ALATS 3a

Another Life, And Then Some
by Phoenixstitch

Parts 5-- 6

*Author´s note: The following parts are going to follow both Buffy, and Angel up to a point through all seasons on both shows, and then deviate towards the end around "Spiral", "Weight of the World", and "The Gift" to fit in with this AU world.* All usual standard disclaimers apply—just borrowing Josh´s characters, adding a few of my own, and hoping I am making better sense of some of the 5th season´s plot lines. Rating is PG-17--if you can watch the show you can read this, though there are some adult themes but no real sex.

Another Life, and Then Some
by Phoenixstitch/ Vickey Brickle-Macky

Part 5

Her mind flashed on when Dawn had confirmed her worse fears by telling her that Spike was totally in love with her. She had kept hoping her little sister was wrong. That all the things she had been noticing herself about Spike, and how nice he was trying to be to her, and everyone was not what she thought. Just because Riley was out of the picture didn´t mean it was a signal for him to close in on her. There had always been fire between them since they first met. She had ignored it, because she had Angel. Then there had been their truce where they worked together. She had actually enjoyed working with him, and her mom had liked him. Her mom had hated Angel, but Spike she liked, and he liked her mom—totally weird. Only to herself could she admit she missed not seeing him, and having him around when she returned after running away. She even had wished him luck with Dru. If she couldn´t be happy she hoped Angel´s children could be.

So when he showed up drunk, and upset over Dru dumping him she wasn´t all that upset to see him. If he just hadn´t messed with her friends, and her mom, then made her, and Angel really question their already shaky relationship-- it would been cool to a point. She would have still wanted him out of her town, but he had made her pissed, and his remarks had cut deep, so she was glad to see him go again. Though she did kind of wonder why his going back after Dru bothered her. It shouldn´t have. She had Angel, wasn´t that enough? It might have been if Angel hadn´t have left her, and broke her heart again. Suddenly she was alone again, and hurting more.

But she did try to do what Angel had wanted her to do, have a normal life with a normal guy. The first guy she tried, Parker, was a major big mistake, and who had to show up out of nowhere—Spike, at that frat party with Harmony. They were both a little stunned running into on another, but quickly recovered with sharpened tongues on both sides. When he met Parker he had almost acted, and sounded like he was jealous. His behavior had totally confused her. Then Spike just had to hear her conversation with Parker after the jerk had laid her, then dumped her. She still couldn´t figure out why Spike had used the information as ammunition against her while they were fighting in the quad. Poking fun at Angel, and hers relationship she sort of understood, but why had her being with a human bothered him?

Then why had she let him get to her? Why had his knowing she had gotten used bothered her? It had really hurt when he taunted her saying, "So, you let Parker take a poke, eh? Didn't seem like you know each other that well. What did it take to pry apart the Slayer's dimpled knees?"

That was something that you said to an ex if you were jealous.

The worst was when he said, "I wonder what went wrong. Were you too strong? Did you bruise the boy? Come to think of it seems like someone told me that. Who was it? Oh, yeah. Angel." She never before had been so furious, and hurt. All she saw was red, and wanting to seriously maim, and then kill the peroxide pest.

That didn´t happen. They were as usual too evenly matched. Neither could get in a blow to lay the other down long enough to kill, or did they really want to kill one another? Never seemed like they could get a lethal blow in no matter what the circumstances. Instead she did get the ring of Arama off him, and he took off down a hole for safety as his skin began smoking. Then he disappeared for a while. Somehow he heard that they had given Angel the ring, and went to LA to get it. That didn´t work out either as Angel got the ring and wouldn´t give it back. Spike left, and eventually ended up back at Sunnydale.

When he had wandered back he got into trouble again. Why he kept coming back, she had never been able to figure out. As many times he got his ass beat, all the bad memories of his time in town, he still came back. There were safer places in the world to live, but no, he had to end up back in her town. She really didn´t want to know that the reason was really her. And she had always been afraid to have a real honest conversation with him. She was scared on some level to really know the truth, and find out that she was his reason for returning.

But before he could make his presence known to her the Initative had grabbed him, and put the chip in his head. When he escaped he went looking for her swearing up, and down she was responsible for it. She was a known quality—the Initative wasn´t. From Xander who had run into Harmony burning Spike´s things, she found out the pest was back. So she had staked out the quad, but ran into Riley from her classes who was also looking for Spike because he had escaped from the Initative. Though neither knew they were looking for the same vampire, or did they know about one another yet. She was mad Riley was in her way, and he was afraid she was going to be hurt being out alone. In hindsight the whole situation was funny.

Spike on the other hand had found out where her dorm room was, and had gone to kill her. He found Willow instead. What Willow told her about Spike trying to bite her had her in stitches for hours later on. Course that was way later after they had calmed down from the commandos raiding the dorm looking for Spike, or Hostile 17 as they called him. Most of what happened didn´t make sense until after she learned about the Initative, and Riley´s part in all of it. She hadn´t even seen Spike in the hallway during the fight because she had been distracted trying to protect Willow from the commandos.

On Thanksgiving a chipped, homeless, starving, and smoking slightly from the sunlight Spike showed up on Giles´ doorstep with nowhere else to go. She had to admit he did look pitiful in his holey blanket, and looking weak as a kitten from not being able to feed on anything. Out of pity, and with a great deal of caution they took him in, in exchange for inside information on the unknown commandos. After they did so, there were times when she wished that the Initative could have also done something about his mouth too. God, he drove her up the wall with his whining and comments. He never seemed to shut up, or quit baiting her.

Then she had started getting interested in Riley. She liked Riley, but always felt there was something missing. There was that conversation she had with Willow where she was saying Angel was pain, but worth it. With Willow telling her that "pain was not a friend." She remembered replying, "But I can't help thinking ... isn't that where the fire comes from? Can a nice, safe relationship be that intense? I know it's nuts, but.. part of me believes that real love, and passion have to go hand in hand with pain, and fighting."

Had she already been setting herself up for what happened next when Willow did her "let her will be done" spell. Though the spell was just for them to get married. The spell never said a word about being in love, or explained all the major kissage that occurred between her and Spike. It had really started out over Willow needing to do a truth spell on Spike to get him to tell them all about the commandos, and where they had taken him since the chained up vampire wouldn´t cooperate. She had to admit that she had enjoyed tormenting, and teasing him almost too much. Though their usual bickering had made Giles, and Willow want to kill them both.

When Willow had found out Oz´s stuff all gone with no forwarding address, or note to her she lost it. Willow ended up getting drunk, then did a spell to have her will be done, but she thought it hadn´t worked. Then Giles came by the dorm to see what had happened to Willow because she was supposed to do the truth spell. He was angry with her, and by accident Willow´s spell kicked in, and he started losing his sight. Then he went home, and tried to do the truth spell on Spike by himself, and Spike escaped. Buffy found the vampire only because Willow had him popped in from where ever he had been. But Willow was mad that Buffy had left her when she needed someone to talk to to go find Spike. Willow complained to Xander, but Willow was pissed and that´s when she said jealously, "that if Spike was more important than her to Buffy, then why didn´t she just marry him." Not knowing what kind of effects her words were going to have, the spell kicked in big time.

Back at Giles she, and Spike had been sparring back, and forth verbally, driving Giles up the wall, and he retreated to the bathroom. When Giles had come out he had found Spike proposing to Buffy. It had shocked her mentor completely. Though it had never felt like a spell to her. It had felt so right and natural, like all the barriers between them were finally down. The spell had only been about marriage—not love. She had to admit that was what they were both feeling, and able finally to express to one another. Kissing him, being in his arms felt totally right, and all so wonderful. Giles had tried to tell them both it was a spell, but neither of them had cared, and weren´t in any way anxious to have it end. Though they did want to reverse the spell on Giles´ blindness so she had left the house to go get supplies for a general reversal spell.

On the way she had run into Riley, and told him she was getting married. He was stunned. The spell must have had some truth elements in it because she could still remember telling him, "I know! It's crazy! I mean, we fought for all these years, and then.. Sometimes you just look at someone, and you know.. You know? I think maybe we fought because we couldn't admit how we really felt about each other."

Her heart was telling her what her conscious mind, and logic wouldn´t let her accept or acknowledge that deep down, even then she was in love with Spike, and he was in love with her. She admitted that she didn´t like him, but she did love him. Though that was more about not liking what he did, and said. The love that she felt was deeper, and went beyond the surface. It was the primal attraction they felt towards one another, the way they were matched set on every level--way beyond anything she had had with Angel. When Willow undid the spell and things were set back the way they had been, she wondered what would have happened if they hadn´t had an audience watching them? Would everything have still gone on the same way if they had been able to talk about it? She would never know.

The walls had immediately gone up on both sides. The searing nastiness of their mutual verbal sparring intensified. Neither could look the other in the eyes for weeks afterward, nor was the subject ever brought up, not even in jest by either. She had also warned her friends never to speak of it too. Despite the silence on the subject, the memories, and feelings remained as did the regrets. Secretly she longed for that closeness to him again, wanting it all to happen again without any spell compelling them.

On the outside it seemed like they both went through mutual intense denial of what had happened. Their verbal sparring got worse, and worse over the months, especially after Riley entered the picture as a serious boyfriend. The closer she got to Riley the more snarly, and nasty Spike got. It didn´t help that Riley was part of the Initative either, and had been responsible for Spike´s chip. Spike also tried to distance himself from the Scoobies once he was deemed safe enough to be allowed to run around loose, finding a crypt to live in in one of the cemeteries. Up to her seriously dating Riley, Spike had been sort of willing to help the group—afterwards no. Since she was caught up with the Initative and Riley she didn´t notice that the two events were related to Spike´s noncooperative attitudes, nor had anyone else. She could now understand it had been jealousy more than anything else that had motivated Spike´s actions with Adam, though in the end he had had a change of heart, and come back over to their side when it mattered.

That summer had been interesting. After the earlier year´s events it was relatively quiet Hellmouth wise. No big nasties rose, just the usual minor demons, and vampires. It was like the hot summer weather was making them all lay low, or else they moved to less slayer intensive areas. The best description of her, and Spike´s interactions was that they both practiced mutual avoidance as much as possible whenever she was patrolling. As every time they did met their eyes shot daggers at each other, and even the Scoobies, and Riley cringed at the insults that each threw the other. If they got into actual physical fights it was like watching some sort of bizarre dance, or at least that is what Buffy was told by her friends. In the end Spike would slink off into the darkness. Somehow she never managed to stake him no matter how close she came to it. Or how much he begged for her to do it. Especially if he begged for it the fight would stop immediately.

Though she never told anyone about a number of very strange encounters with him when she had gone out alone late at night because she couldn´t sleep. Most of those times she had run into a very, very drunk Spike. She had even poured him into his crypt more than a few times then asked herself why she had, except she was a nice person. There were a few times she could swear he wasn´t as drunk as he made out to be. Especially, when he had accidentally´ copped a feel, or made very lewd suggestions to her.

Then there was the time they had fallen down together in the cemetery when she was taking him home, with him on top of her. She been alone when she had run into him at the Bronze. He had been drinking heavily, and could barely stand up. She suggested he go home. He snarled at her saying it was all her fault, which she had no idea what he was talking about, then he passed out falling to the floor. Embarrassed because he had made a scene, and not really wanting to leave him there, she decided to take him home. Just as they got to the cemetery he woke up, and tired to walk on his on with no success. She had gotten him this far so she felt like she might as well take him the rest of the way. Then he tripped over something, and they fell down together in a heap. She was very conscious of his body lying on top of hers, and that their closeness was starting to get him aroused as evidenced by the hard lump in his pants poking into her stomach

He laughingly wouldn´t let her up, and she couldn´t get him to move. Then he decided to tickle her as he always wanted to know if the slayer was ticklish. She found out he was ticklish too, until they were both gasping from laughing so hard. She became aware of him, his body pressing against hers, and how very good it felt. Suddenly, they had looked seriously at one another as if really seeing one another for the first time. The bright moonlight had made him seem like his features were sculpted out of pure marble. She really hadn´t noticed how beautiful, and sexy he really was. His expression was hidden in shadows, but she could feel the intensity of his gaze, and his desire for her. It was like all the world had fallen away, and there was only just them, and the hot summer´s night. Then he had bent his head down, and kissed her—really kissed her. He had expected her to protest, but she didn´t. She met his lips with her own, letting him kiss her, and kissing him back-- willing losing herself in him because it felt so good, and so right once again. The memories of their engagement coming back to both of them full force.

In hindsight her only excuse was that she had sort of let´ Spike make out with her because she had had a fight with Riley at the Bronze shortly before her patrol. Losing herself in kissing him she found that Spike made her tingle all over in ways that Riley never did, and not even Angel had. It would have gotten very out of control if they hadn´t heard Xander, and Anya looking for her. After they jumped apart before her friends found them, she had hastily put herself back together. Spike had just looked at her with sad longing in his eyes, wishing that she would come with him, and finish what they had started, but she shook her head no, and motioned him to leave before her friends showed up. Reluctantly, he did, vanishing into the night, while she composed herself. She put her rumpled looks down to a fight with vamps to Xander´s worried eyes and inquiries. But all the way home she felt Spike following them, and it was with great effort that she made herself go inside, and go to bed alone. From that point on she did not patrol alone, or if she felt him near she went out of her way to avoid him.

That night, too, was the point that she began distancing herself from Riley unconsciously. Being with Spike had begun to make her really question her relationship with Riley. She felt very guilty about having had enjoyed being with the vampire again. She hadn´t had to hold back, or worry about breaking him. He met her passion equally on all levels. Riley couldn´t, even with his super enhancements. Plus he wasn´t that imaginative, or willing to experiment. He got off, but there were many nights when she didn´t, or it was just okay, with no fireworks or sense of real fulfillment. But Riley was her boyfriend, and she felt guilty about cheating on him with a vampire, and especially with Spike because what did that say about her? That meant she wasn´t normal, and couldn´t have a normal life. She refused to accept that, and held on to Riley more determinedly, even though she didn´t really love him. To her, not having him would be worse, and show the world she was a failure with normal relationships. Since she had chosen Riley over him again, Spike went back to being snarly, and nasty, and so did she.

If that summer´s night with Spike had put a wide crack in her relationship with Riley, Dracula showing up had spread it apart further, especially after he bit her and she drank his blood too. Curiously enough, Spike never made any comments about it. He no doubt knew, since he seemed to know everything she did. Still he kept quiet. Though Riley never did about it. Dracula´s biting her, and her drinking his blood was the topic of several heated fights because he could never understand what it was to be her. Nor could he really understand her friends, and the way they fought demons and vampires. Their laid back to his eyes approach to demon hunting galled him because they weren´t being professional, or serious enough on patrols. Her friends, and her methods were another source of on going fights too.

Then Riley wanted her to himself, and for her to give up her sacred duties, and go move elsewhere to have the nice normal life she couldn´t have. He just couldn´t accept that her life, and destiny was set. There was no escape from it except death at an early age. He kept talking about marriage and kids, and she refused to discuss it at all. She had finally accepted that her life was going to be short, and there was no way she was going to have kids, nor could she bring any into her world.

Then around time of Dracula she suddenly had a sister, literally out of nowhere, but no one knew that. Except her slayer senses told her something was very wrong with her world. She discovered the truth from the dying monk, that her seeming human sister was some sort of mystical energy, a key to open dimensions entrusted to her for safe keeping from the Hell Goddess--Glory. Her already strange life got stranger as Dawn seemed like she had always been there, a part of her life and her friends lives. Finally, she accepted Dawn as part of her life, but it wasn´t easy. Suddenly her mother was sick with headaches and dizziness all the time. It was a brain tumor requiring an operation, and she felt completely lost as this was nothing she could fight or put right.

Her worrying over her mom, Dawn, school, Riley, and being a slayer caused her to be careless one night and a vamp almost got her. Not finding any useful information in the Watcher´s journal she sought out the only person she knew that was still around after a slayer had been killed—Spike. Up to this point they had done their best to avoid one another, or she had tried to. He on the other hand had taken to following her around and lurking outside her house. To anyone watching it would have appeared that they were on a date at the Bronze. For her it was business, for him—he was thoroughly enjoying having her undivided attention. This was the first time she had really wanted to listen to what he had to say, once she got past the layers of bull he was also saying too. She always felt like she only had got part of the story about his being turned. Though she might have learned more from him if she hadn´t been so impatient. He did tell her what she had wanted to know, but the knowledge of why the other slayers had lost shook her to her core even though she tried to hide the fact from him. He still saw through her. She could never really hide anything from him. He said that all they had ever done was dance—and she knew he was right—but admit that to him—never! The death wish part she couldn´t accept—wouldn´t, nor his wanting to be there, and do her in when she did fail. Then he had tried to lean into her and kiss her, and she had freaked, because she was turned on too, but she wasn´t going to give in to him. She pushed him down, told him that she´d never dance with him, and that he was beneath her as she threw his money on him, and stormed away. She knew she had hurt him worse than she ever had before, and part of her was sorry, but he had made her feel things she wasn´t ready, or able to handle.

His showing up later at her house with a loaded shotgun was not that surprising. She had sort of expected it. She was too upset over her mom going in for tests to really care anymore. She had been crying. Actually she had been having a nervous breakdown over everything in her life, including what she had learned from Spike earlier, when he appeared out the darkness invading her space. It was like her sadness dissolved his anger. She was a perfect sitting target, but instead he asked what was wrong,´ and if there was anything he could do.´ That was totally unexpected coming from him. Though he was known to do the unexpected. Then he had come over to and sat down next to her. At one point he had tried to comfort her by patting her on the back. She was too shocked to say a word and let him. Later she had told him what was going on. He had looked sad, and worried like he really did care what happened to her mom. Sometime during the night she had fallen asleep on his shoulder, his arms around her as she cried herself out. He stayed with her all night, and she let him crash downstairs in her basement because it was too late for him get home safely. That was how Riley found him going through her things at her house when he stopped by to see her. Luckily, Riley never closely questioned either her, or Spike on how the vampire had gotten in during the daytime. But Spike being around, having free reign to her house and her defending the vampire was getting to the ex-soldier, and had been.

She should have seen it coming when Spike showed her the ugly truth of what Riley had been up to. Seeing Riley laying in that filthy place naked with a skanky female vamp sucking on his arm just blew her away. Even Spike had looked totally disgusted. Like that was lower than even he would stoop to do. But she misunderstood that Spike had showed her what Riley was up to out of respect for her, and not to hurt her. She just couldn´t see it that way, and jumped all over him because she was hurt, and embarrassed. It hadn´tcouldn´t sink in that the vampire did care about her. She just saw it as another petty revenge on his part since he couldn´t hurt her physically, he could get to her emotionally and mentally. Then Riley had left and there was this big gapping hole in her life. She had been rejected again. He had left, just like her dad, and Angel. She just wasn´t good enough or worthy of their love. The snarly factor to Spike increased because he was still there and wouldn´t leave. The one person she wanted out of her life just wouldn´t go.

He kept hanging around her and the Scoobies. His helping at the Bronze after the Troll had almost demolished it threw her totally off balance. Spike helping did not compute nor his wanting credit for not feeding. Either he was nuts, or she was. Then she had to deal with the Watcher´s Council. She couldn´t believe that they had found out about him being involved with her and had actually gone to interview him. She had bet that was a first in their books—a nonsouled vampire, especially him, willing to help a slayer. When Glory showed up he was they only one she could think of that had a chance of protecting her family, and holding his own against the hellbitch.

She had been furious at him for letting her little sister find out that she was the Key, and the two of them breaking into the shop. Admittingly, she hadn´t clued him in on Dawn´s secret on purpose out of fear of what he´d do with the information. Now that he knew that had been another worry for her. Now Dawn thought he was cool and wanted to hang out with him. She really didn´t need that. Not that it wasn´t safe for Dawn to be with Spike it just meant she had to run into him more often. When Dawn told her that Spike was totally in love with her, her worse suspicions, and fears were realized. She really wanted to disbelieve her sister but she couldn´t, too many weird thing were clicking into place. She just didn´t know what to do about it because she couldn´t encourage him, not after what she went through with Angel and not to mention the whole mortal enemies and death threats they had slung back and forth for years. No Spike, no way. She just hoped Dawn was wrong, and it was something that would just blow over.

He was there at her house talking with her mom and Dawn when she came home from checking out the train massacre scene. He told her he had information and would take her to where the vamps who supposedly did it hung out. Nervously she accepted since he seemed all business like about it. So she dismissed Dawn´s warnings. Sitting in the car waiting for the vamps to show had been totally weird. She could just tell something was up with him, but she was afraid to find out what exactly. Sometimes ignorance was bliss. In the warehouse when it had dawned on her that the stake out wasn´t a stake out, but some sort of weird date. Finally, she had asked him point blank, "what is this? The late night stake out, the bogus suspects, the flask... Is this a date?"

She had been hoping he would deny it, instead he had answered her flustered at being found out, "A -? Please... A date. You're completely off your bird. I mean...Do you want it to be?"

She freely admitted to freaking right then and there. Dawn had warned her he was in love with her, and now all the really odd, and weird behavior she had been trying to ignore from him in recent months made total sense finally. She remembered asking him if he was out of his mind.

He had just gotten serious, and a bit sad as he answered, "It's not so unusual. Two people. In the workplace... Feelings develop..."

She had denied it, shaking her head, and backing away from him. "No! Feelings do not develop. No feelings!"

He had tried to move closer to her and she kept backing as he told her, "You can't deny it. There's something between us."

He was scaring her now. She so did not need to hear this from him. She had finally accepted him as a sort of friend, and ally, now he wanted to really complicate things between them with this? She had to stop this right now. Find some way to defuse this, and calm down her own racing heart that was almost wanting to hear what he had to say, and even secretly thrilled it was true. But she couldn´t give in to him. Not her damn mortal enemy. No matter how good looking he was, and how lonely they both were. She had to nip this in the bud now, so she yelled back at him, "Loathing. Disgust-"

"Heat. Desire-," was his comeback, and she tried not to see the words reflected in his eyes, or feel those words wrap around her beginning to weaken her resolve.

Desperate now, she had told him, "Please. You're a vampire, Spike!"

"Angel was a vampire," he countered, not will to give up.

He would have to use that argument, just like Dawn had earlier. "Angel had a soul. He was good."

Spike sighed, frustrated, "Angel had a soul. He was good," he tried to tell her, wanting to tell her he had been changing for her for months.

Equally as frustrated she yelled back at him, "You mean the chip? That's not change. That's just holding you back. You're like a serial killer in prison-," she added, wanting to believe it was so, because otherwise if she didn´t .no, she couldn´t let herself fall in love with him—not another vampire—. She couldn´t go through that pain again.

He shook his head at her logic ,or lack of it, trying to reach her, break through to her. "Women marry them all the time! But I'm notlike that. Something's happening to me. I can't stop thinking about you. And if it means turning my back on the whole evil thing-," he told her putting all his cards out on the table.

This was getting way too deep, and his words were getting to her, but she couldn´t let them or him win. So she cut him off before he could say more, "Stop. You don't mean this. You don't even know what... feelings are."

Spike had looked back at her hurt, and pained that she didn´t think he had any feelings, "I damn well do. I lie awake every night."

She had just shook her head, denying it, not wanting to hear any more. "you sleep during the day!" she had protested.

"Yeah, but -- You're missing the point. This is real, here. I lov-," he tried to say.

She had gotten desperate at that point and quickly cut him off before she could hear him tell her that he loved her. Then it would be real. He would be real, and she didn´t want either of those possibilities to be real. "DON'T! ...say...don't," she told him as she moved quickly to the door to get away from this conversation she did not want to have and from him before he did break down her resistance. "I´m going," she told him already feeling the waves of hurt and pain coming off of him.

He tried to stop her, "Come on. We need to-," he begged.

She couldn´t look at him, couldn´t look into those eyes of his. "We don't need to do anything. There is no we. Understand?" she told him cutting him off again as she moved around hi s defeated figure, and heads out the door.

He tries to stop her, "Buffy-,"

She barely heard him as she took off in a run from the warehouse, her eyes full of tears, alternating between anger and sadness for both of them. What he did she after she left she doesn´t know, doesn´t wan to know. She just wanted the night to be over, done with as she ran through the deserted streets to her house.

When she got home she asked Willow to come over, and she told her and her mom what had happened at the warehouse. It freaked them out and they told her she had to nip it in the bud before the bud nipped her. She just wanted avoid him and let the mess blow over while she thought of a way to handle this. But her mom, and Willow insisted that she go talk to him that night, and get it settled once and for all. That was the last thing she wanted to do, and felt like it was going to be a super mistake. She didn´t want them to know she did actually have feelings for him, and if he got her alone again she would break down, and admit it to him and to herself. She had only finally accepted him as a friend, and could tolerate him sort of. She wasn´t ready to let her barriers down with him yet. It was just too soon after Riley and she was starting to get sort of interested in Ben from the hospital who looked nice and normal and most importantly safe.

Pushed into it, she reluctantly went to his crypt. He was gone when she got there and he had left the entrance to his lower chambers open so she went looking for him only to come upon the shrine he had built about her. It creeped her out as she recognized some of Angel´s drawings of her on it. He had saved Angel´s work—why, and how long had this fixation of his been really going on? Then there were the missing photos and other things she had been wondering where they had vanished to. She had backed away appalled and scared only to run right into him. He was cocky and sure of himself. She hadn´t planned on that. She was at a loss for words for this was far serious than she had thought. Then Drusilla had appeared, and told her that Spike was feeding again. Her first thought was that the chip was out, and they were all in danger. The next thing she knew he had used a cattle prod on her and she was knocked unconscious. When she woke up she was in chains and so was Drusilla—at least that was a welcome relief. But he was still going on about how much he loved her and they started arguing about it.

"Spike, the only chance you had with me was when I was unconscious," she told him staring up angrily at him. He was first surprised, then hurt and the hurt changing to anger on his still handsome face. She had felt a momentary tinge of pity at her harsh words as she saw the pain, and hurt in the dark blue depths of his eyes, but what did he expect? Did he expect her to be all melting, and gushing with love when he had stunned her with a cattle prod then chained her up in the catacombs underneath his crypt? Dru might have been getting all hot, and bothered by being chained, but it made her furious. The situation had only served to reinforce her beyond low opinions of him, and his disillusions of love he supposedly felt for her.

Then after she fought Dru, and the bitch left, she had stormed out of his crypt. But no, he just had to follow her home trying to talk, and apologize all the way there. Dense much? She remembered him saying she couldn´t walk away from this.´ And then her stopping, and yelling at him that he couldn´t understand what a punch in the nose meant—moron! He could only just see as a simple lover´s spat—God what an idiot! He couldn´t understand when she told him she wanted him out of her life, off the planet—just away period from her. What was it going to take to get through to him?

But he wouldn´t give up, and kept talking to her as she spun away from him, and stalked determinedly to the house "No. It's not that easy. We have something, Buffy. It's not pretty, but it's real," he told her as she entered her house with him on her heels. "And there's nothing either one of us can do about it. Like it or not, I'm in your life. You can't just shut me out." She was grimly amused at the expression on his face as he bounced off the restored vampire barrier, and she shut the door in his face. But his words stuck with her, had already gotten under her skin, and haunted her dreams all that night

She went through the next day in a very foul mood, pissed that he had the audacity to be in love with her, and to really believe that there was something between them. Her friend´s and Giles´ reactions to Spike being in love with her hadn´t helped. Maybe if she hadn´t been so angry, and have let the vampire get under her skin already it would have blown over more quietly. Then he showed up at the Spring Break party at the Bronze. People or not she wanted to kill him right there when he asked her if she was "trolling for her next ex, and if she didn´t like him there she could put her hands on his tight, hot body, and make him." He was all so dead meat in her blazing eyes as she glared back at him.

His self preservation instincts must have kicked in because he left, though not far. Then she saw Ben and began talking to him and she watched as Spike tried to pick up a stunning brunette that she didn´t know. He was trying to make her jealous, and damn him it was working. It shouldn´t have been. Why should she have even cared, but she had and shot daggers at them which Spike did see. The next thing she knew the girl had picked Spike up, and thrown him out the front window because he had suggested something sexual to her. She had never laughed so hard at the mortified vampire who slunk off into the night. She didn´t see too much of him after that because she was tracking down the robot girl and her creator. Though she did hear that Giles banned him from the shop.

Next her mom died, and all thoughts of everything including Glory, or Spike problems vanished from her mind in her overwhelming grief. She did hear from Willow that Spike had tried to come by the house with flowers for Joyce, but that he and Xander had gotten into it, and the vampire had left. She never got a straight answer from Dawn how she got the egg used in her spell to bring their mom back. Part of her was afraid to find out the truth, and that maybe Spike had had something to do with it because Giles´ didn´t have anything like the Ghora demon´s egg at the shop, and he couldn´t get any answers out of Dawn either. She let the incident pass as she tried to adjust to life without her mom and trying to raise Dawn by herself. She had to drop out school and was working at the gallery doing her mom´s old job. Giles was helping too both financially, and advice wise otherwise she never would have made it. Even though life had seemed back to normal they still had the Glory problem hanging over their head and no closer to any answers about the Goddess or how to fight her. She thought if she could be a better slayer then that would help. Giles suggested a vision quest and she agreed to try it. They went off to the desert leaving Dawn with the gang.

In the meantime, unknown to the group Spike had had that idiot Warren create a robot in her image. She was both appalled, and secretly flattered when she met the robot after her return. She was not happy he had had it built or that it was fully functional, nor could her friends not tell it wasn´t her. That Spike, and the robot had had sex in the cemetery floored her. He had been that desperate to love her, and a substitute was better than nothing? It was sick. It was scary, and in a way showed he did really care, and knew he didn´t have a chance with the real her. But finding out that Spike had Glory sent cold chills down her on a number of levels, first he knew Dawn´s secret, two the goddess really was going after her friends, and three Glory could kill him before she had a chance to.

He had managed to escape from the goddess just before they got in. In complete shock she stared down at him sprawled on the floor of the apartment building. He had been tortured to within an inch of his unlife. If the goddess had gotten the information out of him it had not been easily or willingly. She just couldn´t deal with him so she let Xander and Giles have the honors while she, and the rest of the group took the shorted out robot back to the shop. When the guys returned she found out that they couldn´t get anything out of Spike so she left to talk to him. Changing into the robot's clothes and pretending that she was the robot she went to find out if Spike had betrayed Dawn and them.

He was so badly injured it broke her heart to look at him all broken, bleeding, and bruised on that stone slab he slept on. Somehow he managed to wake up enough to talk to her thinking she was the robot. She pretended to be the robot volunteering to tell Glory who the key was. He had sat up angrily telling her, "You can't ever Glory never finds out. Full stop." That confused her. She really hadn´t expected that out of him. She had to ask why. He came back with, "Buffy - the other the not-as-pleasant Buffy. Something happened to Dawn it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her being in that much pain. I'd let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did."

She was floored. She knew he meant every word of what he was saying. He had cared enough about her, and Dawn to lay down his life, and endure Glory´s torture for them even though he knew she hated his guts and wouldn´t return his love. He did really love her. It wasn´t just a sick obsession. It was really for real. Then she did something totally unexpected for both of them—she kissed him gently on the lips. Half way through he realized that she wasn´t the robot, but herself, and he drew back, and looked at her in amazement, and if not just a little bit confused, and embarrassed.

She let him know that she was not at all happy about the robot, and what he had did with it, but that what he did do to protect her and Dawn did count. His actions were real, and that she wouldn´t forget about it. After that things did improve between them. She now fully trusted Dawn with him, and made the others accept him back as part of the group which was not an easy task. A couple of days later, Glory got a hold of Tara and brain sucked her, though somehow she managed not to tell Glory what she wanted. Though Glory did find Tara again and came when she had Dawn with her, tearing the apartment´s walls down. Tara could now see Dawn as the key and blurted out. She grabbed Dawn, and ran for their lives. They managed to get away when a truck ran over the Goddess, but just barely. In high panic mode the group made plans to get out of town because none of them were safe now. While everyone was packing she went to see Spike. She couldn´t leave him behind, and he knew how to leave town in a hurry. She didn´t question too closely where he found the ancient RV he showed up with. Though she wished he had just gotten a simple van instead. Though if they had to sleep, and camp out with this large of a group maybe the RV wasn´t that bad.

Giles and Xander objected to Spike, but she defended him, surprising the group, telling them he was going with them as he was the only other person strong enough to fight the goddess, and to just deal with it. An uncomfortable truce was reached, and he was grudgingly accepted. He proved his worth during the fight with the knights, and later at the gas station where they had to hole up. He could work with everyone if given a chance. Mostly he watched both hers, and Dawn´s backs and kept trying to talk her into leaving everyone, and just going with Dawn. In hindsight she should have. She still didn´t forgive herself for bringing Glory into their midst. How was she to know that Ben and Glory were the same? Ben was the only one she could think of to save Giles without involving EMS or the police. They didn´t need the cops in on this, and trying to explain this mess. That still would not solve their problems, and it would have endangered more people.

Glory had Dawn-- she had failed. They all had failed to protect the girl. Now she had the knowledge of what the Key was going to be used to do. The only way to stop the gates between dimensions all opening at once destroying everything was to kill her sister. She didn´t even remember collapsing, and shutting down. Her last memory was of seeing all the dead knights sprawled out like broken dolls on the ground. That was what she was still remembering, and not wanting to go back and face. What she still had to face. Now she was being told that she would get the knowledge she needed to fight Glory—that she wouldn't have to kill her sister to keep all the fabric of reality from disintegrating into pure chaos when Dawn´s power, and blood keyed the gateway to Glory´s world open. She prayed this was all true, and not some wishful thinking of her subconscious making her believe what she was experiencing now was true.

She had to hold out hope that everything that as the William of this time had told her was really the way it was going to happen, even if it did mean she would lose some of her friends during the final battle. This was a much happier ending for all concerned considering the alternatives that could have happened. They all could have died including herself, Dawn, Spike, and all of the Scoobies and the world, reality as they had known no longer existed.

End Part 5
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Part 6

Buffy woke up from her dreams disorientated for a moment, trying to figure out where she was, and how she had gotten there. She felt like she should be waking up in a different place, and that it was very urgent that she do so. She closed her eyes and tried to get back but somehow she couldn´t make the journey. She had to be here in this now. When it was time she would be returned, she was reassured by a not quite voice in her head. She sighed, frustrated at being manipulated by the Powers That Be again, and opened her eyes again to focus on her surroundings. The bed was strange as was the room because it was altered a lot from when it had been her mother´s room. Then she felt her unborn daughter kicking her hard, and she remembered everything. Seeing a large rounded stomach in place of her usually flat one was disconcerting still. She placed a hand on top of her stomach, and felt a small foot pressed up against her hand from the other side. She was really pregnant in this future.

Getting up out of the bed to go pee was a real educational experience. It took a bit of maneuvering to sit up from her being flat on her back. She waddled into the bathroom finally. She wasn´t sure how far along she was, but it didn´t appear like she had that long to wait. She had no idea what was normal or not for this body or for being pregnant at this stage. She had a rough idea of the stages of pregnancy from health classes and books, but since it wasn´t something that was going to be happening to her she really didn´t follow up on it. Now she wished she had. What was bothering her was all the low level pains in her lower back like cramps almost, but oddly different. Then she had noticed spotting, but it didn´t seem serious, and it stopped.

Her attention was diverted by a knock on the bathroom door and Will´s voice asking her if everything was okay. Embarrassed, she answered that she was okay and told him that she´d be down in a couple of minutes after she got dressed. She heard something about her breakfast being ready and he´d see her down there. He left, and she came out of the bathroom. She needed to get herself together before she faced him. Going through the closet she found a not too unflattering dark blue calico dress to wear. It was good to note her future self still had fairly good taste in clothes. Not that anything ever made a pregnant woman look that great. Throwing some makeup on, and fixing her hair, she at least looked presentable. She found a low pair of moccasin looking slip ons to wear, and finally made her way downstairs.

Desiree and Destry were already at the table eating their breakfast. They looked up, and said hi to her, then went back to eating their cereal. Seeing Will in a nice black casual suit, paisley print shirt, and maroon tie sort of threw her. She had forgotten he still had to go teach at the University. As she came into the room, he got up, and helped her sit down. It was still hard getting used to him, and not thinking he was her Spike, or of her Spike being a gentleman under all the layers of crude he used with her. She had to smile a little at the thought, and he raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

"Something funny?" he asked, looking at her puzzled while he settled back in his chair, and finished eating his eggs.

"Just everything. I was thinking about my Spike, and probably fainting if he pulled a chair out for me like you just did," she replied taking a sip of her orange juice. She was amazed at the breakfast of eggs, and bacon that sat before her.

"You about did when I opened that door at the warehouse for you," Will reminded her with a happy glint in his eyes.

"You remember that?" Buffy asked, surprised.

He shrugged, "why shouldn´t I? It happened. I wanted to treat you like a lady, but everytime I tried you went totally weird, or ballastic on me so I backed off. It took you awhile to see that I could be a gentleman, and did have some manners. Just because I was once a vam—err, different doesn´t mean I didn´t know how to act. I just hadn´t had any occasion to show you, or for you to accept a different me," he smiled, looking over his coffee at her pointedly.

Buffy looked thoughtfully for a moment, and then replied, "yeah, I see your point. I do tend to be a bit close minded, and look at most things rather black and whitely. I just wasn´t accepting your feelings at that point in time. Riley hadn´t been gone that long, and we were still sort of enemies," she replied being careful of what she was saying because of the kids listening.

"Only because you made us so. I was trying to change that, but you weren´t ready to listen. I still remembered Willow´s spell and the summer, but you seemed to want to forget any of it had ever happened. It hurt, but I accepted that you must have had your reasons for being the way you were," he told her truthfully.

She blushed embarrassed, "I did, but I´ll tell you why later. Evidently, you and I must not have talked about this?" she asked, wondering, how her future self and Will were doing.

"Not really. We had too much going on after the battle, with me getting used to being normal to talk on some things. I´d be interested in your closer perspective," Will told her with something unreadable in his eyes.

"Okay, I just hope I won´t be messing anything up. This is her life, not mine," she reminded him.

"I can´t see how, since it´s both you just different a little," he said, looking at her thoughtfully. "how did you sleep by the way?" he asked changing the subject.

"Okay, I guess. I had lots of dreams, and thinking to do. It took me a moment to remember where and when I was, then to figure out how to get out of bed. How far along am I?" she asked.

"I forgot to tell you didn´t I—sorry. You´re about eight and half months, not long to go now. Something´s not the matter is it?" he asked worriedly.

"No," she lied sort of. She wasn´t sure if right then was the time to tell him about her cramps or the spotting, or if they were anything to worry about. "I´m just trying to make sure I return this body on the same condition I found it. And I don´t know that much about being pregnant. It was a subject I sort of avoided because it wasn´t going to happen," she said with a sigh as she finished her food.

"I think we sort of proved that wrong," Will smiled at her with a twinkle in his eyes, and for a moment she could see her Spike teasing her, and it made her catch her breath. Now if her Spike was only half as nice.

Recovering quickly she asked, "so we are taking the kids to their daycare, and then you are dropping me off at the shop?"

"Yes, that is the plan. I´ll be back a little after two when my last class is over. I am not sure when Willow and Faith are getting in. Hopefully, I´ll be there when they arrive, and Giles did actually called them to let them know that you are not your usual self instead of forgetting it. Sometimes I really think he is going senile, the old sod," he said getting up, and gathering up their dishes to rinse them, and put them in the kitchen sink.

Buffy got up too, and just stayed out of way while the kids, and Will went through their normal routines. The kids were very quiet this morning, and kept looking at her with odd expressions. They had accepted that a stranger was now their mother, though not happily as the conversations between their father and this other mommy were confusing. It was clear that Will had had a talk with his children before she had come downstairs. They were more distant than they had been yesterday, and clung to their father for comfort and familiarity. She could see them wanting to say things to her , then stopping themselves. It was clear they weren´t even sure what to call her because she really wasn´t their mom, and they knew it on several levels.

She did help Destry with his coat, and he just looked at her with bright blue solemn eyes, just a shade lighter than his father´s. His three year old lip was quivering as he asked, "when is my Mommy coming home? I miss her."

"Soon, Destry, I promise. I won´t stay any longer than I have to. She´s okay, she´s with my friends from where I came. Can you put up with me for just a little longer?" Buffy asked him.

He nodded, his golden brown curls fluttering. "I guess so," he replied with a ghost of a smile as she finished zipping his jacket. Then he went out the door following his sister out to the SRV.

Will had watched the exchange thoughtfully, and helped her straighten back up. "They´ll be okay. They´re pretty tough, adjustable kids considering everything. They know this is just temporary and their Momma will be back soon," he reassured her as he helped her with her coat since she was finding it wasn´t that easy to get on.

"And I will get back won´t I? I´m not going get stuck here am I? I already feel so bad about this," she told him.

"Buffy, we all will make sure you get home. But it´s not so bad here is it?" he asked her, his eyes searching hers.

"No, not bad—it´s just strange, and very confusing. I am still worrying about Dawn, and what Glory is doing with her, and if Giles is all right. All of it. That is my world, my time, my moment, not this. My mind is still on the battle and taking care of everyone, even you," she reassured him as he picked up his briefcase and one of the kid´s forgotten backpacks on the way to the door.

That stopped him for a moment, and he looked down at her. In his eyes she could see her Spike and feel him, not Will talking to her. "Even me? I´m touched, slayer. It didn´t look like you were even noticing me once old Ben showed up. Dawn, and Willow were fussing over my hands. Even Anya, and Xander came, and took a looksee, asking me if I needed anything. But all I got out of you was that I´d heal—real bloody comforting that was," he said, a touch of remembered pain in his eyes as they stood in the door before going out.

"Ohh," she replied. "I just barely remember. I´m sorry. I just had too much to deal with all at once. Even right now what that damned General Gregor told us is still getting to me. That I have to kill my sister, or let the universe be destroyed. This isn´t a vacation. I´m still there, or at least part of me is there. And I can´t forget what is happening. If I hurt your feelings, I´m sorry, but after everything you, and I had been through, and did to one another, did you think I could just suddenly forgive you?" Buffy asked him point blank.

Will´s eyes flashed fire for a moment then stilled as he made himself calm down enough to answer her. "No, not really, but a bit of compassion wouldn´t have bloody hurt you after I saved your life when that sword went down through the bloody roof. I bleed for you, and you didn´t even care—that´s what hurts," he said turning his eyes from her, and fighting the tears that threatened to come. "No, you aren´t my wife, at least she´s grown a heart—you haven´t yet," he said, and walked out the door leaving her standing there dumbfounded at his harsh words. "Come on, get in the car," he yelled back at her as he helped the waiting kids get in, and buckled them into their seats.

Buffy almost turned, and fled up the stairs, but she bit back her anger, and her hurt, determined to see this mess through. Closing the door she walked the short distance to the driveway and got into the car on her own. Will got in and fixed his straps before starting the car. She couldn´t even look at him now and she stared resolutely straight ahead refusing to accept or acknowledge his apology. In silence they drove to the children´s daycare. She told them both goodbye and to have a good day, but to him not a word. She waited in the car while he took them in.

Will tried to talk to her repeatedly, but she refused to answer or acknowledge him. When they got to the shop she got out on her own, refusing his help or to look at him. Finally, he gave up, and left as soon as she was let into the shop by Anya.

"Gee, what crawled up you? Bad night?" the former demon asked seeing Buffy´s angry scowl.

"I don´t want to talk about it," Buffy replied trying not to discuss her problems with Spike´s present, past or future.

"Will, huh? Too much of a trip down memory lane?" Anya pried, trying to find out what was wrong and refusing to give up as she steered Buffy over to the big study table.

Buffy finally exploded. "He said I didn´t have a heart! Am I really that cold of a bitch? Am I? Was I then?" she asked fighting back her tears.

Anya looked at her in real sympathy, and debated what to say. She really didn´t want to hurt the girl, but she did need the truth. "Yeah, you were kinda of. But it was everything that had happened to you over the years that made you draw inside yourself. That you stayed together as long as you did before breaking down blew Xander and me away. But you held on to yourself too much. You wouldn´t let yourself grieve, or allow anyone to really help after Riley left, and your mom died. You had to do it all, protect us all, worry about us—not yourself. You went around pretending you were in control, and everything was okay--perfect-- when it wasn´t. You wouldn´t let any of us in, and we didn´t know what to do. Your vision trip helped you a little, but truthfully-- you needed lots of time alone to find yourself. Unfortunately, Glory decided to come after you full force after months of not doing much of anything. First she got Spike, then Tara, and finally Dawn. None of that was your fault, but you felt like it was. Even bringing Ben in to treat Giles wasn´t your fault because of the forgetting spell he, and Glory had going, but you took it personally," Anya told her.

"So that´s what it was? A forgetting spell? That´s why no one could remember his being Glory too? Gods—I really screwed up!" she said devastated by the knowledge.

"No--Buffy—you didn´t. No one knew, and Ben wasn´t honest with you. So don´t blame yourself. It just happened."

"But I failed to protect my sister! I promised her I would protect her, and nothing would happen to her. And look how I protected everyone—Tara got brain sucked, Giles almost got killed, and Spike, Spike got hurt again because of meand I didn´t even tell him how proud I was of him for grabbing that sword, and trying to keep you all safe in the RV when his hands were all messed up. No wonder he´s so mad at me because I was so cold to him, and he didn´t deserve it at all. I´m nothing but a joke, a big, miserable, failing joke who shouldn´t even be called a slayer," Buffy cried, not bothering to hold back the tears now as she fell into Anya´s arms, and let her hold her. "How can any of you forgive me for being such a failure?"

"Shh, you´re not a failure, just a very tired, and overwhelmed young woman. You´re only twenty, and have to suddenly be a mother to both yourself, and a sister you never had before."

"Yeah, but this happens to other people, and they don´t fall apart," Buffy said in between sniffles.

Anya shook her head sadly, and as gently as she could told her, "they aren´t the Slayer, and have Hell Goddesses after them, or have sisters that are mystical keys. Buffy, your life is not normal—it never will be—that is what you have to accept. You keep trying to live like a normal woman, and that is never, ever going to happen. We, as your friends have also accepted that knowing you, and being your friend means that we will never have completely normal lives—we just accept, and deal with all weirdness as best we can. That is what you have to do. Right now, where you are in your time, it seems like everything is hopeless, and that you´ve already lost. You haven´t. You won´t. You´ll make it. Yes, we will lose people close to us, but we will save all the universes, and uncounted billions of beings by what you do in the end. You are important—you do count, and most importantly you do care, and can love because it will be love, your love that saves us all," she told her.

"Really?" asked Buffy in a shaky voice, trying to raise her head to look at Anya, and taking the tissue the former demon offered her. "I still just feel so very numb inside."

"You have love, lots of it—more than you can fully realize. You just have to open yourself up to the possibilities of it."

"Love hurts though. Every time I love I get kicked in the teeth, or the person I love leaves me. They all leave me," she answered starting to cry again.

"Spike didn´t. We didn´t. We all stayed, even Dawn. Not everyone goes away, Buffy. But love is pain, and work. But it´s also joy, and peace, warm fuzzies, children, and many happy things rolled into one."

"Gee, you didn´t mention sex one time," Buffy teased her.

"I have grown up, you know. I just thought it, not said it," Anya smiled back, not offended in the least by Buffy´s remark. "Point is, Buffy, you have to be willing to let yourself love. Wasn´t that why you sought the First Slayer to begin with?"

"Yeah, it was, and I am still trying to understand her answer, "love will bring me to my gift. Death is my gift." I´m sorry, that doesn´t sound remotely like love to me," Buffy told her growing serious once again. "What is scaring me is that I am beginning to understand it, and I really don´t want to understand it."

"And what do you understand?"

"I have to kill my sister—but that can´t be as supposedly she´s alive now. She didn´t die. I´m real confused now," Buffy said in defeat.

"It will make sense when it happens—when you go back. You can´t be told everything otherwise it could also change it all," Anya told her cryptically.

"Great," Buffy mumbled defeated. "So now that I´ve had this great pep talk, and cried all over you—where is everyone else?" she asked finally noticing it was only her, and Anya in the shop.

"Giles is on his way. Xander and the boys are coming in later on, and at last report Willow and Faith should be here anytime."

"But I thought they were coming this afternoon?" Buffy questioned worriedly.

"They wanted to get an early start, and they are bringing Angel too, and the kids after Giles talked to them. But I wasn´t supposed to tell you that—it was supposed to be a surprise," Anya told her, hiding her amusement at Buffy´s expression.

"Angel is coming? A human Angel now?" she asked.

"Yes, very human, and not like you remembered. He´s Faith´s husband now, and she lets everyone know it. He does love her, and they seem to be happy. Their little girl, Angelette, is gorgeous. She has the darkest eyes, and perfect dark curls, but she is spoiled rotten. Gods, that girl is a terror. She can do no wrong according to Angel. Luckily, Julian is just the opposite. He´s so sweet and easy going—a lot like Oz everyone says, since I didn´t know him that well," Anya bubbled getting up, and going back behind the counter for something. A photo book, Buffy realized as the woman came back with it, and sat it down on the table so they could both look at it.

"Wow!" Buffy exclaimed amazed at some of the early photos in the book.

It was them starting with high school when she had first moved to Sunnydale. Some pictures she recognized others she didn´t. Like there were a few of Spike, and Drusilla, and even Angel at the factory. She really wanted to know where those came from and how. Gee, vampires liked taking pictures too, she guessed. There were pictures of Miss Callender, ones of both Kendra and Faith. Lots of her, Giles, Willow, Xander, Cordy, and Oz as well as Angel. There were even some of Wesley. She saw herself and friends at school, at the Bronze, on patrol, and at home. Then there were pictures of the prom, and graduation before the Mayor transformed into his giant snakeyness. Someone had even taken a shot of all them fighting back. There were even shots of what the school looked like afterwards—it was all really bizarre. Then there were pictures of the gang patrolling while she was off in LA. Next was college. Lots of ones taken in the dorm, at parties, or at Giles house. There were even a couple of Spike chained in the bathtub, or tied to a chair at Giles, and a couple where she and Spike were almost nose to nose arguing. There was even one with her standing over him exasperated with a stake to his chest while he grinned up at her.

Then Riley entered the pictures as she started dating him. He and his friends were included for a while in the photos, then his friends sort of faded away. There were no pictures of their battle with Adam. Next were the summer pictures which included beach scenes, parties, and more patrolling. She also could see how her, and Riley began drifting away from one another during that time. She was with him, yet she wasn´t with him. There wasn´t the closeness with him that was apparent in her friend´s relationships. Oddly enough there was only one shot where Spike was in it, and it had to by accident. It was at the Bronze with her dancing by herself lost in the music. Beside her Tara and Willow were dancing, along with Xander and Anya. But there was Spike at the bar watching her, his eyes looked hungry, sad, and lost as he held his beer evidently watching her. Buffy looked at the date, and it was a few days before she had made out with him.

Then suddenly Dawn started appearing in the photos, and when Buffy flipped back to the beginning of the book Dawn was there in the earlier photos when she hadn´t been before. "Huh? What is going on Anya?" Buffy had to ask.

"Giles calls it the Dawn phenomena. As long as you are looking at photos, and Dawn isn´t in them, the time line in them is as we originally remember, and went through. But once we see Dawn, or hear her name she gets included in everything like she was always there. It´s still a leftover from the spell the monks did," Anya explained.

"That´s creepy," Buffy commented with a slight shiver as she turned back to the photos book.

"Yeah, really, but as we all say this is the Hellmouth, and anything is likely to happen. Just another thing we have learned to adjust to," Anya replied with a shrug.

Buffy accepted her explaination and was glad to see all the pictures of her mom included in the book. Riley was in a lot of them, and Spike was mostly absent. If there were any of him, they were ones where he was at the Bronze in the background away from them all, just watching them. Then Riley was gone as he was gone from her life. The pictures of everyone got kind of sparse after the holidays, her birthday, and Valentine´s day. There was even a picture of her and the Buffybot standing side by side—which still creeped her out that Spike had done such a thing. It jumped from that quiet before the storm period to suddenly there were pictures of them in the desert—she guessed just before the battle with Glory. These were pictures of things that were supposed to happen, or had happened in this timeline. It was her future yet unborn and she debated whether to look at them or not for fear of somehow altering things or worse setting events in stone so they couldn´t be if they should be.

Curiosity won out though. There was a group shot probably taken by Giles as he wasn´t in it nor, was Dawn. It a night shot with all of them by a huge campfire with the ancient RV just barely visible. But there she was with Spike with his leftover fading bruises, and healing cuts from Glory´s torture just before this. She sat in front of him, his arms around her protectively, possessively, as she leaned back against him looking actually relaxed and comfortable with him. Buffy noted that she had her fingers intertwined with his, and there was a golden ring on her finger she didn´t recognize. She looked away from the photos, and saw the matching ring on her present hand now. He must have given it to her then wanting the world to know she was his, no doubt, she smiled thinking that was so typical of him. For once they both looked peaceful, content, maybe even a bit in love, and sadly happy for that brief moment that had been captured on film.

Next to them sitting on the ground were Angel and Faith,. They both looked very happy, if not well used from their slightly tangled, messed up hair, and sort of thrown on clothes. Angel was actually smiling back mischievously at Faith who had wrapped her arms around him. Her happiness was radiating like a live thing as she looked at the camera.

Xander, and Anya were also there looking both sad, but happy like they had said their goodbyes, and accepted whatever was to happen. Then there was a red headed Oz with a half smile on his face, his arms around both Tara, and Willow who were holding hands, their heads resting on his shoulders. Oz and Willow were looking at each other with such sadness, and regrets but the love they still had for one another was still reflected in their eyes. It was clear that Tara was still out of it, but she welcomed Oz´s embrace as much as Willow did. In the background, on the other side of the fire she could see Riley dressed in military fatigues sitting alone, cleaning a rifle. His head was down as if he knew he really was an outsider, and he really couldn´t handle the happy couples on the other side of the fire. If Cordy, Wesley, or Gunn were around she didn´t see them.

There were a few single shots of each couple, and of the individuals. It was rare that Giles took pictures so maybe this has come from one of her talks with him about the lack of information of final slayer battles. Also this would be remembrance for the survivors if there were any, she could see herself thinking.

There was one shot of Riley, and Spike talking, or maybe arguing since they both had tight, clinched fists, and seemed like they wanted to kill one another. She was looking on with her arms folded glaring at the posturing males disgustedly. It didn´t take a mindreader to see that what ever was being said was about her and Spike, and the change in their relationship. No, if Riley had come back for the battle hoping that somehow they could make up, and be together again --finding Spike had just moved in on her and they were together would not have been pleasant for any of them.

She was even wondering how things got resolved between Angel, Spike, and her. Especially since there was a slight matter of the sire/childe bond, and Angel´s former claim to her. Since something must have been worked out as she saw a picture of a barechested Angel, and Spike standing with their arms thrown over one another grinning like idiots at both her, and Faith.

The most telling picture of her, and Spike´s changed relationship was of them standing with her arms around his neck, and his around his waist almost touching one another, but not quite. She was grinning up at him looking positively radiant, and in love, and he was looking back at her amused, his scarred eyebrow raised a bit if he was questioning something she was saying. But the love he felt for her was clear in everything as he looked back at her. Even she had to admit that they did look good together. She didn´t look lost in his arms like she always did with either Angel, or Riley who were both taller, and more massive than Spike.

She was going to flip the page and look at more of her future life when then bell above the door jingled as people entered the shop. Buffy and Anya turned to see Giles come in followed by an older looking, not so thin Faith dressed in too tight black jeans, a tan T-shirt, and black demin jacket looking very business like. Her dark hair was cropped short into a mass of short curls, but nicely styled and cut. She was wearing more makeup, and sported a lot of flashy, expensive looking jewelry. She really looked the full blown biker babe image she had tried to have in her younger years. Nor had she lost any of her swagger, or the attitude that went with it.

Behind her came Willow in a long, dark, multicolored gypsy styled dress slowly moving forward into the shop in an electric wheel chair. She wore a purple scarf wrapped around her head like a turban, her still bright red hair spilling out in long ringlets over her amulets, and jewelry. Her familiar face was set with a sour expression as she beheld Buffy, and then she quickly looked away from her to look back at the door of the shop which being held open by a young red haired boy, and a smaller dark haired girl. Behind them came a very different, older Angel than what Buffy had expected seeing. He had put on some weight around his middle, and there was the beginning of gray streaks in his longish dark hair. He was dressed very similarly to Faith as was their daughter. It was clear they wanted no one to mistake that they weren´t a family.

"Julian, Ang´, get back from the door so Angel can get in," Willow ordered the two children, and they quickly did as she asked, then they went to stand uncomfortably by their parents looking around the shop very lost, and afraid to touch anything.

Anya saw that, and told the two children, "if your parents don´t mind, you can go back, and play in the play area. There´s lots of toys and stuff," she offered hopefully.

Both kids brightened up considerably, and looked to their grown ups for permission, but mainly to Angel.

He looked down at them, and grinned, "go for it," he told them motioning them to be off with his hand. The relieved kids took off for the play area, just barely giving Buffy, and Anya a glance as they flew past only slowing down when Angel yelled at them, "and no running, and no fighting," he emphasized.

Then he directed his attention to Buffy looking her over and her huge stomach, "looks like you´re about ready to pop at anytime," he grinned at her. "Looks like Studdly´ is really making good on his promise to keep you barefoot, and pregnant."

Buffy raised an eyebrow, a bit back the remark she was going to make about his stomach. "Yeah, it seems so, or at least this Buffy seems to be staying that way," she shot back and sat down, her legs suddenly tired.

The group from LA shot puzzled glances back and forth then at her. Realizing that somehow they hadn´t been told she turned to Giles, "you did tell them that I´m not the Buffy from this now, but I´m from the past, didn´t you?"

Giles looked a bit embarrassed, and coughed nervously before he answered her. "I´m afraid I did get a chance to warn them. Things were a bit hectic," he apologized.

"What B, you´re not B?" Faith asked, her brow furrowed as she tried to understand what was being said.

"I am, but I´m from the past. This is the future for me. Right now I´m in a deep trance right after Glory took off with Dawn. The final battle with her hasn´t happened for me, or any of you yet," she explained.

"Ohh wow, twilight zone time again," Faith said, shaking her head, coming closer and sprawling into the nearest chair followed by the rest of the group.

"I remember," Willow said coming over in her chair, looking at her oddly, her eyes softening slightly. "I was with you. You freaked, and went into deep shock when we went outside, and saw all the dead knights Glory had killed. No one could reach you—you just weren´t there. We weren´t sure whether to move you, or not, but we had to go find Dawn, and get Giles to a hospital. We took Ben´s car and got everyone in. It was a very tight fit. We took Giles to the emergency room, Spike went to Glory´s, and Anya, Tara, me, and you went to Xander´s. Then I tried to mind meld with you. But I never saw any of this?" she questioned looking at both Buffy, and Giles for some sort of explaination.

"Yes, I have been trying to determine exactly what is going on. As Buffy did come back with knowledge to use against Glory, and that is the reason she is here. The information she needs does not yet exist in her time, only in ours," he added, only making the group more confused.

"O—kay," Faith said, shaking her head as if that would make it all make sense. "So this B before the battle and all that?"

"Yes. She has no memories of it, or what happened after she came out of her trance, though she has been told bits, and pieces of this future so she could understand the current circumstances, especially between her, and Will," Giles told them.

"It was a big shock waking up finding myself very pregnant, a kid jumping on me, and seeing Spike wandering around in the sunlight. At this point in my life I have only gotten to the tolerate him around because he´s useful status," Buffy informed them. "Getting closer to Spike is not in my game plan," she added.

"Well, it sure was in his," Faith laughed smugly, glancing at Angel who was also smiling. "Right, Babe?" she asked.

"Definitely. Though it was you, Buffy, that made the first move. He was in total shock as was everyone else when you went up, and got him in a serious lip and arm lock on the eve of the battle," Angel smirked at her. "Once he figured out that you were for real, and weren´t going to stake him, the rest was history."

Buffy looked at everyone more than a bit shocked, and embarrassed as she could never imagine herself doing such a thing under any circumstances especially in front of an obvious audience when this all supposedly happened. Even since she had been here, her opinions and feelings about Spike hadn´t radically changed enough that she could see herself breaking down, and allowing herself to make love to Spike. There was no way´ this going to happen, but if she didn´t do it none of this would happen either. It was really wiggin´ her out now.

"But Spike—me? I can´t even stand him! This has got to be some sort of dream I´m still having," she told them all, shaking her head, and looking miserable.

"B you love the guy, and he loves you. Just don´t know it yet. You´re just afraid to admit it. It´s you two, and your love that make the whole thing work," Faith told her trying to reassure the confused girl.

"But what if this really isn´t her future, and this is all a dream for her, for us?" Willow asked thoughtfully. "We all know time is fluid and there are multiple, alternative dimensions, timelines—maybe this is one of them? Just like Anya, and I sent back Olaf back to the land of the Trolls, or a least some land of something, or other, and then Angel, and everyone was sent to the Host´s dimension. Why couldn´t this be something like that. A possible reality, but not the only reality as we know that the gates between all the dimensions did open for a while, and we never knew for sure what was real, or not until it sorted itself out," she finished looked seriously around at everyone, and saw comprehension on their faces.

"Creepy," Anya commented looking uncomfortably. "But then I would have my Xander, and my kids None of us would have any of this," she protested unhappily, not wanting Willow´s theory to be true at all.

"That would really be a nasty wrinkle on everything, " Giles added.

"Yeah, I sure and the Hell don´t like the idea," Angel said, reaching over and taking Faith´s hand. "Of all the possible realities, I don´t have any complaints about this."

"You all may be just peachy keen on this now´, but I lost both Oz, and Tara. I wouldn´t mind a bit of reality shuffling if that brought them back to me. Even if I could never walk again like I am now, just having them back would be heaven," Willow told them all, fighting back both anger and tears..

"So you´re saying that in order to have this future, this outcome Spike, and I have to get together before the battle?" Buffy asked a little dismayed, and inwardly nervous at the prospect of giving herself to her still mortal enemy. "Like wouldn´t I be more worried about what was happening to Dawn, battle plans, etc., than giving Spike a happy?" she growled, not being very happy all of a sudden.

"Probably, but you are being given a glimpse of the future, a fairly happy future for most of us, and for Dawn too. If you don´t get with Spike then all this may not happen. Are you sure you can risk that?" Giles asked.


"I—I´m not sure," Buffy replied, unsure of everything, nervously picking at a fold in her dress rather than meet anyone´s eyes.

"But maybe, doing it differently like somehow Oz, Tara, and Riley survive the battle then someone else could be the one to die instead, then the future would be completely different from what it might have been or, this. Originally, all of this revolved around Dawn´s coming into existence suddenly, and still does to a certain extent, but this also hinges on you, and somehow Spike too as it will be you two together more than anyone else that will bring down Glory, and keep total chaos from overtaking everything when the dimensional gates are opened," Willow told her.

"I just don´t know—I´ve really got to think on all of this," Buffy said getting up suddenly as she felt tears coming to her eyes. She then fled to the safety of the bathroom to cry and think. They all watched her go, but no one tried to stop her.

"So do you think she will do it?" Giles asked Willow.

"You got me, but Giles, like I said earlier I didn´t see any of this in Buffy´s head back then, so I am as confused as her," the red haired witch told him, "maybe we are just a dream after all," she added, and looked thoughtfully at the closed bathroom door wondering what was really real, and what wasn´t for her former friend.

End Part 6