As I leave the loft, for what might be the last time, I glance up at the window that was my home

As I leave the loft, for what might be the last time, I glance up at the window that was my home. The past three days have already taken their toll on me, I am tired, and I am weak. I knew I had to go home to get my meds but I didn't want to until I got the camera back. I quickly got back in touch with my old dealer and he hooked me up with a couple of sales. It was quick money, and something I may keep doing so that Mimi and I can get a decent place to stay. We have been crashing in an abandoned building with what seems like hundreds others of people. It is disgusting, and I know we can do better than that.

I walk down Avenue B trying to erase Mark's face from my mind. I knew that was going to be hard, and in actuality the confrontation was easier than I had pictured it. He already knew, I just confirmed his assumptions. I'm actually surprised he didn't try harder, but I didn't give him a chance. That was my plan, in and out, no turning back.

Mimi is waiting for me on a bench near St. Mark's Place. Today she is looking very pale, and she says she isn't feeling well. I asked her how long it had been since she took AZT, but she didn't even remember. I walk over to her and hand her the bottle.

"Here, we'll share these until we can get you some more."

She shakes her head, "No, I'm fine really."
"Mimi, you are not, come on, please for me?" She shrugs and I go into a store and buy some water and we both take our meds. I pull her close to me and kiss the top of her head, "I just got you back, I don't want to lose you already."

"How's Mark?" She looks up at me, leaning her head against my chest.

"He isn't thrilled, but I figured that." I take a deep breath. "I don't know…" I get lost in my own thoughts for a few seconds and I hardly hear Mimi's response.

"Are you doubting your decision?" She pulls away from me as I shake my head. "Baby, you came back to me, I never asked you…"

"I know, don't worry ok? We'll take care of each other from now on."

She pulls me in tightly, "It seems so right to be back in your arms." It feels right for me to, and I close my eyes and hold her, forgetting about Mark.

The three weeks since Roger was last at the loft have been really difficult for me. I have been staying with Collins because he is getting sicker, and also because the loft is just a hard place for me to be. I haven't had the heart to tell him about Roger, I just keep making excuses for his absence. I don't think Collins is buying it, but he is kind enough to remain quiet, that is until yesterday.

He told me that he wanted to see Roger and Mimi before he died. I tried shushing him, but he said he knew that it was going to be soon. Joanne and Maureen had already been by and so had Benny. I knew he wanted to see the last of his family. I promised him I would go find them.

So that is why I am back in the park. I have been deliberately taking out of the way routes so that I wouldn't have to go near the park and be tempted to find him. I make my way to the far corner and I spot them right away. They are standing in a small circle of people, Mimi is in front of Roger and he has his arms around her waist. I approach them and they don't notice me until I am very close to them, Mimi notices me first. I see her elbow Roger and nod towards me. He drops his arms and steps away and walks towards me.

"What are you doing here, Mark?"

"I just…" I try not to fumble my words, but hesitate before continuing, giving him a chance to interrupt.

"I told you, we are fine, just let it go, ok? We don't need your help, I don't need your help."

"I'm not here to offer help." Stand your ground Cohen, don't sugar coat anything. I push my glasses back up on my nose, "I just wanted to tell you that Collins is dying, and he wants to see you, both of you." Roger puts his head down and nods. "He doesn't have a lot of time left." I start to turn around, "It would be nice if you both come down off whatever high your on, he doesn't need to see you like this." I turn all the way around and start walking.

"Mark, wait." He quickly jogs a few paces to catch up with me. "Are you ok?" I see a scrap of concern flash across his otherwise vacant expression.

"Honestly," I look in his eyes, "No." I resist the urge to tell him more, how I haven't touched my camera since I got it back, how watching Collins slowly die is one of the hardest things I have ever done, how I miss my best friend. I can't allow myself to depend on him anymore.

He nods silently, "Take care of yourself, ok?"

I sigh and take a deep breath, "Yeah, you do the same." I turn around and walk away.

Collins died the next day. Neither Roger nor Mimi showed up to say goodbye. I debated going to find them again, to tell them the news, but I decided against it. If they couldn't bother to sober up enough to come see him, they wouldn't go to the trouble of coming to the memorial service we had for him.

It has been a month since then, and I sit alone in the loft, surrounded by boxes of Collins' things. They had been sitting there untouched for weeks, and I am now just deciding to go through them. It is taking me a long time, because most of the things I take out, I slowly thumb through, letting memories take over. The phone interrupts my reminiscing, and I screen.

"Speak!"

"Mark…it's Mimi…" I sit up instantly and lunge for the phone, "We need your help."

"Mimi?"

"Oh Mark, thank God…" She sounds like she is crying.

"What's wrong, is it Roger?"

"No, I mean yes, he's fine, well he's not fine…"
"Mimi, what is going on?" The phone drops from the table onto the floor and I close my eyes waiting for the news.

"Roger's been arrested."

"Arrested… for?"

"Dealing." She says it so matter of fact. I remain quiet. "Can you help us?"

I jump off the floor, my mind searching for a solution, "I guess I can call Joanne."
"Oh Mark, that would be great, I'm so scared, and Roger, he's a wreck. His temper is flying and…"

"Where are you?" I don't care to hear about Roger's temperament, I grab a slip of paper and a pen and write the address of the police station. "I'll call Joanne and meet you there as soon as I can." I hang the phone up and quickly dial Maureen and Joanne's number, berating myself for being suckered into Roger's problems. Joanne gets on the phone and I quickly explain the situation, and she bitches about Roger not showing up for Collins' and how we should let him rot in jail, but agrees to meet me at the station. She even says she'll call Benny to help out with bail money. I leave the loft and head for the impromptu reunion of our little family.