Hyrulian
Nights
Scene
3: Rags Versus Riches
LINK: And now, esteemed effendi, we feast! All right!
(Link cuts the fish in two and gives half to Navi, who
begins to eat. But Link looks over and
sees two young forest children rummaging through garbage for food. Mido sees him, then drops his find, then
looks at Navi.)
NAVI: Uh-oh!
(Navi takes a big bite of her food, but Link gets up and
walks over to the children. Mido pulls
his sister back.)
LINK: Here, go on, take it.
(The children giggle with delight. Navi tries to swallow her bite, then looks
guilty. She walks over to the children
and offers her fish to them. In
delight, they pet her on the head.)
NAVI: Ah, don't. Huh?
(Navi sees Link walking into the daylight, where there is
a parade going on. Link peers over the
shoulders of people. He sees Mayor
Doutour riding on a horse.)
BYSTANDER
1: On his way to the
palace, I suppose.
BYSTANDER
2: Another suitor for the
princess.
(Link is startled as the two children come running out
from the alley. Mido runs out in front
of Dotour's horse, startling it.)
DOTOUR: Out of my way, you filthy brat!
(Dotour brings up his whip to attack the children, but
Link jumps in front of them and catches the whip.)
LINK: Hey, if I were as rich as you, I could
afford some manners.
DOTOUR: Oh, I'll teach you some manners!
(Dotour kicks Link into a mud puddle. The crowd laughs at him.)
LINK: Look at that, Navi. It's not every day you see a horse with two
rear ends!
(Dotour stops and turns back to Link.)
DOTOUR: You are a worthless faerie boy. You were born a faerie boy, you'll die a
faerie boy, and only bugs will mourn you.
(Link rushes Dotour, but the gate to the castle slams shut
in his face.)
LINK: I'm not worthless. And I don't have bugs. Come on, Navi. Let's go home.
(Link makes the climb to his home with the view, then
tucks in Navi for the night.)
LINK: (singing to himself)
Riffraff, faerie boy.
All a decoy.
If only they'd look closer
Would they see a poor boy? No siree.
They'd find out, there's some
much more to me.
(He pulls back a curtain to reveal the beautiful palace.)
LINK: Someday, Navi, things are gonna change. We'll be rich, live in a palace, and never
have any problems at all.
(Dissolve to same shot during day. Cut to the inside of the King's
chamber. The door bursts open, and
Mayor Dotour storms in, missing the rear end of his pants.)
DOTOUR: I've never been so insulted!
KING: Oh, Mayor Dotour. You're not leaving so soon, are you?
DOTOUR: Good luck marrying her off!
KING: Oh, Zelda! Zelda! Zelda! (The King goes off into the garden
looking for his daughter. He finds her,
but is interrupted by Impa, Zelda's pet wolfos, who blocks him off. Impa has a piece of Dotour's underpants in
her mouth. The King grabs the cloth and
yanks it out of Impa's mouth.) Confound it, Impa! So, this is
why Mayor Dotour stormed out!
ZELDA: Oh father. Impa was just playing with him, weren't you, Impa. (Impa comes over and allows Zelda to pet
and hug her.) You were just playing
with that overdressed, self-absorbed Mayor Dotour, weren't you? (See cuddles with Impa, enjoying the
moment, until she looks up at her angry father.) Ahem.
KING: Dearest, you've got to stop rejecting every
suitor that comes to call. The law says
you...
BOTH: ...must be married to royalty.
(They walk over to a dove cage.)
KING: By your next birthday.
ZELDA: The law is wrong.
KING: You've only got three more days!
ZELDA: Father, I hate being forced into this. (She takes a dove out of the cage and
pets it.) If I do marry, I want it
to be for love.
KING: Zelda, it's not only this law. (She hands him the dove, and he puts it
back in the cage.) I'm not going to
be around forever, and I just want to make sure you're taken care of, provided
for.
ZELDA: Try to understand. I've never done a thing on my own. (She swirls her finger in the water of the pond, petting the
fish.) I've never had any real
friends. (Impa looks up at her and
growls.) Except you, Impa. (Satisfied, she goes back to sleep.) I've never even been outside the palace
walls.
KING: But Zelda, you're a princess.
ZELDA: Then maybe I don't want to be a
princess. (She splashes the water.)
KING: Oooohhh! Nayru forbid you should have any daughters!
(Impa looks up and thinks for a second. Zelda goes to the dove cage and yanks open
the door. The birds fly off into
freedom. She watches them go. Cut to inside the King's chambers.)
KING: I don't know where she gets it from. Her mother wasn't nearly so picky. (A shadow falls over him. He looks up startled and sees Ganondorf.) Ooh, oh. Ah, Ganondorf, my most trusted advisor. I am in desperate need of your wisdom.
GANONDORF: My life is but to serve you, my lord. (He bows.)
KING: It's the suitor business. Zelda refuses to choose a husband. I'm at my wit's end.
KAEPORA: Hoot! Wit's end.
KING: Oh, ha, ha. Have a cracker, pretty birdie! (He
pulls a cracker out from his pocket. Kaepora looks terrified. Then
the King stuffs it in Kaepora's mouth. Kaepora grimaces as he tries to eat it. Ganondorf and the King both laugh.)
GANONDORF: Your majesty certainly has a way with dumb
animals. (Kaepora glares at him.) Now then, perhaps I can divide a solution to
this thorny problem.
KING: If anyone can help, it's you.
GANONDORF: Ah, but it would require the use of the
mystic blue stone.
KING: The Pendant of Wisdom? But it's been in the family for years.
GANONDORF: It is necessary to find the princess a
suitor. (Ganondorf says the word
'princess' with the accent on the second syllable, 'cess.' He turns his staff with a pig's head towards
the King. The eyes of the staff begin
to glow. The room darkens; Ganondorf's
voice slows down and deepens. The
King's eyes get a hypnotized look.) Don't worry. Everything will be
fine.
KING: Everything... will be... fine.
GANONDORF: The pendant.
KING: Here, Ganondorf. Whatever you need will be fine.
(The King removes his pendant and hands it to
Ganondorf. The room returns to normal
as Ganondorf pulls back the staff.)
GANONDORF: You are most gracious, my liege. Now run along and play with your little
toys.
KING: (Still hypnotized) Yes... that'll be... pretty good.
(Ganondorf and Kaepora exit. The camera follows them. When they're out of the room, Kaepora spits out the cracker.)
KAEPORA: I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those
moldy, disgusting crackers... bam! Whack!
(Ganondorf pulls a rope, which reveals a hidden entrance
to his chambers.)
GANONDORF: Calm yourself, Kaepora.
KAEPORA: Then I'd grab him around the head. Whack! Whack!
GANONDORF: (Speaking over Kaepora.) Soon, I will be king, not that addle-patted
twit.
KAEPORA: And then I stuff the crackers down his
throat! Ha, ha!
(The pair pass through a door and slam it shut. Dissolve to the castle gardens at
night. A shadowy figure walks
through. Zelda is in disguise. She reaches the palace wall, then begins to
climb it. She is tugged from behind by
Impa.)
ZELDA: Oh, I'm sorry, Impa. But I can't stay here and have my life lived
for me. I'll miss you. (She begins to climb again, and is helped
up by Impa, who begins to whine and whimper.) Good bye! (She
disappears over the wall.)
