Title: Bloody Daisies
Summary: Spike is remembering.
Archive: Ff.net, ask = give
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Comments: kimmie@quincymail.com




Of all the things I miss most about being evil, it would be the blood. It seems rather
obvious, missing human blood, but I don't mean it in the sense of just drinking it. I mean I miss
the feeling of it pulsing behind skin, jumping with fright at every heartbeat. I miss the feel of it
on my skin, the stickiness of it drying over my hands, running between my fingers. I miss the
smell of a fresh kill, the excitement of seeing the first gush of blood.
Once, when our lovely sire had abandoned Dru and me, we made a kill in a small
countryside. It was a little cottage, a family of maybe five. The kills were slow; we broke a few
necks, while the others were left unconscious. Dru insisted that we eat by moonlight, so I had to
drag the damn bodies all the way out into a field. Dru loved the field, and it was covered in
flowers. Daisies, she told me, a smile lighting up her face. They were beautiful daisies. The most
vivid part of that memory is the grass stained red, the small flowers streaked in blood.
I do miss eating from a warm body, though. I miss the screams of pain, the tears
begging my mercy. The mercy I never granted them. I know I'm not changing, I just have
rusted. I want this bloody piece of sodden machine out of my brain now. I can't wait any longer.
Things break me, piece by piece. Seeing the pain the Slayer's sister is in actually makes
me pity her. I haven't felt pity in more than a century. It's a disgusting feeling, a feeling that
makes me want to comfort her, be there for her. It sickens me when I think on it too long. The
only people who really make me feel anything aside from hate are Red and little Pet. Red is so
open, so innocent. I can't think about what would happen were she exposed to the real evils in
this world. She'd make a lovely vampire. Maybe, when I find a way to get this chip out, after I've
gutted every Initiative member in Sunnydale, I'll turn them. And run, because I don't want to find
myself on the wrong end of a stake.
At any rate, I'm getting soft, just as Dru said. But she's wrong. Maybe the girl really has
lost any grip of reality she might've had before, because I can go back. I'll be as evil and ruthless
as I was before, in fact, I'll be worse. I'll help that bloody law firm roast Poof, and take Pet and
Red to Europe. We'll have fun, and I can make new memories of blood on flowers.