So here I am standing on Logan's rooftop ready to drop in on him

Disclaimer: Don't own them;Don't profit from them, just like to play with them

A/N: Meow Spoilers. Max's pov – admitting her feelings to Logan.

So here I am standing on Logan's rooftop ready to drop in on him. I 'm literally shaking in my shoes. It all seemed so simple a few days ago listening to Charlie. I knew what I had to do and I was going to do it. Logan even gave me the perfect opening with his anniversary dinner invitation. What better time to let him know how I feel about him?

Right. Does anything in my screwed up life ever work out the way it's supposed to?

I'm all ready to see Logan and get the words out to him but, of course, my freak show body has to choose now to go into heat. Heat. Like a cat.

I told Cindy what was happening and asked her to watch my back and keep me from acting like an idiot. I really really didn't want anything to happen this time. It has in the past and it's not been good but now, what with Logan and all, it seemed so important not to give in to it.

Cindy couldn't understand why I didn't just kick it with Logan and I guess I didn't explain it too well to her. Maybe in the future if we're already together it would be okay.

But the ways things are now….I don't know, I just didn't want it to be that way with Logan the first time.

Well I succeeded in that respect. I even managed to sit in that car with him two nights ago and not jump his bones. God, sitting there smelling his aftershave, watching his lips and feeling his warmth just inches away. I don't know how I managed. It was a close call, especially when he leaned over me to look in his glove compartment.

I was going to go to his place last night for dinner, thought I was over the worst, until that stupid game with Cindy. As she pointed out, my word choice kinda showed my state of mind. Maybe I should have gone anyway. So I might have jumped him. So it wouldn't have been exactly the way I pictured it. Would have been better than what did happen.

I hate myself for Rafer. I never hated myself before when I picked up some guy while I was in heat. Just shrugged it off as something Manticore did to me. But since Logan, I don't want that anymore. Cindy says I love Logan. I also feel so guilty over what happened to him. He deserves so much more than me. But, Cindy says he doesn't care, that he goes all "dreamy eyed" when he looks at me. She says I need to deal with the way I feel about him. She's right so here I am.

I open the skylight and drop my rope, sliding down it dressed in my black catsuit. Déjà vu of me breaking in here a year ago to steal the statue of Bast. Logan hears me and wheels himself out to the hallway. He's not happy, I can tell by his voice when he says to me "Got your nights mixed up?" I take a deep breath and retort.

"Since it was about midnight when I broke in here a year ago I figure it's still our anniversary."

He slowly smiles, I'm on the way to being forgiven it seems, "In that case I still have some cheap champagne in the refrigerator."

Too soon we're seated with our champagne. I start to tell him.

"Logan, about last night…"

"Doesn't matter," he says in that offhand way of his but this time I'm not letting him put me off. I know that it does matter to him and it matters to me.

"I owe you an explanation." The next few minutes are me awkwardly explaining about my heat cycles. I have a hard time coming out and saying it but he suddenly catches on.

"Wow " he says.

"So that 's why I didn't come over last night, because of, well just because."

"It's okay " he says, "You just missed dinner." I can't answer that and look away not wanting to see the look in his eyes when he realizes what else I did last night. I can tell by the sudden silence that he's got it. I want to curl up into a ball and die for hurting him like this but I need to get it out and hope he can forgive me. Still with my back to him I go on.

"I should have stayed home but instead I went out and ran into this guy..." I pound the nails into my own coffin with those words. "I hate being like this. I hate what Manticore put into me. I feel like I can never get away from it, that no matter what I do or where I go it's always with me." I blurt out trying not to cry again. I did enough of that with Cindy. Then I wait for him to turn away from me in disgust now that he realizes what I truly am.

Next thing I know he touches me gently and I hear him whisper "It's okay."

Not believing my ears I turn and he's standing (standing!) in front of me. He smiles and lifts his cuff so I see the servomotor.

"A present from our friend Phil. I was going to surprise you last night, a sort of anniversary present."

I want to die again. Despite his smile and gentle words I can see the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." I manage to get out, knowing that sorry doesn't begin to say what I should say to him.

"Max, you don't have to be sorry or ashamed" his eyes are so beautiful looking into mine. (I think I fell in love with his eyes the first time I saw them on one of his videos. Never dreamt I'd actually ever meet Eyes Only much less become his partner). "I know who you are."

With those last words I begin to hope again. Logan truly does know who and what I am and amazingly doesn't seem to care. I stare into his eyes losing myself but before either of us can go any further, one of the servo motors malfunctions and he falls to the floor.

He lets out a curse and tries to fix it but by then I'm kneeling next to him.

"I'm sorry," he says.

My turn. I look into his beautiful eyes and tell him.

"Logan, you don't have to be sorry or ashamed. It's never been about you walking. Not for me." He returns my look and I see him believing me. He gives me one of his smiles

and I feel myself melting inside.

"Look at us."

"Hopeless" I respond.

"Pathetic" he throws back, my turn to respond.

"It's a good thing we hooked up" I smile at him. Ball's in his court. I wait for his response, enjoying our little game but he has had enough of it. His eyes lock on mine and

I can feel the heat as he leans forward to me.

"Happy Anniversary" he whispers as he kisses me. His hands come up to frame my face and tangle in my hair and I'm also touching him. His lips are soft and sweet and wonderful. I'm in the middle of a meltdown worse than anything Manticore's heat cycle has ever done to me and I don't care. I love it. This is what I've wanted for so long and judging by his response he's wanted it too. The kiss grows more intense and now I'm drowning; but he gently pulls back. His voice is husky and his eyes are intense as he says to me.

"Maybe we should wait on this until you're yourself again." I love that he doesn't want to take advantage of my mixed up hormones but I quickly set him straight. Looking at him with everything I feel for him showing in my eyes I say softly,

"This isn't Manticore." I see the hope in his eyes and continue "This is me." Now it's my turn and I pull him back to kiss me again. This time I open my lips and his tongue dips in, swirling around my mouth and tangling with my tongue. I have never felt anything like this before. I want to lose myself in him; I want to stay like this with him forever. I want to make love with him for hours on end and when we're done, I want to do it again. My heart is pounding and I feel flushed but this time it's not from Manticore heat. Logan is giving it back to me as good as I'm giving him and I know where this is heading. In fact I can't wait to get there when the voice of my 'darling' brother Zack breaks in.

"Did I come at a bad time?" As if he didn't know. I swear he does it on purpose. I mean if he hadn't called that night a month or so ago Logan and I might have gotten here sooner. Unfortunately I can't ignore Zack tonight. He has news about Tinga and we have to try to get her out. Logan understands and is going to help. He pulls out some com units for us and promises to try to do some surveillance for us. As he hands me the units our hands touch and we cling.

"This can wait, right?" I ask him. I don't want to lose what we just found. I need reassurance that in the light of day we won't go back to our old dance of denial and

avoidance. Logan squeezes my fingers and reassures me "We have all the time in the world." His eyes are giving me the rest, the words neither of us have the courage to say yet, //I love you.//. I nod and hope he can read my answer in my eyes. Reluctantly I pull my hand from his and head off to save my sister.