The Marauding Five : Year Four

AN: Third chapter third chapter!! *dances all around* hurray!!!! And oh, never ever will the Marauders trust Wormtail! Never! Just to remind you again, this story hasn't got anything to do with the real one, so stick with the fact, kay? Thanks! And besides, all the five Marauders are here already! No more place for another! Weird… the Yumi hasn't even come out for even half the chapter and it has FANS?! What is the world coming to?? And that chapter sounded too serious to me! How can it turn out hilarious?

Oh, the snowball scene in Y2. No, I never tried it out since there's no snow in my place [not one flake]. Anywayz, it could be said that they made the stones softer, couldn't it? since they're witch and wizards? I don't like sticking to original facts, so I expand everything. Guess that's a wrong experiment. And what's the Chalet School? Never seen it before… or it's I'm too busy to visit the bookstore.

I chose Lily's animal already, so thanks to everyone who gave their comments!!! I want a special one especially for her [hey, she took almost ALL my personality!] and I finally set my thoughts on one after staying up till 1am yesterday ^^ a fox wouldn't hurt much, but I want something no one ever thought of before and voila! My very own head gives me the idea! Too bad, you'd have to wait until Y5 for that! As I'd said before, a doe is too out-of-question and piecing it with my version of Marauders and Lily is a very absurd idea…

bunny chan

Disclaimer: This plot, blablabla is all MINE! But those characters and some of the spells are JKR's. Hm… I'm feeling a little sane today…

The Marauding Five : Year Four

Chapter 3: The DADA Professor

Tally sat up in bed, blinking and sweating furiously. She had just had a dream about the four Marauders, practically upsetting the very romantic scene of her and Dan, watching the beautiful sunset in Las Vegas. They had simply knocked everything into pieces and shot Dungbombs all around, stenching the place. And how, Tally know not, did another kid, calling herself the fifth Marauder, ever got into there?

'Okay, get a grip on yourself first, Tally. It's just a dream! And there are only four Marauders. Never was there a fifth one,' Tally told herself strictly.

'Fifth what, Tally?' Lily chirped gaily. Tally stared at the redhead first and her clock.

'You are up at six in the morning? Lily, are you having a fever?' Tally said, surprised.

'Hi Tally!' a foreign face and voice greeted the blonde chap. Tally stared at her hard, taking her in. A short raven-haired girl with dark violet eyes, pale complexion and had the sort of mysterious aura Lily usually carried with her when weird things like flying daggers goes about. She had a sweet face, though, like a little rose, and quite matched Lily when she grinned.

'Um, who're you?' Tally said at last.

'Tally, you met her last night!' Lily said.

'Unfotunately, I don't seem to recall that,' Tally said.

'I'm Adele Varens, new student,' Adele said holding her hand up.

'From where?'

'Gordonholp, in the north of Japan. Very north. Awfully cold there,' Adele grinned.

'Nice to meet you, Adele. Where do you live? And your name doesn't sound like from Japan.'

'Oh, I'm not a Japanese. I'm from China, but mother and father are from England,' Adele said. 'I'm shifting to Loopy Village this December.'

'Really? Near where? The forest or the mountains?' Tally said, excited.

'Um, the forest. Between James and Remus' house and opposite Sirius' house,' Adele said, thinking hard.

'Lily! You never told me that!' Tally accused teasingly.

'Hey, I said so yesterday! You were half awake that time!' Lily defended.

'Lily, you said you wanna show me something,' Adele said.

'Huh? Oh yeah! C'mon, I'll show you what I did to Tal here in the summer,' Lily said, grinning evilly. An identical grin seem to have blossomed on Adele's face.

'What?'

'The boys'll love it! Trust me!' Lily promised, carrying a kettle in hand and a packet of brown colored powder in the other. The two bid a cheerful goodbye to Tally and ran out of the room, laughing at the deceitful fate they had planned for the boys.

'What did Lily did to me in the summer? Turn Elley's house into junk – wait. That's Elley also, so outta question. Dig up the baby mandrakes and recorded their voice to plant in my garden, made me grow blotches, destroy my homework…' Tally ticked off her fingers as she tried to recall what Lily alone had done to her in the summer.

'Shuddup, Tal. I need sleep,' Nina muttered.

'Don't tell me… she's going to turn the boys' dorm into a garden of lilies??????!!!!!!' Tally exclaimed, jumping up.

'Shut up, Tally,' Pertsy mumbled. 'Or I'll jinx you.'

'But-'

'If it's about Dan again, I've heard enough,' Sita mumbled.

Lily and Adele didn't turn the boys' dormitory into a garden of lilies, as Tally had thought. They had different ideas in mind. Lily just forgot to mention that it's not only Tally alone that had received this torture. They, however, had something rampaging in the dorm…

'Aaaaaah!!!!!!! Garden Gnomes!!!!!!!' Thomas McMillan yelled when he felt something crawling on his bed. 'Gerroff! Gerroff! Outta here! Shoo!!!!!'

'Ho-hum. What's the fuss, Tom?' Remus mumbled sleepily from the next bed.

'Remus, you've got to help me! Please!' Thomas begged.

'Help what?'

'Remus, there are gnomes here! Everywhere, in fact! Aah! No! Don't! McGonagall'll kill me if I hand in a blotched parchment on human transfiguration!!' Thomas cried as he tried to save his parchment. Too late. The naughty gnomes had poured a bottle of green ink over the parchment, decorating it with a few of Madam Kiliklik's Permanent Gold and Silver Paint – lasts all your life!

'This place is infested with them!!!' Thomas wailed.

'Wha? Wak! Garden Gnomes! What're they doing here?' Dan jumped.

'Help!!' Thomas cried as a Gnome pinched his nose. Dan rummaged his bag for a Warlock Japperdy's Gnome Repels and held it superiorly out to the Gnomes. However, they didn't seem at all scared. Instead, they just snickered and pinched his legs tightly.

'Aw right! You asked for it!' Dan said, spraying the repel all around the room.

Did it stop the Garden Gnomes?

No!

'What sort of thing is that? Look at it's expiry date!!' Thomas howled. Dan looked at it.

'Oops! It expired fifty years ago,' he said sheepishly.

'Yuck, this stink,' Sirius mumbled from his bed.

'Lemme sleep,' James said sleepily.

'James, Sirius! I beg you! Get these things off!' Thomas wailed.

'Can't. Only Lily has the power to get these animals away,' James mumbled.

'I order you to!'

'And you expect me to follow the order? Har-har. Sorry kid, fat chance,' James said. 'Call Lily over. She'll have it done in seconds.'

'Yeah,' Sirius said.

'Mmm…' Remus agreed.

'HEEEEELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Thomas howled.

'Now that's what I call a decent prank!' Adele whispered to Lily. The two girls were hiding beneath James' Invisibility Cloak (sneaked out of his trunk) in a corner of the room, just next to the door. The two girls giggled silently to themselves and high-fived silently on the prank well done.

Remus' sharp ears caught the soft sound.

'I'll go get the HeadBoy, whoever he is. I know he's Gryffindor, though. 'sides, girls aren't allowed,' Thomas gasped hurriedly. Dan nodded his approval and the three others grunted, not bothering even if he'd planned to leave them in a den of dragons. The boy quickly jumped from the bed and pull the door open and it slammed Lily smartly in her face.

'Ow!!'

Now Remus was perfectly sure that someone was hiding in this room.

Lily nursed the bruise as Adele tried not to move too much for all attention were turned to their corner. Muttering, Lily pulled out a pocket mirror and held it before her, mumbling somewords at her reflection.

'Lily, this is not a proper time to look at yourself!' Adele hissed.

Ssh! These people are bright! Came Lily's telepathic message.

'Come out Lily! You know we know you are here,' James said.

'Of all things, why Garden Gnomes?' Sirius said, looking interested at a very large bruise on Dan's face. 'Y'know, you shouldn't've moved. They attack if you do.'

'How should I know,' Dan said sourly.

'Come out Lily!' Remus said.

No response.

'Maybe they moved to another corner,' Remus suggested after some time. At this, the boys spread themselves out, hitting every part but the one beside the door. Behind the cloak, the girls made their way to the widely opened door.

Just as theywere about to make a run for it, James pulled the cloak off them. They stared. And they gulped.

'Um, hi?' Adele said weakly. Lily didn't bother with greetings though.

'Obliviate!' she yelled, pulling out her wand at the five boys. She then grabbed the cloak from James, pulled Adele under it from the scene of crime, made a sprint to the common room, bumped into the headboy and made them half-float and half-run for the rest of the way.

Adele, still stunned at what is happening in what seem like a blur, allowed Lily to drag her off.

Huffing and panting, Lily dropped into one of the squishy arm-chairs and pulled off the cloak.

'We must've beat the world record in running,' Lily said, looking at her watch. It said "Just in time!"

Adele, after gaining back conciousness on what happened, turn to Lily.

'Lily, do you think they'll get mad at us?' Adele said with a quavering note.

'I put a memory charm on them. With Dan and Thomas, yes, but I can't guarantee with the others. They're Marauders and we're all Quidditch players, so with their reflexes and knowledge with me, they most definitely will avoid that,' Lily panted.

'We're finished…' Adele groaned.

'We might be, we might not be,' Lily said gloomily.

'Can't you do anything?' Adele begged. Lily thought for a while.

'Yeah, but are you afraid of heights?'

'No, why should I?'

'Nothing. Okay, here goes,' Lily said, taking a deep breath. She linked her hands with Adele and threw the Invisibility Cloak over the both of them. To Adele's utmost surprise, she floated all the way to the top until they reached the unreachable ceiling of the common room.

'Why go so high?' Adele gasped.

'Afraid? No, it's just safety precaution. The boys might start feeling for us,' Lily said.

'How would they know?'

'Like I'd said, they'd known me ever since I could breath and I them. They knew I can float up, but I'm quite scare of heights at some times, so they wouldn't expect me to go this high. That's why we have to stay here,' Lily explained.

Adele nodded approvingly at her theory.

Just then, three boys came stampeding down the stairs at a speed of a tornado and the girls turned statue when they saw them holding wands in their hands. They tighten their grip on the Invisibility Cloak even more, and Lily levitate them until their heads actually touched the ceiling.

'Lily Rose Evans! Come out this instance!' James bellowed.

'Yeah! You have to clean those mess and get those Garden Gnomes off our heels!' Sirius yelled.

'Get out this instance!' Remus cried.

The girls stuffed their mouths with their hankerchiefs and nearly burst out laughing when they saw each other, with their cheeks swelled up and the extra bits of hankie popping outside their mouths. Lily pinched herself hard so as to not build the gauge of laughter inside her.

'Do you think they're so foolish to stay here?' Remus popped the inteligent question after the boys spent minutes prodding and poking their wand everywhere.

'No. Reckon Lily'll take Adele to our hideout?' James said.

'You're asking? Lily's your – ulp! I didn't say anything! Serious – uh, I mean, honest!!' Sirius said, cowering beneath the death glare James had given him.

'If you ever dare let that slip out, by accident or on purpose, you'll find your head on the Gryffindor Tower's peak, you brain in my potions, your blood fed to dragons and your bones to Fang,' James threatened.

'Gross. I don't want that sorta death if I'm you, Sirius,' Remus said numbly to him.

'C'mon, we'll get into the girls' dorm first and search for them there,' James said, stomping off. Meekly, the two ran after him.

After they left, the girls didn't pull of their Invisibility Cloak. Instead, Lily made sure they waited until someone goes out of the portrait hole and follow that person closely to get out of the Gryffindor common room. Luckily she did, too, for the three boys were hiding at the nearby couch to see if they really are in the Invisibility Cloak, jumping out as soon as the boys left.

**

Monday flew into the Hogwarts castle with moans and grumbles from the students since lessons began today.

'Who do you think our new DADA teacher will be? Professor Corn left, didn't he?' Pertsy asked, seating herself opposite the Marauders.

'Yeah, wonder who. Lily had her wish came true last year,' James said, swallowing his porridge at full speed.

'That reminds me. Lily, don't wish that I'm outta this school,' Tally said.

'Why tell me that?' Lily asked, sipping some pineapple juice.

'Last year, you wished Corn gets fired. He does. The year before, you hoped that you wouldn't flunk in potions, you didn't. On our first year, you wanna get at Snape for spoiling your Howler. You did. So try not to hope or wish on anything this year,' Dan reminded.

'I did? Sorry, didn't quite remember. Maybe we should make a time machine and go back in time to find out!' Lily said.

'Don't even try. You already half-kill us with your prank experiments. Making one time machine is a big mistake,' Sita said.

'Hey! You guys were wondering who's our DADA teacher, right?' Sirius said, choking and coughing on his toast.

'Yeah, why not? First impression is always good,' Thomas said. Remus coughed.

'Guess that's your answer then,' Adele said, pointing her cherry tart piece at a new face that was never seen before at the High Tables. He is a middle-aged wizard, somewhat like McGonagall's age, with twinkling grey eyes. He had blonde curls and a goofy grin on his face. Looking at his robes to see what is his "first impression" to the students was definitely a bad idea. At that very moment, everyone choked on their food, Lily splurted her pineapple juice over herself and James coughed hard on his porridge.

'Are those even robes?' Nina choked on her vegetable. What she had said was quite true; were those supposedly robes even robes? Maybe and maybe not. The wizard was dressing in a orange suit like a squid's along with those tentacles at the bottom, covering his pointy flipper shoes. Next to him, McGonagall looked a bit pink.

Just when they were about to really burst out laughing, Dumbledore stood up to.

'Ahem. May I have the pleasure to introduce you to our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Rotten Ripp. He couldn't join us during the sorting ceremony and the last two days for some task he had to complete. But he's here now, and that's what matter. May we give him a warm welcome?'

A warm welcome it was, accompanied by uncontrolled giggles and snickers when Professor Rotten Ripp stood up. He nearly toppled down, surprising everyone. They gaped at him in surprise and shock and if McGonagall hadn't caught the end of his flipper-shoes in time, he'd have to spend his first week in school in the Infirmary for the bruises and another week if Madam Pomfrey fussed too much.

'Rotten!! Be more careful!' McGonagall nearly yelled in exasperation, pulling him back up.

'Yes, yes. Thank you very much, Mikinerpa. I couldn't have done it without you,' Ripp said absent-mindedly. If McGonagall hated the name the Marauders called her (Minnie), she definitely hate this one just as much.

'It's Minerva, not "Mikinerpa" or "Minnie",' McGonagall said bitterly.

'Yes, Bittergall.'

McGonagall swelled up like a bullfrog.

'When's our first class with him?' James asked, peering his timetable.

'Today. Right after this,' Lily replied, biting her toast.

'First subject?' Remus queried.

'First subject,' Sirius confirmed.

'Wonder how he'll be,' Adele wondered.

'Oh, interesting, I suppose,' Lily waved.

**

The school seemed to have gone back to the "four-houses-in-a-class" basis after the two year try with having only one class in those very important ones, such as Transfiguration and DADA.

Fourth year Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Slytherin streamed into the DADA classroom promptly when the bell rang for first class, chatting eagerly with one another ('Oh, I forgot to do my essay on werewolves!'). The Marauders, yet again, chose the front seats. Anna Hopkins, their sworn rival (or at least, she swore that herself) in studies, automatically chose the table next to theirs.

Adele Varens soon became a topic to discuss about, since she's a new student. Everyone crowded over her and began asking her questions, one after the other. Weird questions soon surfaced after the normal ones.

'Why are you with them?' Serena Tappers asked.

'What them? Them who?' Adele said, puzzled.

'The Marauders! Who else? Highly marked as dangerous specimens in a box addressed specially to Albus Dumbledore. With super huge poison fangs and a label saying "Stay Back! High Warning of Contagious Fleas!" stamped in red ink and on our faces,' Lily said sarcastically. Serena backed off.

'Why so snappy, Lily?' she asked.

'Oh, just thought I'd make things easier for you. You were going to say that, weren't you? If not, it's printed in your head then,' Lily said. Serena went bright red, for that was what she had thought just now and almost something she was about to say. Muttering, she left to distribute the rumor that Lily Evans can read minds and the Marauders are related (again) to the Dark Lord.

Just then, Ripp stumbled into the classroom, a goofy grin on his red (Remus guessed that it's been slammed) face. He beamed happily around the room as the students scuttered back hurrily to their respective places. Ripp set his books down and looked at the cupboard next to him.

'You there! Get back to your seat!' he said in a very ridiculous tone of voice. The cupboard, of course, did nothing of that sort. It just stood where it was laid and ignored Ripp.

'Professor, that's a cupboard,' Tally said flatly.

'Ah! Good morning, class! Very peaceful, isn't it?' Ripp said, forgetting altogether the incident to ask a cupboard to sit down.

Sirius was mumbling something under his breath and Ripp caught him.

'What is it, uh, Tap?' Ripp said, looking at the name list and at Sirius.

'It's Black. Yes, Tap kinda rhyme, but really, I prefer Black, thank you,' Sirius said, grinning at him innocently.

'Ah whatever. Now, can we have a knowing-you session?' Ripp beamed again. He pulled out a parchment and draw a quill from the nearby stack of quills. A whir was heard and a bucket of sea water fell over him as everyone ducked away and try to stiffle their snorts at the same time. Sea water and squid match a lot.

A clump of seaweed fell of Ripp as a signal to the end of the prank, and Sirius came up for his applause in which he received in louds claps and bangs. Ripp gingerly took the seaweed off his head and ate it up. Disgusted sounds flew like hot fire.

'If he isn't mental, he is now. I added a brain-damaging potion in there,' Sirius said shakily.

'That was wonderful!!!' Ripp exclaimed.

The Marauders gulped as odd glances shot around the room.

'Is he mad?' Adele whispered.

'I don't know. He's new. Hey Li! Scan his head!' Remus said.

'How'm I supposed to do that?? It's absurd!' Lily said.

'So's the idea of making him bounce like a kangaroo. Go on, Lily!' James urged.

'Fine. Don't blame me if he really goes bonkers,' Lily muttered. Sirius whacked Lily on her head hard.

'Ow! Whaddyou do that for?'

'Idiot! Not my head!!! Rottie's!!!!!!' Sirius scolded.

'Rottie? Oh, Rotten. Don't you wanna be sane?'

'You're kidding. And lose all the fun? In your dreams!'

'It'll do us good though,' James said helpfully.

'I'm Professor Rotten Ripp-' half the class sniggered, partly Slytherins '- and I'll be teaching you Defense Against the White Arts.'

'The what?!' Thomas DeAnne said at once.

'Defense Against Dub Parts.'

'Are we doing a cartoon?' Anna Hopkins said disapprovingly.

'No, Hoppy. We're learninghow to defend ourselves against apple tarts.'

'You mean, fight against apple tarts?' Remus asked.

'Um, no. Apple tarts are my favourite, so why fight it? As I was saying, you'll be learning Throwing the Dart Parts with me.'

'You mean Defense Against the Dark Arts, Professor,' Dan said at last.

'Today, we'll learn about a Dark Creature, the Yumi.'

'Is this Care of Magical Creatures?' Snape drawled.

'Huh? Oh, no! the Turmmy is a dark creature that looks like a lion, Mr Pape.'

'Oh, you mean Kurnies!' Lily said, her brain finally making sense of what this odd teacher is talking about.

'I did say it was a Burkie, didn't I?'

'No. You said Turmmy.'

'I like my stomach intact, Ms Gerass,' Ripp said, waving impatiently.

'It's Evans.'

'Yes Petrans.'

'Evans.'

'Seriously, Gelans, I'm saying it correctly!'

'More of wrongly.'

'We'll get back to class, Varens.'

'I'm Varens!' Adele piped.

'Yes, yes, Evans,' Ripp said to Adaele.

'No. I'm Varens, she's Evans,' Adele said.

'Whatever. You two, ah, Pitter and Pat,' Ripp said, referring to James and Sirius. 'Get your mapetti roots chopped!'

'Are we doing potions, Sirius?' James asked.

'Beats me, James. Who's Pitter and Pat anyway?' Sirius returned. The two shrugged.

'Who cares?'

The two looked at each other.

'No one.'

They look again.

'Stop following me!'

'Enough already James/Sirius!'

'Stop following me!'

'Don't copy what I said!'

'Hey, didn't you hear me?'

'Someone's controlling me!'

'You too? Whom?'

'I don't know.'

'LILY EVANS!!!!!!!' the two yelled thunderously.

'Yes?' Lily squeaked under the table, tears rolling down her cheeks from laughing too hard.

'Make us stop!'

'I didn't do it,' Lily said, gaining control.

'Then whom?'

'Uh… me,' Lily said.

'I knew you did it!'

'No, I didn't do it!' Lily yelled back.

'Enough already!' Remus said.

'Maybe Remus did it!' James and Sirius both said.

'I did not!'

'Adele?'

'Not me!' the girl said, trying to control herself from laughing too much.

'Put us back!!! SNAPE!!!!!!'

'Aw, Potter and Black seemed like talking to no one, right?' Snape said in a I-Am-Cute-And-Innocent voice.

'Lily, we know it's you, so fess it up!'

'Tisn't! Ask Adele!'

'Not me! Try Remus?'

'Innocent!! What about yourselves?'

'We don't wanna stay this way forever!! Put us back! Lily, now!!!! I know it's you!'

Lily pouted sulkily and turned to Adele.

'See what I told you? They simply would not be fooled!' and with that, Lily turned them back to normal.

'Now let's get back to predicting the weather,' Ripp said once everything goes back to normal.

'Is it Divination?' Tally asked in horror.

'Why, of course, Trapman! Haven't you known?' Ripp said in astonishment.

'We're doing DADA,' Dan said.

'Okay, open Transfiguration For Second Years by Rosmeir Transformer page 5, please.'

The class groaned. Nothing they had expected from him includes dealing with his very very bad memory.

'Professor?' Remus said in exasperation.

'Yes, uh, Drukins?'

'What's your name?'

'I'm Ramter Rack,' Ripp said, referring to the current Minister of Magic, who, like his name, always ram-the-rack.

'Wonderful. He lost his mind,' James whispered.

'Back to Kurnies,' Ripp said, clearing his throat. The class rummaged for quill and parchment.

'They live in large groups in 14th century in India in Mami in the lake in the lake castle. Can easily be found grimacing at swimmers of the Maki Lake whilst eating the India's famous chapati,' Ripp said, serious for once. The class wrote everything down quickly.

'They are massive and hairy and-'

'Professor, if they're hairy, how'd they live underwater?' Adele asked. Usually creatures that live underwater have no fur for they hate those glossy furs standing in its ends or sticking to it's skin.

'Eglans, these are werewolves! Have you got your page right?'

'Ding Dong!! We're learning Kurnies! Wake up and smell the fresh air!' Lily nearly yelled, followed by the Marauders, an annoyed Anna and the rest of the class. Thankfully for Ripp before Lily could get him with the daggers, the bell rang.

'Class dismissed! Read about Kappas, chapter five,' Ripp called, running out.

'Yeah, we learnt thata last year,' James muttered. Outside, a loud thud was heard and the class looked out to see what had happened. Ripp had fallen flat on his face, accidentally tripping over his squid-look-a-like-robes'-tentacles. Some slapped their hands onto their foreheads and the others groaned.

Deciding to ask McGonagall all about the new DADA professor, everyone marched promptly into the Transfiguration classroom and waited patiently for McGonagall to come in. They waited and waited, yet the usual sound of her brisk walking was never heard. She came in, however, fifteen minutes later, absolutely furious and annoyed by the look of her face as she slammed her books down harshly, making everyone jump. She bore her eyes into her class' and everything was still and silent. Remus decided to break the ice.

'Uh, Minnie? What's with Rotten Ripp?' he asked bravely, gathering every ounce of courage he had. McGonagall sunk.

'What? Him? He's my cousin,' McGonagall said bitterly as if it was the worst thing in the world, which, probably is anyway.

'Your WHAT?!' everyone yelled at the same time. Somehow, no one could picture one as strict and severe McGonagall being relataed to anyone as clumsy and forgetful as Ripp.

'You're- you're not serious are you? Your cousin?' Lily gaped.

'Yes, and that stupid thing just fell in front of his classroom and broke his nose,' McGonagall said angrily as if to say "why me?" to fate.

'Uh, we're wondering how he got the job,' James said.

'His mother promised that I'd look after him and look after him I have to. Says that he'll do nothing silly under my nose, hah! He was quite good in DADA if he doesn't keep forgetting his topics. I have no answer to why is his head so- so- so- so insufferable. Load of rubbish there are,' McGonagall muttered.

'So right. He spent half the lesson trying to say "Defense Against Dark Arts" and he came up with pretty good rhymes to that. The other half of the lesson is to try to teach us about Kurnies, which turned into werewolves. The end of the lesson was giving us Kappas for homework,' Sirius said.

'Really?'

'Did he have a brain check? Or did he fall and have a concussion in his brain?' Adele inquired. At this, the class leant even more forward for her answer.

'He's been that way ever since I knew him,' McGonagall said curtly.

'Maybe his mother dropped him down,' James suggested.

'Maybe, but-' McGonagall was rudely cut by a loud beep. She bang her own head onto the desk, but the shrill beeping didn't just stop there. It beeped even louder.

'Blast it! He must've fallen somewhere on his way to that Infirmary! I'd better pray that Professor Kettleburn didn't come across him. He had an order for Dumbledore: a fire-breathing sting ray! Excuse me, class, please,' McGonagall said faintly, rushing off in a speed of light.

'Gee, she must be pretty busy!' Nina commented.

'Can't say no. I mean, look at Ripp! He keeps falling into trouble and I think he has a trouble-attracting magnet planted all over him. Seriously,' Pertsy said.

'Free for Transfiguration!' Milicent Dork said happily. The Ravenclaws, especially Anna Hopkins, glared and stared daggers at her spitefully.

'Shut up, Milicent! Study is very important,' Anna snapped angrily.

'Oh, I think being too brainy will make me stupid,' the Slytherin said silkily.

'Grr… until you pass your OWLs, don't you dare tell me that,' Anna bit.

'Oooh, someone's mad,' Snape sneered.

'Better than being a snake,' Lily shot back.

'Uh, hey! I heard before that in some place in Asia, people use snakes as vaccines! They use the blood, meat, make wine…' Sirius started ticking it off his fingers one by one, each more disgusting than the other. The class shivered as he went on to their organs, how they get those, how to kill the snake and all. Serena Tappers turned acid green when he came to a part where snake skin were used as blankets to heal migraines and sometimes were eaten to live longer.

'Yuck! Sirius, stop it!' Serena said in disgust.

'Why?'

'It's disgusting! Why'd you tell us anyway?'

'Are you kidding? It's fascinating!' James cried, as if his whole life would fly off without hearing about snakes being killed.

'How come?' Adele asked.

'Don't you wanna turn Snape into a snake and send him there? Once and for all? I most definitely would!' James said excitedly, gripping his wand.

In the corner, Snape paled terribly. So pale that he's even more whiter than Adele. After all, James is the best in Transfiguration. What if he really did what he wanted to? What if he, Severus Snape, is really turned into a snake? And get sent to that horrid place? NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Aah! Mr Snake's out of color now! What a beautiful piece of art!' Remus said knowledgebly in a wise tone.

'Very out of color,' Lily agreed, pulling out a parchment and quill to sketch him. Snape didn't notice anything and looked as if he was told to go to Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff; dead. Thomas knocked on him.

'Maybe he's dead?' he said hopefully.

Just then, McGonagall ran in, completely out of breath as she sunk into her chair. Beads of sweats were all over her severe face and her eyes have dark bags under them. She gasped and panted heavily for breath and the students kept quiet to wait for her to start.

'He's beginning to tire me! He fell off the stairs and managed to curse himself with a Vomiting Curse. After that, a few fire-pixies were aiming fire-arrows at him for treading on their nest. He crawled his way to the Infirmary, only to find it locked because Poppy's bathing. Thank you very much, Evans. I most needed some water now,' McGonagall breathed as she took the cup from Lily.

'Sure. After all, it's free, cause I got it from the fish pond,' Lily said slyy.

McGonagall sprayed the water on Sirius' face, which is right in front of her.

'Ugh! Minnie, have you any manners?' Sirius said, wiping away the water.

'Just kidding! It's only green tea,' Lily laughed.

'Yuck. It's bitter and yucky and disgusting and taste as if it's from the fish pond,' McGonagall said, sticking her tongue out.

'But it's good, Minnie (she got into habit after listening to the Marauders)! Fresh from Japan, this one is,' Adele said, speaking like Madam Pomfrey though she hadn't met her yet.

'From where?!'

'Japan. I was from there before coming here.'

'Oh, okay. Tell whomever who made this – what? – dying grass tea it's awful.'

'They're dead long ago.'

'Then pull away the flowers on their grave.'

Adele nodded clumsily, staring at McGonagall as if she'd grown five heads. Is this the same teacher that brought her to the Gryffindor common room on her first day? Had turning her into a bulldog on her first night somehow damaged her brains? This, Adele had no answer. She turned to Lily, who grinned as though she'd read her mind.

'Nah. She's just too upset with her cousin turning a professor at Hogwarts and making a complete fool of himself. She knows now that she have to keep running to his rescue whenever that beep came,' Lily said, pointing at a watch dangling from McGonagall's left wrist.

'Too right, Lily. now can you get me a cup of pumpkin juice?' McGonagall asked dizzily.

'It's gonna beep pretty soon and-'

'It's okay. Now, the pumpkin juice please, thank you,' McGonagll said. She gulped down the glass of pumpkin juice James transfigured. As soon as the last drop drained off, a familiar beep echoed around the room.

Beep beep! Beep beep!

'I think your cousin just got attacked by the fire-breathing sting ray, tripped over Berlin the Boaster's foot and nearly fell headfirst from the North Tower,' Lily laughed. McGonagall groaned as she set out for the Divinataion Tower as Lily had predicted he'll be.

'Y'know, having a cousin that clumsy must be annoying,' Remus said in amusement.

'Aas! Who cares? Now I'm confirmed thata we'll be free for Transfiguration and DADA!' Sirius stretched.

'I bet Minnie'll get hurt, trying to save Ripp from falling from the North Tower,' Adele giggled.

'I think Insect (Trelawney) got hurt too, in process,' James added his thought.

That very moment, Dumbledore's loud voice boomed throughout the huge castle.

'May the fourth year for Transfiguration and second year for DADA return to their respectful common rooms? It seemed that Professor McGonagall, Professor Ripp and Professor Trelawney had had an accident at the North Tower, thus, your classes with them for the next five days will be cancelled. Thank you.'

Everyone whoopped and chorus of joy sang around the room.

'I knew we'd be free for this dorky subject! I must have the Sight!' Milicent smirked happily as the class gathered up their things. The Ravenclaws were muttering things under their breath, but everyone else were celebrating the free hour.

'Actually, Milicent, you have not had your Sight as you have not grown a bat wing,' Lily said before running out.

'Hey! For all you know, we'll be let out of Transfiguration and DADA this year!' Tally called, running towards Dan.

AN: yep, I'm very very lazy these days J and school isn't helping much. The idea on Professor Rotten Ripp [right, laugh off. My friend did.] was inspired by my stupid cousin Alex [though he's not clumsy]. And my friend [ahem; Nabilah, you know who you are] says that this is so stupid she could laugh to death. and I really hadn't any idea what his name should be, so I had the first thing that came into my mind to be it. So happened to be "Rotten"… and so much for taking the risk on that. And my modem broke down!!!!! I'm so sorry!!!!!! And to add to my list of bad luck, I can't write for another two weeks cause I have exams coming…