It just gets stupider and stupider.... I'd like to apologize in advance for the joke in horrible taste near the end. You'll know what I'm talking about when you see it and, in advance, I'm sorry. I couldn't find my Cherry 7'UP so I had to get my sugar crack from Cadbury Creme Eggs(tm), which seem to be about 10xs as potent, but not as funny.
---
*and it continues! -- even more! -- still in the kitchen, Wolfwood is teaching Zazie the fine art of how to tie cherry stems in knots.... with your tongue. Shotacon demons howl in joy once again*
{Wolfwood} Now let's see what you've got.
*Zazie sticks out his tongue, revealing a double knotted cherry stem. Wolfwood nods in approval before turning to look for that pack of flavoured condoms again, just in case Eriks -- or hey, even the ghost -- is a whore in disguise. You never know*
*Zazie begins working on a new stem when a thin finger taps him lightly on the shoulder. His eyes grow wide and he slooowly glances over, already a little panicked*
{Zazie} *spits out the stem, stuttering* Ra... Ra.... Rapel....
{Wolfwood} *conveniently not turning around* What is it, Zaz? You had the last cherry and you're not getting this edible body paint I found, dammit.
*the hand then grabs Zazie's shoulder and his instincts kick in*
{Zazie} *chibifies and flails wildly* REEEEELLLLPPP!!!
{Legato} Calm down, Zazie.
{Midvalley} Or else Fred might perform the Vulcan Death Grip on you there.
{Dominique} .... the what?
{Midvalley} Nothing, nothing.
{Zazie} Relma! *glomps Dominique's head, tears steaming down his cheeks* I ras rared.
{Dominique} *pries him off forcibly* It's okay now, Zazie. Chapel, are you done eating over there? We have work to do.
{Wolfwood} Like yeah, but I still can't find those damn condoms.
{Midvalley} I'll help you look!
{Legato} No. We're going to search for clues. Now we'll split up and look for them.
{Wolfwood} Sure thing. Zaz and I will look in the kitchen.
{Legato} Great. We'll go the library.
{Dominique} Now wait a minute.... We were just in the library and they're _still_ here in the kitchen. If we didn't find anything just a moment ago, we won't now.
{Wolfwood} And why do we have to split up? I'd gather be with a decent sized group than with just Zaz here -- no offense, old buddy -- if we run into any ghosts.
{Legato} We'll cover more ground this way. Just scream like little girls if you find anything. Daphne, Velma, come on. We'll check upstairs. You two check outside. *the three leave*
{Wolfwood} He gets the girls and we get to look for ghosts outside in the fog.... Somehow, it just doesn't seem right.
*now outside, where the earlier heavy fog off of the road seems to have somehow manifested itself threefold, Wolfwood and Zazie sneak around on exaggerated tip toe*
{Wolfwood} It's really hard to walk like this....
{Zazie} Rou red it.
{Wolfwood} [Speech impediment tapes, that's what he needs....]
{Shadowy Figure} Hey!
{Zazie} ROMMY!!!
{Wolfwood} NO! Not agai--mmf!! Fumf.
*the shadowy figure sweatdrops and steps out of the shadows, revealing itself to be, once again, Eriks. Not Vash**
{Eriks} *helping pry the frightened Zazie off of Wolfwood's head* What're you two doing out here?
{Wolfwood} I could ask you the same question!
{Eriks} Then why don't you?
{Wolfwood} .... Okay, what're you doing out here?
{Eriks} I had a dream where Rem was singing to me.... Sound Life....
{Wolfwood} *although he wasn't there when the gang discovered the book, he somehow knows the information in it anyways* Like, that's pretty weird, man. Is that some sort of omen then?
{Eriks} No, I have that dream every night. And the sometimes during the day if I need advice or some random philosophical tidbit.
{Wolfwood} *sweatdrops* Oh.... So.... wanna go have sex in the back of the Millions Machine?
{Eriks} Dammit, I'm not a whore!
{Wolfwood} Maybe you just need a career change.
{Eriks} .....
*suddenly, the air is pierced with "Soooo... Hitotsu-me no yoru ni, izuko kara koishi ga sekai ni ochiru. Sooo...." and so on. The three jump in surprise*
{Wolfwood} T-T-That must be the ghost.... *pauses* You know, I expected her to have a better singing voice.
{Eriks} Funny, it always sounded better in my dreams.
{Wolfwood} Them's the breaks.
*inside the house, a scowling Dominique is resting against one of the outside walls of the library, arms folded over her chest*
{Dominique} Fred! Daphne! Stop 'exploring the library' and help me search for clues so we can end this nightmare already!
{Midvalley} But I think my zipper's stuck....
{Legato} You could just go around naked.
{Midvalley} Maybe.
{Dominique} NO!!
*after that pointless break, the scene changes back outside, where Wolfwood, Zazie and Va--er, Eriks are all tip toeing about exaggeratedly again, following the sound of the singing and the occasional stream of red flower petals*
{Eriks} How can you guys walk like this?!
{Wolfwood} Sshh, you're breaking the dramatic tension.
{Zazie} *eating the flower petals as they drift by* Rummy.
{Wolfwood} Like, don't eat the ghost's props, man. You don't know where they've been.
{Eriks} Hey, I think I see her!
*the three peer around the side of the house to the back yard (how could Eriks see her through a wall? why does a whore house have a backyard? .... oh right, the hot tub. never mind the last question) where, bathed in that creepy moonlight, a thin young woman stands. She is wearing plain jeans and a white t-shirt and her dark hair blows in a wind that doesn't seem to be doing anything along the lines of getting rid of the still dense fog*
{Wolfwood} So that's her?
{Eriks} Looks like it.... wait a minute.... REEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! *goes sprinting towards the ghost, still shouting her name*
{Wolfwood} .... Like, I thought most people were afraid of ghosts.
{Zazie} Only rane ones.
{Wolfwood} Amen to that.
{Ghost of Rem} Sound liiiifeee... *vanishes in a cloud of red flower petals*
{Eriks} Damn! She always does that.
{Legato} *pops up out of nowhere with a scowling Dominique and slightly ruffled looking Midvalley. Zazie and Wolfwood yelp and jump into Eriks' arms in unison at their sudden appearance* Have you tried setting up a horribly elaborate trap that is likely to backfire?
{Eriks} Well.... no.... and how do you trap a ghost?
{Dominique} Jinkies, that's simple. She's not really a ghost.
{Eriks} .... Rem's not really dead....?
{Dominique} Of course she's still dead, you twit.
{Eriks} *face falls* Oh.... then what do you mean?
{Dominique} Go ahead and explain it, Fred.
{Legato} You see, while Daphne and I were looking around the library again, we happened to discover a secret passage.
{Wolfwood} I can tell you right now, man -- that 'passage' is no secret.
{Midvalley} *red* Shut up, Chapel!
{Legato} *unfazed by all of this* And of course, a spirit has no need for a secret passage. So the most likely answer is, someone dressed up as the ghost of a long dead woman to scare away the whores because there's gold buried under the house.
{Zazie} Rold?
{Dominique} Hey, gold was the best explanation we could come up with.
{Midvalley} Unless they're just a whore hater.
*suddenly, Sound Life starts up again, and there again is the ghost of Rem, only a few feet away from the gang. Her eyes are covered by dark bangs*
{Zazie} ROST!!
{Midvalley} RUN!
{Dominique} What the hell are you talking about?! There's six of us and one of her -- she's not even armed it looks like --, so we could easily--hey! My legs are moving by themselves?!
{Eriks} Nooo! Reeeemmm!!
{Legato} Shut up and run.
*the gang and Eriks proceeds to run screaming away from Rem while some cheery seventies pop tune plays in the background. Rem walks after them, smiling and singing still*
{Rem} Sound liiiife....
{Group} AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
---
- end chapter three
dun dun DUN!!! What will happen to our heroes (?) next?! Find out in the next chapter of the always exciting, always corny, always bizarre -- Zazie-Doo!
{Zazie} Zazie-Sazie-Dooooo!!
{Leonof} *playing with hand-puppets that look suspiciously like the GHGs* ..... I'm sorry, did I have a line here?
---
*and it continues! -- even more! -- still in the kitchen, Wolfwood is teaching Zazie the fine art of how to tie cherry stems in knots.... with your tongue. Shotacon demons howl in joy once again*
{Wolfwood} Now let's see what you've got.
*Zazie sticks out his tongue, revealing a double knotted cherry stem. Wolfwood nods in approval before turning to look for that pack of flavoured condoms again, just in case Eriks -- or hey, even the ghost -- is a whore in disguise. You never know*
*Zazie begins working on a new stem when a thin finger taps him lightly on the shoulder. His eyes grow wide and he slooowly glances over, already a little panicked*
{Zazie} *spits out the stem, stuttering* Ra... Ra.... Rapel....
{Wolfwood} *conveniently not turning around* What is it, Zaz? You had the last cherry and you're not getting this edible body paint I found, dammit.
*the hand then grabs Zazie's shoulder and his instincts kick in*
{Zazie} *chibifies and flails wildly* REEEEELLLLPPP!!!
{Legato} Calm down, Zazie.
{Midvalley} Or else Fred might perform the Vulcan Death Grip on you there.
{Dominique} .... the what?
{Midvalley} Nothing, nothing.
{Zazie} Relma! *glomps Dominique's head, tears steaming down his cheeks* I ras rared.
{Dominique} *pries him off forcibly* It's okay now, Zazie. Chapel, are you done eating over there? We have work to do.
{Wolfwood} Like yeah, but I still can't find those damn condoms.
{Midvalley} I'll help you look!
{Legato} No. We're going to search for clues. Now we'll split up and look for them.
{Wolfwood} Sure thing. Zaz and I will look in the kitchen.
{Legato} Great. We'll go the library.
{Dominique} Now wait a minute.... We were just in the library and they're _still_ here in the kitchen. If we didn't find anything just a moment ago, we won't now.
{Wolfwood} And why do we have to split up? I'd gather be with a decent sized group than with just Zaz here -- no offense, old buddy -- if we run into any ghosts.
{Legato} We'll cover more ground this way. Just scream like little girls if you find anything. Daphne, Velma, come on. We'll check upstairs. You two check outside. *the three leave*
{Wolfwood} He gets the girls and we get to look for ghosts outside in the fog.... Somehow, it just doesn't seem right.
*now outside, where the earlier heavy fog off of the road seems to have somehow manifested itself threefold, Wolfwood and Zazie sneak around on exaggerated tip toe*
{Wolfwood} It's really hard to walk like this....
{Zazie} Rou red it.
{Wolfwood} [Speech impediment tapes, that's what he needs....]
{Shadowy Figure} Hey!
{Zazie} ROMMY!!!
{Wolfwood} NO! Not agai--mmf!! Fumf.
*the shadowy figure sweatdrops and steps out of the shadows, revealing itself to be, once again, Eriks. Not Vash**
{Eriks} *helping pry the frightened Zazie off of Wolfwood's head* What're you two doing out here?
{Wolfwood} I could ask you the same question!
{Eriks} Then why don't you?
{Wolfwood} .... Okay, what're you doing out here?
{Eriks} I had a dream where Rem was singing to me.... Sound Life....
{Wolfwood} *although he wasn't there when the gang discovered the book, he somehow knows the information in it anyways* Like, that's pretty weird, man. Is that some sort of omen then?
{Eriks} No, I have that dream every night. And the sometimes during the day if I need advice or some random philosophical tidbit.
{Wolfwood} *sweatdrops* Oh.... So.... wanna go have sex in the back of the Millions Machine?
{Eriks} Dammit, I'm not a whore!
{Wolfwood} Maybe you just need a career change.
{Eriks} .....
*suddenly, the air is pierced with "Soooo... Hitotsu-me no yoru ni, izuko kara koishi ga sekai ni ochiru. Sooo...." and so on. The three jump in surprise*
{Wolfwood} T-T-That must be the ghost.... *pauses* You know, I expected her to have a better singing voice.
{Eriks} Funny, it always sounded better in my dreams.
{Wolfwood} Them's the breaks.
*inside the house, a scowling Dominique is resting against one of the outside walls of the library, arms folded over her chest*
{Dominique} Fred! Daphne! Stop 'exploring the library' and help me search for clues so we can end this nightmare already!
{Midvalley} But I think my zipper's stuck....
{Legato} You could just go around naked.
{Midvalley} Maybe.
{Dominique} NO!!
*after that pointless break, the scene changes back outside, where Wolfwood, Zazie and Va--er, Eriks are all tip toeing about exaggeratedly again, following the sound of the singing and the occasional stream of red flower petals*
{Eriks} How can you guys walk like this?!
{Wolfwood} Sshh, you're breaking the dramatic tension.
{Zazie} *eating the flower petals as they drift by* Rummy.
{Wolfwood} Like, don't eat the ghost's props, man. You don't know where they've been.
{Eriks} Hey, I think I see her!
*the three peer around the side of the house to the back yard (how could Eriks see her through a wall? why does a whore house have a backyard? .... oh right, the hot tub. never mind the last question) where, bathed in that creepy moonlight, a thin young woman stands. She is wearing plain jeans and a white t-shirt and her dark hair blows in a wind that doesn't seem to be doing anything along the lines of getting rid of the still dense fog*
{Wolfwood} So that's her?
{Eriks} Looks like it.... wait a minute.... REEEEEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMM!!! *goes sprinting towards the ghost, still shouting her name*
{Wolfwood} .... Like, I thought most people were afraid of ghosts.
{Zazie} Only rane ones.
{Wolfwood} Amen to that.
{Ghost of Rem} Sound liiiifeee... *vanishes in a cloud of red flower petals*
{Eriks} Damn! She always does that.
{Legato} *pops up out of nowhere with a scowling Dominique and slightly ruffled looking Midvalley. Zazie and Wolfwood yelp and jump into Eriks' arms in unison at their sudden appearance* Have you tried setting up a horribly elaborate trap that is likely to backfire?
{Eriks} Well.... no.... and how do you trap a ghost?
{Dominique} Jinkies, that's simple. She's not really a ghost.
{Eriks} .... Rem's not really dead....?
{Dominique} Of course she's still dead, you twit.
{Eriks} *face falls* Oh.... then what do you mean?
{Dominique} Go ahead and explain it, Fred.
{Legato} You see, while Daphne and I were looking around the library again, we happened to discover a secret passage.
{Wolfwood} I can tell you right now, man -- that 'passage' is no secret.
{Midvalley} *red* Shut up, Chapel!
{Legato} *unfazed by all of this* And of course, a spirit has no need for a secret passage. So the most likely answer is, someone dressed up as the ghost of a long dead woman to scare away the whores because there's gold buried under the house.
{Zazie} Rold?
{Dominique} Hey, gold was the best explanation we could come up with.
{Midvalley} Unless they're just a whore hater.
*suddenly, Sound Life starts up again, and there again is the ghost of Rem, only a few feet away from the gang. Her eyes are covered by dark bangs*
{Zazie} ROST!!
{Midvalley} RUN!
{Dominique} What the hell are you talking about?! There's six of us and one of her -- she's not even armed it looks like --, so we could easily--hey! My legs are moving by themselves?!
{Eriks} Nooo! Reeeemmm!!
{Legato} Shut up and run.
*the gang and Eriks proceeds to run screaming away from Rem while some cheery seventies pop tune plays in the background. Rem walks after them, smiling and singing still*
{Rem} Sound liiiife....
{Group} AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
---
- end chapter three
dun dun DUN!!! What will happen to our heroes (?) next?! Find out in the next chapter of the always exciting, always corny, always bizarre -- Zazie-Doo!
{Zazie} Zazie-Sazie-Dooooo!!
{Leonof} *playing with hand-puppets that look suspiciously like the GHGs* ..... I'm sorry, did I have a line here?
