Disclaimer: I am a non-rich Navy officers' kid. You're not gonna get any money offa me...
well, not much. So please don't sue me. I mean no offense when I use these
characters, and I hope to return them without offending anyone. They belong to Squaresoft and Co.
Author's
Note: This came to me on one of my
walks... or when I was babysitting. Not
sure which. But I was thinking, after
this stuff with Ultimecia, what did Seifer have left, save his posse? He was left with tattered, torn dreams. Did he give up on them? I mean... he'd already had his dream become
a reality. But it was so twisted and
ugly....
Oh,
and it's boring.
Don't
Your Dreams Die
The
town of Balamb was quiet. Asleep. The sun not even having risen yet. It seemed
to be getting ready for the hustle and bustle that the rising of the sun
usually brought.
Unexpectedly,
the stillness of the morning was interrupted by soft, uncertain footfalls. They seemed to be apologizing for disturbing
the stillness.
The
uncertainness of these footfalls were quite out of character for this person,
usually arrogant and one that exuded confidence. But... here, when no one was around, and he was left alone with
his thoughts, that fell away. What was
here now was a regretful, broken down man.
One that was afraid of his past and uncertain of his future.
Earlier
that morning...
Seifer
woke up with a start and sat up in the bed, breathing hard and drenched from
head to toe in sweat. He stared out
into the darkness and took in deep breaths, closing his eyes against the scenes
of the nightmare. He never had trouble
remembering where he was after waking up from a nightmare... if he did, it
might have dulled the pain that those scenes caused him. But he didn't, and it caused him even more
pain. He was in Balamb Hotel, which
also worked as apartments, and worked as a dockhand. Instead of where he belonged and the job he was fit for.
"Fit
for?" He thought, snorting softly to himself, "Not anymore," Throwing
the sheets aside and grabbing fresh clothes, he headed for the bathroom. "I
ruined my chances. People can only
forgive so much... and a 'fallen knight' isn't 'fit' for being a SeeD. And I don't 'belong' anywhere anymore."
Closing
the door to the bathroom, he leaned against it. Rubbing his hand over his face, he straightened. After stripping himself of his clothes, he
turned on the cold water and stepped into the shower, letting the freezing
water wash away the sweat. And wishing
it could wash away his nightmares.
After
shutting off the water, stepping out of the shower and toweling dry, he dressed
in the fresh clothes and stepped out of bathroom, making sure the light was off
first so that the brightness of it in the darkened room wouldn't disturb Fujin
and Raijin.
He
paused at the foot of Fujin's bed to stare at her and Raijin in turn. No matter how much he insisted, argued, and
pleaded with them, they would not take a step in the direction of Balamb
Garden. Fujin had glared at him as if
he'd asked to become a stripper, and Raijin had told him, "We're a posse,
ya know? It wouldn't be the same
without you, ya know? It'd be real
lonely, ya know?" And many
arguments had ensued after that... but... those two were loyal to a fault. He'd finally 'shut up about it' as Raijin
had put it (which had also gotten him a kick in the shin) when Fujin had both
kicked him in the shin and slapped him in the face, telling him to 'SHUT
UP!' He did. But that had further instilled in his mind that he didn't deserve
them. Because, instead of working where
they deserved and making what they were worth, Fujin worked as a waitress and
Raijin worked with him as a dockhand.
Sighing,
he walked up to the middle of Fujin's bed and took hold of the sheets that were
tangled around her legs, gently tugging them up to the middle of her
chest. Lifting his hand, he gently
cupped her ivory cheek, brushing it softly with his thumb. Sighing again, he let his hand drop away.
Turning
away, he walked to the door. After
making sure he had a key, he quietly let himself out.
Present...
Farina
heard the soft, unsure footsteps behind her stop when the person caught sight
of her. Her back was turned to him so
she couldn't see who the 'person' was.
After a few moments had passed and the footsteps didn't continue, she
rose to her feet and turned around.
Seifer
felt momentary panic when the female in front of him started to stand and
briefly considered running, but shook it off and met the female's gaze
directly.
"It's
him," were Farina's first thoughts.
She'd immediately recognized Seifer Almasy only because she'd seen him
around Garden various times.
He
met her gaze directly and she held it for only a few moments before turning slightly
off to the side. Not because she was
afraid of him being able to read something in them, but because she'd always
had trouble with meeting peoples gazes.
She wasn't afraid of him reading anything in them anyways, even if her
eyes had been readable or expressive and it was just a little bit lighter. She didn't feel disgust, pity, violence, or
anything else of the kind toward him.
Only understanding.
Seifer
didn't know what to feel when she turned away from him. That was a good indication that that she
wasn't going to charge him. Or even
acknowledge him, so he settled on relief.
He didn't even know if she knew who he was.
Then
she turned back to him, her long hair swaying with the movement.
"I
don't bite."
Seifer
almost jumped at the softly spoken words.
Then he narrowed his eyes and glared at her through the darkness,
forgetting that the look was probably lost on her.
"Then
you obviously don't know who I am."
He
mentally winced when that came out a lot harsher then he'd wanted. But he was surprised when she didn't
recoil. Instead she turned so that her
back was to him and sat back down on the dock, her legs folded Indian style.
"I
know your identity..."
She
let the sentence hang and he opened his mouth to say something when she continued.
"...If
that's what you mean." She again
paused before going on. "And I
know what you've done. But as for
knowing you... you're right, I don't.
Does anyone?" She asked,
spreading her palms out.
That
took him completely off guard and he was rendered speechless. He realized that he had subconsciously put
her with the rest of the human population without evening saying a word to
her. The population that assumed they
knew everything about him and his ambitions because of what he did. Because he had fallen. And they weren't about to help him get back
up. But hey, this could very well be
another ploy to get him to let his guard down for an instant.
After
a few moments he found his voice again.
"Don't you think that it's a little... I dunnno... dangerous? for
you to be out here at this time of night?"
She
cocked her head and looked up at him but didn't say anything. Only fingered the leather collar of her
jacket. He held her gaze. Biting the inside of her bottom lip, she
looked away, and her quiet voice floated through the air.
"You
mean do I think you're going to suddenly charge me and seriously hurt or kill
me?" She sighed and paused for a
moment before continuing, dropping her hand from her collar. "Seifer... this may be a little hard to
believe right now, but... some of us would love to see you get a second chance
at life and living. And your dreams,
whatever they may be." She rose to
her feet and turned around, looking him in the eyes, silencing him when he
opened his mouth to speak. "No,
life doesn't... it isn't always made of happy endings, Seifer. Believe me, I know. But it is what we make of
it." She stopped and considered
him for a moment. "What... what
are your dreams now, Seifer? Would
you like to come back to Garden and become a SeeD?"
Seifer
stared her in the pale light of the morning.
She had just met him, or had she? and she was telling him this
stuff. She was either crazy or sincere. He was willing to bet on the former. Coming out of his thoughts, he realized that
she was still waiting for an answer.
He
turned away as he answered the question.
"I'm
never going to be a SeeD, no matter how bad I want to become one. Wishing's not going to change that."
Farina
looked at him thoughtfully for a few moments, unconsciously fingering the
collar of her black leather jacket.
Letting her hand drop away, she walked over to where he stood.
"Nice
view. I love the crates. Great touch."
Startled
at her change of attitude and seriously comical voice, he turned to face
her.
"Funny,
Sassy." He replied sarcastically
once he saw her face and the way she was studying the dock.
She
turned to face him, searching his face and, in the process, making him very
uncomfortable.
Leaning
forward, she put her hand on his shoulder.
"Seifer,
you can't let your dreams die. Believe
me, it will eat at you. You let your
dreams die, you're going to die. Not
physically... but what do you have to live for? And I'm not saying that you should live for only yourself and
your dreams. NO! Far from it! But... dreams and goals
are what keep you going. They don't
even have to be big one's... maybe they're just little one's... and as you
accomplish one, you place another one in front of you." She sighed and
leaned back. "Believe me, I know
what the words, hurt, rejected, and ashamed mean. And through learning the meaning of those words, I've also
learned the importance of dreams. You
need them. You need something to reach
for. Or you're going to be miserable
and regretful. And yes, I know you have
your posse. Your friends... they're
important, Seifer. And they'll help you
achieve your dreams as you help them with theirs... but... don't forget your
dreams, Seifer.
She
removed her hand from his shoulder and leaned back, turning to look toward the
ocean again.
Pointing
to some birds in the distance, she asked, "Do you see those birds,
Seifer? They have goals. Once one is finished, they start over and
set another one before them." She
stopped, dropping her hand and biting her lip.
"No, Seifer. Wishing
doesn't do anything. Wishing is for
fools, if that's all they do. Actions
do something. But wishing... the
wishing's what starts it. Life's what
we make of it. We can't do anything
about the past, but the present and future... they're still in
motion." Turning back to him, she
met his eyes squarely. "And
believe it or not, there are people who would still like you to succeed
in your dreams. And are willing to help
you get there. But you've got to put
your pride and arrogance on the shelf and ask them to help you."
Seifer
studied her oval face for a moment through the dim light that the rising of the
sun was providing. It was sincere.
"I'm
going to be here until tomorrow morning," she began, startling him out of
his thoughts, "If you'd like to get in contact with me after that, go to
Garden and ask for Farina Schonay.
Or... you can ask Mrs. Dincht for my number. I don't remember why she has it, but she does." She gave him the tiniest of smiles and
turned to leave.
"I'm
out of form."
She
turned back. "Then get back
in form."
Turning
back around, her long strides soon took her out of his line of vision
Seifer
went to the edge of the dock and sat down, his long legs dangling over the
edge. He reflected over the
conversation. There were people who
were willing to help him, she'd said.
Who? Probably not any of the
orphanage gang. He sighed. Did it matter?
'They're
offering me my dreams back,' he realized, 'All I have to do is reach out
and except their help. But... to do
that...,' he ran his hand over his face.
To do that he'd have to show them him. Not the arrogant, prideful person they thought he was. And he'd have to work. Hard.
To earn back their trust. She'd
said that they were willing to give him back his dreams. Not that they trusted him. 'But in order to give me a second chance,
they must trust me enough to work for those dreams.' He dropped his hand from his face. 'The question is... am I willing to prove
that their trust is founded?'
He
stood abruptly, his decision made.
~Continued
Soon...~
Authors
note II: Just a comment about the Fujin
becoming a stripper part. I think that
that would be one of the most degrading things that he could ask of her... that
any friend could ask of another... soooo that's why I put it.
I
own Farina Schonay. Umm... if you want
what she looks like, to kind of paint an image in your mind... She's 5'6, has
thick, dark brown, almost black hair that reaches to her hips, she's slightly
tan and she's got gray eyes. Uh...
those are the basics, anyway.
I
hope you liked the story. Flames (!?
GASP!!), constructive criticism, and any other reviews are welcome. Just because this is my first doesn't mean I
want you to go any easier on me.
:o) Though I do hope to
get better with time. Just... please
don't start swearing up and down at me.
(: P
Also,
you're not going to get anything R or NC-17 out of me. You might not even get PG-13 out of me,
unless it's for the action. And I'm not
going to do a lot, if any, of those. I
don't think that a fan fiction has to have sex to be good. Please do not flame me for that fact.