Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - Part Two

Narrator: *runs on stage, breathless* Okay, okay! Everybody, we're picking up where we left off. Got it? Okay! Now, stop chasing me, and go to your cottage in the woods!
Everyone: *runs to cottage in woods*
Narrator: Okay, so... where were we?
Lady Une: I was talking to my Magic Mirror.
Narrator: Oh, yeah. Okay, so... talk to your magic mirror.
Lady Une: "Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who's the cutest one of all?"
Narrator: Wait! Where's the mirror?
Lady Une: You told her to go to the cottage, dipwad!
Narrator: Grrrr... Fine. *calls offstage* Everybody except for the seven dwarves get back here!
Relena, Hilde, Noin, Dorothy, Catherine, Sally: *come back* Darn.
Narrator: Oh, man. What are all of you doing here? We only need... uh... Relena, Hilde, and... uh... Oh, let's try Dorothy. Everyone else, go home!
Noin, Catherine, Sally: Hey! We're not going home, we want parts!
Narrator: *groans* Fine, who wants to be the queen when she's in disguise?
Lady Une: I do!
Narrator: I meant of those three.
Lady Une: Oh...
Catherine: I'll do it.
Narrator: Fine. What other parts are there? Noin, you already did something.
Noin: I wanna do something else!
Narrator: Fine! You and Sally can be trees!
Sally, Noin: Yay! *stand like trees*
Narrator: Wait a second, this isn't the forest, this is inside the castle. Now go away and wait until Dorothy takes Relena to the forest.
Noin, Sally: Aaawwwww....
Narrator: Now, Hilde, hold this picture frame up, look through it, and pretend you're a mirror.
Hilde: Grrrr... Whad'ya want, queen lady?
Narrator: Stop! The magic mirror isn't rude!
Hilde: This one is.
Narrator: No! You're not! Now, stop being stupid, and say, "What do you want of me, my Queen."
Hilde: *sticks tongue out at narrator* Whad'ya want, Queen?
Lady Une: I just said what I wanted.
Hilde: Oh, yeah. Well, you're not the prettiest.
Lady Une: Okay. That's fine. I already knew that, I don't know why Mr. Stupid wanted me to ask you.
Hilde: Really, there's no true answer. It's only a matter of opinion.
Narrator: Enough! Queen, you're supposed to get mad, and summon your woodsman to take her into the forest and kill her!
Lady Une: Okay. Mr. Woodsman!
Dorothy: I'm the woodsman?
Narrator: Yes!
Dorothy: But I'm a girl!
Narrator: So? Woodsman sounds like woman. Now go!
Dorothy: Fine. *walks onstage* Yeah? Whad'ya want?
Lady Une: You're supposed to kill Relena. Just remember that this is only a play, so don't kill her for real.
Dorothy: Aaawwwww... Oh, well. Don't worry. I'll keep Miss Relena quite safe.
Relena: *offstage* You don't have to call me 'Miss!'
Dorothy: Sorry.
Narrator: You're not supposed to keep her safe, you're supposed to kill her.
Dorothy: Stop! You're confusing me!
Narrator: Good.
Lady Une: Take Relena with you. Go out to the woods. Wait, no! Take her and go offstage, then come back on. Got it? Good. Then, pretend you're going to kill her, but don't. Tell her to run off into the forest because I want to kill her. Got it?
Dorothy: *nods* I think so.
Lady Une: Good. Now go on.
Dorothy: Relena! Come here! I'm gonna pretend to kill you!
Relena: Oh boy!
Dorothy, Relena: *walk off*
Narrator: Oh, great.
Lady Une: What?
Narrator: This play stinks! Nobody knows what to do, and if this is ever shown on TV, I'll never be able to show my face in public again!
Lady Une: Well, excuse me, Mr. Perfect-Record! It's not like we have scripts or anything. You're the one who wanted to do a play.
Zechs, Treize, Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Heero: *show up* Yeah! And why do we have to be the little short people? We don't even do anything!
Heero: *grunt*
Duo: And why do I have to be Happy? Isn't he the fat one?
Quatre: It's better than me being Bashful.
Narrator: Oh, quit your griping. Let's get on with the play.
Wufei: But this is injustice! How come you always get to be Narrator?
Narrator: Because it's my job!
Zechs: Oh, yeah? We'll see what your job is after we're through with you! Chaaaaarge!
Zechs, Treize, Wufei, Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Heero: *attack Narrator*
Narrator: AAHHHH! *disappears under pile of angry boys*
Relena, Lady Une, Noin, Hilde, Catherine, Sally, Dorothy: *attack narrator* Chaaaaarge!
Narrator: Ack! The end! The end! HELP!
Duo: I get to be Narrator next time!!!