Hyrulian Nights

Hyrulian Nights

Scene 9: The Beginning of a Dream

(Cut to inside the King's chamber. Ganondorf is there with Kaepora, Zelda, and the King.)

KING: Ganondorf, this is an outrage. If it weren't for all your years of loyal service... From now on, you are to discuss sentencing of prisoners with me, before they are beheaded.

GANONDORF: I assure you, your highness, it won't happen again.

KING: Zelda, Ganondorf, now let's put this whole messy business behind us, please?

GANONDORF: My most abject and humblest apologies to you as well, princess. (He takes her hand to kiss it, but she yanks it away.)

ZELDA: At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am queen, I will have the power to get rid of you.

KING: That's nice. All settled, then. Now, Zelda, getting back to this suitor business... (He looks and sees Zelda walking out) Zelda? Zelda! (He runs after her.)

GANONDORF: If only I had gotten the Triforce!

KAEPORA: (As Zelda) I will have the power to get rid of you! D'oh! To think, we gotta keep kissing up to that chump, and his chump daughter for the rest of our lives...

GANONDORF: No, Kaepora. Only until she finds a chump husband. Then she'll have us banished... or beheaded!

BOTH: Eeewww!

KAEPORA: (Has an idea) Oh! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Ganondorf? What if you were the chump husband?

GANONDORF: (He looks at Kaepora in insult.) What?

KAEPORA: Okay, you marry the princess, all right? Then, uh, you become king!

GANONDORF: Oh! Marry the shrew? I become king. The idea has merit!

KAEPORA: Yes, merit! Yes! And then we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff! (Dive bombs into the floor.) Kersplat!

GANONDORF: Kaepora, I love the way your foul little mind works!

(Both laugh as we cut to an oasis in the desert, where Carpet is coming in for a landing.)

FARORE: (Still as stewardess) Thank you for choosing Magic Carpet for all your travel needs. Don't stand until the rug has come to a complete stop. (As Link and Navi get off down the stairway formed by Carpet) Thank you. Goodbye, goodbye! Thank you! Goodbye! (Back to normal) Well now. How about that, mister doubting Mustafa?

LINK: Oh, you sure showed me. Now about my three wishes...

FARORE: Dost mine ears deceive me? Three? You are down by one, boy!

LINK: Ah, no... I never actually wished to get out of the cave. You did that on your own.

(Farore thinks for a second, then her jaw drops. She turns into a sheep.)

FARORE: Well, don't I feel just sheepish? All right, you baaaaad boy, but no more freebies.

LINK: Fair deal. So, three wishes. I want them to be good. (To Farore) What would you wish for?

(Farore is hanging like a hammock between two trees.)

FARORE: Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case, ah, forget it.

LINK: What? No, tell me.

FARORE: Freedom.

LINK: You're a prisoner?

FARORE: It's all part-and-parcel, the whole goddess gig. (Grows gigantic; her voice echoes) Phenomenal cosmic powers! (Shrinks down, cramped in the Triforce.) Itty bitty living space.

LINK: Farore, that's terrible.

FARORE: (Comes out of the Triforce) But, oh... to be free. Not have to go "Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need? Poof! What do you need?" To be my own master, such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world! But what am I talking about, here? Let's get real here. It's not gonna happen. Farore, wake up and smell the hummus.

LINK: Why not?

FARORE: The only way I get outta this is if my master wishes me out. So you can guess how often that's happened.

LINK: I'll do it. I'll set you free.

FARORE: (Head turns into Pinocchio's with a long nose) Uh huh, right. Whoop!

LINK: No, really, I promise. (He pushes the nose back in and Farore's head returns to normal.) After I make my first my first two wishes, I'll use my third wish to set you free. (He holds out his hand.)

FARORE: Well, here's hopin'. (Shakes Link's hand.) Okay. Let's make some magic! (Turns into a magician.) So how 'bout it. What is it you want most?

LINK: Well, there's this girl...

FARORE: Eehhh! (Like a buzzer, and Farore's chest holds a heart with a cross through it.) Wrong! I can't make anybody fall in love, remember?

LINK: Oh, but Farore. She's smart and fun and...

FARORE: Pretty?

LINK: Beautiful. She's got these eyes that just... and this hair, wow... and her smile.

FARORE: (Sitting in a Parisian café with Navi and Carpet.) Ami. C'est l'amour.

LINK: But she's the princess. To even have a chance, I'd have to be a... hey, can you make me a prince?

FARORE: Let's see here. (Has a "Royal Cookbook".) Uh, Cucco a' la king? (Pulls out a cucco with a crown on its head.) Nope. Snowhead king crab? (Yanks out his finger, and we see a crab clamped on.) Ow, I hate it when they do that. Caesar's salad? (A dagger comes out and tries to stab him.) Et tu, Brute? Ah, to make a prince. (Looks slyly at Link.) Now is that an official wish? Say the words!

LINK: Farore, I wish for you to make me a prince!

FARORE: All right! Woof, woof, woof, woof! (Takes on square shoulders and looks like Arsenio Hall. Then becomes a tailor/fashion designer.) First, that cap and tunic combo is much too third century. These patches... what are we trying to say... faerie boy? No! Let's work with me here. (He takes Link's measurements, snaps his fingers and Link is outfitted in his prince costume.) I like it, muy macho! Now, still needs something. What does it say to me? It says mode of transportation. Excuse me, faerie girl! Aquí, over here! (Navi tries to cover herself with Carpet, but Farore zaps her and she flies over.)

NAVI: Uh oh!

FARORE: Here she comes, (Link and Farore are on a game show set, where Link stands behind a podium with "Link" on it.) And what better way to make your grand entrance in the marketplace of Hyrule than riding your very own brand new camel! Watch out, it spits! (A door bearing Farore's head on it opens, where Navi is transformed into a camel. She spits out the side of her mouth on cue. But Farore's still unsure.) Mmm, not enough. (She snaps her fingers and Navi turns into a common horse.) Still not enough. Let's see. What do you need? (Farore snaps her fingers repeatedly, turning Navi into a duck, an ostrich, a turtle, and a '57 Cadillac, with license plate "Navi 1" in turn. Finally she's returned to normal.) Yes!! Esalalumbo, shimin dumbo! Whoa!! (On the keyword of the spell, 'dumbo', Navi turns into Epona. Carpet struggels to get out from under Navi's hooves.) Talk about your horsepower, check this action out!

(Navi/Epona sees her reflection in a pool of water, then jumps into a tree. The tree naturally bens back down the ground, where Navi hangs on and looks at Link upside down.)

LINK: Navi, you look good.

FARORE: He's got the outfit, he's got the horse, but we're not through yet. Hang on to your crown, kid, cause we're gonna make you a star!