AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: Buffy is just contemplating dating Riley when the unexpected happens....
SPOILER: Pangs, IWRY - Doomed and Hush both took place before Christmas and the New Year and all. You'll see my explanation below.
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
RATING: TV-14 - for now
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song, 'No Matter What' is what the title is derived from and it's by Boyzone. The other songs used are by Cher
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is for Ashley - thanks for the kickass challenge idea! And thank you again for sending me the story I was missing. You're the best.
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Okie, these are the ones that explain the timeline, so you may want to read it to understand. Buffy visited Angel in Los Angeles on November 23rd. Something Blue, Hush and Doomed make up the weeks 'till Christmas, and Buffy *NEVER* kissed Riley. He asked her out but she didn't accept. And now we're at December seventeenth, when all the students are packing up to go home for the holidays.
//No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We'll find our own way back\\
Buffy woke up sweaty and disoriented. Willow was already getting dressed to go home to her parents' house that day, so she rolled onto and pulled the covers over the top of her head.
"Buffy?" Willow whispered. "You awake?"
"No," she pushed the covers back. "When are you leaving?"
"I'm not," Willow said. "Not unless you come home with me."
"I'm not gonna ruin your holiday with your family, Will." Buffy sat up slowly. "I'm--" she took off for the bathroom like a bat outta Hell. When she returned, her cheeks were flushed and her hair was still matted to her head like it had been when she first woke up. She got back into the bed and sighed.
"What am I gonna do, Willow?"
"Whatever's best for you." she smoothed her hair out of her eyes and sat beside her.
"But what's that?" Buffy asked. "Am I supposed to have this baby? Am I supposed to kill it? Am I supposed to give it up?"
"I can't tell you what to do, Buffy." Willow said sympathetically.
"I know," she yawned. "I just wish I knew what was right."
"You will," she assured her. "When the time comes to make a decision, you'll make the right one."
"I hope so," Buffy whispered. "I'm scared, Will." she admitted. "I woulda thought I woulda figured this all out sooner. It's been like two months."
"Maybe it has something to do with being the Slayer," Willow said since she couldn't think of anything better to say.
"I guess," Buffy let her eyes fall closed. "I'll figure it out."
Willow nodded and just sat there holding her until she fell back asleep.
*****
"Angel," Buffy ran her fingernails up and down his bare chest as they lie in bed together. "Did you ever think we'd get this lucky?"
"Never." he kissed her other hand, then his Claddagh which hung loosely around her thumb. "We're gonna have to get you another one of these," he told her.
"Wouldn't we have to get out of bed to do that?"
"Point taken."
"I'm tired," she yawned. "I don't wanna sleep. I don't ever want this day to end."
"It doesn't have to end." he brushed his lips over her cheek, then her eyelids, and finally her lips. "Just because we sleep and wake up doesn't mean we can't do it all over again."
She grinned. "I'm liking that plan."
They kissed passionately and then finally Buffy pulled away, causing Angel to groan.
"I just don't wanna get too into it," she yawned again. "I'm too tired to complete the transaction."
At her use of words, he burst out laughing.
"What?" she put her hands on her hips, making the shirt of his she was wearing open and show the skin between her breasts, causing him to stare at her for just a second before answering.
"It's just......'complete the transaction'...it sounds so Xander."
"Thanks a lot!" Buffy hit him with a pillow.
"Hey!" he pulled one out from under him and hit her back.
"Angel, you suck at pillow fights!" Buffy shouted amid giggles as she pelted him with the pillow.
"It's my first," he replied. "Oooh, watch the lamp!"
She tossed her pillow to the floor and pounced on top of him, grinning. "I think I'm awake now."
"Somehow, I knew you were going to say that." he kissed her tenderly, his fingers sliding over her cheeks to her neck and finally running through her hair.
*****
"Oh!" Buffy shot up in bed, gasping for air. She tried to slow her breathing and realized her body had been responding as though she were actually living that dream *now*.
"It would have to be about sex," she mumbled. Willow was asleep and she didn't want to wake her, so she pulled her journal out from under bed, slid her slippers on and went out into the hall.
The dorm was practically empty and she had the common room all to herself. She put MTV on quietly as to not disturb any leftover stragglers like herself and opened the book.
She wrote everything she could remember thinking, feeling, seeing down in the book. She filled pages and pages with details of the dream, things so vivid that writing them from her own memory made her blush. When she finally closed the book, she was exhausted. She barely made it back into her own bed before falling back into a sound sleep.
*****
Buffy felt as though she were observing her own life. She was almost floating above Angel's bed, watching him make love to her. She saw him leave her and when he returned, he had food. They fed each other and watched her eat off of Angel's chest. She clenched up with jealousy even though she was seeing herself, because she wouldn't let her heart believe that it was real.
Then came the sound of a baby crying, followed by the sound of her clock radio going off.
*****
"'Cause I'm strong enough," Cher sang. "To live without you, strong enough, and I quit cryin' long enough, now I'm strong enough to know you've gotta go."
"Oops!" Willow rushed into the room in a robe, her hair wet. "I'm sorry Buffy. I forgot to turn the alarm off, go back to sleep."
"No, it's okay, I'm up."
She meant to hit the 'off' button but instead hit 'scan' and another station popped on, startling both girls.
"Do you believe in life after love?"
Willow flicked it off. "Really Buffy, you can go back to sleep if you need to."
"No, I'm good. Besides, I've gotta pack."
"For what?" Willow asked.
"I'm gonna go back to my house. Set up the tree, the whole bit. I want you to come stay with me if you want, and I'm gonna have everybody over for Christmas dinner."
"You sure, Buffy?" Will asked skeptically. "Should you really be doing all that hard work?"
No, she answered silently. But I have to get my mind off of Angel and this baby or I'll go insane.
"I'll be fine," she smiled. "I think I'm gonna go take a shower."
"Okay." Willow began running a comb through her hair. "The water's still warm for once, it's nice."
"And you know what else is nice?" Buffy asked. "Not having to--" she took off for the bathroom.
"Throw up first thing in the morning," she finished when she returned ten minutes later.
"It'll get better," Willow said encouragingly. "You'll be out of your first trimester soon, and then it's all weight gain and swollen ankles."
"Thanks a lot." she said dryly.
"Oh, I forgot about the cravings," Willow added with a smile.
"Speaking of which, let's order Chinese." Buffy said eagerly. She hadn't wanted to eat in a week and it felt good to be hungry.
"It's ten-thirty in the morning." Willow said.
"So?" Buffy pulled the menu out of her drawer. "They deliver!"
