Chibi Nightheart: Hi, it's been a while since I wrote a short

Chibi Nightheart: Hi, it's been a while since I wrote a short.

Chibi Sainlor Lilith-Chan: I'll say, and with all these wonderful ideas I've been throwing at you…

Chibi Nightheart: That you have, but this one's going to be one of my own. I've been toying with the idea for a while.

Chibi Lilith-Chan: You mean it isn't one of mine? What a gyp!

Chibi Nightheart: I promise, I'll write that one you suggested for you soon.

Chbi Lil-Chan: And where are those descriptions for chapter three of the evangelion crossover?

Chibi Nightheart: Hey, talk to my muse about that one.

Muse: Oh, suuure, blame it on the muse. She can't even defend herself! And by the way you two, are you going to get on with this fic or am I going to have to start making abandonment threats?

Chibi Nightheart: Okay, Okay…consider the introduction over with! And without further ado, I present "Heero's Rather Unpleasant Surprise."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Heero looked up at the balcony that led to Relena Peacecraft Darlian's private bedchambers.

My angel. How I have missed you, he thought, gazing longingly up at the darkened window where the princess slept chastely inside.

Chibi Lilith-Chan: Did you make it this cheesy on purpose? Chibi Nightheart: As a matter of fact yes.

Heero climbed the rose covered trellis up to the balcony, intent on his mission.

Chibi Nightheart: But just as he was about to reach the top, the trellis gave way causing Heero to fall and break his neck, putting a rather large crimp in his plans for seduction and plundering.

He vaulted over the marble banister and landed without a sound. He tried the double French doors but they were locked.

Chibi Lilith-Chan: He breifly considered simply breaking the window and unlocking the door but he figured why add breaking to the list of crimes he'd already perpetrated that night including trespassing, unlawful entry and bad taste in clothing.

Chibi Nightheart: Umm, bad fashion sense isn't a crime.

Chibi Lilith-Chan: Well it ought to be!

Nothing daunted, Heero expertly picked the lock and let himself into Relena's inner sanctum.

He surveyed the rooms about him, quiet cozy…he would have to have her get rid of the ruffly pillows, but all in all it looked comfortable.

Chibi Nightheart: Sheesh, the nerve of this guy! First he just walks into her house and now he's looking around deciding where he's going to hang his gun and spandex collection! Is anyone else besides me bothered by this?

There.

Chibi Lilith-Chan: Where?

She lay sleeping peacefully in her bed, her face untroubled by dark dreams. His angel.

Chibi Nightheart: **singing** You are my angel…

Chibi Lilith-Chan: **warning glare** Don't. Just don't.

Heero eyed her sleeping form with a sort of proprietary possessiveness. He had, of course, made sure that Relena remained unclaimed by anyone else until such a time as he was ready to come back to her. A few well placed threats, a glare, a tiny bomb if the suitor was particularly tenacious, and Relena was kept free.

Chibi Nightheart: Well, major virtual sweatdropping going on here.

Chibi Lilith-Chan: You know, I wouldn't put it past him to do exactly that.

Chibi Nightheart: Me niether, that's what makes it so scary.

Her bed lay in a shadowed corner of the room so he could not see her beautiful sleeping face himself yet…

**Grrrrrrrr**

"?" he said aloud. That noise didn't belong there. The low pitched growl of an animal rose from where Relena slept. Two eyes glowed out from the shadows, glinting in the darkness with silent threat.

Chibi Lilith-Chan: (as Heero) Damn Relena, what the Hell happened to you? You look…different.

**Grrrrr**

Chibi Nightheart: (as Heero) and I mean that in the best possible way. Really.

Relena stirred from where she slept. Heero distinctly heard her sweet voice sigh contentedly with the sound of rustling bedsheets. He heard a long intake of breath as Relena awoke from her slumber.

"Relena," he murmured. Advancing to where she lay he reached out a hand as if to touch her cheek and said "I'm here. I've come for you."

Chibi Lilith-Chan: (does Dracula impression) I von't to suck your blhud.. ah ah ah!

She looked up at him with sleep fogged eyes, her golden locks tumbling messily down her back. Suddenly her eyes widened. Heero was prepared to catch her when she threw himself in his arms.

Chibi Nightheart: (Does moon-eyed look) Oh Heero, you really did come back for me! Come. Let me throw myself at you!

"AHHHHHHHH!! HENTAI!!!!" she screamed. Something launched itself at Heero alright…but it definitely wasn't Relena.

Heero found himself fending off the snapping jaws and ivory fangs of a purebred Rotwieler! How cute, Relena got herself a little dog.

"Help! Intruder! Pagan! Milliardo! Help!"

Chibi Lilith Chan: Suddenly the door burst open to reveal her butler and her elder brother armed to the teeth and looking for blood! Heero is proptly dragged out to the street and summarily executed for attempting to despoil the Royal Virgin. His body is subsequently hacked into tiny pieces and fed to Relena's pet rotweiler. And the peasants rejoiced. The end.

Relena's cries were unnecessary, Fido was doing quite an admirable job of defending her as it was. Heero managed to get the trained police dog off him, he had had some training in that after all, and headed back to the balcony launching himself back to the ground. The last thing he heard Relena say was

"Pagan! Release the hounds."

Chibi Nightheart: (a-la Mr. Burns) Smithers, release the hounds!

Oh shit!

Chibi Lilith-Chan: Damn, look at 'im go! He's hauling ass quicker than Chippy the squirrel on coffee beans being chased by Mr. Kitty!