Lost In You
Standard disclaimers apply.
Warnings: It's a shishi. Angsty. Geru-chan with emotional torment. Gotta love it.
Notes: Um... It's an internal monologue type thing. Shigeru's internal monologue type thing. Yup.
~~...~~ are song lyrics.
//...// are poems.
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~~Lying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you but it is late at night
And you're far away
But you are always on my mind
I feel like I'm on fire, nothing I can do
I'm troubled with doubt
Though I know it is not true
And it's times like these
When I am dying to speak to you~~
The world is full of fools... myself included. As I
gaze up into the night sky, the stars are strange,
so different from Masara. So different then my
memories of you and me, staring at the sky, gawking
in awe.
Of course, even then I knew. And I wasn't watching the
stars like you... I was peering intently at a star,
one warm and full of life and light, one very close
and further away then then even the outermost reaches
of the Milky Way.
I snort softly. Becoming a poet? Sure, why not. I have
enough emotional baggage to make a physciatrist estatic
for years, I think I can be a poet.
// ~~I'm dying to get through
I'm dying to speak to you
Dying to get through
I'm dying to speak to you
Staring at the wall I sink inside~~ //
Hmm. I read over the words I had scrawled on some
spare paper. Fitting, but not quite it. I don't know
why I'm doing this... Seems to help get emotions out
though.
You really don't get it, do you Sato-chan? Don't
seem to understand how badly I wish I could get over
my own damn arrogence, my own pride. I find it hard to
beleive that eve you can be so vlind as to not see the
looks I give you. Perhaps I'm fooling myself, as I only
give them when your back is turned and I'm safe from s
eeing hatred in yours. Hatred and hurt.
I read an article once, about why I act so cruelly
around you. There are two theories, both hitting
rather uncomfortably close to home. I'm hurting you,
becasue of the emotional anguish you give me. A sick
form of revenge, which is why I perfer the latter,
even if the former is all to correct. Distancing myself
to protect you. It seems to work.
No, it doesn't. It hurts you far more then you let
on. And it kills me. A cycle that will countine until
I'm brave enough to leave your life altogether or tell
you.
That being the real reason. I'm afraid if my eyes
aren't filled with sneering arrogence you'll see
the love in them.
//~~I think about it all I get caught up in my life
I can't think straight
Because it's tearing up my mind
I feel like I'm on fire, nothing I can do
I'm troubled with doubt
Though I know it is not true
And it's times like these
When I'm dying to speak to you
Dying to get through
Dying to get through~~ //
I think they're getting better. At least getting closer
to the way I feel, I'm not sure at all if they're good
linguistically.
Sometimes I think I have the courage. But the second
I'm around you, everything cracks and I fall back to
my baseline behavoir. Insults, sneers. I can't think
around you, gods, I have trouble remembering to breathe!
How in the world do you expect me to know how to act,
to get myself out of the grave I'm digging for myself?
I... Mm. My mind is spinning in circles, with you at
the centerpoint. Satishi. My once best-friend, the
only person who would have a slim chance of beating
me at this point. A little kid, with chocoalte eyes
and ebony hair, and a heart far to big for his petite
frame.
Problem is, I don't know if his heart extends to me.
I think inspiration's hit...
//~~The more that I think, how I need you
The more that I think, the more it seems true
And now it means more
Than I ever meant it to
Ever meant it to
Lying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you but it is late at night
And you're far away But you are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind~~ //
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BWAHAHA! That was fun. Response is welcome, if not
adored.
