Hyrulian Nights

Hyrulian Nights

Scene 15: The Final Battle

(We cut back to an outside shot of Hyrule, shrouded in red clouds. Cut to inside the castle and a slow zoom of the throne room. Kaepora has the King tied up like a marionette, and Zelda is chained next to the throne.)

KAEPORA: Puppet ruler want a cracker? Here's your cracker. Shove 'em all right down your throat. Here, have lots!

(Ganondorf pulls the chain, and Zelda walks up to him holding an apple.)

ZELDA: Leave him alone!

(Kaepora stops for a second, then continues.)

GANONDORF: It pains me to see you reduced to this, Zelda. (He takes a bite out of the apple she is holding.) A beautiful Hylian bloom such as yourself should be on the arm of the most powerful man in the world. (He waves his finger, and a crown appears.) What do you say, my dear? Why, with you as my queen...

(Zelda picks up a glass of wine and throws it in his face.)

ZELDA: Never!

GANONDORF: I'll teach you some respect! (She falls back as he raises his hand to slap her. Then he stops.) No. Din, I have decided to make my final wish. I wish for Princess Zelda to fall desperately in love with me.

(We see Link race back into town.)

DIN: (Again as Buckley) Ah, master... there are a few addendas, some quid pro quo...

GANONDORF: Don't talk back to me, you stupid red lout! You will do what I order you to do, slave!

(Zelda looks up and sees Link in the window, motioning her to play along.)

ZELDA: (She stands and puts the crown on her head.) Ganondorf! I never realized how incredibly handsome you are.

(Din's jaw drops.)

GANONDORF: That's better. (He pulls Din's jaw up like a shade.) Now pussycat, tell me more about... myself.

ZELDA: You're tall, well-dressed...

(Ganondorf walks over to her. Link jumps down with Navi and Din sees them.)

DIN: Link! Link, little buddy!

LINK: Shh!

DIN: (Literally zips her mouth shut, then unzips it.) Link, I can't help you; I work for seƱor psychopath, now. (Her heads turns into Ganondorf's, then back.)

LINK: Hey... I'm a faerie boy, remember? (He rezips Din's mouth.) I'll improvise.

(He slides down a pile of coins and hides close to Ganondorf and Zelda. Ganondorf's back is to Link.)

GANONDORF: Go on.

ZELDA: And your sideburns... are so... red! (She has her arms around him. She secretly motions for Link to come over. He makes his move. Kaepora sees him.)

KAEPORA: Gan... mmmmm! (Navi grabs him and covers his mouth.)

GANONDORF: And the faerie boy?

ZELDA: What faerie boy?

(They are about to kiss when Kaepora manages to knock over a bowl. Ganondorf turns to look, but Zelda grabs him back and kisses him. Link looks disgusted. Kaepora and Navi look disgusted.)

NAVI: Yuck!

GANONDORF: That was... (He sees Link's reflection in her crown.) You! How many times do I have to kill you, boy?

(He zaps Link. Zelda rushes him, and he throws her to the ground. Link rushes and grabs the staff.)

LINK: Get the Triforce!

(Zelda runs for it. Ganondorf, however, shakes off Link, then zaps her into an hourglass.)

GANONDORF: Ah, ah, ah, princess... Your time is up!

(Sand begins to fall from the top onto her.)

LINK: Zelda!

KAEPORA: Oh, nice shot, Gan... (He is knocked out by Navi.)

(Navi rushes for the Triforce.)

GANONDORF: A faerie in a bottle! (She's zapped within a glass bottle.)

LINK: Navi!

(Carpet rushes in.)

GANONDORF: Things are unraveling fast, now boy. (Carpet is zapped and unravels. Link again rushes for the Triforce.) Get the point? (His path is blocked by large swords sticking in the floor. Ganondorf grabs the Triforce and laughs hideously, while Link pulls the Master Sword out of the floor.) I'm just getting warmed up! (He breathes a ring of fire around Link.)

LINK: Are you afraid to fight me yourself, you sick pig?

GANONDORF: A pig, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how pig-like I can be! (He smiles broadly, and then turns into Ganon. He enters the ring of fire, and Ganon makes moves on Link. On the third try, Link swings the Master Sword and hits Ganon. Cut to Din cheerleaders wearing 'L' sweaters.)

DIN: Rickem, rockem, rackem, rig... stick that sword into that pig!

GANONDORF: You stay out of this!

(Din waving a tiny pennant with a 'G' on it.)

DIN: (Weakly) Ganon, Ganon, he's our man... if he can't do it, great!

(Link uses the distraction to make a break for the hourglass where Zelda is trapped. However, Ganon sees this and blocks the path. Link is thrown away, and he loses the Master Sword.)

ZELDA: Link!

(Link jumps on a large gem and slides across the floor, grabbing the sword on his way. He turns a corner, but the pursuing pig cannot, and the front half of Ganon crashes through a wall and hangs outside the castle. Link jumps up on the pig's back and stabs it. Ganon screams in agony. Link again tries to free the princess.)

LINK: Hang on, Zelda!

(He is about to hit the glass with his sword when Ganon grabs him.)

GANON: (laughs hideously) You little fool! You thought you could defeat the most powerful being on earth!?

KAEPORA: (with Din coming up behind him) Cut his head off, Ganon! Cut his head off like a... hoot! (Din elbows him out of the way.)

GANON: Without the goddess, boy, you're nothing!

LINK: (Has an idea) The goddess! The goddess! The goddess has more power than you'll ever have!

GANON: What!?

LINK: She gave you your power; she can take it away!

DIN: Link, what are you doing? Why are you bringing me into this?

LINK: Face it, Ganon... you're still just second best!

GANON: You're right! Her power does exceed my own! But not for long!

(Ganon approaches Din.)

DIN: The boy is crazy. He's a little punch drunk. One too many hits with the pig. (Her hand turns into a pig and she hits her head with her hand.)

GANON: Slave, I make my third wish! I wish to be an all-powerful god!

DIN: (Reluctantly) All right, your wish is my command. Way to go, Link.

(Din zaps Ganon with a lightning bolt. Ganon's pig form dissipates and he turns into a god. We see Zelda's raised hand disappear under the sand. Link runs over and finally smashes the glass. Sand and Zelda pour out.)

GANONDORF: Yes! Yes! The power! The absolute power!

ZELDA: (to Link) What have you done?

LINK: Trust me!

(A black Triforce appears at Ganondorf's feet. Ganondorf is busy conjuring.)

GANONDORF: The universe is mine to command, to control!

LINK: Not so fast, Ganondorf! Aren't you forgetting something? (Ganondorf looks down questioningly.) You wanted to be a god, you got it! And everything that goes with it!

(Shackles appear on Ganondorf's wrists.)

GANONDORF: No! No!

KAEPORA: I'm gettin' out of here! Come on, you're the god, I don't want...

(Kaepora tries to fly away, but is sucked in with Ganondorf.)

LINK: Phenomenal cosmic powers! Itty bitty living space.

DIN: Link, you little genius, you!

(The bottle around Navi disappears, the Carpet re-ravels, and Zelda, the King, and Impa are standing together. Impa jumps up into the arms of the King when they are all transformed. The King is crushed because of the weight of Impa. Din once again becomes Farore. The palace reappears where it used to be in the city. Link is left holding the dark Triforce.)

GANONDORF: (From inside the Triforce) Get your blasted beak out of my face!

KAEPORA: (From inside the Triforce) Oh, shut up, you moron!

GANONDORF: Don't tell me to shut up!

FARORE: Allow me. (She takes the Triforce and goes to the balcony. She is now wearing a baseball cap. She winds up as if to throw the Triforce, but opens up her palm flat and flicks it out into the desert with her finger.) Ten thousand years in the Evil Realm ought to chill them out!

(Ganondorf and Kaepora continue to argue as they fade out.)