ZOE

My friends sat down on the ground. They asked me to tell them why Visser One was so
desperate to get me back. After all, I was just one Controller, wasn't I? I'm scared that if I
tell them my secret, they won't trust me. They might, but maybe not.
I took a deep breath, while they waited patiently. Patience is something you can learn
from war. Maybe. Maybe not. I always thought patience was a virtue not everyone could
keep.
"I have to basically tell you my life story for you to get the explanation," I warned them.
"We have all night," Tobias told me warmly, inviting me to tell the story.
I dived into my long story.
"I was taken as a host controller when I was fourteen - that would have made you all
about fifteen - basically five years ago. My father had died a month before I was born. My
mom, Sam, was in the Air Force, and away on duty when I was taken as a Controller. The
plan was that the Yeerks were going to use me to get to my mom, who would then be able
to get to the head military officials. Didn't turn out that way. My mom was killed in a
training mission. The F1-11 that she was test flying overheated and exploded." I fought
back the tears that threatened to overtake me. "Visser One, well Three at that time, was
ticked off about that, but it wasn't a terrible loss. They had me.
"My mom used to always tell me about what she did in the military. I was planning on
joining anyway, after I graduated from college as a scientist. So she explained how things
worked. Jets, technology, even the computer systems. I knew and understood everything
about the military. The Yeerks were more than happy to get that knowledge. I was less
than thrilled, but I managed to keep my anger under control and was able to trick the
Yeerks into thinking I was a voluntary host, which I wasn't.
"Anyway, the Visser was pleased with me as a host because I had, not only the military
knowledge, but I was a low level child genius..."
"That's why you always beat my English scores!" Marco interrupted, as if he'd struck
gold.
"Party,' I replied before continuing. "I could read anything, very quickly, and be able to
recite it, word-for-word, two hours after reading it. And at that time, I had just come back
from five years of traveling with my mother because of her work. I'd lived in Japan for a
year, England for a year, Spain for a year and Australia for two years. So I knew a lot
about other countries which was information that Visser One needed if they were to invade
other countries. So, for five years, until I met you lot, I was like Visser One's advisor on
how to invade Earth, well the Yeerk in me with my knowledge was anyway.
"Anyway, later on the Yeerk in my head, Sundra nine-eight-nine, began to hear about the
Yeerk peace movement. She didn't tell the Visser what she'd found out, which surprised
me. What surprised me more was that later on when we were having an in-head fight
again, she asked me whether I really was a voluntary host."
"You mean to say that the Yeerks hadn't realized you'd been faking it, when they can
access every part of your mind?" Cassie interrupted. I was grateful for her interruption.
"If you become a voluntary host, as a sort of compromise, one part of your brain
becomes your own sort of haven. The Yeerk won't, or maybe can't, access it.
"Anyhow, I told her I wasn't. I never tried to see what was happening inside Sundra's
head so I didn't know the next the thing she was going to say to me. She told me she was
a part of the Yeerk peace movement, and that next time she was in the Yeerk pool, I
should escape. And I did. That's when I ran into you." I finished my story. The others
looked shocked, but not like I'd betrayed them.
Rachel then asked me another question. I was beginning to get sick of them at the
moment. "Ok, that's understandable about why he would want your head. But how does
he know you're not dead or captured as a raving lunatic yet?"
"Simple, when I went down to the Yeerk pool, after you told me Tobias went down there,
Visser One saw me. Not only that, he put another Yeerk in my head to find out how I
escaped. He found out that Sundra was part of the Yeerk peace movement and everything
that she had told me. Tobias was being help in an electromagnetic cage above the Visser
so I couldn't help him after the Yeerk left me. The Visser was going to kill me for insolence
after I'd pledged allegiance to the Yeerks. But not before he made me watch the Yeerk
peace movement members be exterminated. Somehow he had found out every single
member and when they had re-entered the pool he had them captured.
"He took Tobias and me to where he was keeping them. It was a separate pool and was
nearly empty of Kandrona fluid, so much so that I could make out the Yeerk bodies. Visser
One had let Tobias out of the cage, and...."
Jake interrupted. "Wait a minute, how come Visser One didn't find out who we were?
The other Yeerk was bound to be able to have found that out!"
I stood up and walked out of the cave and ran to a nearby stream. I never used to cry at
the drop of the hat, but after five years of enslavement to the Yeerks, I had found friends
and they had trusted me, and now all that trust was gone. I sat down at the edge of the
stream and cried and cried and cried. It may sound wimpy. But I wanted nothing more
than to be trusted by them. And to have Jake question me like that! I would never let that
information get out to anyone.
I was so upset I didn't notice Toby standing behind me. When I first came to live with
the Hork-Bajir, they made me promise not to tell the Animorphs where they went to free
more of their kind. So in return for that promise I told them everything I had told the
Animorphs not minutes before, and they had taken me for who I am. A teenage girl, who
is unnaturally gifted in the learning sense, but confused as to why her world is so screwed
up.
That's why Toby, the young Hork-Bajir seer, and I were the best of friends. She, like me,
was a bit of a freak of nature, not only in the physical appearance area, but also in the
Hork-Bajir community as she can see things the others can't. She can predict things that
will happen, the same way I can ace a test I haven't studied for.
"What's wrong?" Toby asked me. I told her what happened and why I was so upset. I
thought of blaming the whole crying thing on thinking about my mom, which was part of
it, but Toby would have seen through that and would have been hurt that I didn't tell her
the truth.
*****************
RACHEL

"Jake that wasn't necessary!" I exploded at my idiotic cousin. Zoë had become almost a
close a friend as the Animorphs were, yet here goes my cousin, not trusting anyone.
"Rachel, calm..." Cassie started. Marco, Ax and Tobias were staying way out of the way
in this fight. Smart move.
"No I will not calm down, Cassie. She trusted us, and at least I trust her. If Jake were
paying any attention at all, he would have realized that she didn't know that we were
humans when we told her Tobias was down in the Yeerk pool. But no, there goes Jake,
putting his leadership over the line..."
"Rachel, SHUT UP!" Cassie screamed.
I shut up, shocked that Cassie had screamed.
"Rachel, Jake didn't do anything wrong. He asked a reasonable question. The Yeerks
could have easily found out who we were," Cassie said softly.
I ignored her. Something I have never done. I walked to the entrance of the cave and
looked out. I saw Zoë sitting by the bank of a stream with Toby. They were talking. Well,
Zoë was talking and crying. That made me mad. I stormed back into the cave.
"Jake. You made her cry. Now, I feel really bad about that, and I wasn't even the cause
of it. What's even worse, she's one of the most wanted freed controllers, both her parents
are dead, she's confined to live in a community of aliens because they're friendlier than we
are, and she confides in one of them, when it should be one of us."
Jake didn't have an answer for that. Neither did Cassie, thank god. Tobias stood up.
"I'll go talk to her." He left the cave.
"See," I said to Jake. "At least someone has some sense."
*****************
ZOE

Toby always was good to talk to if you're feeling down. She has a way of making you
feel better, especially if you're really, really upset. She left when Tobias came to talk,
saying that it was better talking to someone of my own species and planet. But she didn't
sound bitter. Just knowledgeable.
Toby was named after Tobias, who had helped her parents, Jara Hamee and Ket Halpak
escape. When Toby was born, they named her after him.
Tobias sat down where Toby had been, not one minute ago. I looked at Tobias. I had
seen him once before I was a freed controller, meaning when I was a Controller. When
Visser One told him that Elfangor was his father. I had to research him on the computer
before he could be found. That was something I am never ever going to tell him. But even
though the years of war had made him look older, wiser maybe, he still had his boyish
good looks...What am I talking about? He is not even remotely interested in me, so it
doesn't matter. But, thanks to him, I'm still alive.
"Jake didn't mean to say it like that, you know. Back in the cave," he said.
I nodded and wiped away a few tears. "I know. Sorry about running out. I just have a
thing about trust. You know, I had complete trust in my mother, and her in me. I have
complete trust in you guys, but do you all trust me?" I asked.
He laughed. "Yeah, we do trust you. Rachel very much so. She was beating down on
Jake back there. But I guess the yelling can be brought down to stress. Rach hasn't had
the best of time's lately."
Even though tears were still creeping down my cheeks, I couldn't help but laugh with
Tobias. "Now I feel bad. Poor Jake! Having Rachel go off at him!"
Tobias looked at me carefully. "You okay?"
"Yeah. Look, I don't need special treatment, just a little faith. And trust."
"You ready to go back in there?" he asked.
"Probably not, but I'll still go if...if you tell the rest of that story. You were there. You
saw it." I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again, for no reason at all.
"No problem," he said, standing up. He helped me up and led me back to my home. It
may sound sad that I have to live in a cave, but it's not too bad. I get a lot of freedom.
The Hork-Bajir usually have a sentry on guard at night. And I occasionally help in that
area. But usually I tell them about Earth. I tell them stories. Help them grasp English etc.
Then later on I go back to my cave and do my college assignments and get Rachel or
someone to drop them in for me.
I walked back in the cave with Tobias, who squeezed my hand for support. I sat down
next to Rachel, and Tobias sat next to me. He started where I left off.
"Visser One had let me out of the cage, because, well, I couldn't escape even if I wanted
to. He picked up a gas pipe and asked one Controller to turn on the gas, then lit it up.
Basically, he made a homemade blow torch.
"He started to turn it onto the peace movement, but Zoë kicked him and his aim was
altered to one side of the pool, whereas before it was aimed directly at the center which
would have destroyed all of them. I flew at him and managed to damage his stalk eyes
and while he was busy reeling in anger and pain, Zoë managed to get a door open and we
escaped. Amazingly, their underground hideaway has a back door, that nobody uses."
Tobias sounded pleased with his explanation of what happened.
I swallowed hard. "I thought that if I came here to the Hork-Bajir and worked with them,
I would have proved to you that I am trustworthy."
"Zoë, I'm sorry about before," Jake said.
I smiled. "Hakuna Matata."
I even managed to make Marco laugh, which is rare. I haven't seen the Lion King in
years, but that phrase has never ever left me. I don't think it ever will.
"Just do me a favour," I said. "Never listen in on my story telling again. I totally suck at
retelling fairy tales!"
**************
That night, after talking with the Animorphs, then with the Hork-Bajir, I lay on the
mattress I had brought into the cave from my house listening to my CD player which I'd
also brought along. Rachel went and bought me batteries whenever I needed them. It
gives her a reason to go to the mall. I was listening to one of my favourite songs - My
Love by Westlife.
So I say a little prayer
And hope my dreams will take me there
Where the skies are blue
To see you once again, my love
Over seas from coast to coast
To find the place I love the most
Where the fields are green
To see you once again
My love.
A little bit sappy, but also true in life. I was a prisoner not allowed to see the world. Ok,
well prisoner is a little harsh. I wasn't free, well I was, but not.
"Great. Now I'm confusing myself," I said to no one. "I might as well have asked 'What
came first, the chicken or the egg?'" I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.
"The egg came first," a voice said from the entrance of the cave. I bolted up in my bed.
"Relax," the voice said. I knew that voice. "Hey, relax. It's only me, Tobias."
I sighed. He demorphed and walked in.
"I thought you might like some company. Don't get me wrong, the Hork-Bajir are sweet,
but there's nothing like someone of your own race to keep you company," he said. "By the
way, I like that song."
I laughed. "How long have you been there?"
He shrugged. "I flew over. Hawks have amazing hearing. I should know. I was one for a
good part of five years."
"Yes, well thank you for your offer. I'm afraid I'm not that good a company at the
moment," I admitted.
He considered this. "Ok then. How about we go flying?"
"Tobias, you know I told the Ellimist that I would only morph in an emergency."
"Then he'll have to take it up with me. Come on. I heard Cassie gave you a red-tail hawk
morph."
"Yeah. It was hurt, I think it had a broken wing."
"Ok, then morph."
"Wait a sec, I'll tell Toby where I'm going. Sometimes she comes to talk at night." I ran
out and told Toby what I was doing and ran back to the cave, where Tobias had already
morphed.
Come on, Tobias said.
I concentrated on the hawk DNA in my body. I had morphed it once before, so I knew
what to expect from the bird's instincts. But from the actual morphing, well, it is gross and
will always be gross.
Once I was a bird, Tobias led the way outside. I followed him up and up. It's not too
easy to see at night with hawk eyes, but they're better than human eyes.
I'm looking to the sky to fly, I sang inside my head, but I must have sung it out loud
because Tobias heard it.
I didn't know you could sing, he said to me.
If I'd have had a mouth, I would have smiled. Not many people do.
We flew around town for about an hour and a half, leaving us with just under half and
hour before we had to demorph. We came to Tobias' apartment, which was a couple of
doors down from Jake and Marco's apartment - they were flat mates. Tobias had left a
window open so that he could fly through. So I followed him in and demorphed inside.
We sat and watched TV and talked in general, mainly about college classes and that kind
of thing.
"After this war, what are you going to do?" he asked me.
That one stumped me. "Uh, well what I do now qualifies as anthropology - so I have that
on my resume. Uh, scientist - specializing in astronomy and physics, and probably a
writer. After the Yeerks are gone I am definitely going to publish my book on the Hork-
Bajir. Then one on animals - a dictionary on animal behavious and instincts." I laughed.
"Yeah, right. First the Yeerks have to leave."
"Don't you think they will?" he asked.
"Yeah, eventually they will. But at the moment, I have nothing to do, except help the
Hork-Bajir learn enough to be able to survive when they do leave. Don't get me wrong I
love the Hork-Bajir to death. I'd go insane without them." I looked at the clock on Tobias'
wall. It was late. "I'd better get going, Toby might start to get worried."
Tobias laughed. "She sounds like a mom."
I laughed as well. "Yeah, she acts like one as well." I stopped laughing when I heard it
start to rain. I looked out the window. "Oh, you've got to be joking. How the hell am I
supposed to fly in this weather?"
Tobias closed the window. "It doesn't look like letting up anytime soon. You can sleep in
my room. I'll make up the couch for myself," he said.
I looked at him as if he was mad. "Tobias, I will sleep on the couch. I think I can handle
a comfy couch, after all, half the time I sleep on a cave floor."
"You sure?" I nodded. "Ok."
I looked around the apartment. "Tobias, where's the bathroom?"
"Down the hall, first door on the right." He started making up the couch for me.
I found the bathroom, walked in and closed the door. This was not good. Ok, so it was
good. Great even. I mean, I was staying with the guy I was in love with. I shook my head.
What was I thinking? This is not good. 'Ok,' I thought. 'All I have to do is sleep until
morning, thank him for his kindness, and get the hell out of here.'
I splashed water on my face and wiped it with a towel. I opened the bathroom door and
walked right into Tobias.
"Ohmygod! Tobias, I'm so sorry. I wasn't looking." I had basically walked into his arms.
Tobias looked sincere. "Don't worry about it. I wasn't looking either."
I was still in his arms and he wasn't showing any signs of letting go anytime soon. That
was okay with me.
He lowered his face to mine and kissed me. I kissed him back. We walked into his room
and closed the door. One thing I can say, I didn't sleep on the couch.
**************