That would be a bad thing…

That would be a bad thing…

Author's Note: CHALLENGE FIC!!! (I don't think I really need to say whose it is…) Anyhoozles, heeeeeere are the requirements:

*Someone needs to say "sore wa himitsu desu" which means, "Now that's a secret" in Japanese.

*someone's eyeball needs to itch

*it needs to rain cats and dogs… literally…

*a character needs to win 2nd place in something (go 2nd place!!)

*it must have a plot (I have no chance of winning without one, according to the all-mighty METMA Mandy…)

*it needs to be funny

*Must include "Ewww….Ron, what did you DO to my BED???"

*Must include purple underpants. ^ ^

*And lastly, must include a telemarketer!

Sooo… on with de ficcy!!!

Oh yeah, guess what? (All: WHAT?) It's NOT a cliché! (All: *gaspies*) *bows* youre too kind really…

~*~*~

It was a normal day--- well, at least as normal as it ever gets at my house. Which is not normal at all, but I'm rambling now so--- anyway. I was on the computer, as usual (I really should get one of those "life" things everyone else seems to have…) when suddenly the phone rang.

"Ring! Ring!" I cursed silently at myself for repeating an idea and picked up the phone.

"Hello? Are you with the police? If you are, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!! NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Click. I hung up the phone. "Blasted telemarketers," I muttered and went back to surfing. (No, you idiots, surfing the WEB! '~' Yeah, I bring my laptop out on my surfboard…) Of course, being myself, I hit ff.n to check up on my reviews, when I spotted something… was it possible? YES! I won second place in METMA Mandy's latest challenge! Woohoo! I was getting started on a great victory party when suddenly--- boy, i *love* surprises--- I got sucked through the plot hole (now where did that come from?) into the Gryffindor common room.

"Cool!" I said to the little voices in my head. "I can wreak some havoc!" I pulled out my nifty little notebook and started writing. Hey, what the- why wasn't my pencil working? I pulled out the one fountain pen that Pyro Sarah and Draco hadn't burned at my New Year's party- nope, that didn't work either. It was time for… PLAN X! I whipped out my heavy-duty arsenal of thirty gel pens. Nope… nope… nope… nuh-uh… Something had to be wrong. Gel pens *never* fail! Then it hit me. I had heard of this, of course, but to happen to me, of all people… I flopped backwards onto a beanbag chair, sending multicolored pens rolling all over the floor. It was the dreaded curse of… (cue dramatic music) WRITER'S BLOCK!!!!! (*audience gasps*)

THE END

Hahaha, just kidding. So anyhoo, I was stuck at Hogwarts without my fanfic-author powers. Just then, I realized that if the students found a powerless author, which was me, they'd torture me. Fortunately, my hair was dyed black with color hairspray and I was wearing my purple contacts. Phew. That was a close one! Then all the students burst through the portrait hole, slipping on my pens and falling everywhere. I laughed, because obviously it was funny. Harry spotted me and walked over.

"Hi, who are you?"

"Um- Catelyn," I lied. Mustn't give out my true identity, now. Just then I clapped a hand to my face. "Aah! My eyeball itches!"

"Your *eyeball* itches?"

"Contact lenses- oh- d'you have those here?" I faked a British accent- which was pretty good, if I say so myself. Fixing my contact, I walked over to the stairs. A shriek came from the girl's dormitory.

"EWWW!!!!! Ron, what did you DO to my BED???" Harry and I rushed up the stairs and pushed the doors open to find Hermi looking furious and Ron looking, well, red. Hermi's bed was covered in Ron's spilled potion he had been making as homework.

"Okay," I said, "Ron, why was your potion in Hermi's room?"

"We-ell, I brought it in here so she could check whether it was right or not, and then I tripped over her stupid cat and spilled it!"

"I can see that," I retorted, glancing at the bed. Ron turned even redder. Harry waved his wand, and the mess disappeared. I looked out the window. Cats and dogs were falling through the air. "Look!" I joked. "It's raining cats and dogs!" Hermi looked out the window too.

"Oh, Hagrid's on the roof again." I slapped my forehead.

"It figures," I groaned. "He's throwing animals off the roof, that makes *perfect* sense. Let's get out of here before he starts tossing hippogriffs." We all trooped back to the common room. I thought everything would finally go smoothly, when some purple underwear sailed down the stairs and landed on the chandelier. Ginny chased Gred and Forge down the steps and out of the common rooms, cursing violently and shooting hexes at their backs. We all cracked up again- it was a normal occurrence in Gryffindor Tower.

As we were leaving dinner, Ron pulled me into a secret passageway.

"Listen, Catelyn," he hissed. "There's something fishy going on here."

Oh, crap, I thought. Now what? I tried a joke. "Really? It must be that tuna I ate."

"No, seriously. When you walked into the girls' dorm, you called me and Hermi by name, even though we hadn't been introduced. So what's the story?"

I winced. Busted again. Why me? "Okay. I might as well tell you. But you have to keep this secret on pain of death, do you understand?" Ron nodded. "Right then. I'm really a fanfic author. The name's AIT, you know me. I got sucked through the plot hole, and I can't write myself out because I got cursed and I can't use my powers." I breathed out- it was a relief to tell someone.

Ron gasped. "Sore wa himitsu desu!"

"Ron, you didn't tell me you knew Japanese!" Ron grinned strangely.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," he joked. What was up with him? One minute he's all suspicious, and the next he's so- come to think of it, what *was* he doing? Something was definitely weird, and I was going to figure out what it was.

~*~TO BE CONTINUED~*~

A/N #2: Heesies, I love cliffhangers! I'll post the next part as soon as I get another challenge… ^.^

A/N #3: It's AIT Poll Time! What do you think: Should I keep this story in regular style or write it as a cliché? Tell me your opinion in a review!

A/N #4: And that implies that you must review! So, see this little box? Fill it out and click on that little button under it… thankies!