Hyrulian
Nights
Scene
2: One Step Ahead
(Cut to a rooftop, where Link rushes up to the edge,
carrying a bottled fish. He almost
drops it over the edge.)
CASTLE
GUARD: Stop, thief! I'll have your hands for a trophy, you
faerie boy!
LINK: (Looks back, then down, then at the
bottled fish.) All this for a
bottled fish?
(He jumps off, landing on two ropes strung between
buildings, with drying clothes on them. He skies down them, collecting bits and pieces of clothing on him as he
goes. Finally, he's nearing the end of
the rope, at a window, when a woman reaches out and slams the shutters
closed. Link slams into the shutters
and falls to the street, his fall being broken by numerous awnings and the pile
of clothes around him. He pulls off the
top layer of clothes and is about to enjoy his fish.)
GUARD
1: There he is!
GUARD
2: You won't get away so
easy!
LINK: You think that was easy?
(He looks at three women, laughing at him.)
GUARD
1: You two, over that way,
and you, with me. We'll find him.
(Link pulls a sheet over him and wraps himself as a
disguise. He rushes over to Saria and
some Kokiri ladies.)
LINK: Morning, ladies.
SARIA: Getting into trouble a little early today,
aren't we Link?
LINK: Trouble? No way. You're only in trouble
if you get caught...
(A hand grabs Link's shoulder and yanks him back. It's the first guard. Link's disguise falls off.)
LINK: I'm in trouble!
GUARD: ...and this time... (A tinkling sound from Navi, then the
guard's helmet is pulled down over his eyes. Navi dances on the guard's head, laughing.)
LINK: Perfect timing, Navi!
NAVI: Hello!
LINK: Come on, let's get outta here! (starts singing)
Gotta keep... one jump ahead of
the breadline
One swing ahead of the sword
I steal only what I can't afford
That's everything
(Link battles a guard wielding the a sword. He dodges a couple swings, then pulls down
the guard's pants. Navi raspberries the
guard, then dodges an attack. The guard
swings at Link, but destroys a barrel of fish. As Link runs off, the guard pulls a fish over his lower body as a pair
of pants.)
One jump ahead of the lawmen
That's all, and that's no joke
These guys don't appreciate I'm
broke!
(Link and Navi scamper up a pile of barrels, then kick one
down on top of another guard.)
GUARDS: (one at a time) Riffraff! Faerie boy!
Scoundrel! Destroy!
LINK: Just a little snack, guys!
(Link scampers to the top of a platform. The guards shake the platform back and forth
trying to knock him off.)
GUARDS: Rip him open, take it back, guys!
LINK: I can take a hint, gotta face the facts
You're my only friend, Navi!
WOMEN: She?
(Link jumps off the platform to certain death, only to
grab Navi. They fly over to a harem.)
Oh, it's sad that Link has hit
the bottom
He's become a one-man rise in
crime
(Navi finds a plate full of fruit and stuffs her mouth
full like a chipmunk.)
MALON: I'd blame parents, except he hasn't got 'em!
LINK: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat
Tell you all about it when I got
the time!
(Link and Navi exit. Cut to Darunia flexing to a crowd. The guards rush past. Cut to
Link and Navi behind Darunia, matching his moves until they make a mistake and
are discovered.)
One jump ahead of the slowpokes
One skip ahead of my doom
Next time gonna use a nom de
plume.
One jump ahead of the hit men
One hit ahead of the flock
I think I'll take a stroll
around the block.
(A chase sequence, in which Link and Navi, pursued by the guards,
race through a flock of Cuccos, hurdle Mr. Disgusting sleeping on a bed of
nails. One extremely large guards lands
on him. Navi disguises herself with
jewels until the shopkeeper discovers her.)
CROWD: Stop, thief! Vandal!
Outrage! Scandal!
LINK: Let's not be too hasty
(Link is surrounded by guards in front of a door. The door opens and Madame Aroma comes out.)
AROMA: Still I think he's rather tasty
(Link tumbles away, then puts his arm around a guard,
acting like they're chums.)
LINK: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat
Otherwise we'd get along!
GUARDS: Wrong!
(They all jump into a pile and fight. When the stop, Link and Navi are gone. They are sneaking away in barrels. They run across a flaming pit, followed by
guards who hop up and down, screaming in pain as they cross the rocks. Link and Navi pass Sakon, a sword
swallower. Navi goes back, pulls the
sword out of Sakon's mouth. Navi
advances on the guards, who retreat in fear.)
GUARD
1: She's got a sword!
GUARD
2: You idiot, we've all
got swords!!
(Navi sets the sword down gently, then flies away. Link and Navi are once again surrounded,
with guards coming from left and right. He jumps up and climbs rope trick being done on the street, as the
guards all crash into each other.)
LINK: One jump ahead of the hoof beats!
CROWD: Vandal!
LINK: One hop ahead of the flock!
CROWD: Faerie boy!
LINK: One trick ahead of disaster
CROWD: Scoundrel!
LINK: They're quick, but I'm much faster
CROWD: Destroy!
(The guards chase Link up a staircase into a room. He grabs a carpet and jumps out the window.)
LINK: Here goes, better throw my hand in
Wish me happy landin'
All I gotta do is jump!
(The guards follow him out the window, but they go
straight down to the street and land in a pile with the sign "Ingo's Discount
Fertilizer." Link uses the carpet as a
parachute to land safely and out of danger. Link and Navi high-five each other.)
