Hyrulian
Nights
Scene
10: Prince Linqui
(We zoom slowly with the oasis in the
distance, as fireworks begin to explode outward. Cut to a room in the palace with a pile of toys. We tilt up and see the King balancing
them. He carefully balances the last
piece on top, then sits back and sighs. Ganondorf storms in, though, and the pile collapses.)
GANONDORF: Sire, I have found a solution to the problem
with your daughter.
KAEPORA: Hoot! The problem with your daughter!
KING: Oh, really?
GANONDORF: (Unrolling a scroll) Right here. "If the princess has not chosen a husband by
the appointed time, than the king shall chose for her."
KING: But Zelda hated all those suitors. (He tries to stuff a cracker in Kaepora's
mouth. Kaepora backs away. The King absent-mindedly pulls the cracker
back.) How could I choose someone
she hates? (Kaepora is relieved, but
the King quickly stuffs a cracker in his mouth.)
GANONDORF: Not to worry, my liege. There is more. If, in the event a suitable prince cannot be found, a princess
must then be wed to... hmmmm... interesting.
KING: What? Who?
GANONDORF: The royal vizier! Why, that would be... me!
KING: Why, I thought the law says that only royalty
can marry a princess, I'm quite sure.
GANONDORF: Desperate times call for desperate measures,
my lord. (He pulls out the staff and
hypnotizes the King with it.)
KING: Yes... desperate measures...
GANONDORF: You will order the princess to marry me.
KING: I... will order... the princess... to... (The
spell breaks momentarily) but you're so old!
GANONDORF: (Holds the staff closer) The princess will marry me!
KING: The princess will marry... (The spell is again broken, this time by
the trumpet fanfare.) What? What is that? That music! Ha, ha,
ha. Ganondorf, you must come and see
this!
(We
see an advancing parade, led by what appears to be Farore as a drum major.)
DEKUS: Make way for Prince Linqui!
KOKIRI: Say hey! It's Prince Linqui!
(The
Major mingles amongst different crowd members.)
FARORE
(as MAJOR): (singing)
Hey, clear the way in the old bazaar,
Hey you, let us through, it's a
bright new star,
Now come, be the first on your
block to meet his eye!
Make way, here he comes,
Ring bells, bang the drums.
You're gonna love this guy!
(Navi,
as Epona, trots through town, with Link, as Linqui, on her back.)
Prince Linqui, fabulous he,
Linqui S'rasrahla
Genuflect, show some respect,
down on one knee
(Kaepora
is dancing to the music until Ganondorf glares at him. Farore "wheelbarrows" six men towards Linqui
as Linqui shakes their hands.)
Now try your best to stay calm
Brush up your Sunday Salaam
And come and meet his
spectacular coterie.
(The
pile collapses on Linqui, but Farore uses a lightning bolt to zap the pile, and
he ends up holding them all up in an aerobatic wheel formation. Farore turns into an old man, then a child
and speaks the last two lines to the crowd.)
Prince Linqui, mighty is he,
Linqui S'rasrahla!
Strong as ten regular men,
definitely
He faced the galloping hordes
A hundred bad guys with swords
Who sent those goons to their
lords, why Prince Linqui!
(Farore
is off-screen, a giant balloon gorilla proceeds down the parade.)
CHORUS
OF MEN: (Carrying the
camels) He's got seventy-five golden camels!
(In
pops a typical parade commentator)
FARORE
(as HARRY): Don't they look lovely, June?
CHORUS
OF WOMEN: (On
a float) Purple peacocks, he's got fifty-three!
FARORE
(as JUNE): Fabulous, Harry, I love the feathers!
(Farore
pops in as a lizardos, then a wolfos, and speaks the last two lines to the two
children from earlier.)
FARORE: When it comes to exotic type mammals
Has he got a zoo, I'm telling
you
It's a world class menagerie!
(We
cut to a balcony, where the Rosa Sisters are joined by Farore, who looks like
the sisters.)
FARORE:
ROSA SISTERS: (in counterpoint)
Prince Linqui, Handsome is he,
Linqui S'rasrahla
There's no
question this Linqui's alluring
That physique, how can I speak,
Never ordinary,
never boring
Weak at the knee
Everything about
the man just plain impresses
Well, get on out in that square
He's a wonder,
he's a whiz, a wonder
Adjust your veil and prepare
He's about to
pull my heart asunder
To gawk and grovel and stare at
Prince Linqui!
And I absolutely
love the way he dresses!
(Zelda
has been watching from the balcony of the palace. She humphs it off, then leaves.)
CHORUS: He's got ninety-five white Hyl'an monkeys!
He's
got the monkeys, let's see the monkeys!
And to view them, he charges no
fee!
He's
generous, so generous!
He's got slaves, he's got
servants and flunkies!
Proud
to work for him
They bow to his whim, love
serving him
They're just lousy with loyalty
to Linqui! Prince Linqui!
(Linqui
throws gold coins out to the people, who rush over to collect them. Navi and the parade march up the steps of
the palace and inside. The King runs
back inside to the door to the throne room, but Ganondorf stands in front of
the door. Suddenly, it bursts open,
with Navi, as Epona, leading the way, and crushing Ganondorf and Kaepora behind
the door.)
Prince Linqui! Amorous he! Linqui S'rasrahla
FARORE: Heard your princess was a sight lovely to
see!
And that, good people, is why
He got dolled up and dropped by
With sixty elephants, llamas
galore
With his bears and lions
A frog band and more
With his forty fakirs, his
cooks, his bakers
His birds that warble on key
Make way for Prince Linqui!
(More
and more fanfare builds up until Link flies off Epona's back on the Carpet and
flies over to the King. Ganondorf slams
the door shut.)
KING: (Clapping) Splendid, absolutely marvelous.
LINK: (Takes on a deeper voice) Ahem. Your majesty, I have journeyed from afar to seek your daughter's hand.
KING: Prince Linqui Sarasrahla! Of course. I'm delighted to meet you. (He
rushes over and shakes Link's hand.) This is my royal vizier, Ganondorf. He's delighted too.
GANONDORF: (Extremely dryly) Ecstatic. I'm afraid, Prince Sarasbahba...
LINK: Sarasrahla!
GANONDORF: Whatever. You cannot just parade in here uninvited and expect to...
KING: By Din, this is quite a remarkable
device. (He tugs at the tassels, and
they tug his moustache.) I don't
suppose I might...
LINK: Why certainly, your majesty. Allow me.
(He
helps the King up onto the Carpet, and he plops down. Ganondorf pins the Carpet down on the floor with his staff.)
GANONDORF: Sire, I must advise against this...
KING: Oh, button up, Ganondorf. Learn to have a little fun.
(He
kicks away the staff and Carpet and the King fly away. Kaepora, who was standing on the head of the
staff, falls down, repeatedly bopping the staff with his beak as he
descends. The King and Carpet fly high
into the ceiling, then begin a dive-bomb attack, flying under Navi, scaring
her. The flight continues in the
background, while Ganondorf and Linqui talk in the foreground.)
GANONDORF: Just where did you say you were from?
LINK: Oh, much farther than you've traveled, I'm
sure. (He smiles. Ganondorf does not.)
GANONDORF: Try me. (Kaepora lands on the staff.)
KING: Look out, Polly!
(They
all duck in time as the Carpet whizzes inches over their heads. Carpet returns, and the King chases Kaepora
around the room.)
KAEPORA: Hey, watch it. Watch it with the dumb rug!
(The
Carpet zooms underneath Kaepora, who sighs, wipes his brow, and crashes into a
pillar. He crashes to the floor, his
head being surrounded by miniature Kings on Carpets, saying "Have a cracker,
have a cracker." The real King begins
his final approach.)
KING: Out of the way, I'm coming in to land. Ganondorf, watch this! (He lands.)
GANONDORF: Spectacular, your highness.
KING: Ooh, lovely. Yes, I do seem to have a knack for it. (Carpet walks over to Navi dizzily, then collapses. Navi catches him.) This is a very impressive youth. And a prince as well. (Whispers to Ganondorf) If we're lucky, you won't have to marry
Zelda after all.
GANONDORF: I don't trust him, sire.
KING: Nonsense. One thing I pride myself on Ganondorf, I'm an excellent judge of
character.
KAEPORA: Oh, excellent judge, yeah, sure... not!!!
(Zelda
walks in quietly.)
KING: Zelda will like this one!
LINK:
And I'm pretty sure I'll like Princess
Zelda!
GANONDORF: Your highness, no. I must intercede on Zelda's behalf. (Zelda hears this and gets mad.) This boy is no different than the others. What makes him think he is worthy of the
princess?
LINK: Your majesty, I am Prince Linqui
Sarasrahla! (He pricks Ganondorf's
sideburns, which springs out in all directions.) Just let her meet me. I
will win your daughter!
ZELDA: How dare you! (They all look at her surprised.) All of you, standing around deciding my
future? I am not a prize to be
won! (She storms out.)
KING: Oh, dear. Don't worry, Prince Linqui. Just
give Zelda time to cool down. (They exit.)
GANONDORF: I think it's time to say goodbye to Prince
Sarasbahba.
