Then they
carried it downstairs and set it on the kitchen table. They were just going to call their mother
when…they heard a pitter patter coming down the hall. A potato entered the room at top speed, and in one fluid motion it
ran to the table and jumped on. Fred
and George stared.
"You…you're that potato we tried our potion on!"
"The very same," the potato snarled menacingly, "You, my
creators, abandoned me, and now I shall destroy you!"
"This is like Frankenstein gone weird!" George commented
under his voice.
"Agreed," Fred muttered back.
"Now," the potato continued, "I shall devour you! You will give me the energy I need to become
the sole dictator of the world!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Just then, Mrs. Weasley entered the kitchen, followed
closely by Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny.
"What the ****?" Ron shouted, seeing a potato confronting
his brothers.
"Don't swear Ron!"
"Is that what you say when my brothers are about to be
devoured by a potato?"
"Wha…?"
"Get with it Hermione!" Harry yelled "There's a killer
potato in this kitchen with us!"
"A killer potato?" Mr. Weasley said, entering the
room. "Where?"
"Ten points to Gryffindor, for being the first to notice
it." Percy said, also walking in.
"It can't be worse than a dragon," Charlie shouted from
the living room.
"If you manage to kill it, can I have it's teeth?" came
Bill's voice from upstairs.
"Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Mrs. Weasley
screamed. Suddenly, there was a crash
of thunder and a bolt of lightning. The
sky went dark, and a lone figure appeared in the doorway.
"I am Lord Voldemort!" said the figure, "And I am here to
destroy you all!" All said, his words had had the desired affect; he was
pleased to not that he had gotten the perfect pitch. But disaster struck when he started with his maniacal laughter.
"MAUHAHAHa…EEK!"
His laughter came out in a high pitched squeal, leading everyone to
burst into laughter.
"No! I shall kill
you all! No-one shall ever know about
this!"
"Not so fast, Riddle!" Harry shouted, darting
forward. He grabbed the potato, forced
it's mouth open, and thrust it at Voldemort's arm.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
The…potato…fatal…death…" Voldemort gasped out.
"I ca ge off, I ca ge off!" the potato screamed through a
mouthful of flesh. Before everyone's
very eyes a gaping red hole opened up in the floor. Next to it was a down arrow, and a sign on a post that read
Hell:
Straight Down
One Way
Voldemort and the potato plummeted straight
downwards. The hole closed up, leaving
no sign that it had ever been there.
"Facilis descensus Averni," Hermione
commented.
"What?" Ron asked.
"Easy is the descent into hell," Harry said,
staring at the place in the floor where the hole had been.
"Let's hear it for potato power," Ginny said, still pale
from shock.
"Mum," Ron said, "You know what we were going to have for
dinner tonight?"
"Yes. What about
it."
"Let's skip the mashed potatos."
And everyone agreed.
*
Meanwhile, down that one-way road we heard about…
"And I will be your personal tour guide through Hell,
Inc.!" The white cat said, staring at them with red eyes.
"Excuse me," Voldemort said, "But aren't black cats
supposed to be evil? You're white."
The cat bristled, and did not deign to answer. "As I was saying, I will be with you for
your eternal stay, except for when I'm up on the surface spray painted black
and scaring the hell out of muggles, or when I'm with-"
"Fluffy!" A voice rang out, "Where are you? Don't you want your perfectly baked tuna
casserole? You know Mama Martha
wouldn't have it any other way.
Fluffy!"
"-Martha. Martha
Stewart. I pose as her house cat."
"I always wanted to meet Martha Stewart!" The potato
exclaimed.
"Oh, when she dies she'll be with you here. She's got a life sentence for entertaining
one of the devils minions. Namely
me. Gotta run! I'll see you in a bit!"
And the evil white cat ran off, muttering about finding
his contacts.
the end.