On My Own

Author: AerynQ

Category: Romance/angst

Rating: NC17! NC17! Just kidding, I don't write that stuff (or at least nobody can prove that I do:)) This thing is barely PG.

Archiving: Take it, tell me, and I will be eternally flattered.

Disclaimer: I...I (sound of muffled sobbing). It's not mine! It's just not! 'Kay?

Feedback: carlottaq@hotmail.com or you can always just fill out the form at the bottom of the page. As always I am desperately begging for any scraps of feedback y'all are willing to throw towards me.

Thanks: To my Beta reader Erin Cale. Also to Katka_ivory from "The 'Shippy lil Scaper RPG", for mentioning Les Mis on the RP, thus causing me to get out my sound track.

Notes: Based very loosely on the song "On My Own" from Les Miserables. Aeryn's POV.


~"On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I loose my way
I close my eyes and he has found me."
~ Eponine "On My Own" Les Mis



I stare absently at the young child who lays in her bed sleeping deeply-Ponine. She's a truly beautiful child, she resemble him so much with her blue eyes and hair the color of fine gold. Her father is gone. Not dead, but lost none the less. It's my fault. I could have gone to earth with him, he wanted me to. He practically begged me to go with him, but I refused him in what I now know was a moment of cowardice. How I rue that moment. If I had gone with him I wouldn't be on the frelling planet now. A Sabacien colony, a place where I could belong. Ha! The inhabitants of this planet are the most docile group of Sabaciens I have ever encountered. This is most definitely not where I belong, or where my child belongs.

At length the soft sound of thunder, and the gentle beckoning of a howling wind draws me from my dwelling, stirring my wander lust. With one last lingering glance at my daughter I am out the door, running through the deserted rain slicked streets of the city. I hate this planet. They don't even allow weapons, not that I don't keep my pulse rifle hidden away. I can't leave though, my vessel was destroyed shortly after I came here. A new one would cost money I simply don't have. Of course I don't plan on staying here forever. No, I could never take that.

The rain falls on my face as I slow my run. I'm in near the center of the city now, an area of endless activity during the day. Now it is empty. The rain begins to slow, and soon it will stop. A new feeling comes over me, one I've experienced often on nights like this. A feeling that John is much closer than he really is. When I close my eyes I can actually *see* him. I can feel his arms wrapped around me, and I can hear the rain drops spattering against his body. He taught me to dream, and now I dream about him.

Around me everything seems to change. The rain is no longer cold, the wind no longer biting. The tiny rivers running down the street seem to be made of fine glowing silver. The rain has finally stopped now, and the moon is out softly illuminating the landscape. The stars are out as well, filling me with a familiar longing to return home to the vast exciting expanse of space. To return to Moya, and to my friends and have everything be exactly as it was before. I spent three cycles on the Levithin but looking back on that time it seems like one single utterly perfect moment.

I shake my head, ever the strong soldier. I will not be caught in this moment of melancholy reminiscence. I wont dwell on what I can't have. I am far too strong for that. Almost angrily I close my eyes focusing the specter of John that I myself summoned to disappear. The sun is beginning to rise brightly now, but it seems colder then ever. I bite my lip. I break into a run, moving quickly in order to reach my house before my daughter awakens.