DISCLAIMER: *sing song voice* Not mi-i-i-ne.

AUTHORS NOTES: I have had a complaint about the ease with which the author took Wolvie's blood. I just wanted to make him the first victim, cause he's such a stubborn character- I thought it would be funny to make him the first one to suffer. Obviously, I'm the only one who thinks like that.



CHAPTER THREE.


Roaring in anger, Wolverine once again tried to slice through one of the heavy bookcases in the room. And, once again, the bookcase and it's contents miraculously repaired themselves.

Wolverine paced around the office angrily. He was going out of his mind here.


When he had reappeared from the green smoke that had swallowed him in England, he had been deposited here, in the office of the loony author again. There was a tray if sandwiches of all different types in the table, along with four large packets of chips, and bottles of softdrink. All courtesy of the author, so, naturally, Wolverine was reluctant to touch them.

There was also four large TV's built into one of the walls, which hadn't been there before, and four green, extremely comfortable chairs. One of the screens was dead, but the other three showed constant images of Toad, Nightcrawler and Gambit in their various situations. Wolverine had no idea how she managed to keep a lock on all of them, wherever they moved, and frankly he didn't want to know.

With a growl of frustration, he grabbed some of the food, and sat down to watch TV. Then, yelling with rage, he leaped out of his seat again. Nightcrawler was getting his ass kicked by Sabretooth. If it was the last thing he did, Wolverine was going to get out of the crazy room, and rescue his pal.

He attacked one of the walls again, swiping at it with his claws. Annoyingly, though, the walls just fixed themselves up again, with not even a scratch as testimony to his efforts. Briefly, Wolverine considered attacking the thick, adamantium door, but decided not to waste his time.

Wolverine glanced at Nightcrawler's screen, to see how he was doing, and blinked in amazement. The screen was now dead as well. No Nightcrawler. No Sabretooth. Not a thing.

Suddenly, a cloud of green smoke collected in the center of the ceiling. It deposited a blue furball into the room, and disappeared.

"Elf, that you?" Wolverine asked the fuzball.

"Wolverine?" The ball asked back. Nightcrawler stood up, eyeing him warily. "Is it...oh Danke God, it's you!" He collapsed to his knees, clasped his hands together, and started thanking Jesus, over and over.

Wolverine watched him uneasily for a few minutes, then dragged Nightcrawler to his feet. "Com'on elf, she provided food and TV for us."

Nightcrawler's golden eyes widened. "Really? Wow, ze author sure doezn't do zings halfvay, does she?" Grinning, he grabbed some food, and together they sat down in front of the TV's.

Nightcrawler winced as Gambit began yelling, while the saw cut through the box. "Ouch. I don't vemember Hilda ever being zat reckless with her saws before. How strange."

Wolverine looked at him in amazement. "You know that hippo?"

Nightcrawler glared at him. "You shouldn't judge ozers. And Hilda is a very nice woman. I used to vork vith her."

Wolverine snorted. "Yeah, sure she's nice. That's why she's slicin' up the Cajun."

They watched in interest, as Gambit began screaming, and surrendered. They ignored Toad, who's new motto was, judging by the TV screen, 'Party Hearty.'

A green cloud once again gathered in the office, and it cleared to reveal a very ticked off looking Gambit, who was continuing his tirade.

"...dey're a bunch of inhuman, disgust-" He stopped. "Where am I?"

"Welcome back, Gumbo." Wolverine said grimly. "We're back in the office of the loopy kid."

Gambit groaned. "Great, let de horror begin." He muttered. Then he noticed the new additions to the room. "Where did all dis come from? And is dat Toad on TV?"

"Take vhat you vant, and come enjoy ze show." Nightcrawler explained. "Zat TV shows vhat Toad is doing at ze moment, in ze author's insane little vorld. It seems like Toad is ze only one who hasn't given up."

"Toad!" Gambit yelled disbelievingly, sitting down. "Dat slimy t'ing is de last to give in? I don't believe it. Who was de first?"

Wolverine glared sullenly at both. "I didn't give in." He muttered sulkily. "She tricked me."

Gambit and Nightcrawler wisely decided not to push the subject any further, and decided to focus their attention on the one last functioning TV instead.

"Hey, dat's my old house!" Gambit exclaimed, as they watched Toad dirty dance with a striking blonde. "And dat's my old petite ami!"

Wolverine laughed nastily. "Well, it looks like someone's going to get lucky tonight!"

They watched the screen, semi-interested, as Toad proceeded to make a jackass out of himself.

"I didn't know zat he could dance like zat." Nightcrawler commented mildly, as a certain mutant on TV began an impromptu, and extremely pathetic Robot Dance.

Gambit was practically crying from laughter. "It's times like dis dat I wish dere was a VCR." he managed to choke out.

Wolverine grinned wickedly. "This is just like that Big Brother show, the one Jubilee watches." He commented, and the others agreed.

Evil mutant he may have been, but Toad was more entertaining that Jerry Seinfeld crossed with Adam Hill. After a while though, the three mutants began to grow tired. Toad was rip-roaring drunk now, and looked like he was on the verge of passing out.

Two strange sounds caught Wolverine's attention, and he stirred, suprised to discover that he had been close to falling asleep. Gambit and Nightcrawler were both out like a light- their snoring had been what had broken through Wolverine's semi-trance.

"Lazy bums." Wolverine grumbled, reclining back into his chair again. He wished he had some cigars right about now. On the screen, Toad had finally fallen asleep in a bed that Wolverine assumed was Gambit's.

"Hope the Cajun doesn't mind slime in his bed." Wolverine chuckled to himself, conveniently forgetting that Gambit didn't live there anymore.

Despite his best efforts, Wolverine found himself nodding off again. Black dots danced before his eyes, and he closed them to chase them away.

When he opened his eyes again, he realised that there was someone staring at him.

"Ahhh!" He yelled, pushing them away, and leaping to his feet.

"Ouch, that hurt!" the author scolded, picking herself painfully up off the floor. "Are you always this grouchy when you wake up?"

"I wasn't asleep." Wolverine said through gritted teeth, and unsheathed his claws.

She smirked at him. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Logan, but you've been sleeping for the past six hours. Are you aware that you snore? Anyways, just wanted to tell you to expect a guest soon." She disappeared again.

"I do not snore!" Wolverine said defensively to thin air. "And why can't you ever leave a place normally!?"

He shook Gambit and Nightcrawler roughly. "Hey, Sleeping Uglys! Wake up, I think Toad'll be here soon. I can't believe you two fell asleep." Wolverine told them, as he checked out the food. The sandwiches and chips had been replaced by pancakes and bacon. Cute.

"Are you telling us zat you did not fall asleep too, Wolverine?" Nightcrawler asked, yawning, as he BAMF!ed out of his chair, to beside Wolverine. "Mmm. Breakfast." He dug in.

Gambit shifted slightly in his chair. "It's too early to get up, Papa." he moaned. "Lemme sleep some more."

"Get up Gumbo." Wolverine ordered. "We may get to leave this hell hole soon."

With another moan, Gambit stood up. "Dis sucks." He grumbled, totally ignoring the food as he crossed his arms over his chest, a grouchy look on his face.

Nightcrawler grinned, as he shoveled down food like there was no tomorrow. "Not a morning person, Gambit?"

Gambit just glared.

Wolverine had ignore their little chat, and was instead watching Toad's screen. The green skinned mutant was opening his door. The three men in the office were fixated on the screen, as he stepped outside...

...And cut his foot on a piece of pottery.

Wolverine shook his head in disgust, even while he was laughing. "The guy's an idiot." He remarked. "How'd he outlast us?"

Gambit and Nightcrawler shrugged. On the screen, Toad's foot was being tended to by an elderly lady. Wolverine watched the screen anxiously, while off to the side, Gambit reenacted Toad's one legged dance of pain, while Nightcrawler chuckled. Wolverine knew the author was planning something for the green mutant. He just had to watch for it-

And there it was.

"SHIT!" Wolverine yelled. "The author's the old lady!"

The three men in the office watched the short lived battle carry out on the screen for the vial of blood. For a moment, it seemed like Toad was going to win- then, the author grabbed it, and disappeared. Toad began to disappear too, and the TV screen flickered, and died.

"Merde. She won." Gambit remarked forlornly.

A green cloud formed in the ceiling, and Toad dropped out, his tongue flailing madly.

"Oof!" He said, hitting the ground hard. With an agonized groan, he dragged himself to his feet, and looked around. "Great. I'm back." He swore violently for a moment, while Gambit, Nightcrawler and Wolverine looked on, amused.

Suddenly, Toad's yellowish-green eyes lit up. "Food!"

Just as he leaped at the table heaped with breakfast though, it disappeared. Toad continued flying through the air, and smashed into a wall, as the chairs and TV screens disappeared too.

One by one, every object in the room disappeared, until all that was left was the author's desk and chair. With a faint whirring sound, the top of the desk lifted up, and flipped over, sinking back into place, to reveal a shiny metal surface with a panel of buttons inset. Then, with an explosion of green light, the author appeared in her chair.

Toad, Gambit, Nightcrawler and Wolverine just stared, unimpressed. The author scowled at them.

"I thought that was a pretty good entrance." she said sulkily.

"Let. Us. Go. Now." Wolverine ordered through gritted teeth.

"All in good time." She assured them. "But first, I thought I should show you what I'm going to do with your blood, which you all so kindly donated to me."

She pressed a purple button on the exposed panel, and with a hissing sound, a lid opened on the desk, and a test tube rack rose out of it.

Humming to herself, the author pulled out the four vials of blood, and placed them in the test tube rack.

"Hey!" Nightcrawler exclaimed, BAMF!ing onto the desk. He reached out for one of the vials, but the author pushed him off the desk before he could grab it.

"Ouch." Nightcrawler grumbled, rubbing his forehead where he had hit it on the floor.

The author glared at him. "It's rude to walk on tables." She said primly, and pressed the purple button again. The test tube rack sank back into the desk, and the panel closed up, as if it had never been there.

"Those test tubes have been taken to their respective parts of the factory." The author explained, pride evident in her voice. "You can expect me to be very rich by the time I write another story."

"I'm not putting up with this any longer!" Wolverine yelled, and began slashing at the desk. Gambit tossed a charged up card, and it exploded. The author just laughed, as the desk miraculously repaired itself. Defeated, Wolverine sheathed his claws, and Gambit put away his deck of cards.

"Why?" Toad asked bluntly. "Why the games, the torment? You're the author, you could have just taken out blood right at the beginning."

The author laughed insanely. "That would have been far too easy." She explained. "No one would want to read a story like that! Besides, I wanted to have a little fun with you all. But now that I've got what I needed, and I've screwed with all your lives sufficiently, you can go now. Cheers!"

"What de-" Gambit managed to say, before the author triumphantly stabbed her index finger down on a green button. A trapdoor opened under their feet, and the four mutants dropped through the floor.

"Ahhh!" They simultaneously screamed, as they slid down something like a tube slide through the dark.

"Gambit's not liken' dis!" Gambit yelled out.

"I ain't particularly thrilled 'bout it either!" Wolverine yelled back.

Suddenly, a square of light appeared, and with identically pitched cries of surprise, the four mutants flew out, and crashed to the ground in a pile of arms, legs, and grumbles.

"Toad, get off me"! Nightcrawler complained.

They stood up, dusting themselves off, and surveyed their surroundings.

They were in front of the Cloning Factory. Off on the horizon, the sky was lightening as the sun rose. It was the dawn of a new day.

They turned, and looked at the factory. The big warehouse was in shadow at the moment, but the first rays of light were just hitting it. As the light got brighter, the factory began to glow a bright green. With a faint sound, like a muffled explosion, it disappeared.

"Well, there's something you don't see every day." Wolverine commented, as the wind blew across the now empty lot.

"Well, duh!" Toad yelled. "That's it, I'm sick of you X-Freaks!" He huffed with annoyance, and stormed off.

Nightcrawler, Wolverine, and Gambit just stood for a moment, and looked at each other, at a loss as to what they should be doing.

"So, do we go home now?" Wolverine asked.

Gambit and Nightcrawler looked at each other, and shrugged. "Sure, vhy not?" Nightcrawler agreed.


RIGHT NOW, IN A DIMENSION NOT SO FAR AWAY...

The author swore under her breath, and hit the top of her computer monitor with a fist. The screen stopped flickering, and the Ebay screen re-appeared. Outside, a car screeched up the street, and she winced, before laughing evilly. She flexed her fingers, then began to type.

"Two hundred Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Toad and Gambit clones on auction at a beginning price of two thousand dollars each, minimum increasements of five hundred dollars." She murmured outloud to herself, as she typed in what she was auctioning off. She quickly typed in the URL's of the pictures of her clones, then pressed 'ENTER.'

Bringing up a new screen, she typed in to the space, mumbling aloud, "One Ultimate X-Men clone, formed from a blood sample of Nightcrawler, Toad, Wolverine and Gambit, bidding begins at ten thousand, minimum increasements of two thousand." With another evil laugh, she hit the 'ENTER' key again.

"Girl, turn off that computer and go to bed!" The author's father yelled from downstairs.

"But da-ad." She whined. "I'm about to get rich!"

"Go to bed now, young lady, or you're grounded!" He yelled back.

With much grumbling, the author exited the Internet, saved the assignment for school that she was working on, and switched off the computer.

END.


MWAHAHAHA! How's THAT for a shonky ending, heeheehee. Well, you know what I want now...No, not heaps of money, a mansion, a fancy car, and Zelda Gamecube. REVIEWS! By the way, I was going to write this massive section describing what the clones were like, but I couldn't find the inspiration. Oh well. REVIEW!