AN: Third chapter third chapter!!
*dances all around* hurray!!!! And oh, never ever will the Marauders trust
Wormtail! Never! Just to remind you again, this story hasn't got anything to do
with the real one, so stick with the fact, kay? Thanks! And besides, all the
five Marauders are here already! No more place for another! Weird… the Yumi
hasn't even come out for even half the chapter and it has FANS?! What is the
world coming to?? And that chapter sounded too serious to me! How can it turn
out hilarious?
Oh, the snowball scene in Y2. No, I never tried it out since there's no
snow in my place [not one flake]. Anywayz, it could be said that they made the
stones softer, couldn't it? since they're witch and wizards? I don't like
sticking to original facts, so I expand everything. Guess that's a wrong
experiment. And what's the Chalet School? Never seen it before… or it's I'm too
busy to visit the bookstore.
I chose Lily's animal already, so thanks to everyone who gave their
comments!!! I want a special one especially for her [hey, she took almost ALL
my personality!] and I finally set my thoughts on one after staying up till 1am
yesterday ^^ a fox wouldn't hurt much, but I want something no one ever thought
of before and voila! My very own head gives me the idea! Too bad, you'd have to
wait until Y5 for that! As I'd said before, a doe is too out-of-question and
piecing it with my version of Marauders and Lily is a very absurd idea…
bunny chan
Disclaimer: This plot, blablabla is
all MINE! But those characters and some of the spells are JKR's. Hm… I'm
feeling a little sane today…
The Marauding Five : Year Four
Chapter
3: The DADA Professor
Tally sat up in bed, blinking and sweating furiously. She had
just had a dream about the four Marauders, practically upsetting the very
romantic scene of her and Dan, watching the beautiful sunset in Las Vegas. They
had simply knocked everything into pieces and shot Dungbombs all around,
stenching the place. And how, Tally know not, did another kid, calling herself
the fifth Marauder, ever got into there?
'Okay, get a grip on yourself first, Tally. It's just a dream!
And there are only four Marauders. Never was there a fifth one,' Tally told
herself strictly.
'Fifth what, Tally?' Lily chirped gaily. Tally stared at the
redhead first and her clock.
'You are up at six in the morning? Lily, are you having a fever?'
Tally said, surprised.
'Hi Tally!' a foreign face and voice greeted the blonde chap.
Tally stared at her hard, taking her in. A short raven-haired girl with dark
violet eyes, pale complexion and had the sort of mysterious aura Lily usually
carried with her when weird things like flying daggers goes about. She had a
sweet face, though, like a little rose, and quite matched Lily when she grinned.
'Um, who're you?' Tally said at last.
'Tally, you met her last night!' Lily said.
'Unfotunately, I don't seem to recall that,' Tally said.
'I'm Adele Varens, new student,' Adele said holding her hand up.
'From where?'
'Gordonholp, in the north of Japan. Very north. Awfully cold
there,' Adele grinned.
'Nice to meet you, Adele. Where do you live? And your name
doesn't sound like from Japan.'
'Oh, I'm not a Japanese. I'm from China, but mother and father
are from England,' Adele said. 'I'm shifting to Loopy Village this December.'
'Really? Near where? The forest or the mountains?' Tally said,
excited.
'Um, the forest. Between James and Remus' house and opposite
Sirius' house,' Adele said, thinking hard.
'Lily! You never told me that!' Tally accused teasingly.
'Hey, I said so yesterday! You were half awake that time!' Lily
defended.
'Lily, you said you wanna show me something,' Adele said.
'Huh? Oh yeah! C'mon, I'll show you what I did to Tal here in the
summer,' Lily said, grinning evilly. An identical grin seem to have blossomed
on Adele's face.
'What?'
'The boys'll love it! Trust me!' Lily promised, carrying a kettle
in hand and a packet of brown colored powder in the other. The two bid a
cheerful goodbye to Tally and ran out of the room, laughing at the deceitful
fate they had planned for the boys.
'What did Lily did to me in the summer? Turn Elley's house into
junk – wait. That's Elley also, so outta question. Dig up the baby mandrakes
and recorded their voice to plant in my garden, made me grow blotches, destroy
my homework…' Tally ticked off her fingers as she tried to recall what Lily
alone had done to her in the summer.
'Shuddup, Tal. I need sleep,' Nina muttered.
'Don't tell me… she's going to turn the boys' dorm into a garden
of lilies??????!!!!!!' Tally exclaimed, jumping up.
'Shut up, Tally,' Pertsy mumbled. 'Or I'll jinx you.'
'But-'
'If it's about Dan again, I've heard enough,' Sita mumbled.
Lily and Adele didn't turn the boys' dormitory into a garden of
lilies, as Tally had thought. They had different ideas in mind. Lily just
forgot to mention that it's not only Tally alone that had received this
torture. They, however, had something rampaging in the dorm…
'Aaaaaah!!!!!!! Garden Gnomes!!!!!!!' Thomas McMillan yelled when
he felt something crawling on his bed. 'Gerroff! Gerroff! Outta here!
Shoo!!!!!'
'Ho-hum. What's the fuss, Tom?' Remus mumbled sleepily from the
next bed.
'Remus, you've got to help me! Please!' Thomas begged.
'Help what?'
'Remus, there are gnomes here! Everywhere, in fact! Aah!
No! Don't! McGonagall'll kill me if I hand in a blotched parchment on human
transfiguration!!' Thomas cried as he tried to save his parchment. Too late.
The naughty gnomes had poured a bottle of green ink over the parchment,
decorating it with a few of Madam Kiliklik's Permanent Gold and Silver Paint
– lasts all your life!
'This place is infested with them!!!' Thomas wailed.
'Wha? Wak! Garden Gnomes! What're they doing here?' Dan jumped.
'Help!!' Thomas cried as a Gnome pinched his nose. Dan rummaged
his bag for a Warlock Japperdy's Gnome Repels and held it superiorly out
to the Gnomes. However, they didn't seem at all scared. Instead, they just
snickered and pinched his legs tightly.
'Aw right! You asked for it!' Dan said, spraying the repel all
around the room.
Did it stop the Garden Gnomes?
No!
'What sort of thing is that? Look at it's expiry date!!' Thomas
howled. Dan looked at it.
'Oops! It expired fifty years ago,' he said sheepishly.
'Yuck, this stink,' Sirius
mumbled from his bed.
'Lemme sleep,' James said sleepily.
'James, Sirius! I beg you! Get these things off!' Thomas wailed.
'Can't. Only Lily has the power to get these animals away,' James
mumbled.
'I order you to!'
'And you expect me to follow the order? Har-har. Sorry kid, fat
chance,' James said. 'Call Lily over. She'll have it done in seconds.'
'Yeah,' Sirius said.
'Mmm…' Remus agreed.
'HEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Thomas howled.
'Now that's what I call a decent prank!' Adele whispered
to Lily. The two girls were hiding beneath James' Invisibility Cloak (sneaked
out of his trunk) in a corner of the room, just next to the door. The two girls
giggled silently to themselves and high-fived silently on the prank well done.
Remus' sharp ears caught the soft sound.
'I'll go get the HeadBoy, whoever he is. I know he's Gryffindor,
though. 'sides, girls aren't allowed,' Thomas gasped hurriedly. Dan nodded his
approval and the three others grunted, not bothering even if he'd planned to
leave them in a den of dragons. The boy quickly jumped from the bed and pull
the door open and it slammed Lily smartly in her face.
'Ow!!'
Now Remus was perfectly sure that someone was hiding in this
room.
Lily nursed the bruise as Adele tried not to move too much for
all attention were turned to their corner. Muttering, Lily pulled out a pocket
mirror and held it before her, mumbling somewords at her reflection.
'Lily, this is not a proper time to look at yourself!' Adele hissed.
Ssh! These people are bright! Came Lily's telepathic message.
'Come out Lily! You know we know you are here,' James said.
'Of all things, why Garden Gnomes?' Sirius said, looking
interested at a very large bruise on Dan's face. 'Y'know, you shouldn't've
moved. They attack if you do.'
'How should I know,' Dan said sourly.
'Come out Lily!' Remus said.
No response.
'Maybe they moved to another corner,' Remus suggested after some
time. At this, the boys spread themselves out, hitting every part but the one
beside the door. Behind the cloak, the girls made their way to the widely
opened door.
Just as theywere about to make a run for it, James pulled the
cloak off them. They stared. And they gulped.
'Um, hi?' Adele said weakly. Lily didn't bother with greetings
though.
'Obliviate!' she yelled, pulling out her wand at the five
boys. She then grabbed the cloak from James, pulled Adele under it from the
scene of crime, made a sprint to the common room, bumped into the headboy and
made them half-float and half-run for the rest of the way.
Adele, still stunned at what is happening in what seem like a
blur, allowed Lily to drag her off.
Huffing and panting, Lily dropped into one of the squishy
arm-chairs and pulled off the cloak.
'We must've beat the world record in running,' Lily said, looking
at her watch. It said "Just in time!"
Adele, after gaining back conciousness on what happened, turn to
Lily.
'Lily, do you think they'll get mad at us?' Adele said with a
quavering note.
'I put a memory charm on them. With Dan and Thomas, yes, but I
can't guarantee with the others. They're Marauders and we're all Quidditch
players, so with their reflexes and knowledge with me, they most definitely
will avoid that,' Lily panted.
'We're finished…' Adele groaned.
'We might be, we might not be,' Lily said gloomily.
'Can't you do anything?' Adele begged. Lily thought for a while.
'Yeah, but are you afraid of heights?'
'No, why should I?'
'Nothing. Okay, here goes,' Lily said, taking a deep breath. She
linked her hands with Adele and threw the Invisibility Cloak over the both of
them. To Adele's utmost surprise, she floated all the way to the top until they
reached the unreachable ceiling of the common room.
'Why go so high?' Adele gasped.
'Afraid? No, it's just safety precaution. The boys might start
feeling for us,' Lily said.
'How would they know?'
'Like I'd said, they'd known me ever since I could breath and I
them. They knew I can float up, but I'm quite scare of heights at some times,
so they wouldn't expect me to go this high. That's why we have to stay here,'
Lily explained.
Adele nodded approvingly at her theory.
Just then, three boys came stampeding down the stairs at a speed
of a tornado and the girls turned statue when they saw them holding wands in
their hands. They tighten their grip on the Invisibility Cloak even more, and
Lily levitate them until their heads actually touched the ceiling.
'Lily Rose Evans! Come out this instance!' James bellowed.
'Yeah! You have to clean those mess and get those Garden Gnomes
off our heels!' Sirius yelled.
'Get out this instance!' Remus cried.
The girls stuffed their mouths with their hankerchiefs and nearly
burst out laughing when they saw each other, with their cheeks swelled up and
the extra bits of hankie popping outside their mouths. Lily pinched herself
hard so as to not build the gauge of laughter inside her.
'Do you think they're so foolish to stay here?' Remus popped the
inteligent question after the boys spent minutes prodding and poking their wand
everywhere.
'No. Reckon Lily'll take Adele to our hideout?' James said.
'You're asking? Lily's your – ulp! I didn't say anything! Serious
– uh, I mean, honest!!' Sirius said, cowering beneath the death glare James had
given him.
'If you ever dare let that slip out, by accident or on purpose,
you'll find your head on the Gryffindor Tower's peak, you brain in my potions,
your blood fed to dragons and your bones to Fang,' James threatened.
'Gross. I don't want that sorta death if I'm you, Sirius,' Remus
said numbly to him.
'C'mon, we'll get into the girls' dorm first and search for them
there,' James said, stomping off. Meekly, the two ran after him.
After they left, the girls didn't pull of their Invisibility
Cloak. Instead, Lily made sure they waited until someone goes out of the
portrait hole and follow that person closely to get out of the Gryffindor
common room. Luckily she did, too, for the three boys were hiding at the nearby
couch to see if they really are in the Invisibility Cloak, jumping out
as soon as the boys left.
**
Monday flew into the Hogwarts castle with moans and grumbles from
the students since lessons began today.
'Who do you think our new DADA teacher will be? Professor Corn
left, didn't he?' Pertsy asked, seating herself opposite the Marauders.
'Yeah, wonder who. Lily had her wish came true last year,' James
said, swallowing his porridge at full speed.
'That reminds me. Lily, don't wish that I'm outta this school,'
Tally said.
'Why tell me that?' Lily asked, sipping some pineapple juice.
'Last year, you wished Corn gets fired. He does. The year before,
you hoped that you wouldn't flunk in potions, you didn't. On our first year,
you wanna get at Snape for spoiling your Howler. You did. So try not to hope or
wish on anything this year,' Dan reminded.
'I did? Sorry, didn't quite remember. Maybe we should make a time
machine and go back in time to find out!' Lily said.
'Don't even try. You already half-kill us with your prank
experiments. Making one time machine is a big mistake,' Sita said.
'Hey! You guys were wondering who's our DADA teacher, right?'
Sirius said, choking and coughing on his toast.
'Yeah, why not? First impression is always good,' Thomas said.
Remus coughed.
'Guess that's your answer then,' Adele said, pointing her cherry
tart piece at a new face that was never seen before at the High Tables. He is a
middle-aged wizard, somewhat like McGonagall's age, with twinkling grey eyes.
He had blonde curls and a goofy grin on his face. Looking at his robes to see
what is his "first impression" to the students was definitely a bad idea. At
that very moment, everyone choked on their food, Lily splurted her pineapple
juice over herself and James coughed hard on his porridge.
'Are those even robes?' Nina choked on her vegetable. What
she had said was quite true; were those supposedly robes even robes? Maybe and
maybe not. The wizard was dressing in a orange suit like a squid's along with
those tentacles at the bottom, covering his pointy flipper shoes. Next to him,
McGonagall looked a bit pink.
Just when they were about to really burst out laughing,
Dumbledore stood up to.
'Ahem. May I have the pleasure to introduce you to our new
Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Rotten Ripp. He couldn't join
us during the sorting ceremony and the last two days for some task he had to
complete. But he's here now, and that's what matter. May we give him a warm
welcome?'
A warm welcome it was, accompanied by uncontrolled giggles and
snickers when Professor Rotten Ripp stood up. He nearly toppled down,
surprising everyone. They gaped at him in surprise and shock and if McGonagall
hadn't caught the end of his flipper-shoes in time, he'd have to spend his
first week in school in the Infirmary for the bruises and another week if Madam
Pomfrey fussed too much.
'Rotten!! Be more careful!' McGonagall nearly yelled in
exasperation, pulling him back up.
'Yes, yes. Thank you very much, Mikinerpa. I couldn't have done
it without you,' Ripp said absent-mindedly. If McGonagall hated the name the
Marauders called her (Minnie), she definitely hate this one just as much.
'It's Minerva, not "Mikinerpa" or "Minnie",' McGonagall said
bitterly.
'Yes, Bittergall.'
McGonagall swelled up like a bullfrog.
'When's our first class with him?' James asked, peering his
timetable.
'Today. Right after this,' Lily replied, biting her toast.
'First subject?' Remus queried.
'First subject,' Sirius confirmed.
'Wonder how he'll be,' Adele wondered.
'Oh, interesting, I suppose,' Lily waved.
**
The school seemed to have gone back to the
"four-houses-in-a-class" basis after the two year try with having only one
class in those very important ones, such as Transfiguration and DADA.
Fourth year Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Slytherin
streamed into the DADA classroom promptly when the bell rang for first class,
chatting eagerly with one another ('Oh, I forgot to do my essay on werewolves!').
The Marauders, yet again, chose the front seats. Anna Hopkins, their sworn
rival (or at least, she swore that herself) in studies, automatically chose the
table next to theirs.
Adele Varens soon became a topic to discuss about, since she's a
new student. Everyone crowded over her and began asking her questions, one
after the other. Weird questions soon surfaced after the normal ones.
'Why are you with them?' Serena Tappers asked.
'What them? Them who?' Adele said, puzzled.
'The Marauders! Who else? Highly marked as dangerous specimens in
a box addressed specially to Albus Dumbledore. With super huge poison fangs and
a label saying "Stay Back! High Warning of Contagious Fleas!" stamped in red
ink and on our faces,' Lily said sarcastically. Serena backed off.
'Why so snappy, Lily?' she asked.
'Oh, just thought I'd make things easier for you. You were going
to say that, weren't you? If not, it's printed in your head then,' Lily said.
Serena went bright red, for that was what she had thought just now and almost
something she was about to say. Muttering, she left to distribute the rumor
that Lily Evans can read minds and the Marauders are related (again) to the
Dark Lord.
Just then, Ripp stumbled into the classroom, a goofy grin on his
red (Remus guessed that it's been slammed) face. He beamed happily around the
room as the students scuttered back hurrily to their respective places. Ripp
set his books down and looked at the cupboard next to him.
'You there! Get back to your seat!' he said in a very ridiculous
tone of voice. The cupboard, of course, did nothing of that sort. It just stood
where it was laid and ignored Ripp.
'Professor, that's a cupboard,' Tally said flatly.
'Ah! Good morning, class! Very peaceful, isn't it?' Ripp said,
forgetting altogether the incident to ask a cupboard to sit down.
Sirius was mumbling something under his breath and Ripp caught
him.
'What is it, uh, Tap?' Ripp said, looking at the name list and at
Sirius.
'It's Black. Yes, Tap kinda rhyme, but really, I prefer Black,
thank you,' Sirius said, grinning at him innocently.
'Ah whatever. Now, can we have a knowing-you session?' Ripp
beamed again. He pulled out a parchment and draw a quill from the nearby stack
of quills. A whir was heard and a bucket of sea water fell over him as everyone
ducked away and try to stiffle their snorts at the same time. Sea water and
squid match a lot.
A clump of seaweed fell of Ripp as a signal to the end of the
prank, and Sirius came up for his applause in which he received in louds claps
and bangs. Ripp gingerly took the seaweed off his head and ate it up. Disgusted
sounds flew like hot fire.
'If he isn't mental, he is now. I added a brain-damaging potion
in there,' Sirius said shakily.
'That was wonderful!!!' Ripp exclaimed.
The Marauders gulped as odd glances shot around the room.
'Is he mad?' Adele whispered.
'I don't know. He's new. Hey Li! Scan his head!' Remus said.
'How'm I supposed to do that?? It's absurd!' Lily said.
'So's the idea of making him bounce like a kangaroo. Go on,
Lily!' James urged.
'Fine. Don't blame me if he really goes bonkers,' Lily muttered.
Sirius whacked Lily on her head hard.
'Ow! Whaddyou do that for?'
'Idiot! Not my head!!! Rottie's!!!!!!' Sirius scolded.
'Rottie? Oh, Rotten. Don't you wanna be sane?'
'You're kidding. And lose all the fun? In your dreams!'
'It'll do us good though,' James said helpfully.
'I'm Professor Rotten Ripp-' half the class sniggered, partly
Slytherins '- and I'll be teaching you Defense Against the White Arts.'
'The what?!' Thomas DeAnne said at once.
'Defense Against Dub Parts.'
'Are we doing a cartoon?' Anna Hopkins said disapprovingly.
'No, Hoppy. We're learninghow to defend ourselves against apple
tarts.'
'You mean, fight against apple tarts?' Remus asked.
'Um, no. Apple tarts are my favourite, so why fight it? As I was
saying, you'll be learning Throwing the Dart Parts with me.'
'You mean Defense Against the Dark Arts, Professor,' Dan
said at last.
'Today, we'll learn about a Dark Creature, the Yumi.'
'Is this Care of Magical Creatures?' Snape drawled.
'Huh? Oh, no! the Turmmy is a dark creature that looks like a
lion, Mr Pape.'
'Oh, you mean Kurnies!' Lily said, her brain finally
making sense of what this odd teacher is talking about.
'I did say it was a Burkie, didn't I?'
'No. You said Turmmy.'
'I like my stomach intact, Ms Gerass,' Ripp said, waving
impatiently.
'It's Evans.'
'Yes Petrans.'
'Evans.'
'Seriously, Gelans, I'm saying it correctly!'
'More of wrongly.'
'We'll get back to class, Varens.'
'I'm Varens!' Adele piped.
'Yes, yes, Evans,' Ripp said to Adaele.
'No. I'm Varens, she's Evans,' Adele said.
'Whatever. You two, ah, Pitter and Pat,' Ripp said, referring to
James and Sirius. 'Get your mapetti roots chopped!'
'Are we doing potions, Sirius?' James asked.
'Beats me, James. Who's Pitter and Pat anyway?' Sirius returned.
The two shrugged.
'Who cares?'
The two looked at each other.
'No one.'
They look again.
'Stop following me!'
'Enough already James/Sirius!'
'Stop following me!'
'Don't copy what I said!'
'Hey, didn't you hear me?'
'Someone's controlling me!'
'You too? Whom?'
'I don't know.'
'LILY EVANS!!!!!!!' the two yelled thunderously.
'Yes?' Lily squeaked under the table, tears rolling down her
cheeks from laughing too hard.
'Make us stop!'
'I didn't do it,' Lily said, gaining control.
'Then whom?'
'Uh… me,' Lily said.
'I knew you did it!'
'No, I didn't do it!' Lily yelled back.
'Enough already!' Remus said.
'Maybe Remus did it!' James and Sirius both said.
'I did not!'
'Adele?'
'Not me!' the girl said, trying to control herself from laughing
too much.
'Put us back!!! SNAPE!!!!!!'
'Aw, Potter and Black seemed like talking to no one, right?'
Snape said in a I-Am-Cute-And-Innocent voice.
'Lily, we know it's you, so fess it up!'
'Tisn't! Ask Adele!'
'Not me! Try Remus?'
'Innocent!! What about yourselves?'
'We don't wanna stay this way forever!! Put us back! Lily,
now!!!! I know it's you!'
Lily pouted sulkily and turned to Adele.
'See what I told you? They simply would not be fooled!' and with
that, Lily turned them back to normal.
'Now let's get back to predicting the weather,' Ripp said once
everything goes back to normal.
'Is it Divination?' Tally asked in horror.
'Why, of course, Trapman! Haven't you known?' Ripp said in
astonishment.
'We're doing DADA,' Dan said.
'Okay, open Transfiguration For Second Years by Rosmeir
Transformer page 5, please.'
The class groaned. Nothing they had expected from him includes
dealing with his very very bad memory.
'Professor?' Remus said in exasperation.
'Yes, uh, Drukins?'
'What's your name?'
'I'm Ramter Rack,' Ripp said, referring to the current Minister
of Magic, who, like his name, always ram-the-rack.
'Wonderful. He lost his mind,' James whispered.
'Back to Kurnies,' Ripp said, clearing his throat. The class
rummaged for quill and parchment.
'They live in large groups in 14th century in India in
Mami in the lake in the lake castle. Can easily be found grimacing at swimmers of the Maki Lake whilst eating
the India's famous chapati,' Ripp said, serious for once. The class wrote
everything down quickly.
'They are massive and hairy and-'
'Professor, if they're hairy, how'd they live underwater?' Adele
asked. Usually creatures that live underwater have no fur for they hate those
glossy furs standing in its ends or sticking to it's skin.
'Eglans, these are werewolves! Have you got your page
right?'
'Ding Dong!! We're learning Kurnies! Wake up and smell the fresh
air!' Lily nearly yelled, followed by the Marauders, an annoyed Anna and the
rest of the class. Thankfully for Ripp before Lily could get him with the
daggers, the bell rang.
'Class dismissed! Read about Kappas, chapter five,' Ripp called,
running out.
'Yeah, we learnt thata last year,' James muttered. Outside, a
loud thud was heard and the class looked out to see what had happened. Ripp had
fallen flat on his face, accidentally tripping over his
squid-look-a-like-robes'-tentacles. Some slapped their hands onto their
foreheads and the others groaned.
Deciding to ask McGonagall all about the new DADA professor,
everyone marched promptly into the Transfiguration classroom and waited
patiently for McGonagall to come in. They waited and waited, yet the usual
sound of her brisk walking was never heard. She came in, however, fifteen
minutes later, absolutely furious and annoyed by the look of her face as she
slammed her books down harshly, making everyone jump. She bore her eyes into
her class' and everything was still and silent. Remus decided to break the ice.
'Uh, Minnie? What's with Rotten Ripp?' he asked bravely,
gathering every ounce of courage he had. McGonagall sunk.
'What? Him? He's my cousin,' McGonagall said bitterly as if it
was the worst thing in the world, which, probably is anyway.
'Your WHAT?!' everyone yelled at the same time. Somehow, no one
could picture one as strict and severe McGonagall being relataed to anyone as
clumsy and forgetful as Ripp.
'You're- you're not serious are you? Your cousin?' Lily
gaped.
'Yes, and that stupid thing just fell in front of his classroom
and broke his nose,' McGonagall said angrily as if to say "why me?" to fate.
'Uh, we're wondering how he got the job,' James said.
'His mother promised that I'd look after him and look after him I
have to. Says that he'll do nothing silly under my nose, hah! He was quite good
in DADA if he doesn't keep forgetting his topics. I have no answer to why is
his head so- so- so- so insufferable. Load of rubbish there are,'
McGonagall muttered.
'So right. He spent half the lesson trying to say "Defense
Against Dark Arts" and he came up with pretty good rhymes to that. The other
half of the lesson is to try to teach us about Kurnies, which turned into
werewolves. The end of the lesson was giving us Kappas for homework,' Sirius
said.
'Really?'
'Did he have a brain check? Or did he fall and have a concussion
in his brain?' Adele inquired. At this, the class leant even more forward for
her answer.
'He's been that way ever since I knew him,' McGonagall said
curtly.
'Maybe his mother dropped him down,' James suggested.
'Maybe, but-' McGonagall was rudely cut by a loud beep. She bang
her own head onto the desk, but the shrill beeping didn't just stop there. It
beeped even louder.
'Blast it! He must've fallen somewhere on his way to that
Infirmary! I'd better pray that Professor Kettleburn didn't come across him. He
had an order for Dumbledore: a fire-breathing sting ray! Excuse me, class,
please,' McGonagall said faintly, rushing off in a speed of light.
'Gee, she must be pretty busy!' Nina commented.
'Can't say no. I mean, look at Ripp! He keeps falling into
trouble and I think he has a trouble-attracting magnet planted all over him.
Seriously,' Pertsy said.
'Free for Transfiguration!' Milicent Dork said happily. The
Ravenclaws, especially Anna Hopkins, glared and stared daggers at her
spitefully.
'Shut up, Milicent! Study is very important,' Anna snapped
angrily.
'Oh, I think being too brainy will make me stupid,' the Slytherin
said silkily.
'Grr… until you pass your OWLs, don't you dare tell me that,'
Anna bit.
'Oooh, someone's mad,' Snape sneered.
'Better than being a snake,' Lily shot back.
'Uh, hey! I heard before that in some place in Asia, people use
snakes as vaccines! They use the blood, meat, make wine…' Sirius started
ticking it off his fingers one by one, each more disgusting than the other. The
class shivered as he went on to their organs, how they get those, how to kill
the snake and all. Serena Tappers turned acid green when he came to a part
where snake skin were used as blankets to heal migraines and sometimes were
eaten to live longer.
'Yuck! Sirius, stop it!' Serena said in disgust.
'Why?'
'It's disgusting! Why'd you tell us anyway?'
'Are you kidding? It's fascinating!' James cried, as if
his whole life would fly off without hearing about snakes being killed.
'How come?' Adele asked.
'Don't you wanna turn Snape into a snake and send him there? Once
and for all? I most definitely would!' James said excitedly, gripping his wand.
In the corner, Snape paled terribly. So pale that he's even more
whiter than Adele. After all, James is the best in Transfiguration. What
if he really did what he wanted to? What if he, Severus Snape, is really turned
into a snake? And get sent to that horrid place? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
'Aah! Mr Snake's out of color now! What a beautiful piece of
art!' Remus said knowledgebly in a wise tone.
'Very out of color,' Lily agreed, pulling out a parchment and
quill to sketch him. Snape didn't notice anything and looked as if he was told
to go to Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff; dead. Thomas knocked on him.
'Maybe he's dead?' he said hopefully.
Just then, McGonagall ran in, completely out of breath as she
sunk into her chair. Beads of sweats were all over her severe face and her eyes
have dark bags under them. She gasped and panted heavily for breath and the
students kept quiet to wait for her to start.
'He's beginning to tire me! He fell off the stairs and managed to
curse himself with a Vomiting Curse. After that, a few fire-pixies were aiming
fire-arrows at him for treading on their nest. He crawled his way to the
Infirmary, only to find it locked because Poppy's bathing. Thank you very much,
Evans. I most needed some water now,' McGonagall breathed as she took the cup
from Lily.
'Sure. After all, it's free, cause I got it from the fish pond,'
Lily said slyy.
McGonagall sprayed the water on Sirius' face, which is right in
front of her.
'Ugh! Minnie, have you any manners?' Sirius said, wiping away the
water.
'Just kidding! It's only green tea,' Lily laughed.
'Yuck. It's bitter and yucky and disgusting and taste as if it's
from the fish pond,' McGonagall said, sticking her tongue out.
'But it's good, Minnie (she got into habit after listening to the
Marauders)! Fresh from Japan, this one is,' Adele said, speaking like Madam
Pomfrey though she hadn't met her yet.
'From where?!'
'Japan. I was from there before coming here.'
'Oh, okay. Tell whomever who made this – what? – dying grass tea
it's awful.'
'They're dead long ago.'
'Then pull away the flowers on their grave.'
Adele nodded clumsily, staring at McGonagall as if she'd grown
five heads. Is this the same teacher that brought her to the Gryffindor common
room on her first day? Had turning her into a bulldog on her first night
somehow damaged her brains? This, Adele had no answer. She turned to Lily, who
grinned as though she'd read her mind.
'Nah. She's just too upset with her cousin turning a professor at
Hogwarts and making a complete fool of himself. She knows now that she have to
keep running to his rescue whenever that beep came,' Lily said, pointing at a
watch dangling from McGonagall's left wrist.
'Too right, Lily. now can you get me a cup of pumpkin juice?'
McGonagall asked dizzily.
'It's gonna beep pretty soon and-'
'It's okay. Now, the pumpkin juice please, thank you,' McGonagll
said. She gulped down the glass of pumpkin juice James transfigured. As soon as
the last drop drained off, a familiar beep echoed around the room.
Beep beep! Beep beep!
'I think your cousin just got attacked by the fire-breathing
sting ray, tripped over Berlin the Boaster's foot and nearly fell headfirst
from the North Tower,' Lily laughed. McGonagall groaned as she set out for the
Divinataion Tower as Lily had predicted he'll be.
'Y'know, having a cousin that clumsy must be annoying,' Remus
said in amusement.
'Aas! Who cares? Now I'm confirmed thata we'll be free for
Transfiguration and DADA!' Sirius stretched.
'I bet Minnie'll get hurt, trying to save Ripp from falling from
the North Tower,' Adele giggled.
'I think Insect (Trelawney) got hurt too, in process,' James
added his thought.
That very moment, Dumbledore's loud voice boomed throughout the
huge castle.
'May the fourth year for Transfiguration and second year for DADA
return to their respectful common rooms? It seemed that Professor McGonagall,
Professor Ripp and Professor Trelawney had had an accident at the North Tower,
thus, your classes with them for the next five days will be cancelled. Thank you.'
Everyone whoopped and chorus of joy sang around the room.
'I knew we'd be free for this dorky subject! I must have the
Sight!' Milicent smirked happily as the class gathered up their things. The
Ravenclaws were muttering things under their breath, but everyone else were
celebrating the free hour.
'Actually, Milicent, you have not had your Sight as you have not
grown a bat wing,' Lily said before running out.
'Hey! For all you know, we'll be let out of Transfiguration and
DADA this year!' Tally called, running towards Dan.
AN: yep, I'm very very
lazy these days J and school isn't
helping much. The idea on Professor Rotten Ripp [right, laugh off. My friend
did.] was inspired by my stupid cousin Alex [though he's not clumsy]. And my
friend [ahem; Nabilah, you know who you are] says that this is so stupid she
could laugh to death. and I really hadn't any idea what his name should be, so
I had the first thing that came into my mind to be it. So happened to be
"Rotten"… and so much for taking the risk on that. And my modem broke down!!!!!
I'm so sorry!!!!!! And to add to my list of bad luck, I can't write for another
two weeks cause I have exams coming…
