quick spoiler note: Ever wonder why in the episode where the GHGs are all introduced Chapel isn't given a bizarre screen angle? And is, in fact, missing? Well, there is a reason. A big spoiling one. So if you don't know exactly _who_ Chapel is, don't read this fic (it's not like you'll be missing much, trust me).
quick disclaimer: This, kids, is why you don't stay up until 3 in the morning drinking cherry 7'UP and listening to a song called 'Sweet, Sweet Baby - The Moo-Moo Mix' with Scooby-Doo muted on your TV. All characters, and all characters parodied, belong to their respective creators a.k.a. Not Me. I'm also a more familiar with the anime than the manga (only 2 vols of it isn't giving me much info....) of Trigun, just so ya know. I heard some weird thing about Zazie and bugs in the manga... squick... er, oh right, I have a fic after all this ranting....
.... and dear frickin' God I suck at song parodies. Oy. This ain't gonna be purdy.
Anyways, enjoy! (well, grin and pretend you're enjoying it, okay? my ego is a fragile thing)
---
"I am NOT wearing that stupid dog outfit!"
"Don't complain. At least it's better than this... this... this dress..."
"It is weird to see you in a dr--"
"I don't mean the dress itself you asshole. I'm used to that. I mean this colour! Purple?! PURPLE?!"
"I, personally, think it's a vast improvement from your usual pink garb."
"Shut up."
*sigh* "Why are we doing this again?"
"Because it is His will."
"Well 'He' has a really fucked up sense of humo--ooowwww!!"
"You will not speak of Him in such a tone again, understood?"
"Y-Yes...."
"Good. Now, get into your places before I turn this into a real horror movie."
"And that's a really cheesy li--owww! Shit, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"Hmph. Now go."
"H-Hey, my body is moving all by itself!"
"Stop it! For the love of God!"
"Nooo, I don't wanna be in this stupid thing!"
*cue the ominous evil laughter with the neato echo effect*
*echo... echo... echo...*
"Dammit Legato, turn that thing off already."
---
Zazie-Sazie-Doo, where are you? We got some people to kill now
Zazie-Sazie-Doo, where are you? We need some freakishness from you now
Come on Zazie-Doo, I see you... pretending you miss your mother
But you're not fooling me, cause I can see, the way you murder 'n plunder
You know we got an outlaw to crack, so Zazie Doo be ready for your big pity act
{Zazie Doo}Uh-uh Uh-uh
Don't hold back!
And Zazie Doo if you come through
you're going to have yourself a Zazie Snack!
That's a fact!
Zazie-Sazie-Doo, here are you, you're young and you're a villain
If we can count on you, Zazie Doo, I know we'll have a good time killin'
---
*and it starts! -- the scene is a dark and mysterious black van bumping along a matching dark and mysterious road, while groovy seventies music plays in the background. Inside the van, a blue haired man is wearing a white sweater, orange scarf and amazingly tacky blue bellbottoms while driving. Next to him is a lovely (er...), young (er...) man (er.... oh wait) in a short purple dress and bright orange wig -- _almost_ as orange as the outfit worn by the woman to his other side. In the back of the van, a Wolf and a child dressed as a dog battle over noodles. This continues in almost utter silence until the woman in orange is sharply elbowed.*
{Dominique} Ow, jackass.
*Legato glares*
{Dominique} Er... I mean... Jeepers Daphne, it sure is taking a long way to your whore house.
{Midvalley} *flatly* I know Velma. Oh, turn up here, Fred. I know a shortcut.
*"Fred" does so and they turn onto another dirt road which is shrouded in heavy, heavy fog, despite the fact that there's clear weather on almost every other road in the state.*
{Legato} I can hardly see the road. Some short-cut.
{Dominique} [I thought HE was the one who was so insistent that we stick to script.] Um.... Golly, this fog is like pea soup!
{Wolfwood} Soup?
{Zazie} Pea?
*the two proceed to drool while Dominique sweatdrops slightly*
{Dominique} Chow hounds. [Freaks.]
*suddenly, a black cat seemingly pops up out of nowhere in front of the van*
{Midvalley} *still flatly* Look out Fred.
*Legato swerves sharply to avoid the cat and the two passengers in the back yelp as they're thrown against the wall*
{Wolfwood} [Maybe a seat belt would've been a good idea after all...]
*the black van skids along, seemingly out of control, until it hits a relatively flat rock which somehow causes one of the back tires to completely blow out. Damn the luck. The van finally stops and the scene changes back to the inside of the van*
*in the back of the van, Wolfwood's upper body is poking out from underneath a green blanket, brought along for who knows what reason, while Zazie's rear complete with wire dog tail sticks up from the opposite end*
{Wolfwood} *groans* Jesus, what a ride. You okay, Zaz?
{Zazie} *muffled* Reah.
*in the front of the van, Midvalley has somehow ended up in an upside down position, legs in pink stockings flailing.*
{Midvalley} Somebody, help me dammit!
{Legato} Hold on, Daphne, I'll help you *attempting to grab Midvalley in various... ahem... places while the sax player smacks at his hands*
{Dominique} *with a hand over one eye* Has anyone seen my Demon's Eye? I can't find my Demon's Eye!
*in the back of the van, Wolfwood has freed himself from the blanket and stretches, cracking his neck. Pausing, he looks down at the blanket where Zazie remains, huddled*
{Wolfwood} Come on out of there, Zaz.
{Legato} *looks over his shoulder at Wolfwood* Come on, Chapel. I think we've got a flat tire. You're coming to help me fix it.
{Wolfwood} Hell.... *grumbles and looks back at the blanket again* Ya got room for me under there, Zaz?
{Dominique} *feeling under her chair* Has anyone seen my Demon's Eye?
{Wolfwood} Can I at least grab a sandwich before I go out there? Being in a car crash makes a guy hungry!
{Legato} We weren't in a crash, I simply swerved to avoid hitting a black cat. You know how fond He is of cats.
{Wolfwood} .... Right. Say Velma, would you pass me one of those sandwiches from up there?
*Zazie immediately hops up from underneath the blanket at the mention of food and just happens to have Dominique's Demon's Eye over one of his own eyes*
{Zazie} Randwich?
{Dominique} *twitches in annoyance* I can't get anybody anything until I find my Demon's Eye. It's far more important than your damn stomach.
{Zazie} Hm.... *takes the eye patch off and taps Dominique on the shoulder. She turns and he places it back on her face. She blinks for a moment before _almost_ smiling and tossing a sandwich over to Zazie who catches the entire thing in his mouth and chews happily*
{Dominique} Thank-you, Zazie.
{Wolfwood} Hey! That was my sandwich!
*Zazie swallows the sandwich before giggling stupidly at Wolfwood -- it quickly turns into an insane cackle*
{Wolfwood} *sweatdrops* [I hope that's Legato controlling him again or something.... weird kid.] Very funny. Very funny.
{Legato} Enough about the sandwich. It was mine to begin with and it is pointless to argue about something so trivial when the End is so near. Now, let's get this tire fixed so we can get going.
*Wolfwood sweatdrops again and turns, opening the backdoor of the van. As he does, the black cat from earlier is seen, grinning wickedly. Wolfwood, a bit surprised by an evilly grinning cat, jumps backwards and into Zazie's arms. Shotakon demons amongst us howl in glee*
{Wolfwood} What the hel--er, uh, I mean--Zoinks!
{Black Cat} Niauuu. Niau! Niaaaau! Niaaau niaaau myrrrrrr. Niau.
{Zazie} Eh?! Rady?!
{Black Cat} NIAU! Myrrr myrrr niau. Niau niau. Niau auauaua!
{Legato} If you say so.
{Black Cat} Niau niau niaaau. Niau. Nia-Nia.
*a large bank of fog suddenly rolls in over the cat and as it moves away, the cat is gone. Oooo*
{Wolfwood} ..... *looks at Zazie and then Legato* You two feel like telling the rest of us what the hell just happened?
{Legato} *waves a hand dismissively* It said that the ghost of a woman dead for over a hundred years has been appearing recently, singing an strange yet somehow uplifting song.
{Midvalley} Speaking of strange, how did that cat just vanish?
{Wolfwood} I don't know but he's got the right idea. Let's get the hell out of here.
{Legato} We can't leave until we fix the flat tire.
{Wolfwood} There's no way I'm going out there with any weird ghost chick around. You can just forget it!
*Legato smirks slightly and gets that Evil Glint(tm) to his already chilling eyes. Wolfwood realizes quickly that running into a singing dead girl is far better than a smirking alive psycho and hurriedly changes the tire himself. The black van then pulls away, continuing along it's original course. After a few minutes, they pull up into a long driveway where a two story house is waiting for them, shrouded thickly in the fog that seems to be stalking our group. A moon with a giant crater in it rests peacefully above the house, bathing it an almost unworldly white light*
{Dominique} Boy, your whore house sure is creepy.
{Midvalley} You mean 'classy'.
{Dominique} No, I mean creepy. Damn creepy. *she glances over her shoulder to the two huddled in the back* What do you guys think?
{Wolfwood} Damn, damn creepy.
{Zazie} Uh-huh!
{Dominique} Ha. *she smirks victoriously at Midvalley who's sulking now* Fred, do you think there was any truth to what the black cat was meowing?
{Legato} I don't know, but I have a feeling that we are going to find out.
{Wolfwood} I was afraid he was going to say that.
*Wolfwood opens the back door of the van again and peeks outside with Zazie plastered to his back like a second skin. Veeeery carefully, Wolfwood steps out of the van, tip toeing about with Zazie still close to him. Off screen, a frog lets out a loud croak, which cause the already jittery and slightly freaky looking Zazie to jump up and cling to Wolfwood's head*
{Zazie} Rommy!
{Wolfwood} Mmmf, mey fway he rundf!
*Wolfwood, being blinded temporarily by his slightly oversized new headgear, stumbles about, flailing his arms wildly before crashing into the rest of the gang who just got out of the van. Cue the cheesy laugh track*
{Wolfwood} *muffled* This really sucks--owww!!
*after a few moments of torture from Legato, the group all pry themselves out of the ground and head for the house*
---
- end chapter one
dun dun DUN!!! What will happen to our heroes (?) next?! Find out in the next chapter of the always exciting, always corny, always bizarre -- Zazie-Doo!
{Zazie} Zazie-Sazie-Doooo!!
{Dominique} Did someone put some crack in your cornflakes or what, kid?
quick disclaimer: This, kids, is why you don't stay up until 3 in the morning drinking cherry 7'UP and listening to a song called 'Sweet, Sweet Baby - The Moo-Moo Mix' with Scooby-Doo muted on your TV. All characters, and all characters parodied, belong to their respective creators a.k.a. Not Me. I'm also a more familiar with the anime than the manga (only 2 vols of it isn't giving me much info....) of Trigun, just so ya know. I heard some weird thing about Zazie and bugs in the manga... squick... er, oh right, I have a fic after all this ranting....
.... and dear frickin' God I suck at song parodies. Oy. This ain't gonna be purdy.
Anyways, enjoy! (well, grin and pretend you're enjoying it, okay? my ego is a fragile thing)
---
"I am NOT wearing that stupid dog outfit!"
"Don't complain. At least it's better than this... this... this dress..."
"It is weird to see you in a dr--"
"I don't mean the dress itself you asshole. I'm used to that. I mean this colour! Purple?! PURPLE?!"
"I, personally, think it's a vast improvement from your usual pink garb."
"Shut up."
*sigh* "Why are we doing this again?"
"Because it is His will."
"Well 'He' has a really fucked up sense of humo--ooowwww!!"
"You will not speak of Him in such a tone again, understood?"
"Y-Yes...."
"Good. Now, get into your places before I turn this into a real horror movie."
"And that's a really cheesy li--owww! Shit, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"Hmph. Now go."
"H-Hey, my body is moving all by itself!"
"Stop it! For the love of God!"
"Nooo, I don't wanna be in this stupid thing!"
*cue the ominous evil laughter with the neato echo effect*
*echo... echo... echo...*
"Dammit Legato, turn that thing off already."
---
Zazie-Sazie-Doo, where are you? We got some people to kill now
Zazie-Sazie-Doo, where are you? We need some freakishness from you now
Come on Zazie-Doo, I see you... pretending you miss your mother
But you're not fooling me, cause I can see, the way you murder 'n plunder
You know we got an outlaw to crack, so Zazie Doo be ready for your big pity act
{Zazie Doo}Uh-uh Uh-uh
Don't hold back!
And Zazie Doo if you come through
you're going to have yourself a Zazie Snack!
That's a fact!
Zazie-Sazie-Doo, here are you, you're young and you're a villain
If we can count on you, Zazie Doo, I know we'll have a good time killin'
---
*and it starts! -- the scene is a dark and mysterious black van bumping along a matching dark and mysterious road, while groovy seventies music plays in the background. Inside the van, a blue haired man is wearing a white sweater, orange scarf and amazingly tacky blue bellbottoms while driving. Next to him is a lovely (er...), young (er...) man (er.... oh wait) in a short purple dress and bright orange wig -- _almost_ as orange as the outfit worn by the woman to his other side. In the back of the van, a Wolf and a child dressed as a dog battle over noodles. This continues in almost utter silence until the woman in orange is sharply elbowed.*
{Dominique} Ow, jackass.
*Legato glares*
{Dominique} Er... I mean... Jeepers Daphne, it sure is taking a long way to your whore house.
{Midvalley} *flatly* I know Velma. Oh, turn up here, Fred. I know a shortcut.
*"Fred" does so and they turn onto another dirt road which is shrouded in heavy, heavy fog, despite the fact that there's clear weather on almost every other road in the state.*
{Legato} I can hardly see the road. Some short-cut.
{Dominique} [I thought HE was the one who was so insistent that we stick to script.] Um.... Golly, this fog is like pea soup!
{Wolfwood} Soup?
{Zazie} Pea?
*the two proceed to drool while Dominique sweatdrops slightly*
{Dominique} Chow hounds. [Freaks.]
*suddenly, a black cat seemingly pops up out of nowhere in front of the van*
{Midvalley} *still flatly* Look out Fred.
*Legato swerves sharply to avoid the cat and the two passengers in the back yelp as they're thrown against the wall*
{Wolfwood} [Maybe a seat belt would've been a good idea after all...]
*the black van skids along, seemingly out of control, until it hits a relatively flat rock which somehow causes one of the back tires to completely blow out. Damn the luck. The van finally stops and the scene changes back to the inside of the van*
*in the back of the van, Wolfwood's upper body is poking out from underneath a green blanket, brought along for who knows what reason, while Zazie's rear complete with wire dog tail sticks up from the opposite end*
{Wolfwood} *groans* Jesus, what a ride. You okay, Zaz?
{Zazie} *muffled* Reah.
*in the front of the van, Midvalley has somehow ended up in an upside down position, legs in pink stockings flailing.*
{Midvalley} Somebody, help me dammit!
{Legato} Hold on, Daphne, I'll help you *attempting to grab Midvalley in various... ahem... places while the sax player smacks at his hands*
{Dominique} *with a hand over one eye* Has anyone seen my Demon's Eye? I can't find my Demon's Eye!
*in the back of the van, Wolfwood has freed himself from the blanket and stretches, cracking his neck. Pausing, he looks down at the blanket where Zazie remains, huddled*
{Wolfwood} Come on out of there, Zaz.
{Legato} *looks over his shoulder at Wolfwood* Come on, Chapel. I think we've got a flat tire. You're coming to help me fix it.
{Wolfwood} Hell.... *grumbles and looks back at the blanket again* Ya got room for me under there, Zaz?
{Dominique} *feeling under her chair* Has anyone seen my Demon's Eye?
{Wolfwood} Can I at least grab a sandwich before I go out there? Being in a car crash makes a guy hungry!
{Legato} We weren't in a crash, I simply swerved to avoid hitting a black cat. You know how fond He is of cats.
{Wolfwood} .... Right. Say Velma, would you pass me one of those sandwiches from up there?
*Zazie immediately hops up from underneath the blanket at the mention of food and just happens to have Dominique's Demon's Eye over one of his own eyes*
{Zazie} Randwich?
{Dominique} *twitches in annoyance* I can't get anybody anything until I find my Demon's Eye. It's far more important than your damn stomach.
{Zazie} Hm.... *takes the eye patch off and taps Dominique on the shoulder. She turns and he places it back on her face. She blinks for a moment before _almost_ smiling and tossing a sandwich over to Zazie who catches the entire thing in his mouth and chews happily*
{Dominique} Thank-you, Zazie.
{Wolfwood} Hey! That was my sandwich!
*Zazie swallows the sandwich before giggling stupidly at Wolfwood -- it quickly turns into an insane cackle*
{Wolfwood} *sweatdrops* [I hope that's Legato controlling him again or something.... weird kid.] Very funny. Very funny.
{Legato} Enough about the sandwich. It was mine to begin with and it is pointless to argue about something so trivial when the End is so near. Now, let's get this tire fixed so we can get going.
*Wolfwood sweatdrops again and turns, opening the backdoor of the van. As he does, the black cat from earlier is seen, grinning wickedly. Wolfwood, a bit surprised by an evilly grinning cat, jumps backwards and into Zazie's arms. Shotakon demons amongst us howl in glee*
{Wolfwood} What the hel--er, uh, I mean--Zoinks!
{Black Cat} Niauuu. Niau! Niaaaau! Niaaau niaaau myrrrrrr. Niau.
{Zazie} Eh?! Rady?!
{Black Cat} NIAU! Myrrr myrrr niau. Niau niau. Niau auauaua!
{Legato} If you say so.
{Black Cat} Niau niau niaaau. Niau. Nia-Nia.
*a large bank of fog suddenly rolls in over the cat and as it moves away, the cat is gone. Oooo*
{Wolfwood} ..... *looks at Zazie and then Legato* You two feel like telling the rest of us what the hell just happened?
{Legato} *waves a hand dismissively* It said that the ghost of a woman dead for over a hundred years has been appearing recently, singing an strange yet somehow uplifting song.
{Midvalley} Speaking of strange, how did that cat just vanish?
{Wolfwood} I don't know but he's got the right idea. Let's get the hell out of here.
{Legato} We can't leave until we fix the flat tire.
{Wolfwood} There's no way I'm going out there with any weird ghost chick around. You can just forget it!
*Legato smirks slightly and gets that Evil Glint(tm) to his already chilling eyes. Wolfwood realizes quickly that running into a singing dead girl is far better than a smirking alive psycho and hurriedly changes the tire himself. The black van then pulls away, continuing along it's original course. After a few minutes, they pull up into a long driveway where a two story house is waiting for them, shrouded thickly in the fog that seems to be stalking our group. A moon with a giant crater in it rests peacefully above the house, bathing it an almost unworldly white light*
{Dominique} Boy, your whore house sure is creepy.
{Midvalley} You mean 'classy'.
{Dominique} No, I mean creepy. Damn creepy. *she glances over her shoulder to the two huddled in the back* What do you guys think?
{Wolfwood} Damn, damn creepy.
{Zazie} Uh-huh!
{Dominique} Ha. *she smirks victoriously at Midvalley who's sulking now* Fred, do you think there was any truth to what the black cat was meowing?
{Legato} I don't know, but I have a feeling that we are going to find out.
{Wolfwood} I was afraid he was going to say that.
*Wolfwood opens the back door of the van again and peeks outside with Zazie plastered to his back like a second skin. Veeeery carefully, Wolfwood steps out of the van, tip toeing about with Zazie still close to him. Off screen, a frog lets out a loud croak, which cause the already jittery and slightly freaky looking Zazie to jump up and cling to Wolfwood's head*
{Zazie} Rommy!
{Wolfwood} Mmmf, mey fway he rundf!
*Wolfwood, being blinded temporarily by his slightly oversized new headgear, stumbles about, flailing his arms wildly before crashing into the rest of the gang who just got out of the van. Cue the cheesy laugh track*
{Wolfwood} *muffled* This really sucks--owww!!
*after a few moments of torture from Legato, the group all pry themselves out of the ground and head for the house*
---
- end chapter one
dun dun DUN!!! What will happen to our heroes (?) next?! Find out in the next chapter of the always exciting, always corny, always bizarre -- Zazie-Doo!
{Zazie} Zazie-Sazie-Doooo!!
{Dominique} Did someone put some crack in your cornflakes or what, kid?
