TITLE: I Never Knew The Meaning
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com
SUMMARY: Parker left Buffy with a nine month backache, now what?
SPOILER: SPECIFICALLY The Harsh Light Of Day, but there are hints on everything thus far on both Buffy and ANGEL
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-14
DISCLAIMER: Everyone but the baby (like I'm gonna give away the name this early on!!) belong to Joss and co. I do get weekly visitation with Xander though, which I so thoroughly enjoy! The songs belong to *NSYNC (do not yell at me - JC & I will hunt you down if you insult my boy bands) and Creed (there's a combo for ya!).



A week and a half before Kayra's first birthday, Joyce threw a Fourth of July barbecue and invited Buffy and the baby. She purposely planned something during the day so that Angel couldn't attend. Buffy didn't want to go - she hadn't spoken to her mother since that brunch in March and had vowed never to speak to her again, but Angel prodded her to go anyway.

"If you're miserable, you can always come home," he told her. "I don't want you to be sorry later. She's your mother, Buffy, and she's the only grandparent Kayra has. You should be close, despite your differences."

For Angel, and for Kayra, Buffy went. Everyone doted on Kayra as though they'd never seen a baby before. Even Giles, who saw her frequently, made a big fuss over her and sat her on his lap, talking to her gently.

"Buffy," Willow nudged her at one point.

Buffy pointed to Giles and Kayra. "Would you look at that?"

"He adores her. Can I talk to you inside for a sec?"

"Why?"

"It's about the curse."

Buffy set her plate down immediately and they went inside.

Willow closed the door and locked it, then she checked the kitchen windows.

"Willow!" Buffy laughed.

"If anyone hears this, I could be in big trouble but.....I think I know how to stop the curse. Or reverse it. Or destroy it."

"Which one?" Buffy demanded.

"That's just it. I'm not quite sure. I really need Giles to help with a bit of the translation."

"You can't ask him Will."

"I know, I just--"

"Have to wing it?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Give me a few more days, all right? I'll see what I can dig up. I just wanted you to know I was trying."

Buffy hugged her best friend. "Thanks Will. You're the best."

"So are you. And we've missed you on the Slaying front, by the way."

Buffy blushed. Giles, Xander, Willow and Oz had pretty much taken over the Slaying in entirety since Kayra was born. They didn't seem to mind all that much, and Xander even seemed to like it.

"If it keeps me from dealing with Anya," he once said, "Then I'll do it forever."

"Buffy," Willow said, bringing her back from memories of the past. "Just remember....I'm only trying. It's not for sure."

"I know. And thanks."

"You already said that."

"If it works, I owe you way more than that."


*****


"Da-da!" Kayra exclaimed when Buffy carried her into the house later that night.

He flew to her and picked her up. "How's my girl? Did you have a good time with your Grandma Joyce?"

"No," she said simply.

He turned to Buffy. "How'd it go?"

"Awkward. I think my mother and Giles are seeing each other. Majorly strange."

He bounced the baby in the air a few times, smiling as she giggled. "Why is that strange?"

"Hello! It's my *mother* Angel! And Giles! Together. God, what if they're gonna have sex? What if they've already had sex?"

"Buffy, this may be hard for you to believe, but most, almost all couples, have sex."

"We don't," she pointed out.

"We are not most couples," Angel retorted.

She smiled at him. "That all could change."

"Da-da!" Kayra tugged on Angel's shirt collar to get his attention and then pointed to the floor where a Minnie Mouse puzzle with huge pieces they'd been working on that morning still sat.

"There you go baby," he set her down and stood back up to talk to Buffy.

"No! Da-da!" she insisted.

Angel sat down to play with her, listening intently as Buffy repeated all that Willow had told her.

"Buffy, don't get your hopes up, all right?" he asked. "I don't wanna be responsible for hurting you again."

"You wouldn't be hurting me Angel." she said. "And I promise I won't." It was a lie though, she was counting on the spell working. In fact, she was already crossing her fingers for good luck.


*****


"What language is that?" Xander whispered. It was the end of July, the new moon, and everyone 'cept for Oz was at the mansion in the living room. They were sitting in a circle, holding hands, and Willow and Amy were chanting.

"Latin," Buffy said firmly. "Shut up."

Xander made a face but kept his mouth shut.

Willow said several things no one could make out, and a red light filled the room. It turned white and Buffy saw her entire past with Angel flash before her. It disappeared and she and Angel were sitting next to each other. Before, Anya had been between them. She and Xander were now on the floor, making out and groping. 

"Well?" she asked the Witches.

"There's only one way to find out," Amy said. "We'll be at the dorms. Page us if you need us."

"Good night," Giles said as he hurried out. Willow and Amy kicked the new lovers formerly known as Xander and Anya a few times and they stood up and separated long enough to go through the door before they were all over each other again.

"Angel?" Buffy whispered.

"Yes?"

"Make love to me?"

He would never refuse her anything she asked, so, scared as he was, he carried her to their bedroom and laid her down on the bed.

"I love you," she told him. "No matter what happens, I love you."


*****


The next morning, Buffy woke up to find Angel sitting beside her with Kayra in his arms. She was drinking juice from a bottle and smiling around it at her mom.

"Angel?" Buffy whispered, just to be sure.

"Everything's fine sweetheart." he said, beaming. "I owe Willow the world."

Buffy wrapped her arms around his shoulders from behind and kissed his head. "Let's just buy her a fancy robe or something instead."


*****


"Wanna go shopping?" Buffy asked Angel when he came downstairs around four-thirty the following Saturday afternoon. "I need to get a few things."

He growled as he poured himself a glass of lemonade. "Need or want?"

"Want," she giggled. "Wanna go anyway?"

"Lemme just wake up first."

"'K. I'm gonna go see if the baby's awake from her nap yet."


*****


Buffy wound up going with Willow instead of Angel. He liked the idea of spending the day reading quietly, something he'd hardly had the chance to do since Kayra was born. Buffy gave him a kiss when he gave her his Gold Card and the trio of girls left.


*****


"What do you need to get?" Willow asked as they pulled into the mall parking lot.

"Angel needs new shoes, I need some bath towels, and I wanna look for some new books for the baby and some lipsticks."

They took their time gathering their purchases, trying things on and putting some things on hold or in layaway. Kayra was good the entire time except for when they tried to find her new tennis shoes. She cried and kicked her feet so the salesman wouldn't want to try the shoes on her. Willow finally had to hold her while Buffy tried the shoes on her feet. They picked out a lavender pair and decided it was time for lunch.

"Food court?" Willow asked.

"Fine by me. All I want are French fries and an ice cream from Baskin Robbins."

"That's not a very good nutritional plan to be teaching the baby," Willow teased as Buffy parked the stroller at a booth and plopped her bags down.

"She can't eat any of this stuff, so it doesn't matter." she took a bottle of grapefruit juice mixed with water out of the diaper bag and handed it to the baby, who accepted it eagerly. Then she handed Willow a five dollar bill. "I'll stay with the bags, k?"

"No problem, and lunch is on me this time. It's the least I can do after you and Angel got me that beautiful ritual robe."

"You're the best, Will."

"What are friends for?" she asked as she approached the long lines.

Buffy watched the baby drink her food and started looking through her bags for her receipts so she could keep them all together. She was so busy she didn't notice the guy staring a them from the line at Sbarro's. She didn't notice him punching his fist through a plastic tray, or the way he stormed off after recognizing them.


*****


The next day, Buffy took Kayra to the park. She came home just as Angel was waking up and they made an early dinner of quesidillas together before settling on the floor with the baby. Angel was holding her hands as she stood on her own little feet when the doorbell rang.

"It's probably Will," Buffy said. "She said she'd stop by with that dress she found of hers. I'm sure it'll be adorable on Kayra."

"I'm sure," he agreed.

Buffy answered the door with a smile on her face 'till she saw who it was. "Parker, what the Hell are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Buffy?" Angel called.

She moved past the door and slammed it shut so Angel wouldn't hear their conversation. "What are you doing here?" she repeated.

"I came to get my daughter."

"How did you know where I live?" she yelled.

"I followed you and that brain home from the mall last night. I had a date though, so I couldn't come over then."

"Was she as special as me?" Buffy cracked. "Did you guys have fun?"

"Where's my daughter?" he asked.

She folded her arms across her chest. "You don't have a daughter."

"I saw her at the mall Buffy. She looks just like me."

"I don't know what you could be talking about."

"Buffy?" Angel came out carrying the baby, holding her bottle in her mouth for her. "Is everything okay?" He noticed Parker and dropped the bottle out of her mouth, causing Kayra to whine.

"Da-da," she moaned.

"Who the Hell are you?" Parker demanded of him.

"I think I should be the one asking the questions, seeing as this is my property you're on." Angel replied evenly.

"I'm Parker. The baby's father."

"*I'm* her father." Angel said.

"No way. Buffy came to see me, she told me."

"Oh, right that," she acted nonchalant. "You were just the sperm donor," she put an arm through Angel's. "We had this whole thing planned."

"I knew this was all premeditated, I knew it!" He glared at Buffy. "You could go to jail for that."

"And you could die for treating my wife like that." Angel said firmly. Buffy glanced at him, knowing he was working very hard to keep his vampire instincts out of this.

Angel moved back against the shut door as Parker neared him. He heard Angel growl and kept his distance, but stared at the baby.

"Da-da!" she cried, hugging Angel's shoulder and turning her head away from Parker.

He rubbed her back gently. "It's okay, baby."

 "Is this her?" Parker asked Buffy.

She wouldn't even look at him, sick that she had actually touched him, actually kissed him at one time in her life. She was just thankful that the affair had resulted in the birth of Kayra. "This is my daughter with Angel." she reached out and touched the baby's hair, trying to calm her down. She was shaking from fear. "Give her to me," she said to Angel. Kayra willingly went to her mother, but kept her face buried in her shoulder, whimpering quietly.

"So this is little Kayla." Parker said.

"Her name is KAYRA!" Angel yelled. "Kayra Angeline Connelly."

"I thought your last name was Summers," Parker gave Buffy a confused look.

"It was," she said quietly. The baby was squirming so when Buffy switched the way she was holding her, Parker got a good look at Kayra.

"She's adorable. You know Buffy, I never knew you had brown eyes."

"If you had ever actually taken the time to study my appearance, you would know that I don't." A little bit of venom was coming out in her voice and she liked it.

"They're hazel," Angel said. "My eyes are brown."

"This isn't over," Parker told Buffy. "My father has money. Lots of it. We're gonna get a lawyer, and we're gonna take that baby from you and this bastard."

Angel growled again, and Buffy said his name gently, reminding him the baby was still watching him.

"You're not even worth it," he muttered.


*****


Once they were safely inside the house and Kayra was down for a nap, Buffy cried in Angel's arms.

"He can't really do anything, can he?" she asked. "He can't take the baby from us?"

"No."

"What about the laws? They give fathers who abandon their babies rights all the time."

"We don't play by the rules, Buffy. You know that."

She smiled at him. "You're right. Forgot about that for a second."

"It's not always a good thing, but it's what we have to do to survive."


*****


Buffy made Angel and the baby come with her on patrol Monday night. She was freaked out not only by Parker's visit, but by Giles telling her he would probably get visitation rights from any judge and Joyce telling her that he had a right to visit his baby whenever he wanted to.

When they got home, Parker was sitting in their living room. "Funny thing about this house," he said. "The windows are too high to reach by the ole' run and jump method. Luckily, there are lots of trees nearby."

Buffy threw down her weapons bag. "Get out."

"Not until you let me have my daughter."

"Oh sure," Buffy took her from Angel and cuddled her sleeping frame. "I'm so sure. You ignore me for my entire pregnancy, wait until she's a year old, then you show up here and decide you're her father. Lemme tell you something Parker, parenthood is about a lot more than just genetics."

"Look, you don't have to be such a bitch about it." he stood up. "I just thought it would be easier than getting the courts involved."

That was the last straw. Angel grabbed Parker by the collar of his paisley shirt and lifted him into the air. Buffy beamed at the way he was defending both her and Kayra.

"Listen you little shit," Angel slammed him into the wall. "*I* am the only father she will ever know. I'm man enough to be there for someone when they need me. But you....you are just a pathetic little turd who couldn't keep his high school hormones in check long enough to stop and think about someone else's feelings for five minutes. A *woman's* feelings no less." he slammed him into the wall again.

"Chill out, man." Parker said with a wavering voice. "It was no big deal."

Angel slammed him into the wall a third time and showed Parker his game face.

"Oh God," he moaned, scared to death. .

"I could kill you like that." he snapped two fingers on his free hand. "It would mean nothing to me and no one would miss you. The thing is, I'm too good for that." he threw him down. "Get the Hell out of my house, and so help me God, if you ever come near my wife or daughter again, I'll kill you."

"And don't even think about going to the cops with this one," Buffy said. "You don't have any bruises, you're not bleeding, and our security cameras have you on video breaking into our house."

Parker stood up, trying to straighten his wrinkled jeans. "This is not over."

"Yes," Angel growled, exposing his fangs. "It is."

Parker took off, only to be seized by a vampire looking for breakfast. The boy was dead in seconds. Spike wiped his mouth and smiled. "You owe me one, Sire." he commented before going off to look for the little Witch he was so obsessed with.


*****

"Push, Buffy!" Dr. Lincoln said firmly. "You did it once, you can do it again."

She gripped Angel's hand tighter. "Yeah, that reminds me, you got me into this mess. Why don't you give birth?"

"I wish I could sweetheart."

"Come on Buffy," the doctor encouraged. "Just give me one more push and he'll be out."

"You can do it Buffy," Angel told her.

She squeezed her eyes tightly and pushed with all her might. She made a mental note not to get pregnant again, and that when she did, to make sure she got to the hospital in time to have the drugs. She hadn't wanted them with Kayra, and this time her labor had barely lasted two hours. By the time she'd arrived at Sunnydale General, the baby was crowning.

"He's out!" Dr. Lincoln announced proudly. Buffy felt the tears slip down her face as David Giles cried out loudly for attention. They handed him to Buffy and she kissed his tiny forehead before looking up at her husband. "Are you happy?" she asked. "I know you wanted a son more than anything."

"I wanted a healthy child, you know that." he kissed the top of her head. "But it will be nice to have someone to play N64 with."

She shook her head. "You are as bad as Xander, you know that?"


*****

David had been born at two a.m., so Buffy had gone to sleep not long after, exhausted. Around nine, she found herself waking up. She opened her eyes and saw the nurse wheeling the baby's bed out of the room.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"We were just going to feed him." she explained.

"I can do it," she sat up in bed. "I wanna do it."

The nurse helped her balance a pillow underneath her arm and the baby, and then she left.

"Hi David," Buffy whispered as he ate. "Welcome to Sunnydale. I'm so glad you're here. You were five whole days late, did you know that? Your big sister was early, so we thought you would be too, but apparently not all babies are alike."

David pulled away from Buffy's breast and she carefully burped him. She laid him back on the pillow, holding him and lightly touching his little fingers and cheeks. "So how was your morning? Did you sleep good? I had a dream that you were all grown up already. Good thing you're not, I don't think I'm ready to send you off to college yet."

He yawned and looked to be falling asleep.

"Do you know where your daddy is?" she asked him. "He seems to have disappeared." 

"Mommy?" a little voice asked.

Buffy looked at the doorway. Angel was standing there with a bundle of balloons in one hand, Kayra holding snugly onto the other.

"Hi baby," Buffy said. "Come here, I want you to meet someone."

Angel set the balloon strings under an alarm clock on the nightstand and lifted Kayra onto the bed. She laid out on her stomach, her hands resting under her chin.

"Kayra, this is your baby brother David."

"Can I touch him?"

"Of course, but be gentle."

Kayra slowly stuck her hand out and gently touched David's hand with one finger. She finally took his little fist in hers and leaned forward to kiss it. "He's nice, Mommy."

"Yes, he is. You're not upset that you didn't get a little sister, did you?"

"No. Mommy?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Can he play?"

Angel laughed. "Not yet honey," Buffy answered. "He's not even a day old. He's probably pretty tired. Angel, would you put him in his bed?"

He took the baby, kissing him before putting him in the tiny hospital bed.

"You come home, Mommy?" Kayra asked. "Come home soon?"

"Tomorrow, babydoll. I promise."

"No, now." she stared to cry.

"Come here," Buffy held her arms out and let Kayra hug her. Buffy kissed her hair gently. "You're a big girl Kayra, and I know you'll be really good for Grandma Joyce and Grandpa Giles while Mommy and Daddy are gone, right?"

She sniffled. "Guesso." which meant "guess so".

"Good girl." Buffy held her until she too fell asleep. She looked at Angel and sighed. "I didn't think she'd get so upset."

"Joyce said she never went to sleep after we left. I think she was scared."

"Well, there's nothing to be afraid of, we're fine."

"Thank God. Buffy?"

"I need to tell you something."

"You sound serious."

"It is."

"I'm listening."

"Remember when Kayra was just a baby and Parker showed up?"

"I can never forget that," she shivered. "It was horrible."

"Well, that night, Spike killed him."

"Angel!" Buffy shouted. "You should've told me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Why? I'm not."

"You're not?"

"No! Not sorry he did it, I mean. I'm just sorry he waited so damned long. The guy had it coming nearly two years."


*****


//Well I just heard the news today

It seems my life is going to change

I closed my eyes, begin to pray

Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open

Under the sunlight

Welcome to this place

I'll show you everything

With arms wide open 

Well I don't know if I'm ready

To be the man I have to be

I'll take a breath, take her by my side

We stand in awe, we've created life

With arms wide open

Under the sunlight

Welcome to this place

I'll show you everything

With arms wide open

Now everything has changed

I'll show you love

I'll show you everything

With arms wide open

If I had just one wish

Only one demand

I hope he's not like me

I hope he understands

That he can take this life

And hold it by the hand

And he can greet the world

With arms wide open\\