done!? What have you told Norris?"
"I've told Norris everything. You didn't think you'd ever beat Norris,
did you!? You're a fool, Ron! All of you. Fools!!"
Hermione could see a wide array of emotions battling it out on Ron's
face, but he was a good at what he did, and knew he had no time to
waste. So he clenched his fist and knocked his brother out cold.
"Ron," Hermione fought back tears, "I'm sorry..."
"No time." He grabbed her by the wrist. "Go and get the others; take
care of the Death Eaters. Hurry!"
Hermione hesitated. "But what about you?"
Ron pulled out his wand. "I'm going after Norris."
"No you're not," said Hermione. "Who would watch Percy? If you go
after Norris, that would leave me here with him. And you are not doing
that. I refuse to babysit Bighead the Bungling Bore."
"I'm not letting you go after Norris alone, especially with Death
Eaters in the castle. You have to get on the SHAG and contact the others!
I'm sure as Hell not letting you go out alone!"
"And you think I'm letting *you* out alone?"
Ron and Hermione glared at each other. Finally, Ron sighed and
said, "Fine. So neither of us is going alone. Which means we're going
together."
"Right," said Hermione. "And what do we do with Captain Obnoxious
over here?"
Ron shrugged, pulled his foot back, and kicked Percy in the ribs. It
made a satisfying crunch noise. "We tie him up and break his wand."
"Makes sense," Hermione admitted. When Percy was tied up to their
satisfaction and Ron had used a very destructive curse on his
brother's violence-proof wand, they headed out into the corridor to
see what was to be done.
*
"Wish we had the invisibility cloak," Ron muttered, poking his head
around a corner. "Or the Marauder's Map. At least we'd know where the
Death Eaters are hanging out."
The hallway was completely deserted except for the two of them.
Hermione shivered. "It's definitely odd that there's no one in the
corridor. I know it's late, but usually there's a ghost, or Peeves,
or Filch or Mrs. Norris-" she cut herself off. "Honestly, Ron, are
you a wizard or aren't you? Accio Marauder's Map!"
A few seconds later, it appeared, whizzing through a small hole in
the wall with a quiet 'thunk.' Hermione grabbed it out of the air. "I
solemnly swear that I'm up to no good," she said, tapping it with her
wand.
Ron looked at the map over her shoulder and scoffed. "It's
Confunded," he said. "Strong hex, too."
"It's not Confounded, Ron," Hermione argued, giving him a skeptical
look. "The Marauder's Map is Unconfoundable, just like Hogwarts is
Unplottable."
"*Somebody* plotted it," Ron pointed out crossly. "Besides, what
would Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy Sr. be doing in the Great Hall with
Professor Dumble-"
"Ooooh," said Hermione. "And look in that secret passageway! That's
Draco! He must've set a trap!"
It appeared to be so. Among many other names, seventy-five percent of
the AIP had surrounded secret passages leading into the Great
Hall. "What's the fastest way to the Hall from here?"
"Through that suit of armor," Ron answered.
Hermione peered at the map. "That's not on here."
"The Marauders didn't know *everything*, Hermione," Ron responded
with a smile. The suit of armor swung aside, revealing a narrow chute
in the rock wall. "After you."
*
"So what you're saying is, there are a whole bunch of big bad Death
Eaters in the Great Hall who want revenge on our souls for sending
them swirling through space and time for half a week. These guys are
generally acknowledged as uncongenial at best, have been known to
kill without provocation, were Voldemort's right-hand men and women,
and you want us to attack them?!"
"Pretty much," Draco said. "But you forgot about the part where
you're not supposed to curse Dumbledore and Snape."
"Snape deserves it if he gets cursed," Amanda muttered, fingering her
wand nervously. "Fine," she finally conceded. "I'll put in a word
with the other group leaders. It's not like we aren't helping
ourselves in the process. Hey, Vriesen! Davis! Cameron!"
Kaitie heard her voice from another section of that particular
passageway and came running. "What's up?"
"Malfoy here wants us to get rid of some Death Eaters in the Great
Hall. Only, we're not supposed to hurt Snape or Dumbledore."
Kaitie whipped out her wand, a feral light gleaming in her
eyes. "Great. When do we start?"
"Not *yet*," Amanda said, mentally shaking her head at her friend and
fellow AIP's obvious thirst for Death Eater blood. "Where are Erica
and James?"
"They left the Norris Ambush meeting a couple of minutes ago..."
"Well, where did they go?"
Kaitie looked a bit sheepish and a bit reproachful. "I didn't ask,"
she said mildly.
There was a sudden commotion at the end of the secret passageway and
Bigwig Ron and his personal assistant Hermione rushed in, looking
slightly harried. (Pardon the pun.) "Sorry we're late for the party,"
Ron apologized, taking in the impromptu strategy session. "Where are
Cameron and Davis?"
"Shag 'em, sir."
"What?"
"The SHAG, genius," Hermione said, reaching into Ron's
rucksack. "Honestly. Sex and candy... James, Erica, where *are* you?"
"Umm..."
"Never mind. Meet us in the secret passage that leads to the Great
Hall as fast as you can. We've got a code three."
"A whaa?"
"Death Eaters in the castle, and Norris could be involved."
"Be there in three shakes of a lamb's tail. Cameron and Davis out."
Ron and Hermione exchanged glances, unwilling grins spreading across
their faces. These grins spread even further when James and Erica
burst in, rosy-cheeked and with their attack pajamas slightly askew.
"Let the fiesta begin," Kaitie said, brandishing her
wand. "Alohomora!"
There was a *Click* as the door to the Great Hall came unlocked.
"Alright everyone! On your marks, get set, GO!" Ron shouted as he
kicked open the door.
"Attaaaack" Cried the AIPs as they poured into the Hall and started
kicking- erm *supply Ron word*.
It was soon apparant that the lesser Death Eaters were in an outer
ring, protecting their superiors. Behind the second ring was a very
surprised looking Snape and a grimly smiling Dumbledore. Once Ron and
the rest of the AIP leaders had fought through the outer circle it
was possible to see a cat form lurking behind the Superiors.
"It's Norris!" Ron shouted to Hermione, who was standing a few feet
away, hurling curses at what looked like a very feminine Death Eater.
"Stupefy Perminente!" She commanded, and as the Death Eater fell to
the floor she shouted back, "We can deal with her when the time
comes! Look OUT!"
Ron turned to see a Death Eater raising his wand.
"Avada Ked-" was as far as he got. Ron quickly did a Duck-Roll (a
specialised AIP combat move) and kicked the man's wand away. Pointing
his own wand at his opponent Ron muttered "Stupefy Perminente" and
Death Eater #2 went down. As he jumped to his feet, Ron kicked off
the mask, then recoiled as the frozen snarling face of Lucius Malfoy
was revealed.
Ron quickly looked around the Great Hall, most of the lesser DEs had
been defeated. Not without cost to their side, he noticed a couple of
first years on the ground holding various injuries. They were being
helped out by the MIPs (Medics In Pajamas, a side operation) He was
pleased to note that there didn't seem to be any fatalities yet.
He caught a bit of movement out of the corner of his eye, and turned
to confront the attacker.
It was Norris. She had been trying to slink around him and out of the
Hall, but when he turned she launched herself at him, claws out.
Ron ducked, flinging out his arm to shield himself.
Mrs. Norris missed him by inches. Furious, she whirled to attack
again, but Ron had already managed to point his wand at her.
"Impedimentia!" He yelled. Norris froze. Hissing in rage, she made
mad lunges towards Ron as he approached her. After assuring himself
that she was going nowhere Ron surveyed the room.
Death Eaters littered the floor, with only two camoflage clothed
forms among them. These two didn't seem too badly hurt, as the MIPs
weren't urgent in their tending them. Ron heaved a sigh of relief as
he saw Hermione and Erica guarding a group of tied up DEs (Some t
Snape and Dumbledore conversed in a hushed tone. Snape spluttering,
and Dumbledore gently shaking his head.
He quickly pulled out the SHAG. Once he'd gotten Hermione, Erica,
Katie, Cameron and Amanda on, he started, "Alright. This was quite
the successful mission, I have Norris here now, under the
Impedimentia. Hermione, Erica, I want you two to assign new guards
and get over here. Cameron, Amanda and Katie, drop whatever you're
taking care of and do the same. We need to SNOG Norris."
~*~*~*~
Ron, Hermione and the group leaders stood circling Mrs. Norris.
"Alright Felicia," Ron said,pointing his wand at Norris. "The game's
up. Start Nattering On Now!" A jet of red light flew out of his wand
and hit Norris in the throat. Ron hoped the spell would work, he'd
just invented it this year, and he only knew it worked on humans, he
had a suspicion that it'd work on anything that spoke, but he
couldn't be sure.
There was a tense silence, then: "Oh sod it!" Mrs. Norris spat. "You
brats know most of the plan anyway."
Even though Ron had been expecting something of the sort, he was
shocked to hear the high-pitched, evil sound that was Felicia Norris'
real voice.
"What plan?" HH Katie probed.
"Why the Taking Over The World Plan, of course." Norris hissed.
"So Crookshanks was *RIGHT*!" Hermione exclaimed.
"Yes, I now wish I hadn't brought my brother in on my alliance with
dear Voldiekins." The cat said, "I always knew that that idiot was
the sort to use our family's gift for *good*." She spat the word as
if it were a bad taste.
Hermione was raising her wand, infuriated by the insult to her pet.
Ron shot her a warning look and she reluctantly lowered it again.
"Where can we find Voldiekins?" James asked.
***(A/N: Warning! I've disgusted myself with this little bit of crude
humour! If you do not want your virgin mind soiled skip the next
paragraph!)***
"I don't know, he always came to meet me somewhere. We never went
back to his place." A tinge of sadness accented Norris' voice. "He'd
rent a room but..."
"Oh EW!" groaned Erica, "You have *got* to be kidding me. Halt!
Desist! Stop Nattering On NOW!!!"
Mrs. Norris, finally getting back the ability to lie/stop speaking,
immediately tried to begin confusing the AIPs. "That was all a lie
you fools!" She screeched with a frantic look in her eyes.
But they all knew that the SNOG curse was fool-proof. "I think that
we've kept her around for long enough, don't you?" Ron said, looking
a bit green. They all nodded, except for Amanda, who had gotten the
dry heaves over Norris' last SNOG comment.
Once she'd recovered, they all raised their wands and begun to chant:
"Quackus obliviato, Sous Vetements, SHAGGUS!" And Felicia Norris
disappeared, to spend the rest of eternity outside of space and time.
~*~*~*~
"Good job Mr. Weasley; Mrs. Weas- Oh! I'm sorry Ms. Granger, my tired
mind is wandering; Mr. Cameron; Ms. Vriesen; Ms. Mancini and Mrs.
Camero- oh! I beg your pardon, Ms. Davis I must ask your forgiveness,
I'm becoming senile in my old age and forgetting to cover up my
divin... oh drat it all! You've proved your abilities in this last
event."
The officers of the AIP all grinned (Erica, Hermione, Ron and James
blushing), thanking Dumbledore for his kind words. "Now, now. We all
know it's true." Dumbledore said when Katie tried to be modest. "I'm
very glad that I've managed to get you all to join my little Order.
Now, you'll find that Professor snape will obstain from discussing
tonight's occurances with anyone. I would ask you all to please alert
me before you make any new attacks in the future."
"Will do sir!" Ron assured him.
"Very good. Now, there's a bit of a Thank You/Death Eater Defeat
celebration being held in the Great Hall for the students. I'm sure
you are all eager to attend. I'll see you all at our next meeting."
As they all filed past the Gargoyle, James and Erica shared a brief
kiss. They parted, blushing furiously and disappeared through the
doors into the Great Hall after Amanda and Katie. Leaving Ron and
Hermione alone in the corridor.
"Erm-" Ron mumbled.
Hermione turned to face him. "Ron," she said. "There's something I've
been meaning to try out with you, but I'm not sure you'll like it."
"Uh, what is it then?" Ron asked, feeling his ears start to redden.
"This." Said Hermione, and, taking a deap breath, she kissed him.
Ron stood in shock for a moment, before coming to a realisation that
made him feel as though he were about two feet off the ground,
floating. He kissed her back.
And *that* is where Harry and Ginny found them. Snogging passionately
outside the Great Hall, as the rest of the Hogwarts population
celebrated the defeat of the Death Eaters by the mysterious AIP.
The END
