Hyrulian Nights

Hyrulian Nights

Scene 3: Rags Versus Riches

LINK: And now, esteemed effendi, we feast! All right!

(Link cuts the fish in two and gives half to Navi, who begins to eat. But Link looks over and sees two young forest children rummaging through garbage for food. Mido sees him, then drops his find, then looks at Navi.)

NAVI: Uh-oh!

(Navi takes a big bite of her food, but Link gets up and walks over to the children. Mido pulls his sister back.)

LINK: Here, go on, take it.

(The children giggle with delight. Navi tries to swallow her bite, then looks guilty. She walks over to the children and offers her fish to them. In delight, they pet her on the head.)

NAVI: Ah, don't. Huh?

(Navi sees Link walking into the daylight, where there is a parade going on. Link peers over the shoulders of people. He sees Mayor Doutour riding on a horse.)

BYSTANDER 1: On his way to the palace, I suppose.

BYSTANDER 2: Another suitor for the princess.

(Link is startled as the two children come running out from the alley. Mido runs out in front of Dotour's horse, startling it.)

DOTOUR: Out of my way, you filthy brat!

(Dotour brings up his whip to attack the children, but Link jumps in front of them and catches the whip.)

LINK: Hey, if I were as rich as you, I could afford some manners.

DOTOUR: Oh, I'll teach you some manners!

(Dotour kicks Link into a mud puddle. The crowd laughs at him.)

LINK: Look at that, Navi. It's not every day you see a horse with two rear ends!

(Dotour stops and turns back to Link.)

DOTOUR: You are a worthless faerie boy. You were born a faerie boy, you'll die a faerie boy, and only bugs will mourn you.

(Link rushes Dotour, but the gate to the castle slams shut in his face.)

LINK: I'm not worthless. And I don't have bugs. Come on, Navi. Let's go home.

(Link makes the climb to his home with the view, then tucks in Navi for the night.)

LINK: (singing to himself)

Riffraff, faerie boy.

All a decoy.

If only they'd look closer

Would they see a poor boy? No siree.

They'd find out, there's some much more to me.

(He pulls back a curtain to reveal the beautiful palace.)

LINK: Someday, Navi, things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never have any problems at all.

(Dissolve to same shot during day. Cut to the inside of the King's chamber. The door bursts open, and Mayor Dotour storms in, missing the rear end of his pants.)

DOTOUR: I've never been so insulted!

KING: Oh, Mayor Dotour. You're not leaving so soon, are you?

DOTOUR: Good luck marrying her off!

KING: Oh, Zelda! Zelda! Zelda! (The King goes off into the garden looking for his daughter. He finds her, but is interrupted by Impa, Zelda's pet wolfos, who blocks him off. Impa has a piece of Dotour's underpants in her mouth. The King grabs the cloth and yanks it out of Impa's mouth.) Confound it, Impa! So, this is why Mayor Dotour stormed out!

ZELDA: Oh father. Impa was just playing with him, weren't you, Impa. (Impa comes over and allows Zelda to pet and hug her.) You were just playing with that overdressed, self-absorbed Mayor Dotour, weren't you? (See cuddles with Impa, enjoying the moment, until she looks up at her angry father.) Ahem.

KING: Dearest, you've got to stop rejecting every suitor that comes to call. The law says you...

BOTH: ...must be married to royalty.

(They walk over to a dove cage.)

KING: By your next birthday.

ZELDA: The law is wrong.

KING: You've only got three more days!

ZELDA: Father, I hate being forced into this. (She takes a dove out of the cage and pets it.) If I do marry, I want it to be for love.

KING: Zelda, it's not only this law. (She hands him the dove, and he puts it back in the cage.) I'm not going to be around forever, and I just want to make sure you're taken care of, provided for.

ZELDA: Try to understand. I've never done a thing on my own. (She swirls her finger in the water of the pond, petting the fish.) I've never had any real friends. (Impa looks up at her and growls.) Except you, Impa. (Satisfied, she goes back to sleep.) I've never even been outside the palace walls.

KING: But Zelda, you're a princess.

ZELDA: Then maybe I don't want to be a princess. (She splashes the water.)

KING: Oooohhh! Nayru forbid you should have any daughters!

(Impa looks up and thinks for a second. Zelda goes to the dove cage and yanks open the door. The birds fly off into freedom. She watches them go. Cut to inside the King's chambers.)

KING: I don't know where she gets it from. Her mother wasn't nearly so picky. (A shadow falls over him. He looks up startled and sees Ganondorf.) Ooh, oh. Ah, Ganondorf, my most trusted advisor. I am in desperate need of your wisdom.

GANONDORF: My life is but to serve you, my lord. (He bows.)

KING: It's the suitor business. Zelda refuses to choose a husband. I'm at my wit's end.

KAEPORA: Hoot! Wit's end.

KING: Oh, ha, ha. Have a cracker, pretty birdie! (He pulls a cracker out from his pocket. Kaepora looks terrified. Then the King stuffs it in Kaepora's mouth. Kaepora grimaces as he tries to eat it. Ganondorf and the King both laugh.)

GANONDORF: Your majesty certainly has a way with dumb animals. (Kaepora glares at him.) Now then, perhaps I can divide a solution to this thorny problem.

KING: If anyone can help, it's you.

GANONDORF: Ah, but it would require the use of the mystic blue stone.

KING: The Pendant of Wisdom? But it's been in the family for years.

GANONDORF: It is necessary to find the princess a suitor. (Ganondorf says the word 'princess' with the accent on the second syllable, 'cess.' He turns his staff with a pig's head towards the King. The eyes of the staff begin to glow. The room darkens; Ganondorf's voice slows down and deepens. The King's eyes get a hypnotized look.) Don't worry. Everything will be fine.

KING: Everything... will be... fine.

GANONDORF: The pendant.

KING: Here, Ganondorf. Whatever you need will be fine.

(The King removes his pendant and hands it to Ganondorf. The room returns to normal as Ganondorf pulls back the staff.)

GANONDORF: You are most gracious, my liege. Now run along and play with your little toys.

KING: (Still hypnotized) Yes... that'll be... pretty good.

(Ganondorf and Kaepora exit. The camera follows them. When they're out of the room, Kaepora spits out the cracker.)

KAEPORA: I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those moldy, disgusting crackers... bam! Whack!

(Ganondorf pulls a rope, which reveals a hidden entrance to his chambers.)

GANONDORF: Calm yourself, Kaepora.

KAEPORA: Then I'd grab him around the head. Whack! Whack!

GANONDORF: (Speaking over Kaepora.) Soon, I will be king, not that addle-patted twit.

KAEPORA: And then I stuff the crackers down his throat! Ha, ha!

(The pair pass through a door and slam it shut. Dissolve to the castle gardens at night. A shadowy figure walks through. Zelda is in disguise. She reaches the palace wall, then begins to climb it. She is tugged from behind by Impa.)

ZELDA: Oh, I'm sorry, Impa. But I can't stay here and have my life lived for me. I'll miss you. (She begins to climb again, and is helped up by Impa, who begins to whine and whimper.) Good bye! (She disappears over the wall.)