True To Your Heart [5]
True To Your Heart
Part V
by SwordSkill

Author's Notes: I'm getting a few mixed reviews about the story so far ^^;, but I assure you it will end quite satisfactorily. I had the whole story outline planned before I wrote Part 4 anyway. So for those "Mulan luvs Shang and vice-versa" people, hold on for a while, and for the opposition, enjoy Kuan Ming and Lei-lei while you can!^^


"Wait a minute." Fa Zhou looked straight at his daughter during lunch. "You refused Shang?"

"That's preposterous!" said Grandma, shaking her head.

"I don't see why everyone thinks I have to be married to Shang," grumbled Mulan.

"Because you two were made for each other," said Fa Li.

"Well, there's no hope for that anyway," said Mulan. "Shang's seeing this absolutely beautiful girl called Rong Lei-lei." She couldn't help adding, "And I'm a poor excuse for her."

"Oh, Mulan, that's must be horrible for you." Fa Li looked at her sympathetically.

"No it's not, Mama," said Mulan, feeling slightly nettled. "See, if Shang goes with Lei-lei, then I'll have a clearer conscience." She shrugged. "I can still be his friend, even if all the girls in China clung to him." Heaven forbid, she thought. "I'm not withholding any happiness from him."

"You already did withhold him happiness in the first place," said Fa Zhou. "And that must be the reason why Shang is seeking this Lei-lei, if the rumors are proved correct."

"And not only that," said Grandmother Fa. "You met Kuan Ming?"

"I hear he comes from a a very distinguished family," said Fa Li.

"Rich, too," added Grandma.

Fa Zhou had no comment. He still preferred the brave general's son rather than a merchant's son.

"He's very nice," said Mulan. "He even asked if he could come calling tomorrow, and for some more other days."

"And?" Fa Li raised her eyebrows.

"I agreed."

"You'd better think about this carefully, Mulan," said Fa Zhou. "Since the army will be moving two weeks from now, you'd better think what to do with Shang if you're quite certain about this Kuan Ming."

"I've made up my mind," said Mulan. "I'm going to ask Shang for our friendship, and hopefully he'll accept it. In fact, I'll look for him tomorrow."

"I thought you were going with Kuan Ming tomorrow."

"So I'll take him with me."

"That's not a very wise thing to do, I think," said Fa Zhou, shaking his head.

"Don't worry, Papa," said Mulan. "Everything is under control." Did I just say that?


Shang

I know I saw her peeping by the window yesterday. It was no illusion. I saw Mulan...and she looked...

"Shang?"

I looked back at Rong Lei-lei. Ayaah, Rong Lei-lei, daughter of my father's friend. You are very beautiful and very kind, but you're not Mulan. No, no one will ever be.

"Shang, you've been tuning out ever since we got here." Lei-lei nestled below the shade of the tree.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said politely. This is ridiculous. My father's friend had dropped by with his daughter yesterday to see how my mother was, and although Mother tried to dissuade him, he insisted that Lei-lei and I get to know each other. I did it yesterday by the restaurant. And today I'm doing it by the lake. Thankfully he didn't know about Mulan and I, or else it would have been worse.

"Shang, is something bothering you?" Lei-lei asked, arching her neck.

"No, no...I mean, yes. I mean..."

"Shang?"

I heaved a breath. "Lei-lei, you're very nice and very attractive..."

She smiled and said, "But?"

"But you see, I already..."

"Shang! I've been looking all over town for you!"

That voice. It could only belong to one person.

My neck pricked. I turned to see a very cheerful Mulan...riding with a very handsome man that I immediately did not like.

"That's him, Ming. You can stop now." Immediately, that man jumped down from the horse and carefully assisted Mulan down the horse.

"Thank you, Ming."

My chest tightened. Mulan could have gone down from that horse very well on her own.

"Yes, Mulan?" I said, surprised at the coolness of my voice.

But she was obviously prepared for it. "Before I say anything else, I'd like you to meet Kuan Ming."

Kuan Ming bowed. I bowed back, envying him for many things.

"And this is Rong Lei-lei," I said, introducing my companion.

"Good afternoon," Mulan and Ming said.

Then Ming looked straight at me and said, "Mulan had been telling all sorts of things about you."

"Is that good or bad?" I asked coldly.

"Either way, I cannot voice my opinions to unwelcome ears."

I think Mulan felt how the tension that was heightening, so she said, "Shang, can I have a private word with you?"

"Of course." Keeping my emotions in check, I moved a good distance away from the others and Mulan followed.

"Kuan Ming's very nice, isn't he?" asked Mulan conversationally.

"I think he's a pompuss," I couldn't help saying.

"Well, he has a way with words."

"That must be what I lacked," I said bitterly.

"Shang!" Mulan looked uncertain. "Look, I just came to say after all that's said and done, I just want to say my feelings for you haven't changed."

"Meaning you still will never love me."

"Shang! This is already really difficult for me, alright? So give me some leeway here."

"Sorry," I said, smiling weakly. "Guess I'm still feeling a little sore."

"So will you still be friends with me?"

I shrugged. "Sure, why not?" although I knew we'll never have what we had before.

"Thanks. That's all I need to hear from you." Mulan smiled.

She was about to go back when I felt myself say, "Of course that's all. You have that Kuan Ming to whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Just be careful not to break his heart."

I stopped. I couldn't believe the nastiness of my voice.

There was a very long and quiet pause. Then Mulan swung to me, her face burning.

"I will never break his heart," she said hoarsely. "He's too good for that."

I felt a spasm run across my heart. "Oh, and I'm not good enough for you," I said sarcastically. "You have a reason?"

"Hundreds," she answered spiritedly.

I flinched. I had to answer. "Good. Then that should keep you away from me for a long time. I don't want any peeping-Toms disturbing me and Lei-lei."

She gave me one long look. Then she turned away and ran back to Kuan Ming.

I tried to calm my wild heart. That must had been the worst thing I've ever said to Mulan. I had never seen her so close to tears.

As I watched Kuan Ming and Mulan say goodbye to Lei-lei and leave, it was then when I realized that my hands were trembling and my back was drenched with sweat. Did I love her that much?

Of course.

And I had just made the situation worse.

"Shang, you don't look so well," I heard Lei-lei say. "Maybe we should go."

I brushed my hand on my forehead. "Yeah, yeah. No, I'm fine."

I walked her back to her house, thinking. I must had been horrible to each of the girls. So when we reached Lei-lei's gate, I faced her and said, "I'm sorry if I didn't talk to you much. I've been preoccupied with...er..."

"The girl," she said, meaning Mulan. "I understand."

"Really?"

"I'll just wait until you can...care for me." She touched my arm and turned for her house.

I felt very much troubled when I left.


Mulan

I blinked my tears away as I walked back to Ming.

"Mulan!" Ming looked concerned. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." I sniffed, as he helped me to the horse. "We just had a little disagreement, that's all."

Little disagreement, my foot. How could Shang be so mean? All I asked for was our friendship, and he spoiled it again! For the second time! Did he...did he really mean to end whatever it is we had?

"Ming," I said when Ming took hold of the reins. "Would you mind if I keep quiet? I...I have to think."

"Do what you must," he said gently and with no trace of annoyance.

He was so gentle, and so kind! So unlike Shang. Maybe that was why I refused Shang. Maybe because I knew there was someone better for me.

"Mulan?"

"Yes?"

"Please don't be offended, but was Li Shang your..."

"No," I said quickly. "He never was."

"I see. Thank you." He looked straight ahead.

I couldn't hold myself. "But he asked me to marry him, if that's what you want to know," I blurted out, "and I refused. And...and he's not very happy about it, and..."

"Mulan," he said softly, not looking at me. "I'm not forcing you to say anything. I don't know the whole story, but I think you're very affected by it." He looked at me carefully. "And I want to make sure that you're all right."

I wanted to tell him everything, everything! From the beginning when I met Shang and upto the Rong Lei-lei business. But then something prevented me from saying it; I didn't know what it was. I felt so confused with my own feelings. Everything was so contradictory!

"Well, I believe that everyone has a right to try to propose," said Ming, quietly. "And you are certainly no poor prize to be won."

I had a hard time taking my eyes of him. I don't think anyone had ever showered me with so much compliments and affection. And the way he looked at me, and cared for me...perfect epitome of love. Everytime he was near me, something would send tingles up my spine.

I spent the rest of the ride dreaming and thinking that Ming had to nudge me and say, "Mulan, you're home."

When I jumped down from his horse and was about to say goodbye, Ming leaned close to me and said, "Don't worry too much; everything will be fine. And if you need any help, I'm only a few blocks away from you and I'll do everything in my power to help you."

I bit my lip to keep myself from hugging him. As far as I know, a man caught touching a woman would be scandalous.

Instead, I said "Goodbye, Ming," and waved at him as he rode his horse home. I closed the gate and walked slowly toward the garden.

I crossed the bridge that hung over the little pond and leaned on the railing, watching my reflection on the water. It looked like a girl madly in love with a very handsome merchant's son.

Forget Shang, I thought. He had hurt me for the last time. I knew, I knew for sure, that Kuan Ming was the man the gods had been planning for me. There had to be no one else.

My reflection stared back. Oh, you think so? How can you be so sure?

Oh yeah, as if Shang can even give me a grin today. You saw how he nearly bit my head off.

He's just jealous. Didn't you want that? You finally caught his attention.

For your information, I never wanted his attention...or his affection, in that case.

Who are you trying to kid? This is your heart talking. Both of us know that you've fallen for him ever since you first laid eyes on him.

How dare you!

I dare..oh, I do so dare. Know what? I even dare doing this!

The waters shimmered and my reflection disappeared. Suddenly, another image started to form in the quiet water. It was Shang!

Do you know what I'm doing? Instead of reflecting your outside features, I'm reflecting you heart. This is what's in your heart, am I not right?

"Will you stay out of this?!" I yelled, picking a pebble and throwing it into the pond. Shang's face disappeared and the reflection went back to mine.

I'm trying to help you before it's too late.

"Oh, go talk to the pigs!" I shouted at the pond. "You don't know anything! You're as blind as a bat and as deaf as a post!"

"Mulan?" I faintly heard Mama's concerned voice. I woke up from my deep thoughts and realized what I had just done. From the look on Mama's face, she must had been wondering why in the world her daughter was yelling at the pond.

"Oh, hi Mama, " I said weakly, embarrassed.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"I think someone's been standing too long under the sun," added Grandma in a teasing, singsong voice. I wanted to throw a pebble at her.

"Yes Mama, I'm fine," I said, glaring at my reflection. The image there glared back.

Mama and Grandma gave each other knowing looks and quickly shuffled off.

I stared back at the waters, brooding. It felt as if everyone knew about my case and had their own opinions about it. Why couldn't they mind their own business and just let Ming and I be?

If I were you, which I really am, I'd...

Oh, shut up! Can't you see that I'm so confused now? I can't even control my life with everyone butting in!

I'm not "everyone." I'm you, the real you.

Well, I think you're spiteful.

No, you're spiteful. You've absorbed a lot of angry feelings lately and the only way you see of getting rid of them is by Ming.

He's a very good friend.

We know that, but sooner or later, he's going to ask for more.

My heart thudded at the thought. Yes, someday. And I was very sure I was going to give him a very different answer from the one I gave Shang.


P.S. Someone noticed how the part 3 proposal has a semblance of Anne of the Island by L.M.Montgomery ...xplanation is I was having the writer's block and the "Anne fever" that day. And when I get Anne fever, anything I write turns up to sound like anything Annish. I even had a hangover at part 4. But not to worry, the creative juices are flowing again...to the person who noticed it, thanks!

Copyright © SwordSkill 2000