Disclaimer: Do I really have to do this for every chapter? Screw it.
She knew that she couldn't fall asleep, and at least the incessant shuddering of the ship was helping somewhat, but the pain in her head was that somnolent kind that makes one want to close one's eyes and sleep. It was one of the many impractical bodily responses to blows to the head. The last thing she needed was a nap.
Despite that, it was hard. Her head throbbed and her eyelids were leaden. Whatever painkiller Chakotay had given her was either not strong enough, or it was wearing off already. The only other medication in the medkit was a true analgesic, and would put her to sleep faster than anything else.
He had managed to close her cut somewhat, or so he said. The bandage around her head was getting damp, she could tell, from both her cold sweat and the blood that still escaped the wound. She had to give him due credit though, he was hardly a doctor, and at least he wasn't panicking. Not that she expected him to. He was almost always calm, and usually trying to mediate her when she got too worked up.
After he had patched her up, he had finally gone to check the sensor readings . . . under slight duress because she would not leave him alone about it. The little leaps they had experienced were a result of a similar set of movements by the anomaly, the bottom edge of which was now somewhere between decks nine and ten. It was making faster progress than she had expected.
Reinforcing the structural integrity fields and forcefielding the delicate parts of the ship proved to be more than useful. The higher decks were faring far better than fifteen and fourteen, which were still experiencing structural stress. Life signs continued to appear on the lower decks as well, all alive and well, but not moving. She hoped when the anomaly passed out of the bridge, it would leave them in the normal time line.
She had moved -well had been moved- to the command chair, and sat in it rather listlessly, most of her energy going into staying in the seat and none going to sitting straight. Her lethargy was getting to her, and sapping her strength. Damn the bulkhead 'fields, she needed coffee. She blinked slowly, fighting to not just let her eyes stay closed.
"Stay awake, Kathryn," Chakotay said firmly from one side, where he was reading the command console.
She attempted to straighten her posture. "I am. I am. Any change?"
He shook his head. "Not really. It's still moving up though."
"Good," she grunted. "I won't have to do this for too much longer then. I've functioned with a concussion before. I can do it this time," she said staunchly, as much for her own benefit as for his. She wasn't quite convinced herself.
He smiled a little, not looking up. "I'm sure you can."
Well, he was convinced. It didn't take much to win his confidence, that was for sure. Such faith. He was crazy.
She squinted her eyes shut painfully. "Thanks. Ugh, I feel like I would if B'Elanna ever got to me with a spanner. I am not going to relish having to wrangle with her again."
"It's better that never having to," he replied.
"Yes, but I'll be thankful when that baby is born. At that point she'll be too distracted to cause trouble. She'll make a great mother, but she is not meant for the childbearing part of it."
He chuckled. "And if the look in Tom's eyes when he talks about baby names is any indication, he'll be too distracted to even fly the ship in a straight line."
"Poor Tom. I think his nerves aren't what they used to be," she said sagely.
"That's not necessarily a bad thing. He could use a little rattling. It'd be good for him."
"You have to have some sympathy for him."
"I do, but he's still too sure of himself."
"Oh, well," she sighed tiredly. "That's just the way he is. It's hard to imagine him any other way . . . just like it's hard to imagine B'Elanna being completely agreeable to everything." Her eyelids drooped. God, she was tired. . . .
"Stay awake," he said almost immediately.
"I am," she replied in a fatigued tone.
Voyager still rattled, but it didn't seem as bad as it had been. Maybe the unmoving decks below were ameliorating the effects of the moving anomaly, sort of like an anchor.
It was like having five headaches at once . . . like the time those aliens had experimented on the crew and had chosen to drive a few metal rods into her skull . . . but that time it didn't make her sleepy, it only made her mad. And she knew she couldn't sleep, not now. She'd go into a coma or something, and probably give Chakotay a heart attack while she was at it. She didn't want to wake up in Sickbay and see that forlorn look on his face that he wore every time something was remotely wrong with her. Poor Chakotay. Why did he saddle himself with her?
You know why.
Damned inner voice. She had one too many of those.
And it wasn't like she never felt the need to hover around in Sickbay when he was hurt or ill or anything . . . she did it to the point where the Doctor forbid her to set foot in the operating area, especially when Chakotay was the person occupying the surgical bed. Now did that mean something? That gripping fear she always felt when he was the least bit at risk, her mind scrambling to find what it was she wanted to say. . . .
She put a hand to her bandaged forehead. A headache upon headaches.
Damned ship, why wouldn't it stop shaking? She could hear the bulkhead panels rattling in their slotted places. What isolinear systems the ship had were probably being shaken all to hell as well. They could fix it, she supposed, they always did. B'Elanna not only babied the warp core, she babied the entire ship . . . That was it. B'Elanna was in charge of the ship, and she was in charge of the crew . . . and Chakotay, he was-
He was shaking her, the idiot. And she was just starting to feel better. No! She was just starting to fall asleep! She was the idiot, and that's what she got for letting her mind wander. She pushed at Chakotay's hands where they gripped her shoulders.
"All right, all right! I'm awake," she said forcefully, almost trying to command herself to live up to the statement.
"Are you sure?" he demanded, his voice close. He was right in front of her, one knee bent and his hands still holding her shoulders. She nearly laughed. If it wasn't for that, she'd probably fall out of her seat. Oh, God, the headache. . . .
"No, I'm not sure," she groaned. He would know if she was lying anyhow, damn him.
He stared at her, the intense look in his eyes making her blink in slight bemusement. Next time, she would avoid blows to the head. He looked frightened. "You have to stay awake, Kathryn, and you know I'm not going to let you sleep."
She squinted her eyes shut, feeling her head falling forward. She couldn't help it, her muscles wouldn't work. "I know, I wish I could say the same for me. It's hard to concentrate, Chakotay." She was mumbling. "Hard to talk, I just need to rest for a second-"
"Oh, no, you don't," he said, pushing her upright, and grasping her chin in order to make her look at him. "Stay awake . . . damn, I never thought I'd be wishing that there was more caffeine in your system."
She giggled slightly. "Me neither. I'm feeling a little light-headed too."
"I noticed. It's probably the blood loss and the blow."
She nodded. "Mmm-hmm, and the shaking ship. I was already dizzy before this."
He was still there in front of her, only now he was holding her hands instead of her shoulders. Poor Chakotay. It was probably hard to deal with a concussed Captain. She'd return the favour some day. They already owed their lives to each other several times over, what could one more hurt? She smiled at him wearily.
"I'm sorry," she stated. "I'm so much trouble."
"Don't be sorry. It's my fault you hit your head. I should have held onto you a little longer."
Ah, irony. She laughed. "I'm sure you wouldn't have minded that."
He frowned, shaking his head. "Kathryn, I-"
She put her hand over his mouth. That was one way to shut him up anyhow. "That's all right, Chakotay. No need to try to excuse it. I know how it is. Did you know that I wanted to climb back into the bed for a moment this morning?"
He turned his head so he could speak. "Kathryn, you shouldn't be saying things like that when you're not fully-"
"Defending me from me, huh? And what? You don't want to hear that?"
"I didn't say-"
"Then don't," she said decisively. "And I'll shut up too, since you think I should. A hit on the head doesn't change the facts, Chakotay, and I am in full possession of my faculties."
"You are not, you're nearly unconscious."
"So? My unconscious could say a few things too, and you would be half so calm if it did. And it's not your fault that I hit my head. It's the anomaly's fault for shaking my ship to pieces. No, our ship, I suppose . . . or B'Elanna's ship. That was what I was thinking about when I was going to fall asleep. She has a strange relationship with that warp core . . . it's almost like she practices being a mother with it. It's sort of funny."
"It is, but you concentrate on staying awake," he said, rising unsteadily to his feet.
She shifted slightly in her chair. "I think I'll concentrate on not falling out of my chair."
"That too."
She groaned. "I don't have the energy. Remind me never to get a concussion again."
"No problem, just stay awake for this one."
"I'll see what I can do."
He was a pest sometimes, but now was one of those instances where his implacability would come in handy. She wasn't going to last long if he stopped nagging her to stay awake. His expression was so worried . . . even when he was trying to stop her from saying things she probably shouldn't. He did that so often . . . Chakotay was always protecting her . . . even from herself. He was so good. She loved that man, she honestly did. . . .
She shook herself, the fleeting thoughts leaving her. She was going to fall asleep, and where would that leave either of them? He wouldn't have a heart attack, he'd have an aneurism and she'd have to wake up and deal with that. She needed the Doctor. It was hard to think, hard to hold any thought in her mind.
"Chakotay, where's the anomaly?" she mumbled, looking over at him.
"Deck five."
"Wow. I think I lost some time there when I was off mentally exploring space. When did it get all the way to deck five?"
"When you were staring off into space," he replied quickly, smiling slightly.
"Huh. This has more going for it that I thought." She looked around, having trouble focussing on anything. "Has the ship stopped shaking?"
"For now. I think the lower decks are buffering us."
"That's what I thought. Are you sure you aren't telepathic or something?"
"I'm relatively sure, yes, though I'm not an authority on the subject."
She shot him a cross look. "I don't care for your tone."
"Congratulations."
"Pardon me?"
"You're always alert when you argue, so I might as well try that."
She looked at him for several moments silently, trying to direct her attention away from the steadily increasing pain that radiated for her forehead inward. Chakotay knew her too well. When had he learned so much? That was an obtuse question. They'd commanded the ship together for seven years, and he'd certainly made enough of an effort to know her.
He didn't know that much. He didn't know how many times she had contemplated the locks on the holodeck, wondering at what they would enable her to do if she were so bold . . . how so very often she contemplated the locks on the ready room, as well. What was it about the ready room? They spent too much time in there, far too much time sitting close together on that couch talking about this and that until they were forced to break whatever it was that slowly formed between them. It was that familiar tension that made her fidget in whatever chair she happened to be sitting in at the time. Captain Kathryn Janeway did not fidget.
She slowly came to rest her chin wearily on her fist, gazing at the opalescent planet displayed on the view screen. They just had to wait here for that anomaly to pass through deck one and out of the ship, and see what happened.
"When that anomaly hits us, we should probably stand up in the middle of the bridge," she muttered.
He frowned questioningly. "Why?"
"Well, when Tuvok shows up, he'll probably be sitting in this chair. It wouldn't work to try and occupy the same point in space as anyone. The middle of the bridge is usually clear."
"You might be right," he said, looking around at the empty bridge. "At least we'll be able to. The shaking has stopped."
"Hmm," came an affirmative sound that she had no recollection of wanting to utter. "It still feels like it's shaking a little doesn't it?"
"I told you we'd still feel it afterward."
"Yes, you did."
The command console beeped. "The anomaly's in deck three and still rising, the Doctor's mobile emitter and comm signal are on the sensors now."
She sighed, a little pained, letting her eyes close slightly. "That's good."
"Stay awake."
"I am. Leave me alone."
"No."
She sighed again. He was so persistent. That was probably a good thing, since if he wasn't, he'd have probably given up and left her long ago for more tractable company.
Hard-assed Star Fleeter. Maybe he had the right of it.
"Chakotay," she said, "did you know that you're absolutely crazy?"
He laughed fondly. "Many people have said so before you, so I suppose I do."
"No, I mean it. I have no idea what to make of you sometimes."
"The feeling is mutual."
She smiled softly. "Oh, you know me pretty well, I think."
"You still confuse me at every turn."
"I'm sorry."
He shook his head at her. "Don't be. I like you that way. Keeps me on my toes."
"Chakotay, you don't suppose Tom will leave this alone, do you?"
He looked slightly startled. "No, I doubt it."
"The problem . . . is that there's some truth to all his speculation, isn't there?"
He'd have choked if there was something to choke on, she was sure. Instead he cleared his throat uncomfortably, his already dark complexion turning slightly darker in embarrassment. Strange man. He wanted to talk . . . yet he didn't? She supposed she was the same way though . . .
"I don't know, Kathryn . . ."
"Oh, you do so. Do you think I'm an idiot?"
"Hardly."
"Do you think I'm immune to everything? Do you think I'm made of stone? You know full well what your little looks can do to a woman, Commander. You use them often enough. I am not insusceptible, no matter how much effort I put into getting around it."
He grimaced. "Kathryn, you really shouldn't- Not until the Doctor-"
"Ludicrous man," she muttered sourly. "This has nothing to do with my concussion. You're just uncomfortable. This is probably the best time to air all our angst anyhow, before Tom reappears and starts poking into everything again. Like I said, you're crazy."
"I must be," he said, staring at her. "I'm wondering if it isn't me who got hit on the head."
"You did. Before, remember? Perhaps both our brains have been rattled."
He glanced at the command console again, and sighed. "Deck two," he reported.
"May as well stand up now," she said, putting her hands on the arms of the chair, ready to push herself up.
"Let me help you," Chakotay said, rising swiftly to help her get out of the chair.
She accepted his assistance silently, allowing him to put a hand under her arm as she rose stiffly from the seat. She was immediately assaulted by such vertigo that she had to cling to that supporting arm for dear life. Perhaps standing wasn't such a good idea after all. Wavering, she felt her stomach do a strange flip flop, whether from the dizziness, Chakotay's arm that was suddenly around her waist, or both, she didn't know.
"Are you all right, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked with his usual concern.
She patted his shoulder reassuringly with a free hand, but shook her head. "Not really." She closed her eyes painfully, and let her head rest against his chest as she tried to collect her wits. "Sorry, Chakotay."
"That's okay, just don't fall asleep."
She smiled, not opening her eyes as she felt his arms go around her. "But it's such a good place," she murmured, still holding on to one of his shoulders.
She felt his arms tighten slightly.
"Ah-ah," she cautioned in a tired voice. "Don't get too comfortable. As soon as this damn anomaly passes through, I'm going to Sickbay where the Doctor can put me under observation and let me sleep."
"I never thought I'd hear of you going to Sickbay willingly," he said.
"Well, there's a first time for everything. Isn't there?"
She felt him rest his chin in her hair. The last time he had done that . . . had been on New Earth. It had partly been her fault of course, that little moment and the awkward one thereafter, when they both realized what was happening. Sort of like the regular ready room problems, only a little more acute. And what had stopped them then? They were more alone at that point than they would ever be again, including now. They feared they'd lose what they had.
At the moment her skull was pounding too much to really think too hard about all of it, but her current location was more than enough to set her mind wandering. Locks on the doors indeed. Why even bother? The crew would know quickly enough . . . some jaws would hit the floor, not a few eyebrows would hit the roof, and Tom Paris would be grinning like an idiot throughout as he collected all the rations he won in his betting pools. Damn those pools.
She became aware after a moment that the hand that had previously been on Chakotay's shoulder had wandered a bit, and she was now tracing his tattoo with her fingers while she looked up at him in bemusement. He merely looked slightly astounded.
And then something seemed to rush up at them from the floor, and her world went blissfully black.
To be continued . . .
***
