"Is it my imagination... or have we just been shot?"

-Tim Hunter to Leah,
"The Books of Magic: Girl in the Box"

~*~

Tim removed his glasses, sighed, and started to clean them
with his shirt.

He then stuck his hands in his pants, glanced up towards the
sky, and looked towards the scene, and sighed.

There were moments when one had to stop and think, to take
stock of what, exactly, they were doing with their lives.

It was a fine, ordinary day, a morning where he was minding
his own business, when suddenly the city of London became a
war zone for two deities running amuck: Cupid, whom he'd
encountered before, and some goddess calling herself Urd.

They were both heavily armed, could make miniature duplicates
of themselves, and were all over the city.

Ordinary folks couldn't see them, though, only the magically
inclined. Much to his chagrin, he was still included in the
group.

He'd managed to calm down the conflicting parties, only to
have the demoness Mara take over the negotiations. This
changed the situation for the better... somewhat. Instead
of shooting indiscrminately at each other all around the
city, they were discriminately sniper-shooting people.

With love bullets, of course.

To Tim, it was a fairly lousy solution, but Mara didn't give
him time to oppose. She dragged him off to Italy to find
Cupid's significant other, Psyche.

After a morning stroll through the fields of Italy, they
found her. Mercifully uneventful trip, that.

And then they came back, a few words were spoken, and the
next thing he knew...

A couple of gunshots.

And then...

A demoness and Cupid, in love with each other.

This couldn't be good.

It seemed to be like most of his adventures in the past -
nothing of his doing, but something that'd drag him along to
the bitter end.

And as usual, he hadn't a clue how to fix this one.

"Oh boy," he sighed.

"No kidding," muttered Urd.

~*~

Rod M. & David Tai
present

The finale of the
Oh My Goddess / Vertigo Trilogy

Meddling Fates

Part 3

The Demon Who Shagged Me

~*~

"Oh, sweetie..." Mara cooed.

"Oh darling..." Cupid responded, bringing a hand to her
cheek.

"I'm going to be ill," Psyche said, taking a step forward
and grabbing ahold of Cupid's ear. She gave a tug, and
Cupid yelped, following her guidance. "Come along, we're
going to have a loooooooooong talk."

Mara yelped, "What are you doing?!" as she sought to free
Cupid. Failing, she threw her arms forward, a spell forming
on her lips.

Tim waved frantically. "Hey, wait! Wait!"

That drew Urd's attention. She was at Mara's side quickly,
yanking her arms down. "Cut it out, already!"

Psyche, meanwhile, was giving Cupid quite a dressing down.
And yet, Cupid kept glancing at Mara.

And Mara was slowly building up her demoness powers. And a
Demoness First Class was nothing to be trifled with.

Urd saw the power building and tried to snap her rival and
friend out of it. "Aw heck, Mara, cool it! Hey!"

"Shaddup, Urd. She's got my honeybuns!"

"Honeybuns?! Mara, you're not thinking clearly!"

"Clear enough to do this," replied Mara. A burst of smoke
suddenly surrounded her, causing Urd to cough and pull away.
Urd swore she didn't let go of Mara, but when she pulled
away from the smoke she found herself holding a CD.

At the same time, Mara reappeared behind Cupid, shoved
Psyche away from him, and disappeared with Cupid in another
burst of smoke, leaving behind a befuddled group of people.

Tim sighed. Urd was stunned, which was why she was easily
grabbed by the neck and throttled by Psyche.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

"It's not my fault!" cried Urd.

"Actually," interrupted Tim, "If what Mara said is right, it
is your fault."

"Shut up!"

Psyche's face twitched in anger, then she threw up her hands
and yelled, "That's it! I've had it! I'm going home!" She
exploded into a swarm of butterflies that dissipated into
the morning sky.

"Aw man," mumbled Urd. "How'm I gonna..." She finally
noticed Tim, and turned to him hopefully. "Say, you're that
next magus kid, right?"

Tim muttered, "If I had a shilling for every..."

"What's that?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"Perfect, come on!" And Urd grabbed Tim by the hand.

They were gone before Tim even blinked, leaving behind a
landscape of mad love.

~*~

"That was just BEAUTIFUL, lovey-dove!" Cupid exclaimed,
wrapping his arms around Mara's waist from behind her. "Now
what shall we do? Ah, I know..." he commented, starting to
nuzzle her ear.

They were at Mara's place, and were currently sitting on her
coffin, where she normally would sleep. Mara leaned back
into the hug, placing her hands on Cupid's arms. She smiled
back, tilting her head towards her studmuffin. "What a
wonderful idea."

A few minutes of blissful snuggling and kissing resumed,
before Mara pulled away. "No, wait, we have a problem," she
said, bringing a finger to her lips thoughtfully.

"Oh?" Cupid said, pulling away and reaching for his Uzi.
"What is it? I'll blow them all away!"

Mara looked pensive, pulling away to look up at Cupid. "I
love you, dear, but... I don't think anyone else would
approve. Especially not Urd."

"Aw, forget about them." Cupid tried to snuggle her again.
Mara pushed him away.

"And don't forget Psyche."

"Psyche?" Cupid said, looking guiltily around. Mara sighed.

"We need to stop them, don't we dear?"

Cupid cocked his Uzi. "Yes."

"Good. Now give me a kiss."

"Yes, lovecakes."

~*~

The back porch of the Morisato residence was filled with the
pattering of footsteps as Skuld paced back and forth
impatiently across it. She'd been waiting for Urd to come
back, so that she'd know how her Super Heavy Cannon Mark XXI
performed on the field.

Poking her head out from the back door, Belldandy asked,
"Still hasn't come back?" in Japanese.

"Not yet," said Skuld. "She's taking forEVER!"

"I'm sure she'll be back as soon as she can," assured
Belldandy, "but I was asking about Keiichi and Megumi.
They should have been back by now."

"Who cares about that boy?" Skuld snorted, before she
pouted. "Urd's probably out drinking."

"Well, Urd-"

Before Belldandy could finish, a bright light suddenly
filled the inside of the house, and the distinctive sound of
a teleport rippled through the air.

"About time!" grumped Skuld.

Belldandy and Skuld went back into the house, then blinked
at the sight that greeted them: a young boy with owlish
glasses that seemed more confused than them, standing next
to an agitated Urd.

"Um... hello?" the boy said timidly, speaking English. He
turned to Urd, asking, "Where are we now? Japan?"

Urd nodded. "Yep." She turned her attention to her
sisters, gesturing to Tim with an arm. "Guys, this is Tim
Hunter, magus. Tim, my sisters Skuld and Belldandy," she
said, motioning to each goddess as she introduced them.

Belldandy nodded, while Skuld seemed a bit put off.

"He's not the magus," muttered Skuld in Japanese. "John
is."

"He's the magus," said Urd confidently. "Or he will be,
anyway."

"Um, excuse me," said Tim timidly, feeling just a bit left
out.

"He won't be as good as John," huffed Skuld, ignoring Tim.

"Oh my," said Belldandy. "Won't you have a seat, Tim? I'll
make some tea."

"Um, thank you," said Tim shyly as he took a seat. Somehow
it was hard to say no to someone like Belldandy when she
spoke in just that way she had, tilting her face and
smiling.

Belldandy smiled comfortingly as she poured the tea out.
Tim took the moment to glance at Urd and Skuld. Both were
squibbling over something he didn't understand, but felt it
had to do with magic. And he didn't like that one bit. He
glanced up at Belldandy. Somehow, for some reason, he felt
comfortable with this woman before him. Maybe it was that
calm, reassuring grey-brown gaze that felt like an anchor in
a sea of chaos, but...

"Uh, I'm not a magician, not anymore, really," Tim said,
lowering his head, feeling he had to clarify something. He
just couldn't meet those sweet eyes of Belldandy's. He
realized, with a start, that he didn't want to disappoint
her.

Belldandy continued watching Tim, before she slowly smiled.
She didn't say a word, but somehow Tim got the feeling, even
as he looked back at her beautiful calm face. He sighed to
himself.

"So, umm, who is she?" Tim asked, nodding his head towards
Urd.

"She hasn't introduced herself? Oh dear. My sister, Urd."

"Right... I figured as much. I meant, who exactly are you
guys?" Tim asked, reaching for his tea.

Belldandy only smiled briefly, and told Tim, briefly, of the
Goddess Relief Service, and of how she and her sisters came
to be with Keiichi Morisato.

"Awright then, let's look it up in the records!" yelled
Urd.

"Fine! Let's!" challenged Skuld.

Tim found Belldandy's story a little hard to believe. And
truth be told, he was a bit envious of Keiichi. After all,
his introduction to magic had come at the hands of four
trenchcoated men. And not a beautiful goddess.

Though Zatanna wasn't bad either. Not at all.

Still, the way Belldandy was looking at him, as though she
knew his story... he felt compelled to explain himself, just
a bit. Though his thoughts were getting derailed a bit by
the squabbling in the background.

"Ha!" shouted Urd triumphantly. "Says so right here!"

Skuld's eyes bugged out. "Whaaaaat?! But... but John's so
much cooler! No way!"

"Don't mind them," said Belldandy soothingly. "They're
always like this."

"Oh... er... right."

And so he told her a bit about how he'd discovered the magic.
How the magic controlled his life. And finally, how he'd given it up.

Belldandy nodded and smiled at the proper times, but at the
end of his tale, she gave a small sad smile, shaking her
head at the notion of giving up the magic.

"You're going to tell me that it's in me too?" Tim commented,
holding his cup of tea and drinking.

Belldandy clasped her hands and lowered her head. "Of
course," she said simply, as if that was all to it.

And maybe it was, Tim pondered, a small frown crossing his
face.

"I bet I can do better than you and that so-called magus
combined!" yelled Skuld.

Tim tried very hard to ignore the conversation, unsure what
they were talking about yet having a bad feeling they were
discussing him. He took another sip of tea. Not bad stuff,
even if they didn't use milk and sugar.

"Oh yeah? I bet I could do better!" countered Urd.

Belldandy's smile almost slipped, as she glanced towards Urd
and Skuld, then she simply reached out and poured more tea
for herself, and sipped.

"Yeah?! I'll make a new gun and we'll see who laughs last!"
Skuld said, as she stomped off to her room.

Belldandy lifted her chin up, offering a small smile, as her
eyes opened to meet Tim's gaze. Tim relaxed just a bit,
letting the tea soothe his frazzled nerves...

"Fine!" Urd exclaimed, as she stomped towards Tim. "Come
on, boy! We've got work to do!"

And that was the last sight Tim had, before Urd dragged him
away, leaving behind a trail of spilled tea.

The sight of Belldandy smiling at him, as if she believed he
could do what he could do. Whatever that was.

~*~

Keiichi Morisato was having a fairly good day. He had
actually had a nice quiet afternoon with Belldandy, and
scarcely saw Skuld all day. Even his sister Megumi's
arrival didn't bother him; they got along pretty well, and
it was a nice dinner. Then Tamiya and his friends had
hauled him and Megumi out to a party, which was not so good
considering their idea of partying was to guzzle alcohol
like crazy. They'd finally managed to sneak out, and were
on their way back in companiable silence. He glanced
briefly at Megumi, who was chattering away about different
things, and couldn't help but smile. She was a pretty darn
cool sister and---

"Keiichi?" Megumi said, indicating a figure leaning
against a tree just outside of the temple walls. "Who's
that?"

"Eh?" Keiichi said, startled out of his reverie. "I don't
know, I can't tell..." His voice trailed off as he spied
just who it was.

"We meet again, Keiichi Morisato."

"Mara."

Wonderful. When would he ever learn never to tempt Fate?

~*~

"Look here!" Urd said, swinging open her cabinet doors and
sweeping her hand at the rows and rows of jars. "These are
all the love potions I've ever made! We're sure to solve
the problem!" She began laughing.

"Um... but don't you have any antidotes?"

"Antidote? Er..." Urd stopped laughing.

Tim took the opportunity to look over the rows, and shook
his head. It just seemed so utterly silly to him, but it
was something to work with. He picked up a promising jar,
even though it was marked in a strange unreadable language.

Urd immediately snatched it back. "Not that one, it'd turn
you 259 shades of pink."

Pink? Best not to ask.

"So what happened with... er, that other girl?" Tim asked,
checking over another jar.

"Skuld?" Urd blinked. Then she eh-hehed nervously. "Oh,
she gave me grief about treatin' her toy roughly. Don't
worry about it, she's working on a new one."

As if on cue, loud banging, and small stifled yells
resonated from the next room.

"Her toy?" asked Tim.

"The large gun I was using."

"Oh." He blinked. "_She_ made it."

Urd shrugged. "She likes that sorta thing."

Tim shook his head, and finally asked, "So why am I here?"

"You're a magus, boy. Clean up after yourself."

"Clean up after my--- HEY! You got me into this."

"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss," she said, tossing some
packets over her shoulder. "What's the matter, haven't
gotten laid recently?"

"HEY! None of your business!"

"Oho..." Urd said, putting the jar she was holding down on a
table. "Is that it, Tim?"

"NO!" Tim flushed.

She leaned forward, giving Tim an extremely generous view of
her cleavage. Her cat-like grin was far too close to his
face for comfort as well.

"D-do you mind not standing so close?"

She couldn't help it; Urd loved teasing men and boys who
were shy around the fairer sex. She slid to his side
smoothly, snaking an arm around Tim's elbow and pulling him
closer. Oh, this was as fun as teasing Keiichi.

"C'mon, relax," cooed Urd. She snapped her fingers,
bringing a red fluffy couch into existence behind them.
Without warning, she pulled Tim backwards, landing them both
on the couch.

"Um, U-Urd? I don't think we should really-"

"Relax, I said," ordered Urd, sitting next to Tim with an
arm still draped around his shoulder. "Tense magicians do
lousy magic."

"Didn't I mention I don't do magic?" asked Tim. "I just
think you should know."

Urd blinked.

"No, really?" she asked. Urd examined Tim doubtfully.

By now, he knew what to expect next. "I know, I know, I've
still got the look of magic, or some rubbish like that, but
I really _am_ trying to drop the habit, so I'd really
appreciate it if you could just leave me out of it?"

Urd crossed her arms, deep in thought. "Okay, I get the
feeling that whatever I'm about to say to you regarding
being stuck on the path of magic is gonna be fairly
redundant at this point..."

She looked at him, waiting for an answer. He nodded. Urd
frowned, tilted her head, then continued.

"... so, er..." Urd scratched her head. "Just wondering,
any particular reason _why_ you're trying to shake the
magic? I mean, sure it has its pitfalls, but it can be
really wonderful, y'know."

Ah, thought Tim. Yet again, time to recap his life history.
Before he could do that, a loud shot rang out from the room
next door, followed by a scream.

"What was that?!" yelled Tim.

Urd's eyes opened wide. "Skuld!"

The two raced quickly to the next room, Urd in the lead, and
skidded to a halt at the sight that greeted them.

Standing in the middle of a tangle of wires and computers,
Skuld stood in shock and disbelief. There was a big
chocolate smear on her shirt, and she was staring down at
it.

"Someone shot me!" Skuld screamed angrily. "Some big freak
popped in and shot me! With chocolate!"

"Well, that looks familiar," quipped Tim.

Unfortunately, his timing was horrible. Skuld, already in a
bad mood, wasn't pleased to hear the voice of some kid who
was supposed to be better than her favorite magician, John
Constantine.

"You shut up!" Skuld yelled, glaring at Tim.

Tim froze.

Urd froze.

At the same time, they both muttered, "Uh-oh."

And Skuld's opinion of Tim suddenly became much better.

~*~

"Hello, Belldandy. Have you seen that boyfriend of yours
lately?"

"He should be back soon from the..." Belldandy said as she
turned around from the kitchen. She broke off as she saw
who had spoken.

"Cupid?" Belldandy gasped, a hand flying to cover her mouth.
"Why are you doing this? Where's Keiichi?"

"Oh your sweetheart?" Cupid smirked, indicating the outdoors
with the point of his Uzi. "He's out there, along with his
sister, with a mutual acquaintance of ours. Ah, that Mara,
she's quite a fly girl, isn't she?"

"MARA!" Belldandy gasped, already dashing outside.

Cupid grinned, and called out after Belldandy, "And I'm
doing this BECAUSE I CAN!" before turning back to the
hallway from which he came. "Now to see how Urd liked my
little gift."

~*~

Ah yes, thought Tim, just what I needed. After having a
relationship with a tempermental Irish girl and a succubus,
obviously the next step would be to become involved with a
goddess. A _kid_ goddess at that.

Yes. Good move. Brilliant.

Shit.

"Would you please let go of my arm?"

"Why?" asked Skuld. "Don't you like me?"

"Er... you're nice, but..."

"You do like me! Yay!"

Tim winced. Urd sighed and covered her face with a hand.

"Could you please help me out here?" asked Tim.

Urd blinked, shrugged, then grabbed Skuld by the arm. "Kid,
think for a minute, willya? Weren't you saying just a
minute ago how much this guy paled in comparison to your
boytoy Johnny?"

Skuld blushed. "John's cute... but Tim's cute... can't I
have them both?"

Urd and Tim both sighed and smacked their foreheads at the
same time. "Of course it wouldn't be that easy," muttered
Urd. "C'mo-"

"BECAUSE I CAN!" yelled a familiar, gruff voice, from
somewhere outside.

Urd and Tim looked at each other.

"Cupid?" asked Tim.

Urd nodded, eyes narrowing. "That fatass, he's MINE!" Urd
strode out the door quickly, grabbing the Super Heavy Cannon
Mark XXI on her way out.

"Hey! Wait!" cried Tim. "What about me? Er, and her?" he
asked, pointing to Skuld.

"You two get cozy," replied Urd, not looking back. "I find
Cupid-boy, beat him silly, and get'em to fix this mess.
That's the plan."

"That's the plan?!"

"Back in a bit, kid." Urd opened the door, diving out of it
into a roll, opening fire immediately. Someone unseen,
presumably Cupid, returned fire, which Urd dodged by leaping
up to the ceiling and clinging to it like a spider. "COME
GET SOME!" roared Urd, who then charged onward with her
cannon blazing.

"Well that's just great," sighed Tim.

"It sure is!" agreed Skuld. "We're alone at last!"

"Oh no, not again." Tim tried, unsuccessfully, to pull away
from Skuld. After seeing how hopeless this was, he
surrendered to the fact that Skuld wouldn't be leaving his
side any time soon, and walked back to Urd's room.

"Where're we going, Timmy?" asked Skuld.

"_We_ are going to Urd's room," replied Tim. "I really
didn't want to do this, but I'll try magic, dammmit. One
more bloody time, I'll try magic."

Tim paused in mid-rant, then turned to Skuld.

"And don't call me Timmy," he said.

"Awww, why not?"

"Just _don't._"

~*~

"Ah, you're here, finally." Mara straightened up from the
tree against which she had been leaning, smiling. Of
Keiichi and Megumi, there was no sign.

Belldandy frowned, her hands clenched at her side. "Where's
Keiichi?"

Mara smirked, and only pointed up at the branches of the
tree above her.

Belldandy looked up, trying to make out the forms in the
growing darkness. Megumi and Keiichi were sitting in the
branch of the trees...

Belldandy gasped, then brought a hand to her lips. High
above them, Keiichi and Megumi sat, Megumi on Keiichi's lap
while her lips were slowly working their way across his
face.

"Keiichi?" called Belldandy.

The boy moaned a little, quite distracted and actually
pleased with the attentions his sister was giving him.

Oh my, thought Belldandy, someone twisted Megumi's mind
again, thinking she's in love with her bro.... why is
Keiichi kissing her back?

"Keiichi!"

Mara sniggered. "Isn't it precious?"

Belldandy's eyes filled with tears. "Oh my, Keiichi..."

"Isn't it perfect? I get to deal with you, while Cupid's
dealing with your sisters in the temple. Not that I
couldn't get through the demon wards, but why go to all that
trouble when I've got the God of Love wrapped around my
little finger?" Mara said, chuckling. Oddly enough, Mara
was glancing at the temple every once in a while. As if
checking on someone.

Belldandy's reaction was short and sweet.

She brought her hands up, and blasted Mara with a light
beam.

~*~

He stared at the seemingly endless rows of potions, herbs,
and unidentifiable things that constituted Urd's lab. Tim
Hunter tried to open himself to the magic once more, to let
his intuition guide him. It was difficult, far more
difficult than when magic was raging through his veins, but
it was still there.

He felt it, but only faintly now, barely within reach. A
few of the weaker potions revealed their purpose to him on
instinct. He had a rough idea of what would happen if he
mixed some of them together.

But he couldn't focus enough.

Tim was being distracted.

"Would you _please_ let go of my arm? I'm trying important
magus-like stuff here."

"Do I have to?" asked Skuld. She gave Tim sad puppy-dog
eyes, but he would have none of it.

"_Yes_ you do."

Skuld sighed and released his arm, watching him with starry
eyes as he stared at the table with intense concentration.
Mercifully, he didn't notice.

"Say," said Tim. "There's something... something strange
about this place. Magic seems to flow here rather, um,
fluidly."

"That's because it's a temple!" replied Skuld cheerily.
"Magic flows better on holy land."

"Ooh, is that why...?" He focused once more on Urd's racks
of potions, and once more found their purposes and effects
slowly revealed, merely by intuition. Now what would make a
powerful enough antidote for...

Oh.

Problem.

He'd need to know how powerful Cupid's magic was in
comparison. Actually, he didn't _need_ to know, but it
would help a lot.

Now how would he... oh. There was still chocolate residue
from Cupid's shot on Skuld's shirt.

"Hey Skuld," Tim said distractedly, lost in thought. "Lemme
have your shirt?"

Skuld blinked, then flushed an attractive pink as she toyed
with the buttons on her shirt nervously. "Oh... I don't
know, don't you think... well... we should know each other a
bit better?"

Tim replied scintillatingly. "Huh?"

"But... if you really... I mean..."

He turned around, then noticed the state Skuld was in, and
that she had unbuttoned the top of her shirt.

"Nonono!" he said quickly, waving his hands in a frantic
manner. "I didn't mean that!"

Skuld seemed partly saddened, partly relieved at his words.
"You didn't?"

"No! I need to see the stuff that Cupid shot you with."

"Oh... okay."

Tim turned to look at her, examining the chocolate that
clung to her shirt. Strong stuff, that. He could sense the
stuff was overflowing with magic power.

At this point, a mini-Urd coughed politely, interrupting his
thoughts. He turned to look at her. "Oh. Hello, what's
up?"

"I just popped in to check on you guys," said Mini-Urd.
"But I see you're busy staring at Skuld's chest."

Tim blinked, then realized that was exactly what he'd been
doing. He blushed, once again waving his hands frantically.
"It's not like that! Really!" he exclaimed, as Skuld
blushed and immediately covered her chest protectively with
her arms, exclaiming, "URD!"

Mini-Urd smirked wickedly. "If you REALLY want something to
look at, just wait till this is all over, boy," she said,
striking a quick cheesecake pose. Tim blinked as he stared
at Urd, then felt a sudden pain in his side.

As Skuld hmphed, withdrawing her elbow from Tim's side, the
mini-Urd grinned slyly. "Whatever, Hunter. Just lock the
door, okay? I don't want Cupid barging in here."

"Oh, r-right." Tim said, sidling just a bit away from Skuld.
"Oh, about your potions..."

"Oh them. Don't touch them, these aren't for amateurs."
And with that, mini-Urd disappeared.

Tim blinked, looked over at Skuld, then back towards where
the mini-Urd had disappeared, and scowled, saying to no one
in particular:

"What am I supposed to use to fix this mess, harsh
language?!"

~*~

This time it was different.

Urd didn't unleash a horde of mini-Urds, and Cupid did
likewise. They both knew this time their surroundings were
too tight to allow it, and that starting a mini-spawn war
again would just escalate into a no-win situation like last
time.

This time it was just one Urd and one Cupid.

She'd chased Cupid out of the house, into the forest area
behind the temple grounds. At that point, she lost sight of
him. From there, it had become a matter of hide and seek,
in the dark forest. Rather than rely on her eyes, Urd tried
to tune in and locate Cupid by sensing his energy signature.

She moved carefully, turning her head everywhere,
concentrating on the search of her prey. "Where are you,
Q-ball?" she muttered to herself.

Suddenly from behind she heard the leaves rustle. She spun
around and jumped away, firing into the trees as she did. A
blur of a shadow moved through the trees, but Urd kept her
eye on it and opened fire with another round of cannon
blasts. Cupid jumped out from the bushes, over Urd's shots,
and rained down a storm of bullets from his two Uzis as he
flew. Twisting hard to the left, Urd first rolled under,
then jumped over the barrage of bullets.

Urd dove behind a cluster of trees, then flicked a switch.
She grinned like a cheshire cat, knowing this new little
trick would surprise her enemy.

With agility that only a goddess would have, she literally
ran up the tree, jumping off of it at its top. She flew up
an amazing distance, looking down at the forest below. Urd
quickly spotted Cupid, down below where she was standing
just a moment ago, and she opened fire.

The cannon spat its rounds at a blazing rate, rivaling
Cupid's Uzis. Bright white rounds of ammunition blazed down
and cut through the darkness into the already-battered
forest, barely missing Cupid as the large man skipped,
hopped, and dodged Urd's attack. Amazingly, not a bullet
hit him.

Cupid returned fire with both Uzis, forcing Urd to twist and
turn in mid-air, then do backflips as she avoided Cupid's
bullets with surprising grace....

And suddenly she found herself out of the forest and high
above lots of rocks.

Oh yeah, she thought absently. Right after the forest there
was that high cliff.

Whoops.

~*~

Tim had to think about this carefully.

At first, he thought that mixing up something the absolute
opposite of Cupid's love chocolate arrows would be the right
thing. As he began to mix a few potions, he realized that
wasn't quite right. Doing that would just make people hate
each other, which would certainly be worse.

"He loves me..."

Something he'd learned in science class seemed to be
similar.... what was it... the PH scale? Too much on one
side was acid, too much the other was base. So... hrm... if
he were to use something in the middle range, that should do
the trick, right?

"He loves me not..."

He thought about this a moment.

"He loves me..."

No, that wouldn't do.

"He loves me not..."

What's in the middle of love and hate? Absolutely nothing.
He might end up creating a bunch of well-adjusted, pleasant,
passionless people.

"He loves me..."

A lot like his dad used to be.

"He loves me not..."

No, that wouldn't do. Maybe he was thinking of this in the
wrong way?

"He loves me..."

"Will you PLEASE stop that?!"

Skuld giggled. "You're SO cute when you're mad."

"Yeah," grumbled Tim sarcastically. "And I'm bloody sexy
when I'm furious."

"Really!" squealed Skuld. "Get mad for me!"

Tim sighed. "Not now, maybe later."

Returning to his original line of thought, he tried to think
of a different angle on the problem. If making a potion of
an opposite effect wasn't the way to go... hrm.

"I've got it!"

"Got what?" asked Skuld.

"What we need to do is _remove_ the magic, not counter it,"
explained Tim triumphantly. His smile faded a bit, then
turned into a frow. "Oh, bugger."

"What's wrong?"

"I have no idea how to remove magic."

Skuld blinked. "Remove magic?"

"Yes. Think of Cupid's arrows as... er... poison. We need
something that would clean that poison out."

"I can help!" chirped Skuld happily.

"No, really?" Tim asked.

Skuld nodded eagerly. "I might be able to modify my cannon
to do the job!"

Tim blinked. "Your... cannon."

Out of her pocket, Skuld pulled out a thin looking rod,
approximately one meter in length and two centimeters in
diameter. It had a single button on it, marked //PRESS
ME//.

She pressed it.

The effect was a bit dazzling to the eyes, as the rod
expanded, twisted, and unfolded to become a four meter
cannon with lots of interesting doodads, buttons, and other
little controls on a central panel, obviously built to be
mounted onto the shoulder.

"My Super Heavy Cannon XXII!" said Skuld proudly.

Tim stared at the weapon of, it seemed, mass destruction,
stunned at its appearance. "Super. Heavy. Cannon.
Riiiight."

"I can do it, I know I can!" insisted Skuld.

With a doubtful look and a deep sigh, Tim gave in. "Well,
Urd's chemistry set is a dead end and I don't have any
better ideas."

"Yay! I'll have it ready in a few minutes!" Skuld put the
cannon on the ground and quickly began adjusting the
controls. Meanwhile, Tim tried thinking ahead a little
more.

Oh. There was one problem.

"Say, how are we going to test it?"

~*~

The scene before them was almost awe-inspiring, as goddess
battled demoness with the energies of Heaven and Hell at
their command. Crimson flames clashed with pure white waves
of energy, and the surrounding area trembled with their
power.

"Is this really such a good idea?" whined Tim.

"Of coure it is!" replied Skuld confidently. The pair were
currently on the edge of the outer gateway, watching Mara
and Belldandy's duel.

"I still don't see why we're using your anti-demon robot,"
Tim said. "Wouldn't he be trying to blow her away?"

"Don't be silly. He can aim far better at night than we
can, especially with his infrared sensors. And I
temporarily disabled the anti-demon programming so we could
make sure she's cured _before_ we blow her away! And the
robot has a name, you know!" Skuld said, crossing her arms
and looking at Tim with an "Oh you silly man!" bemused look.

"And you're sure your... ah... Banpei can aim right?" asked
Tim.

The little roundish robotic companion of Skuld's looked
slightly offended, as did its mistress.

"If you loved me, you'd trust me," said Skuld sweetly.

Tim grumbled.

"What was that?" asked Skuld.

"Just shoot Mara, please?" Tim said.

Skuld nodded, then patted Banpei in the back. "Fire when
ready!" Banpei nodded, then took aim.

~*~

In an absurd twist of fate, Urd found herself in a
speedboat, with Cupid following in hot pursuit. Her body
was running on automatic, dodging passing boats and debris
as her mind tried to sort out exactly what happened.

While she was backflipping earlier, she'd forgotten about
what was beyond the forest - a somewhat steep cliff that
lead down to Tokyo Bay. Being the graceful goddess that she
was, of course she didn't fall down the cliff.

She backflipped down it. All the way.

By the time she backflipped to the base of the cliff, she
was extraordinarily dizzy. From there she ran along the
shore of the bay, and eventually ran into someone renting
speedboats by the docks.

Right. Okay. Up to speed.

Speaking of which....

Urd slammed the throttle forward, revving the boat's
engines. It slammed into a wave and suddenly soared into
the air, spinning clockwise, narrowly dodging a buoy as it
flew. Still in the air, she opened fire behind her, the
cannon fire flashing in the darkness, flying in a graceful
arc towards Cupid and his boat. Cupid swerved his craft to
the right, leaving most of the shots to strike at the water
with a splash and a hiss. One shot cracked the windshield,
and another pierced the hull.

Sensing a change in the tides of battle, Urd steered her
craft straight towards Cupid's. The battle song of the
valkyries sung in her ears as she charged, full throttle,
towards his boat. Her cannon blazed another volley of
white-hot ammo, shredding into Cupid's boat like blades
through paper.

The boat caught fire, crippled and dying. Cupid steered it
to shore but found that he couldn't slow it down. It plowed
into shore, dying with a fireball of an explosion, sending
debris into the air. Cupid leapt as the boat exploded, sent
flying through the air from the force of the explosion. He
landed roughly, tumbling sideways on the sandy beach. In
the distance, he heard Urd's speedboat approaching. He
stood up shakily, lifting his twin Uzis, then opened fire.

-click-

Shit.

-click-click-

Jammed.

He tossed the Uzis on the ground, then reached for the
shotgun strapped to his back. Wouldn't be as effective, not
nearly as much range. Had to find a place where he wouldn't
be at a disadvantage.

"Hey, is that a warehouse I see before me? Merciful Zeus,
it iiiis!"

And with that observation, Cupid quickly ran off into the
abandoned warehouse in the distance.

~*~

There was purpose in Belldandy's normally placid features.
Many people would have thought Belldandy was a pacifist.

Many people were wrong. Belldandy could, and often would,
fight to defend the ones she loved.

Belldandy brought her hands together in a complex pattern,
chanting softly to herself, then lifted her left hand to the
sky, forming a wind vortex which sent Mara spinning away
into a treetop.

There was a brief silence, as Belldandy sighed, her large
grey-brown eyes looking sadly where Mara had gone, before
she turned her attention back to the ones for whom she had
been fighting. "Keiichi? Megumi?"

Unfortunately, Mara was far from out of it. Unseen by
Belldandy, Mara rematerialized behind her, grinning
maliciously and with a fireball in hand ready to fly.
Belldandy sensed the danger too late, and whirled around
just in time to see Mara swinging her arm forward to-

*ZZZZAP*

~*~

"Got'em!" shouted Skuld excitedly. They both watched from
under the street lights as Mara froze from the blazing bolt
of energy that shot from the cannon and through her body
like lightning.

And when Mara dropped to her knees, Belldandy was revealed,
also reeling as lines of static energy crawled over her.

Tim frowned. "Uh oh."

Skuld, on the other hand, was alarmed. "Oneesama!" She
began to race towards her sister, but slowed down a little
as Belldandy slowly rose.

"So what happens," wondered Tim, "if someone not affected by
Cupid's arrows is hit? That is, assuming Skuld set the
thing right..."

~*~

Mara's head was spinning. Whatever that was, it was
massively unpleasant. The phrase 'instant hangover' came to
mind. As she blinked, she felt a pair of arms slowly lift
her up to a sitting position.

"Oww..."

She blinked, trying to regain her vision, then saw her
enemy, Belldandy, looking into her eyes with concern, set
against the starry evening sky.

And she never looked so beautiful.

~*~

Skuld stared.

Tim stared.

Mara and Belldandy embraced each other tightly, as if they
were long lost lovers reunited.

"You know," said Tim, "I don't think you have the settings
quite right."

"Aheh... I guess not," replied an embarrassed Skuld. "At
last they're not fighting."

"I suppose," said Tim. "At least they'll stay still and
cuddle while we try to get this thing right for another
sho-" His thought was interrupted when something white and
cottony landed on his head. "Hello, what's this?" He held
it out before him, then looked at it. "A shirt? Where'd
this come fro... oh."

There seemed to be some giggling and rustling coming from
the tree above.

Tim looked up. His eyes widened.

Skuld looked up. Her eyes widenend and she blushed badly.

"K-Keiichi! Megumi!" she cried.

"Ah, you know those two then?" asked Tim.

"They're brother and sister!"

Tim looked down, grimacing. "Oh man."

"Hey you two! Stop it!" Skuld exclaimed, waving her hands
frantically at the siblings.

"I think we'd better get your gun properly set as soon as
possible, yes?" asked Tim. "Ah... and I think we'd better
shoot those two first."

~*~

Of course, thought Urd bitterly, it would come to this.

Again.

Standing at the center of a rusted, damp walkway, surrounded
by hanging chains and screeching, rusted metal fans, lit by
sunlight breaking through the battered and worn ceiling,
stood Cupid, facing off against Urd.

She stared down the barrel of Cupid's gun, trying not to
look worried. Cupid stared down the barrel of her cannon,
not looking worried.

"So, this again, huh?" asked Cupid.

"Seems so," Urd said.

They stared at each other, neither willing to back down.

"Ya know, I been thinkin'," said Cupid.

"Yeah? About what?"

"This whole reconfiguration thang," replied Cupid. "Don't
quite work sometimes, huh?"

"Oh, I dunno," said Urd coolly. "Worked out okay to me."

Cupid shrugged. "Suppose it did. Beats the old crone
shit."

"You, on the other hand," said Urd. "If I heard right, you
put your own butt into that ridiculous outfit."

"Hey man, if I didn't do it, the reconfiguration was gonna
do it to me."

Urd raised an eyebrow. "Is that the real reason you went
gangsta?"

"Awright, mebbe I was hopin' today's kids would take Gangsta
Q more seriously..."

"You sure it was kids you were doing it for?" asked Urd.

"Mebbe not," said Cupid. Doubt and uncertainty filled his
eyes as he remembered times past, and a woman with the grace
and beauty of a butterfly... butterfly...

Kind of like the one flying towards them from behind Urd
now.

Cupid's eyes widened in shock, and his gun arm twitched.
Urd reacted quickly, snapping her head out of the barrel's
way and opening fire with her own cannon. Four shots spat
out from Urd's weapon in rapid fire, striking Cupid at his
center. He flew back from the force of the impact, spinning
and tumbling in the air with an agonized look on his face.

The butterfly hovered in place for a moment, then moved on
to greener pastures.

Urd watched her enemy carefully, then walked over to his
still body. She shook her head sadly.

"If you're gonna twitch, you might as well shoot," she
muttered. Grinning smugly, she spun the cannon on her arm
much like old-time gunslingers spun their six-shooters in
hand, ending by blowing smoe from the tip of her barrel.

Then she blinked, staring at a set of displays on the
cannon's side. And then she stared at Cupid's unmoving
body.

"Oh... I didn't... oh shit."

~*~

"Are you SURE you got it calibrated correctly, Skuld?"

"Yes, I did!" Skuld said with just a bit of a growl.
Boyfriend or not, she hated it when anyone questioned her
machine expertise.

"Whatever, just hurry up and shoot, I don't know how much
longer I can keep them apart!" Tim said, trying to maintain
some decorum. He was wedged between Megumi and Keiichi, who
were very interested in getting to know one another closely.

Nearby, sitting on a boulder, Belldandy was holding hands
with Mara and watching the evening sky. Belldandy
occasionally made Zen-like observations about the nature of
stars, which Mara would agree with enthusiastically.

Skuld finished tinkering with Banpei, then threw her arms
around Tim's neck from behind. "Finished!" she sang out.

Tim muttered, as he moved away from Keiichi and Megumi,
disengaging himself from Skuld in the process. Immediately,
the two siblings scooted together closely and kissed.

"Please," said Tim. "Shoot them. Shoot them now."

Skuld nodded. "Right! Banpei, open fire!"

The Super Heavy Cannon XXII belched forth a massive burst of
blinding, blazing energy.

Keiichi stared at Megumi.

Megumi stared at Keiichi.

They both tried to say something, but it seemed their
tongues were tangled with each other's.

"MMMMF!"

With a lightning fast right hook, Megumi slugged Keiichi
away. "GETOFFAME YOU PERVERT!"

Some distance away, Tim nodded at Skuld. "Well, I'd say
that worked."

"Yaay!" cheered Skuld. She jumped onto Tim's back, wrapping
her arms around his neck, giggling all the way. "Told you
I'd help!"

Tim staggered under Skuld's weight (no paragon of strength
was he) and tried gently to peel her arms off. "Yes, right,
can we go on to your sister now?"

"Banpei! Target: Oneesama and Mara! Open fire!"

*BLAM*BLAM*

Two more blasts of anti-magic slammed into the tranquil
pair, knocking them off the tree branch and onto the
sidewalk below.

"Hey! What the hell was that for?!?"

"Oh my!"

Tim nodded, feeling satisfied with the progress of things.
And then he felt Skuld latch onto his arm again.

"Oh, Tiiiim," she said in a sweet sing-song voice. She
turned to him, her eyes closing and lips puckering
ever-so-slightly, expectantly.

Tim blinked. Silently, he motioned for Banpei to come a bit
further. Once he was in reach, Tim very carefully took the
cannon out of Banpei's arms.

"Tiiiiim," Skuld said sweetly again, tightening her grip on
his arm.

"Just a minute and I'll give you a biiiig surprise," said
Tim. He lifted the gun slightly, then noticed the somewhat
hostile look Banpei was giving him.

"Oh, stop looking at me like that, you hunk of tin. I'll
have her back to normal."

And he aimed, and shot.

~*~

There was a sheepish silence in the Morisato household.

Mara was gone.

Keiichi and Megumi were sitting far away from each other.

Skuld was clinging to Banpei, a scowl crossing her face
every time she looked at Tim.

Tim sighed. This was just a beautiful day. Well, it was
still day for him, even if it was night in Japan. And it
was not quite yet noon for him. He suddenly felt like
crawling back into bed and not coming out again till
tomorrow.

Only Belldandy seemed unaffected by the recent going-ons,
and Tim was grateful for that. She smiled, noticing Tim's
gaze, and asked, "Is the tea good?"

"Oh yeah. I just... I just need to go soon, though. Back
home. You know... London," Tim stammered, feeling rather
than seeing Skuld's glare bear down on him.

"About time too," Skuld growled. "Pervert."

Belldandy's smile never faltered. "Would you like me to
send you home, magus?"

Tim's eye twitched a bit, but he couldn't be rude to
Belldandy, or else he would have said something about how
magic could go to blazes. He simply nodded, silently vowing
to himself to just walk away in the future if ANYTHING even
looked at him crosseyed.

Skuld muttered something unfriendly. Keiichi and Megumi
waved goodbye mutely. Tim stood up.

A butterfly flew in. And then another. And then...

Tim sighed, as a figure emerged from the swarm of
butterflies. Keiichi gathered up his wits from the sudden
surprise, enough to start to voice a question, when
Belldandy rose gracefully to her feet and greeted her.

"Psyche."

Psyche merely tilted her head, frowning. "Belldandy. Have
you seen Cupid? The last I saw, Mara was running far and
away... without him." She smirked just a bit. "I take it
the love chocolates wore off and she hightailed it away from
that idiot."

Keiichi and Megumi both stared wide-eyed. Megumi was heard
muttering to herself that it had to be a magic show.

"Well, no, I haven't. The last I saw..." Belldandy was
about to explain, when Skuld cut in. "Urd was chasing him
down!"

Psyche frowned. "With a cannon?"

"Yeah! I made it!" Skuld said proudly.

"Then where is he?" Psyche asked. "He'd better not be..."

And then the screen door slid open, Urd dashed in, and froze
the moment she noticed everyone there. She seemed
especially nervous at the appearance of Psyche. Quickly,
she shut the door behind her, took a deep breath, and gave a
weak smile. From her arm, the Super Heavy Cannon XXI slid
down, hitting the floor with a metallic thud.

"Aheh... heya."

"Urd? What's wrong?" asked Belldandy.

Psyche frowned. "Where's my husband, Urd?"

Urd's nervous smile twitched, and sweat formed across her
brow. She took a deep breath, her face turned serious and
grim, and she turned to Psyche. Urd put an arm on Psyche's
shoulder, and said, "Psyche... about your husband... there's
something you should know."

Belldandy gasped. "Urd... you didn't!"

"W-what did you do?!" shrieked Psyche, panic seizing her
heart. "Where is he?! Where's my Cupid!"

Urd looked down at the floor, then met Psyche's fearful gaze
with her own grim one. "It was during the duel... I... I
shot him, but I didn't know... He... he's..."

Skuld and Belldandy gasped. Keiichi was clueless - he
didn't know English. Tim just had that sinking feeling.

"Psyche... Cupid is-"

Suddenly, from the hallway, Cupid dashed-leapt-pounced onto
Urd and enveloped her into a tight hug. "Sweetheart!"

"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

- end part 3 -

----------------------------

INTIMACY, n.

A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for
their mutual destruction.

-The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce