Hyrulian Nights

Hyrulian Nights

Scene 10: Prince Linqui

(We zoom slowly with the oasis in the distance, as fireworks begin to explode outward. Cut to a room in the palace with a pile of toys. We tilt up and see the King balancing them. He carefully balances the last piece on top, then sits back and sighs. Ganondorf storms in, though, and the pile collapses.)

GANONDORF: Sire, I have found a solution to the problem with your daughter.

KAEPORA: Hoot! The problem with your daughter!

KING: Oh, really?

GANONDORF: (Unrolling a scroll) Right here. "If the princess has not chosen a husband by the appointed time, than the king shall chose for her."

KING: But Zelda hated all those suitors. (He tries to stuff a cracker in Kaepora's mouth. Kaepora backs away. The King absent-mindedly pulls the cracker back.) How could I choose someone she hates? (Kaepora is relieved, but the King quickly stuffs a cracker in his mouth.)

GANONDORF: Not to worry, my liege. There is more. If, in the event a suitable prince cannot be found, a princess must then be wed to... hmmmm... interesting.

KING: What? Who?

GANONDORF: The royal vizier! Why, that would be... me!

KING: Why, I thought the law says that only royalty can marry a princess, I'm quite sure.

GANONDORF: Desperate times call for desperate measures, my lord. (He pulls out the staff and hypnotizes the King with it.)

KING: Yes... desperate measures...

GANONDORF: You will order the princess to marry me.

KING: I... will order... the princess... to... (The spell breaks momentarily) but you're so old!

GANONDORF: (Holds the staff closer) The princess will marry me!

KING: The princess will marry... (The spell is again broken, this time by the trumpet fanfare.) What? What is that? That music! Ha, ha, ha. Ganondorf, you must come and see this!

(We see an advancing parade, led by what appears to be Farore as a drum major.)

DEKUS: Make way for Prince Linqui!

KOKIRI: Say hey! It's Prince Linqui!

(The Major mingles amongst different crowd members.)

FARORE (as MAJOR): (singing)

Hey, clear the way in the old bazaar,

Hey you, let us through, it's a bright new star,

Now come, be the first on your block to meet his eye!

Make way, here he comes,

Ring bells, bang the drums.

You're gonna love this guy!

(Navi, as Epona, trots through town, with Link, as Linqui, on her back.)

Prince Linqui, fabulous he, Linqui S'rasrahla

Genuflect, show some respect, down on one knee

(Kaepora is dancing to the music until Ganondorf glares at him. Farore "wheelbarrows" six men towards Linqui as Linqui shakes their hands.)

Now try your best to stay calm

Brush up your Sunday Salaam

And come and meet his spectacular coterie.

(The pile collapses on Linqui, but Farore uses a lightning bolt to zap the pile, and he ends up holding them all up in an aerobatic wheel formation. Farore turns into an old man, then a child and speaks the last two lines to the crowd.)

Prince Linqui, mighty is he, Linqui S'rasrahla!

Strong as ten regular men, definitely

He faced the galloping hordes

A hundred bad guys with swords

Who sent those goons to their lords, why Prince Linqui!

(Farore is off-screen, a giant balloon gorilla proceeds down the parade.)

CHORUS OF MEN: (Carrying the camels) He's got seventy-five golden camels!

(In pops a typical parade commentator)

FARORE (as HARRY): Don't they look lovely, June?

CHORUS OF WOMEN: (On a float) Purple peacocks, he's got fifty-three!

FARORE (as JUNE): Fabulous, Harry, I love the feathers!

(Farore pops in as a lizardos, then a wolfos, and speaks the last two lines to the two children from earlier.)

FARORE: When it comes to exotic type mammals

Has he got a zoo, I'm telling you

It's a world class menagerie!

(We cut to a balcony, where the Rosa Sisters are joined by Farore, who looks like the sisters.)

FARORE:

ROSA SISTERS: (in counterpoint)

Prince Linqui, Handsome is he, Linqui S'rasrahla

There's no question this Linqui's alluring

That physique, how can I speak,

Never ordinary, never boring

Weak at the knee

Everything about the man just plain impresses

Well, get on out in that square

He's a wonder, he's a whiz, a wonder

Adjust your veil and prepare

He's about to pull my heart asunder

To gawk and grovel and stare at Prince Linqui!

And I absolutely love the way he dresses!

(Zelda has been watching from the balcony of the palace. She humphs it off, then leaves.)

CHORUS: He's got ninety-five white Hyl'an monkeys!

He's got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys!

And to view them, he charges no fee!

He's generous, so generous!

He's got slaves, he's got servants and flunkies!

Proud to work for him

They bow to his whim, love serving him

They're just lousy with loyalty to Linqui! Prince Linqui!

(Linqui throws gold coins out to the people, who rush over to collect them. Navi and the parade march up the steps of the palace and inside. The King runs back inside to the door to the throne room, but Ganondorf stands in front of the door. Suddenly, it bursts open, with Navi, as Epona, leading the way, and crushing Ganondorf and Kaepora behind the door.)

Prince Linqui! Amorous he! Linqui S'rasrahla

FARORE: Heard your princess was a sight lovely to see!

And that, good people, is why

He got dolled up and dropped by

With sixty elephants, llamas galore

With his bears and lions

A frog band and more

With his forty fakirs, his cooks, his bakers

His birds that warble on key

Make way for Prince Linqui!

(More and more fanfare builds up until Link flies off Epona's back on the Carpet and flies over to the King. Ganondorf slams the door shut.)

KING: (Clapping) Splendid, absolutely marvelous.

LINK: (Takes on a deeper voice) Ahem. Your majesty, I have journeyed from afar to seek your daughter's hand.

KING: Prince Linqui Sarasrahla! Of course. I'm delighted to meet you. (He rushes over and shakes Link's hand.) This is my royal vizier, Ganondorf. He's delighted too.

GANONDORF: (Extremely dryly) Ecstatic. I'm afraid, Prince Sarasbahba...

LINK: Sarasrahla!

GANONDORF: Whatever. You cannot just parade in here uninvited and expect to...

KING: By Din, this is quite a remarkable device. (He tugs at the tassels, and they tug his moustache.) I don't suppose I might...

LINK: Why certainly, your majesty. Allow me.

(He helps the King up onto the Carpet, and he plops down. Ganondorf pins the Carpet down on the floor with his staff.)

GANONDORF: Sire, I must advise against this...

KING: Oh, button up, Ganondorf. Learn to have a little fun.

(He kicks away the staff and Carpet and the King fly away. Kaepora, who was standing on the head of the staff, falls down, repeatedly bopping the staff with his beak as he descends. The King and Carpet fly high into the ceiling, then begin a dive-bomb attack, flying under Navi, scaring her. The flight continues in the background, while Ganondorf and Linqui talk in the foreground.)

GANONDORF: Just where did you say you were from?

LINK: Oh, much farther than you've traveled, I'm sure. (He smiles. Ganondorf does not.)

GANONDORF: Try me. (Kaepora lands on the staff.)

KING: Look out, Polly!

(They all duck in time as the Carpet whizzes inches over their heads. Carpet returns, and the King chases Kaepora around the room.)

KAEPORA: Hey, watch it. Watch it with the dumb rug!

(The Carpet zooms underneath Kaepora, who sighs, wipes his brow, and crashes into a pillar. He crashes to the floor, his head being surrounded by miniature Kings on Carpets, saying "Have a cracker, have a cracker." The real King begins his final approach.)

KING: Out of the way, I'm coming in to land. Ganondorf, watch this! (He lands.)

GANONDORF: Spectacular, your highness.

KING: Ooh, lovely. Yes, I do seem to have a knack for it. (Carpet walks over to Navi dizzily, then collapses. Navi catches him.) This is a very impressive youth. And a prince as well. (Whispers to Ganondorf) If we're lucky, you won't have to marry Zelda after all.

GANONDORF: I don't trust him, sire.

KING: Nonsense. One thing I pride myself on Ganondorf, I'm an excellent judge of character.

KAEPORA: Oh, excellent judge, yeah, sure... not!!!

(Zelda walks in quietly.)

KING: Zelda will like this one!

LINK: And I'm pretty sure I'll like Princess Zelda!

GANONDORF: Your highness, no. I must intercede on Zelda's behalf. (Zelda hears this and gets mad.) This boy is no different than the others. What makes him think he is worthy of the princess?

LINK: Your majesty, I am Prince Linqui Sarasrahla! (He pricks Ganondorf's sideburns, which springs out in all directions.) Just let her meet me. I will win your daughter!

ZELDA: How dare you! (They all look at her surprised.) All of you, standing around deciding my future? I am not a prize to be won! (She storms out.)

KING: Oh, dear. Don't worry, Prince Linqui. Just give Zelda time to cool down. (They exit.)

GANONDORF: I think it's time to say goodbye to Prince Sarasbahba.