centerbSacrifices/b/center
piNotes: Just a random little angstfic set in Vash's head during episode 24. spoilers, of course. ^^/i
pI don't want to do this, Rem. But Legato knows that, and he's going to use it against me.
pI can feel the pulsing in my arm, throbbing, racing energy. The angel arm. I know it in an instant, even before the casing falls off the gun. The energy sings through me, powerful, beautiful, but I've come to associate only horror with the feeling. Am I betraying my heritage? Knives would say so, certainly. But I stopped listening to Knives a long time ago.
pThe fabric of my jacket tearing brings my attention back. I've been spending way too much time pondering lately. There's a town right there, a town full of people, and I can't allow myself to lose control again. Even this won't be enough, though, will it? Legato will think of something else. It won't ever end. Rem...
pIs that your scream, Rem? No, it can't be. Meryl and Milly, why did they have to follow me? I told them not to. And now, again, people I care about are going to suffer because of me. Maybe everyone would be safer if I never cared at all.
pKnives, you were going to save Rem because I cared for her. Have you forgotten that now? Can't you just spare these girls?
pEven if Knives is listening to me, he won't stop this. I know that. Legato's made it clear that the only way I can save Meryl and Milly is to kill him. I see his plan now, how everything he did lead to this. I can't take it anymore. I can't change it. I can't get out. It doesn't do me any good to understand this now.
pI look down my gun at Legato. He's grinning at me, inviting me to kill him.
pI close my eyes to call out for Rem, for Nicholas, for anyone that might listen. Rem, please, tell me what to do. You told me never to kill but you didn't tell me what to do instead! Please, Rem.
pRem doesn't answer but Nicholas does. I hear his voice again, telling me that sacrifices have to be made. I think of Zazie the Beast, and I'm not so sure. Nicholas is yelling at me now, calling me a hopeful fool, telling me that I know Meryl and Milly shouldn't be put into a situation like this when I have the power to save them. He tells me that I can't expect them to die here, for some foolish ideal.
pMilly screams.
pSacrifices have to be made.
pWhere are you, Rem? Why can't I hear your voice anymore, reassuring me, telling me the right thing to do?
pSacrifices have to be made.
pAll I can hear is Nicholas. Telling me to kill Legato, not to let Milly suffer, not to let Meryl suffer.
pSacrifices have to be made.
pI open my eyes, but it isn't Legato under my gun anymore. Nicholas is on the ground, shouting at me to kill him, to save Milly. She deserves so much more than him, he tells me.
pI blink away the image and now it's Rem at my feet. Crying. She won't say anything. She won't look at me. I want desperately to wrench my gun away but I can't. Rem! Please! Tell me what to do!
pBut she won't.
pI look at the ground in defeat. Legato's shouts, Meryl's screams, I don't think anything can reach me anymore.
pSacrifices have to be made.
pI'm sorry, Rem.
piNotes: Just a random little angstfic set in Vash's head during episode 24. spoilers, of course. ^^/i
pI don't want to do this, Rem. But Legato knows that, and he's going to use it against me.
pI can feel the pulsing in my arm, throbbing, racing energy. The angel arm. I know it in an instant, even before the casing falls off the gun. The energy sings through me, powerful, beautiful, but I've come to associate only horror with the feeling. Am I betraying my heritage? Knives would say so, certainly. But I stopped listening to Knives a long time ago.
pThe fabric of my jacket tearing brings my attention back. I've been spending way too much time pondering lately. There's a town right there, a town full of people, and I can't allow myself to lose control again. Even this won't be enough, though, will it? Legato will think of something else. It won't ever end. Rem...
pIs that your scream, Rem? No, it can't be. Meryl and Milly, why did they have to follow me? I told them not to. And now, again, people I care about are going to suffer because of me. Maybe everyone would be safer if I never cared at all.
pKnives, you were going to save Rem because I cared for her. Have you forgotten that now? Can't you just spare these girls?
pEven if Knives is listening to me, he won't stop this. I know that. Legato's made it clear that the only way I can save Meryl and Milly is to kill him. I see his plan now, how everything he did lead to this. I can't take it anymore. I can't change it. I can't get out. It doesn't do me any good to understand this now.
pI look down my gun at Legato. He's grinning at me, inviting me to kill him.
pI close my eyes to call out for Rem, for Nicholas, for anyone that might listen. Rem, please, tell me what to do. You told me never to kill but you didn't tell me what to do instead! Please, Rem.
pRem doesn't answer but Nicholas does. I hear his voice again, telling me that sacrifices have to be made. I think of Zazie the Beast, and I'm not so sure. Nicholas is yelling at me now, calling me a hopeful fool, telling me that I know Meryl and Milly shouldn't be put into a situation like this when I have the power to save them. He tells me that I can't expect them to die here, for some foolish ideal.
pMilly screams.
pSacrifices have to be made.
pWhere are you, Rem? Why can't I hear your voice anymore, reassuring me, telling me the right thing to do?
pSacrifices have to be made.
pAll I can hear is Nicholas. Telling me to kill Legato, not to let Milly suffer, not to let Meryl suffer.
pSacrifices have to be made.
pI open my eyes, but it isn't Legato under my gun anymore. Nicholas is on the ground, shouting at me to kill him, to save Milly. She deserves so much more than him, he tells me.
pI blink away the image and now it's Rem at my feet. Crying. She won't say anything. She won't look at me. I want desperately to wrench my gun away but I can't. Rem! Please! Tell me what to do!
pBut she won't.
pI look at the ground in defeat. Legato's shouts, Meryl's screams, I don't think anything can reach me anymore.
pSacrifices have to be made.
pI'm sorry, Rem.
