Hyrulian Nights

Hyrulian Nights

Scene 2: One Step Ahead

(Cut to a rooftop, where Link rushes up to the edge, carrying a bottled fish. He almost drops it over the edge.)

CASTLE GUARD: Stop, thief! I'll have your hands for a trophy, you faerie boy!

LINK: (Looks back, then down, then at the bottled fish.) All this for a bottled fish?

(He jumps off, landing on two ropes strung between buildings, with drying clothes on them. He skies down them, collecting bits and pieces of clothing on him as he goes. Finally, he's nearing the end of the rope, at a window, when a woman reaches out and slams the shutters closed. Link slams into the shutters and falls to the street, his fall being broken by numerous awnings and the pile of clothes around him. He pulls off the top layer of clothes and is about to enjoy his fish.)

GUARD 1: There he is!

GUARD 2: You won't get away so easy!

LINK: You think that was easy?

(He looks at three women, laughing at him.)

GUARD 1: You two, over that way, and you, with me. We'll find him.

(Link pulls a sheet over him and wraps himself as a disguise. He rushes over to Saria and some Kokiri ladies.)

LINK: Morning, ladies.

SARIA: Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we Link?

LINK: Trouble? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught...

(A hand grabs Link's shoulder and yanks him back. It's the first guard. Link's disguise falls off.)

LINK: I'm in trouble!

GUARD: ...and this time... (A tinkling sound from Navi, then the guard's helmet is pulled down over his eyes. Navi dances on the guard's head, laughing.)

LINK: Perfect timing, Navi!

NAVI: Hello!

LINK: Come on, let's get outta here! (starts singing)

Gotta keep... one jump ahead of the breadline

One swing ahead of the sword

I steal only what I can't afford

That's everything

(Link battles a guard wielding the a sword. He dodges a couple swings, then pulls down the guard's pants. Navi raspberries the guard, then dodges an attack. The guard swings at Link, but destroys a barrel of fish. As Link runs off, the guard pulls a fish over his lower body as a pair of pants.)

One jump ahead of the lawmen

That's all, and that's no joke

These guys don't appreciate I'm broke!

(Link and Navi scamper up a pile of barrels, then kick one down on top of another guard.)

GUARDS: (one at a time) Riffraff! Faerie boy!

Scoundrel! Destroy!

LINK: Just a little snack, guys!

(Link scampers to the top of a platform. The guards shake the platform back and forth trying to knock him off.)

GUARDS: Rip him open, take it back, guys!

LINK: I can take a hint, gotta face the facts

You're my only friend, Navi!

WOMEN: She?

(Link jumps off the platform to certain death, only to grab Navi. They fly over to a harem.)

Oh, it's sad that Link has hit the bottom

He's become a one-man rise in crime

(Navi finds a plate full of fruit and stuffs her mouth full like a chipmunk.)

MALON: I'd blame parents, except he hasn't got 'em!

LINK: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat

Tell you all about it when I got the time!

(Link and Navi exit. Cut to Darunia flexing to a crowd. The guards rush past. Cut to Link and Navi behind Darunia, matching his moves until they make a mistake and are discovered.)

One jump ahead of the slowpokes

One skip ahead of my doom

Next time gonna use a nom de plume.

One jump ahead of the hit men

One hit ahead of the flock

I think I'll take a stroll around the block.

(A chase sequence, in which Link and Navi, pursued by the guards, race through a flock of Cuccos, hurdle Mr. Disgusting sleeping on a bed of nails. One extremely large guards lands on him. Navi disguises herself with jewels until the shopkeeper discovers her.)

CROWD: Stop, thief! Vandal!

Outrage! Scandal!

LINK: Let's not be too hasty

(Link is surrounded by guards in front of a door. The door opens and Madame Aroma comes out.)

AROMA: Still I think he's rather tasty

(Link tumbles away, then puts his arm around a guard, acting like they're chums.)

LINK: Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat

Otherwise we'd get along!

GUARDS: Wrong!

(They all jump into a pile and fight. When the stop, Link and Navi are gone. They are sneaking away in barrels. They run across a flaming pit, followed by guards who hop up and down, screaming in pain as they cross the rocks. Link and Navi pass Sakon, a sword swallower. Navi goes back, pulls the sword out of Sakon's mouth. Navi advances on the guards, who retreat in fear.)

GUARD 1: She's got a sword!

GUARD 2: You idiot, we've all got swords!!

(Navi sets the sword down gently, then flies away. Link and Navi are once again surrounded, with guards coming from left and right. He jumps up and climbs rope trick being done on the street, as the guards all crash into each other.)

LINK: One jump ahead of the hoof beats!

CROWD: Vandal!

LINK: One hop ahead of the flock!

CROWD: Faerie boy!

LINK: One trick ahead of disaster

CROWD: Scoundrel!

LINK: They're quick, but I'm much faster

CROWD: Destroy!

(The guards chase Link up a staircase into a room. He grabs a carpet and jumps out the window.)

LINK: Here goes, better throw my hand in

Wish me happy landin'

All I gotta do is jump!

(The guards follow him out the window, but they go straight down to the street and land in a pile with the sign "Ingo's Discount Fertilizer." Link uses the carpet as a parachute to land safely and out of danger. Link and Navi high-five each other.)