None of the characters in this story belong to me. Except the ones that do. Um... you know what I mean.
Later that evening, Harry and Hermione snuck down to Hogsmeade under the invisibility cloak. Harry had laughed when he
had heard Rosemary's idea, and of course wouldn't pass up the opportunity to see Malfoy embarrassed.
"Why do we have to wear this stupid cloak, Harry," said Hermione irritably. "All the other Gryffindors will be there, we've
no reason to hide."
"Exactly," said Harry.
"Exactly what?" asked Hermione, trying to stop the cloak from slipping off her shoulders.
"The other Gryffindors will be there."
Hermione sighed in exasperation. "You can't avoid the rest of your house forever, Harry. Honestly, it's ridiculous. They're
all just as upset as you are that Ron -" Harry glared at her, so she broke off. "I mean... well, you know what I mean. I don't
see why you won't talk to anyone suddenly!"
"They wouldn't understand. They'd just keep asking me questions about it," said Harry, walking a little faster.
"What?" said Hermione, struggling to catch up. "Harry! Harry, slow down!"
Suddenly Harry stopped. "Just to change the subject," he said curiously, "what did Hagrid mean earlier?"
"Hagrid? What do you mean?" she said, but her expression revealed that she knew exactly what Harry was talking about.
"You know, all that 'are you enjoying the American boys' stuff," he persisted, beginning to grin.
"Well... grown-ups say things like that sometimes. I'm sure they say it to you too."
"Hmm..." said Harry, not satisfied. "And what was all that about 'old friends are the best'? It made you go bright red, you
know."
Hermione went bright red again.
"See!" said Harry, "You're blushing again! You can tell me, whatever it is."
"Let's keep walking, shall we?" said Hermione briskly.
"Fine, if you're not going to say anything," said Harry. Then he smiled. "I will find out though."
They walked in silence for a little way. Harry racked his brains for something - anything - that might be connected to what
Hagrid had said to Hermione. American boys? Foreign boys? Krum? No, that didn't make any sense. Harry rubbed his
forehead. He wasn't really used to thinking about Hermione in connection with boys. Unless -
Harry stopped abruptly.
"What is it?" Hermione asked. "Harry?"
Harry turned to her, with a huge grin on his face. "I know what all this is about!" he said triumphantly. "It's Ron, isn't it?"
A look of shock and amazement flickered across Hermione's face, but almost immediately she replaced it with one of
annoyance. "I thought you didn't want to talk about Ron," she said with disdain.
"No, that's okay," said Harry, still smiling. "It is Ron, isn't it?" Hermione said nothing. "Hermione?" Harry asked. "Go on,
tell me, it's not as if I can tell Ron now, you know."
"You've changed your tune a bit," said Hermione, surprised at Harry's sudden willingness to talk about Ron. She took a
deep breath. "All right," she said, "tell me what you think is going on."
"It think," said Harry, trying to think of the most impressive way to word his suspicions. "I think you've fancied him for
about a million years. I think you're privately really upset about what's happened. I think," he said, pausing only slightly
before he went on, "I think my two best friends are secretly in love!"
Hermione made a dismissive noise. "Oh, honestly, Harry." But Harry knew he was right.
"Did you talk to him about this yet?" he asked curiously.
"No!" she said. "As if I could ever talk to Ron about something like this..." Harry looked taken aback.
After a minute or so he said, "Does anyone else know?"
Hermione said something that Harry didn't quite catch. "What was that?" he said.
"George."
"George?" Harry cried in fake astonishment. "You told George before me and Ron? Really, Hermione, you are out of your
mind. Don't you realize how quickly he will spread this around the school?"
"That's what I said," she insisted. "But he said he never spread rumours, that was just Fred. And he was the first one to
confront me about it, it made me a bit upset."
"What did he say about it?" Harry asked.
"He was really nice about it actually," Hermione replied.
"This is the weirdest night of my life," said Harry fervently. "Malfoy asking my cousin out, you two have been doing stuff
behind my back, George Weasley is suddenly the most sensitive boy in school... Oh, well, at least this evening is sure to be
a laugh."
***
Rosemary and Malfoy were already sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks when Harry and Hermione arrived. Rosemary
was wearing amazingly garish make-up, and she had changed out of her school uniform into violent purple robes with a
very low neckline. Luckily for her, the only teacher around was Hagrid, who was apparently in on the joke. Already Malfoy
looked a bit nervous, but Harry could tell from the expressions on the other Gryffindors' faces that the show hadn't started
yet.
Harry and Hermione stood at the back. They were still wearing the invisibility cloak, and couldn't sit down in case someone
tried to sit on top of them by mistake. All around the Three Broomsticks Harry could see Gryffindors talking and laughing into
their drinks, trying not to make Malfoy realize that anything was wrong. Fred and George were over in a corner with most
of the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Quite unexpectedly, Fred had his arm around Angelina.
Rosemary winked at Hagrid while Malfoy went to order them some more drinks. Hagrid coughed loudly. This was
evidently a signal, as immediately the whole pub went silent. Rosemary smirked at everyone as Malfoy returned, and the
show began.
"So, Malfoy darling, how have you been?" she said in a higher voice than usual.
"Oh, not too bad," he said, looking at the silent Gryffindors nervously. Rosemary glared at Fred and George, who realized
what she meant.
Fred turned to Angelina and said, "So, Angelina... um... nice shoes..." Luckily the Gryffindors picked up on this hint and
started chatting quietly enough so that Malfoy and Rosemary could still be heard.
"You know," Rosemary continued in her high-pitched voice, "the weather lately has been absolutely terrible, don't you
think? I mean," she said before Malfoy could reply, "where I come from, we never have weather this bad in January, it's just
too bad!"
"Umm... yes," said Malfoy. Then, with his usual confidence he said, "So you're from the pure-blood side of the family, are
you? Don't get me wrong, but I've always thought that pure-blood families are far superior. Shame filth like that Lily Evans
had to marry into your family." Hermione had to grip Harry's arm to stop him rushing forward.
"Oh, yes, I quite agree!" said Rosemary. "Lily Evans, I mean what sort of witch was she? My family is completely
pure-blood, I'm glad to say. I've heard you're father was a Death Eater!"
"Uhh..." said Malfoy, unsure of quite what to say.
"Oh, I do admire those Death Eaters!" Rosemary sighed. "They are so brave! Resisting the Ministry for what they believe
in... I don't think there's a braver thing anyone could do! Killing all those people in defence of their beliefs, being so loyal to
their master, torturing Muggles... because that's the way it should be of course." Malfoy still didn't answer, so she went on,
"And I've always thought that Sytherin was the very best house..."
That did it all right. "Well, yes, of course it is," said Malfoy. "You've been hanging around with that Harry Potter for far too
long." And up he got to get some more drinks.
"How am I doing, George?" Rosemary asked anxiously.
"Brilliant!" said George. "This is better than that 'terewision' thing Dad has been going on about! Hey, how's this for an
idea..." And he whispered frantically into her ear. Rosemary giggled.
"Okay, I'll give it a go," she laughed. "Oh, quick, he's coming back."
Malfoy sat back down. "Here you go, one butterbeer."
"Oh, thank you so much, Draco!" she said. Harry noticed that Malfoy still hadn't realized how fake this all was. "I do think
that you're the most wonderful boy I've met here," she said with false sincerity. "I think you're so wonderful..."
Malfoy was looking extremely proud of himself. With a flash of inspiration, Rosemary leaned over so that Malfoy couldn't
look at her without looking down the top of her robes. This made him loose his composure slightly, and seizing the
opportunity, Rosemary said, "I really think you're so much better than Harry. He's my cousin, I know, so I feel a bit bad
about it..."
"Oh, don't!" said Malfoy hurriedly.
"But he's from the Muggle side of the family, I don't care what he thinks. I don't care at all. In fact," she added in a whisper,
leaning even closer to him, "I only care about the opinion of one person in this entire school. Can you guess who it is?"
There was a long pause.
"I - I - I've finished my, um, drink," said Malfoy, stuttering. "Hang on a moment." And he went back up to Madame
Rosemerta at the bar.
"God, you're good, Rosie! Are you sure you haven't done this before?" George whispered. "Next bit of the plan now, yes?"
"Okay," said Rosemary, looking very triumphant. "This is so fun! And don't you dare desert me on this one!"
"What," said Fred curiously, "you want us to follow you outside?"
"Do you want to miss the best bit?" asked Rosemary, amazed. "You all better come outside. I don't want to get stuck with
Malfoy!"
Fred and George retreated, as Malfoy was coming back with more drinks.
"Here," he said. Rosemary drained nearly all of her glass in one go.
"Oh, this butterbeer goes right to my head, you know!" she said loudly, swaying slightly.
"You okay?" said Malfoy nervously.
"'Course I am, darling," said Rosemary, now at the sort of volume usually used only by the seriously drunk. "In fact, get me
another drink! And another! And ano -"
And she fell abruptly off her chair.
Fred and George looked as if they were trying to suppress a cheer. Harry had to admit that Rosemary was an extremely
good actress. He could hear Hermione next to him trying not to laugh.
"You okay?" asked Malfoy with real concern in his voice. He got out of his chair and crouched down next to Rosemary to
try and help her up.
"I'm absolutely fabulous, darling. Any more butterbeer?"
"Come on," said Malfoy. "I'll take you outside." With difficulty he half-carried, half-dragged Rosemary out of the Three
Broomsticks.
As soon as the door clicked shut, a huge cheer erupted from the Gryffindors. Everyone was laughing, including Hagrid and
Madame Rosemerta, but unexpectedly it was Fred who said, "Sshhh! We've all got to sneak out really quietly to see what
Rosie does nexr. Be completely silent or Malfoy will know we're there." And as silently as possible, the entire contents of
the pub slipped out into the night.
***
When they got outside, Harry saw that Rosemary was now pretending to be completely asleep. Malfoy was trying to carry
her across the grass to the castle, but soon he gave up and lay her gently down on the ground. He just sat there for a few
minutes watching her (apparently) sleeping form. The Gryffindors were trying desperately not to give away their presence.
Harry was filled once again with admiration for Rosemary's acting skills. How she could do this and not burst out laughing
was a complete mystery to him.
Malfoy was still sitting there in the middle of the grass, just watching Rosemary sleep. Slowly, he leaned down and kissed
her.
Rosemary jumped up and yelled in her usual voice, "What the hell do you think you're doing, you bastard?" and slapped him
round the face. The Gryffindors cheered.
Malfoy jumped to his feet too and looked from her triumphant face to those of the crowd behind her "But... you... I
thought..."
"I don't care what you thought!" Rosemary shouted. "Maybe this will teach you to stay away from the Potters from now
on!"
"You'll be sorry for insulting me like this!" Malfoy yelled, finally realizing what was going on. "I'll get you!"
And Malfoy ran right back up to the castle with the Gryffindors jeering at him from behind. As soon as he was out of sight,
the Gryffindors crowded around the victorious Rosemary.
"However did you do it?" asked Angelina, still laughing.
"That was amazing, Rosie!" the Weasley twins said in chorus, each kissing her on the cheek.
"From this moment on you are an honorary Weasley!" George shouted in delight.
"You have to admit that it was our plan, though," said Fred.
"Well done! That'll show Malfoy!"
"Yeah! That's teach the Slytherins once and for all!"
"I won't stop laughing for a week!"
"Thanks, Rosemary!"
Amid the hubbub, Harry and Hermione crept back up to the common room, laughing to themselves. If only Ron had been
there to see Rosemary's finest hour... and Malfoy's humiliation!
Author's Note: Okay, I know I'm no comedy writer, but that wasn't too bad, was it? Once again, sorry to all Malfoy fans!
And don't ask me why the Weasley twins suddenly started calling her Rosie...
It's one month to exams! Sorry, but this is my (bad) excuse for not posting chapters as often as I'd like. But thank you to all
my loyal readers (you know who you are!) I take all your ideas and opinions into account when writing, so if you want to
see anything specific in future chapters, tell me in your review!
In answer to one reviewer's question, I haven't written any Quidditch bits because I feel that I would not do the noble
wizarding game (not to mention Lee Jordan) any justice. Of course, if enough of you want to see some Quidditch, I'll give it
a go.
Currently I'm really recommending Serafina's story "Hermione's Grief." Read it. Normally I don't like H/H, but I have made
an exception. Read her other stories too. One of them gave me a brilliant idea for my own fic...
Oh, and last thing, I'm sorry about the one instance of swearing in this chapter. But I think you guys can handle it. :-)
Later that evening, Harry and Hermione snuck down to Hogsmeade under the invisibility cloak. Harry had laughed when he
had heard Rosemary's idea, and of course wouldn't pass up the opportunity to see Malfoy embarrassed.
"Why do we have to wear this stupid cloak, Harry," said Hermione irritably. "All the other Gryffindors will be there, we've
no reason to hide."
"Exactly," said Harry.
"Exactly what?" asked Hermione, trying to stop the cloak from slipping off her shoulders.
"The other Gryffindors will be there."
Hermione sighed in exasperation. "You can't avoid the rest of your house forever, Harry. Honestly, it's ridiculous. They're
all just as upset as you are that Ron -" Harry glared at her, so she broke off. "I mean... well, you know what I mean. I don't
see why you won't talk to anyone suddenly!"
"They wouldn't understand. They'd just keep asking me questions about it," said Harry, walking a little faster.
"What?" said Hermione, struggling to catch up. "Harry! Harry, slow down!"
Suddenly Harry stopped. "Just to change the subject," he said curiously, "what did Hagrid mean earlier?"
"Hagrid? What do you mean?" she said, but her expression revealed that she knew exactly what Harry was talking about.
"You know, all that 'are you enjoying the American boys' stuff," he persisted, beginning to grin.
"Well... grown-ups say things like that sometimes. I'm sure they say it to you too."
"Hmm..." said Harry, not satisfied. "And what was all that about 'old friends are the best'? It made you go bright red, you
know."
Hermione went bright red again.
"See!" said Harry, "You're blushing again! You can tell me, whatever it is."
"Let's keep walking, shall we?" said Hermione briskly.
"Fine, if you're not going to say anything," said Harry. Then he smiled. "I will find out though."
They walked in silence for a little way. Harry racked his brains for something - anything - that might be connected to what
Hagrid had said to Hermione. American boys? Foreign boys? Krum? No, that didn't make any sense. Harry rubbed his
forehead. He wasn't really used to thinking about Hermione in connection with boys. Unless -
Harry stopped abruptly.
"What is it?" Hermione asked. "Harry?"
Harry turned to her, with a huge grin on his face. "I know what all this is about!" he said triumphantly. "It's Ron, isn't it?"
A look of shock and amazement flickered across Hermione's face, but almost immediately she replaced it with one of
annoyance. "I thought you didn't want to talk about Ron," she said with disdain.
"No, that's okay," said Harry, still smiling. "It is Ron, isn't it?" Hermione said nothing. "Hermione?" Harry asked. "Go on,
tell me, it's not as if I can tell Ron now, you know."
"You've changed your tune a bit," said Hermione, surprised at Harry's sudden willingness to talk about Ron. She took a
deep breath. "All right," she said, "tell me what you think is going on."
"It think," said Harry, trying to think of the most impressive way to word his suspicions. "I think you've fancied him for
about a million years. I think you're privately really upset about what's happened. I think," he said, pausing only slightly
before he went on, "I think my two best friends are secretly in love!"
Hermione made a dismissive noise. "Oh, honestly, Harry." But Harry knew he was right.
"Did you talk to him about this yet?" he asked curiously.
"No!" she said. "As if I could ever talk to Ron about something like this..." Harry looked taken aback.
After a minute or so he said, "Does anyone else know?"
Hermione said something that Harry didn't quite catch. "What was that?" he said.
"George."
"George?" Harry cried in fake astonishment. "You told George before me and Ron? Really, Hermione, you are out of your
mind. Don't you realize how quickly he will spread this around the school?"
"That's what I said," she insisted. "But he said he never spread rumours, that was just Fred. And he was the first one to
confront me about it, it made me a bit upset."
"What did he say about it?" Harry asked.
"He was really nice about it actually," Hermione replied.
"This is the weirdest night of my life," said Harry fervently. "Malfoy asking my cousin out, you two have been doing stuff
behind my back, George Weasley is suddenly the most sensitive boy in school... Oh, well, at least this evening is sure to be
a laugh."
***
Rosemary and Malfoy were already sitting at a table in the Three Broomsticks when Harry and Hermione arrived. Rosemary
was wearing amazingly garish make-up, and she had changed out of her school uniform into violent purple robes with a
very low neckline. Luckily for her, the only teacher around was Hagrid, who was apparently in on the joke. Already Malfoy
looked a bit nervous, but Harry could tell from the expressions on the other Gryffindors' faces that the show hadn't started
yet.
Harry and Hermione stood at the back. They were still wearing the invisibility cloak, and couldn't sit down in case someone
tried to sit on top of them by mistake. All around the Three Broomsticks Harry could see Gryffindors talking and laughing into
their drinks, trying not to make Malfoy realize that anything was wrong. Fred and George were over in a corner with most
of the rest of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Quite unexpectedly, Fred had his arm around Angelina.
Rosemary winked at Hagrid while Malfoy went to order them some more drinks. Hagrid coughed loudly. This was
evidently a signal, as immediately the whole pub went silent. Rosemary smirked at everyone as Malfoy returned, and the
show began.
"So, Malfoy darling, how have you been?" she said in a higher voice than usual.
"Oh, not too bad," he said, looking at the silent Gryffindors nervously. Rosemary glared at Fred and George, who realized
what she meant.
Fred turned to Angelina and said, "So, Angelina... um... nice shoes..." Luckily the Gryffindors picked up on this hint and
started chatting quietly enough so that Malfoy and Rosemary could still be heard.
"You know," Rosemary continued in her high-pitched voice, "the weather lately has been absolutely terrible, don't you
think? I mean," she said before Malfoy could reply, "where I come from, we never have weather this bad in January, it's just
too bad!"
"Umm... yes," said Malfoy. Then, with his usual confidence he said, "So you're from the pure-blood side of the family, are
you? Don't get me wrong, but I've always thought that pure-blood families are far superior. Shame filth like that Lily Evans
had to marry into your family." Hermione had to grip Harry's arm to stop him rushing forward.
"Oh, yes, I quite agree!" said Rosemary. "Lily Evans, I mean what sort of witch was she? My family is completely
pure-blood, I'm glad to say. I've heard you're father was a Death Eater!"
"Uhh..." said Malfoy, unsure of quite what to say.
"Oh, I do admire those Death Eaters!" Rosemary sighed. "They are so brave! Resisting the Ministry for what they believe
in... I don't think there's a braver thing anyone could do! Killing all those people in defence of their beliefs, being so loyal to
their master, torturing Muggles... because that's the way it should be of course." Malfoy still didn't answer, so she went on,
"And I've always thought that Sytherin was the very best house..."
That did it all right. "Well, yes, of course it is," said Malfoy. "You've been hanging around with that Harry Potter for far too
long." And up he got to get some more drinks.
"How am I doing, George?" Rosemary asked anxiously.
"Brilliant!" said George. "This is better than that 'terewision' thing Dad has been going on about! Hey, how's this for an
idea..." And he whispered frantically into her ear. Rosemary giggled.
"Okay, I'll give it a go," she laughed. "Oh, quick, he's coming back."
Malfoy sat back down. "Here you go, one butterbeer."
"Oh, thank you so much, Draco!" she said. Harry noticed that Malfoy still hadn't realized how fake this all was. "I do think
that you're the most wonderful boy I've met here," she said with false sincerity. "I think you're so wonderful..."
Malfoy was looking extremely proud of himself. With a flash of inspiration, Rosemary leaned over so that Malfoy couldn't
look at her without looking down the top of her robes. This made him loose his composure slightly, and seizing the
opportunity, Rosemary said, "I really think you're so much better than Harry. He's my cousin, I know, so I feel a bit bad
about it..."
"Oh, don't!" said Malfoy hurriedly.
"But he's from the Muggle side of the family, I don't care what he thinks. I don't care at all. In fact," she added in a whisper,
leaning even closer to him, "I only care about the opinion of one person in this entire school. Can you guess who it is?"
There was a long pause.
"I - I - I've finished my, um, drink," said Malfoy, stuttering. "Hang on a moment." And he went back up to Madame
Rosemerta at the bar.
"God, you're good, Rosie! Are you sure you haven't done this before?" George whispered. "Next bit of the plan now, yes?"
"Okay," said Rosemary, looking very triumphant. "This is so fun! And don't you dare desert me on this one!"
"What," said Fred curiously, "you want us to follow you outside?"
"Do you want to miss the best bit?" asked Rosemary, amazed. "You all better come outside. I don't want to get stuck with
Malfoy!"
Fred and George retreated, as Malfoy was coming back with more drinks.
"Here," he said. Rosemary drained nearly all of her glass in one go.
"Oh, this butterbeer goes right to my head, you know!" she said loudly, swaying slightly.
"You okay?" said Malfoy nervously.
"'Course I am, darling," said Rosemary, now at the sort of volume usually used only by the seriously drunk. "In fact, get me
another drink! And another! And ano -"
And she fell abruptly off her chair.
Fred and George looked as if they were trying to suppress a cheer. Harry had to admit that Rosemary was an extremely
good actress. He could hear Hermione next to him trying not to laugh.
"You okay?" asked Malfoy with real concern in his voice. He got out of his chair and crouched down next to Rosemary to
try and help her up.
"I'm absolutely fabulous, darling. Any more butterbeer?"
"Come on," said Malfoy. "I'll take you outside." With difficulty he half-carried, half-dragged Rosemary out of the Three
Broomsticks.
As soon as the door clicked shut, a huge cheer erupted from the Gryffindors. Everyone was laughing, including Hagrid and
Madame Rosemerta, but unexpectedly it was Fred who said, "Sshhh! We've all got to sneak out really quietly to see what
Rosie does nexr. Be completely silent or Malfoy will know we're there." And as silently as possible, the entire contents of
the pub slipped out into the night.
***
When they got outside, Harry saw that Rosemary was now pretending to be completely asleep. Malfoy was trying to carry
her across the grass to the castle, but soon he gave up and lay her gently down on the ground. He just sat there for a few
minutes watching her (apparently) sleeping form. The Gryffindors were trying desperately not to give away their presence.
Harry was filled once again with admiration for Rosemary's acting skills. How she could do this and not burst out laughing
was a complete mystery to him.
Malfoy was still sitting there in the middle of the grass, just watching Rosemary sleep. Slowly, he leaned down and kissed
her.
Rosemary jumped up and yelled in her usual voice, "What the hell do you think you're doing, you bastard?" and slapped him
round the face. The Gryffindors cheered.
Malfoy jumped to his feet too and looked from her triumphant face to those of the crowd behind her "But... you... I
thought..."
"I don't care what you thought!" Rosemary shouted. "Maybe this will teach you to stay away from the Potters from now
on!"
"You'll be sorry for insulting me like this!" Malfoy yelled, finally realizing what was going on. "I'll get you!"
And Malfoy ran right back up to the castle with the Gryffindors jeering at him from behind. As soon as he was out of sight,
the Gryffindors crowded around the victorious Rosemary.
"However did you do it?" asked Angelina, still laughing.
"That was amazing, Rosie!" the Weasley twins said in chorus, each kissing her on the cheek.
"From this moment on you are an honorary Weasley!" George shouted in delight.
"You have to admit that it was our plan, though," said Fred.
"Well done! That'll show Malfoy!"
"Yeah! That's teach the Slytherins once and for all!"
"I won't stop laughing for a week!"
"Thanks, Rosemary!"
Amid the hubbub, Harry and Hermione crept back up to the common room, laughing to themselves. If only Ron had been
there to see Rosemary's finest hour... and Malfoy's humiliation!
Author's Note: Okay, I know I'm no comedy writer, but that wasn't too bad, was it? Once again, sorry to all Malfoy fans!
And don't ask me why the Weasley twins suddenly started calling her Rosie...
It's one month to exams! Sorry, but this is my (bad) excuse for not posting chapters as often as I'd like. But thank you to all
my loyal readers (you know who you are!) I take all your ideas and opinions into account when writing, so if you want to
see anything specific in future chapters, tell me in your review!
In answer to one reviewer's question, I haven't written any Quidditch bits because I feel that I would not do the noble
wizarding game (not to mention Lee Jordan) any justice. Of course, if enough of you want to see some Quidditch, I'll give it
a go.
Currently I'm really recommending Serafina's story "Hermione's Grief." Read it. Normally I don't like H/H, but I have made
an exception. Read her other stories too. One of them gave me a brilliant idea for my own fic...
Oh, and last thing, I'm sorry about the one instance of swearing in this chapter. But I think you guys can handle it. :-)
