"I know you really want it cuz your daddy's always on it and he knows just how to flaunt it he got pictures in his wallet and he wanna be your lover cuz you look just like my mother does he cover you like butter and just leave you in the gutter? I wanna know if I'm worth your time. There's so much to do before you die. Thursday night I think I'm pregnant again. Touch my ass if you qualify."

-- These lyrics are from the Beck tune 'Get Real Paid'. It has nothing to do with this chapter other than the fact it was on repeat while I wrote most of this and I felt like sharing ^_^

---

*and it's still going! for the moment! -- the group has broken their little huddle and Dominique just finished explaining the plan*

{Dominique} Does everyone know what to do?

*everyone nods*

{Wolfwood} One question though.

{Dominique} Yeah?

{Wolfwood} Why the hell are Zazie and I the bait?!

{Dominique} You're the fastest runners.

{Zazie} Rar not.

{Midvalley} Come on Zazie, you have to! *pulls a little cereal-type box out of who knows where* Will you do it for a Zazie Snack?

{Zazie} Ro way.

{Midvalley} _Two_ Zazie Snacks?

{Zazie} .... Rokay!

*Midvalley tosses Zazie two sand-worm shaped cookies, which he catches in his mouth*

{Zazie} Ret's ro! *he dashes off with Wolfwood following*

{Dominique} [I still don't see why we have to act so afraid of a not-quite-ghost of an utter pacifist who's been dead over 100 years....] Alright, everyone else get in your places!

*the group scatters, everyone heading to their hiding places. Back in the living room from earlier, the ghost of Rem steps inside, coming into the room through yet another secret-type entrance. She hums Sound Life quietly and appears to be looking around, though it's difficult to tell due to her eyes still being conveniently obscured by her bangs*

{Rem} *still humming quietly* Vaaaash....

*under one of the recliners in the living room, two pairs of eyes watch the 'ghost' as she looks about. How a grown man and a.... ..... dog? kid? kid in a dog suit? can fit under one is yet another mystery to add to the growing pile*

{Wolfwood} *whispering* Zoinks, like, that's her.

{Zazie} *also whispering* Reah reah.

{Wolfwood} *still whispering* You remember the plan right?

{Zazie} .....

{Wolfwood} ..... *whispering still* Right?

{Zazie} *again also whi--oh forget it, you get the point* Uh... right! Reheheheh!

{Rem} *pauses in her glances around the room and picking up of sofa cushions* I thought I heard a cute, silly laugh....

{Wolfwood} Now you've done it.

{Zazie} Ssshhh! .... Cute?

{Rem} Such a darling little sound....

{Zazie} Rarling?

{Wolfwood} It's a trap, man! Don't give into the womanly charms! 'sides, aren't you a little young for that yet?

{Rem} Now if only I knew who could produce such an adorable laugh.... They must be a sweet and wonderful person who I'd love forever....

{Zazie} *pops up out of his hiding place* Really?!

{Rem} *very evil, very un-Remish grin* Gotcha.

{Zazie} .... Rhit.

{Wolfwood} *siiigh* Cue the music.

*'Cheers!' starts to play loudly in the background as Wolfwood and Zazie scramble about the living room, Rem watching them amusedly. The pair continue to panic, for no apparent reason, before running into the library. Rem follows, having started up her humming again*

{Wolfwood} Zaz, do you remember the right book to take off the shelf to open the secret hallway?

{Zazie} Uh... ris one? *he pulls a book off the shelf and they pause for a long moment*

*nothing happens*

{Wolfwood} Maybe it was this one. *removes another book from the shelf and they wait*

*again, nothing happens*

{Rem} *getting closer, -- she's taking her damn sweet time in just walking over to the library -- almost to the doorway* Sound liiife....

{Zazie} *sweating and nervous* R-Raphel....

{Wolfwood} I know, I know! Um.... *he thinks for a moment before clasping his hands together* Okay God, I know I'm not much of a priest, but if you help me out just this once I promise to stop having impure thoughts about Vash and trying to convince Milly to strip, okay? Okay! *he closes his eyes and blindly reaches for a book, tugging it off the shelf*

*the two guys wait, holding their breath*

{Rem} *in the doorway* Found you! *heart*

{Wolfwood} .... okay, screw Fred's plan. Let's just start chucking books at the ghost chick. Some of these look pretty heavy anyways.

{Zazie} Is that really okay?

{Wolfwood} .... the miracle I prayed for seems to have affected your speech instead of the books.

{Zazie} Actually I just finally swallowed my taffy.

{Wolfwood} You had food and didn't share?! What kind of man's best friend are you?!

{Rem} Excuse me, guys...?

{Wolfwood} *looks back to Rem* Oh right. *picks up a good, thick book -- which just happens to be the Bible*

{Zazie} You're going to peg her with the Bible?!

{Wolfwood} Dam--*realizes he's still holding the Bible*--uh, darn right! *he chucks the book at Rem*

*Rem, not expecting a priest to toss a Bible at her stands there in shock before getting pegged squarely in the head*

{Rem} Ow, that hurt!

{Wolfwood} Priest 1; Ghost 0!

{Zazie} Maybe you should've studied exorcism.

{Wolfwood} *sweatdrops* How come you're suddenly smarter now too?

{Zazie} Fred is using up most of his control to prevent Eriks from barreling in here and throttling you for hurting Rem, so I've got most control of my body back.

{Wolfwood} Crazy, man.

{Rem} Oww....

{Wolfwood} You're still here?!

{Rem} Obviously, you weird priest.

{Wolfwood} Damn. *he picks up another book to throw at her and as it's lifted from the shelf, the wall rotates, revealing the secret hallway*

{Zazie} *blinks* ..... run?

{Wolfwood} ..... run.

*and run they do*

{Rem} *stands wobbily, picking up the Bible and glaring after Wolfwood as he flees* I think it's Bible thumpin' time....

*in the secret lair, Eriks and Legato are hiding behind the bags full of petals while Dominique and Midvalley are perched on either side of the entrance way, standing on a pair of those large fans. They are holding a weighted net they managed to somehow find in a whore house*

{Midvalley} I think I hear someone coming!

{Dominique} Get ready!

*a shadowy pair comes barreling out of the hallway. At Legato's signal, Midvalley and Dominique drop the net, which falls neatly on the pair*

{Legato} Got 'em.

{Midvalley} Alright!

{Dominique} Jinkies.

{Eriks} Funny, Rem looks a lot like that priest.

{Wolfwood} *struggling in net with Zazie* Because I AM that priest!

{Eriks} Huh.... then how did you manage to be Rem too?

{Wolfwood} I'm not the Rem-wanna-be!! But she IS coming so let us out of this thing!

{Dominique} Alright already, calm down! *Legato and her manage to free Wolfwood and Zazie* Now what did you mean she's coming?

{Wolfwood} I mean she's--

{Rem} *in the door way, with the Bible, grinning* Already here.

{Wolfwood and Zazie} AHHH!!

{Rem} Heh heh heh.... you didn't really think you'd be able to escape me, did you? Hmph. *she turns to Eriks* And you.... so long you've been running from me.... but now I've finally found you.... Vash the Stampede.

{Gung-ho-Guns in unison} VASH THE STAMPEDE?!?!

{Eri--uh, Vash} Oh man....

{Legato} *sadistic glint in eye* Heheheh.... Well then.... as long as you're here.... KILL HI--*he pauses as Midvalley quietly holds up a copy of volume three of the Trigun manga* .... Suffer. You will suffer. Not be killed. Suffer.

{Wolfwood} I knew you looked familiar.

{Vash} *sheepish* Well you know.... I just wanted to lead a peaceful life....

{Wolfwood} With a bunch of whores?

{Vash} Basically.

{Rem} Um, excuse me? I'm still here you know....

{Vash} Yes, girl-who-is-obviously-not-Rem?

{Rem} *erk* You mean.... you don't think I'm the ghost of the woman you once loved?

{Vash} Your singing needs work and I don't remember Rem ever grinning, laughing or doing.... well, anything evilly.

{Rem} Oh.... Damn! *she chucks the Bible at Wolfwood and flees*

{Wolfwood} GAH! *gets smacked in the head with the Bible and falls back against the floor, bleeding lightly* .... I wonder if this is what they call karma.

{Vash} I think it's something else....

{Legato} After her! *Midvalley, Dominique, Legato and Zazie all head after the escaping Rem*

{Vash} Hey, wait up! *he looks at the slightly swirly eyed Wolfwood and sighs before flinging him up over a shoulder and running after the rest of the group*

*they don't have to run far however -- it seems that Rem has slipped on a bottle of lotion left on the floor of the library (refer back to chapter three for how a bottle of lotion got in the library) and is now sliding while screaming and waving her arms*

{Rem} AIEEEEE!!!

{Legato} So that's where I left it.

{Rem} AIEEEE--*smashes into a bookcase and gets promptly buried in books up to her neck* ..... ee.

{Dominique} We got her!

{Midvalley} Wow, your plan worked perfectly, Velma!

{Dominique} Of course!

{Vash} *setting the recovering Wolfwood down* I hope she's not hurt too badly....

{Legato} Now to see who 'Rem' _really_ is.... *he stalks over and pulls the wig off, revealing --*

{Vash and Wolfwood in unison} AAAAAHHHH!!! THE INSURANCE GIRL!?!

{Meryl} Itai....

{Zazie} That explains the violence.

{Mysterious Shadowy Figure Who's Not Eriks Who in Turn is Not Vash.... no wait, yes he is} Sempai! Are you okay?! *Mysterious Shadowy Figure steps out from behind another bookcase, revealing itself to be Milly*

{Meryl} *sighs* I'm okay, Milly.

{Wolfwood} Oi, it's the big girl too!

{Dominique} She must've been the one who saved me from witnessing something.... unpleasant earlier.

{Milly} *brightly* Hai!

{Vash} What were you doing?! Who do you think you are impersonating Rem?!

{Meryl} *blushes a little* Well... you see... that is....

{Vash} ....?

{Meryl} Uh.... I-It's just for our job, that's it! To keep an eye on you! That's all! Ahahahahah ha ha ha....

{Midvalley} Strange girl.

{Wolfwood} With a bad singing voice.

{Meryl} *vein pop* YOU!

{Wolfwood} Eh heh.... Good throwing arm though!

{Meryl} Hmph.

{Legato} Well, now that this is all resolved, I suppose we can leave.

{Zazie} Finally.

{Legato} Although Daphne and I have to explore the second floor first.

{Meryl} *sweatdrops* Perverts.

{Dominique} Definitely.

{Milly} Have a good time! Don't get lost! *she waves brightly as Legato drags Midvalley off*

{Meryl} Milly, could you help me out of these books now...?

{Milly} AH! Hai Sempai! *she unburies Meryl who sighs again before noticing Vash and Wolfwood sneaking off*

{Meryl} Hey! Where do you think you're going?!

{Wolfwood} We're.... going to screw like rabbits in the back of the Millions Machine?

{Meryl} .... eh?

{Vash} You're not going to follow me there, are you?

{Meryl} *bright red* Of course not!!

{Vash} Great! Then let's go! *he picks Wolfwood up again and prances off*

{Zazie} *eyes the storm clouds gathering over Meryl's head* ..... I'll just go finish off those cherries in the kitchen. Zazie-Sazie-Dooooo!! *he scurries away*

{Dominique} *sighs and shakes her head* Men. Go figure.

{Meryl} You said it. Stupid horny yaoi bastards. Honestly, I don't know why I even tried. *she folds her arms, scowling*

*there's a long pause*

{Dominique} So. Want to go have a threesome?

{Meryl} .... um, I'm sorry.... but.... what did you just say?

{Dominique} Come on. You, me and the big girl. It'll be fun.

*there's an even longer pause*

{Meryl} ....

{Dominique} ....?

{Meryl} .... Oh why the hell not. Probably be better than _that_ man anyways.

{Milly} *beams and hugs Meryl* YAY!! I'll get the whipped cream!!

*in the Millions Machine....*

{Vash} *sneezes*

{Wolfwood} Bless you.

{Vash} Isn't that a little weird to say at a time like this....?

{Wolfwood} I suppose, but I've never been a very good priest anyways.

{Vash} You should consider a career change.

{Wolfwood} To what?

{Vash} Whore?

*Wolfwood sweatdrops and the scene fades out to the end credits. The TV is then switched off*

{Knives} Hm.... needs more cheese.

---

- end

{Zazie} Really, that's it. You can leave now.