By Me, ONiGiRL! Version 1.2! Last changed 8/7/99!

Truly Outrageous and Faboo Disclaimer: I wrote this fabu fanfic without
permission from Hasbro or the truly outrageous Naoko Takeuchi. Ha! Joke's
on them. But seriously though folks. I also used some truly outrageous
and faboo characters property of Hanna-Barbara and the fabu Rumiko
Takahashi. Probably some fabu others too... oh well.
Also, there are a few Jem, modern aimed-at-teen TV shows, and anime
jokes... so you should experiance hours of entertainment figuring out
every single one!!!
And I have changed Jerrica's personality significantly, for a few cheap
shots. Just remember, she's 14, okay? Cut her (me) some slack!

Legend: (...) = what people are doing, and setting information
{...} = thoughts, dreams, etc.
[...] = narration
... = sound effects
/...\ = notes on how people are talking

And now the tv event of the century...


Bishoujo Hooraguramu Sera Jemu
P r e t t y H o l o g r a m S a i l o r J e m



Jerrica Benton was an ordinary school girl living a normal life with her
father, mother and older sister, Kimber, until one day...

\OP:Starlight Densetsu/

*Gomen ne sunao ja nakute
Yume no naka nkara leru
Shiko kairo wa shonto sunzen
Ima sugu aitaiyo

Nakitaku naru yona STARLIGHT
Denwa mo dekinai MIDNIGHT
Datte junjyoh doshiyo
Haato wa mangkyo

Suta no hikari ni michibikare
Nando mo meguriau

Seiza mo matataku kazoe
Uranau koi no yukue
Onaji kuni ni umaretano
Mirakuru Hooraguramu
Shinjite Iruno
Mirakuru Hooraguramu*



Episode 1: Jerrica Awakens! The Power of Starlight.



[It all started that fateful morning. I was late for school, and really
annoyed about it.]



Jerrica: Oh no! I'm late again!

(Jerrica runs around frantically dressing, runs out the door of her room,
downstairs into the kitchen, grabs breakfast off the table)

Her Parents: Bye Dear!

Jerrica: Hmm, maybe Kimber will give me a drive. Did Kimber leave yet?

[Kimber is my smart older sister. She's sorta annoying, but she can drive,
so I have to be nice to her.]

Parents: No, she left about-

(Jerrica is out the door before they finish the sentence)

-----

(Scene: NegaMisfits Musicverse. Queen Pizzazeryl sits on the Throne and
waves her hands around a crystal ball.)

QP: Zippite! I trust you have come up with a plan?

Zippite: I have formulated a plan to steal the humans' energy.

QP: Soon we will be able to awaken Daddy- I mean *KG*.

Minions:

QP: Silence!

-*-*-*-*-*-

(CM Break)

(scene: Jem dolls in Sailor Moon attire against a black background)

Announcer: Here come the Sailor Holograms to fight the Evil Queen
Pizzazeryl!

(QP doll against the same background)

(Sailor Jem dolls start to fly upwards, but all the limbs fall off)

Announcer: This commercial is over!!!

------

Announcer: Feeling worthless? Can't get a date? People spit in your face?
Try Tenchi (TM) Brand Love Potion!!!*

(Some loser drinks the stuff, and is suddenly surrounded by pretty girls)

Announcer: Buy some Today!



*Use recommended serving. Not responsible for use resulting in serious
injury; death; loss of hair; rattails; people with strange hair annoying
voices, and attitude problems following you around; Old men moving in with
you; extra dimensions opening; becoming a wanted criminal; being attacked
by Dr. Clay; talking like kermit the frog, starting to disappear when
around your mother; having your little sister turn into a magical girl;
being attacked by masses; and bad dubbing. Warning: This Potion is not
a toy. Keep away from children, old people, middle-aged people, teenagers,
hatters, Laura Holloway, nuns, stormtroopers, magical girls, artists,
Romans, Saadle, James Healy, pink sweaters, mad scientists, math teachers,
the navy, hot surfaces, cold surfaces, direct light, indirect light, mildew,
darkness, non-solutions, scrunchies and humans. If swallowed induce
vomiting immediately. Not for underground use. By reading this warning,
you take full responsibility for any and all results. For full refund of
tax on the sale price, send the bottle, a stamped, self-addressed envelope,
and the Setterwinds to: Old Abandoned Lot, 25 Abandoned Road, Ghost Town,
Siberia, S3U 8F2. We want to hear your comments! Call: 1-800-NO-ANSWER.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-
(End CM Break)

(Jerrica runs down the street)

Jerrica: Oh I'm so late!!!!

(She turns the corner and sees some little cat being abused by some pre-
teens.)

Jerrica: You kids shouldn't be doing that. Cats have feelings too.
Instead of hurting small animals, you could go paint a picture, or play
baseball.

Kids: Yeah! Let's go play ball!

Voice Over: And doing the right thing makes you... a superstar!

Jerrica: What a cute kitty! Here kitty kitty.

(The cat runs away, but leaves behind a letter)

[I remember that well: The letter said: Come to the Starlight Drive In]



Jerrica: Oh no that's the school bell. Now it's really late!

------

(After School)

(Jerrica and her best friend, Sumi are walking along)

Jerrica: I can't believe I failed another test!

Sumi: /quietly\ I sure can. /louder\ I know what will cheer you up! My
brothers are having a sale on chocolate at their store. Wanna come?

Jerrica: Do I!!!(If I go home now Kimber will see my test... and that
means...)

{(Jerrica imagines herself SD, trying to sneak inside the house. SD
Kimber sneaks up behind her, grabs the test, looks at the mark, and laughs
a Kodachi-like laugh.)

Jerrica: Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

Kimber: You are so dumb Jerrica! Why can't you get grades as good as mine?

(Kimber pulls 10 tests out of her pocket. 2 are marked 68%, 7 are marked
71%, 1 is marked 77%)

Kimber: What a loser!

(Jerrica goes back to the real world)}

Jerrica: What are we waiting for?

(realizes Sumi is long gone)

Jerrica: Wait for MEEEEE!

(She throws her test paper behind her. It hits someone on the head.
Jerrica turns around to see who the lucky victim is.)



Jerrica: Sorry!

Rio: (Unfolding the test) 22%?! Are you some kind of idiot?!

Jerrica: Umm... You're looking at it upside-down. That's a 77%!

Rio: No it's not! I hate deception and I despise liars! I hope I never
see you again!

(He walks off)

Jerrica:JEEEEEEERRRRKKK!!!!!!!!!!!! Humph. So what if I'm not faboo at
school like Kimber or good at photography like Sumi?! I can still.........
I still have......... ooohhh.

(She walks away with a thundercloud hanging over her head.)

Jerrica: (rummaging through her pocket) Maybe I have some candy. (Comes
out with the note from that morning) Hey, I forgot about this!

(Jerrica reads the note)

----------

(Scene: Sumi's brothers' candy shop)

Sumi: Hey where'd Jerrica get to? Oh well.

Sumi's brother Charles: Master Zippite, your plan is working perfectly!

Sumi's brother Sammy: The humans are falling for it!

Sumi's brother Josh: This energy draining candy is
working perfectl--uuuuhhh

Sammy: Don't eat it, dingle dork!!!

Sumi: Hi guys!

Sammy: Oh...

Charles:...hello, Sumi.

Sammy: Try some of this yummy candy!

Sumi: No thanks, I'm on a diet.

Charles: Please...

Sumi: Well...

Sammy: Please...

Sumi: ...ok.

(Sumi eats the candy, and falls asleep)

--------

(A dark room)

Zippite: Heh heh heh!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-

(CM Break)

(Scene: A park. That evil doll from sailormoon who shoots it's limbs is
there. It shoots it's arm off then picks it up and puts it back on the
shoulder.)

Doll: I can put my arm back on. You can't. Ha Ha! No, seriously kids,
play safe.

-------

(Scene: a hockey rink. Some hockey players are jumping in the air and
falling on their faces.)

Girl 1: What's going on?

Girl 2: I told them that whoever could do a triple axle would get a
McDonald's Olympic watch.

(Then a boy and girl come out on the ice. The boy does a triple axle,
then skates toward the two girls with the watches)

Girl 2: Here you go.

Guy: Thanks.

(He skates away. The back of his jersey says 'SANZENIN' in red letters.
Then the girl he came in with hits him over the head with a chair and grabs
the watch.)

Girl: Penelope! Penelope!

(She skates away. The back of her jersey says 'SHIRATORI' in blue letters.)

Azusa: Now I have all four!!!

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-

(End CM Break)

(Jerrica arrives at the Starlight Drive-In)

Jerrica: This place gives me the creeps! Now where is the entrance?

Voice: Jerrica... Walk through the wall.

Jerrica: Who said that? And I may be crazy, but I'm not that crazy!

Voice: Trust me on this.

Jerrica: ok....

(She walks into through the wall and into a room filled with big
multicoloured computers. In the middle of the room sits a small purple
cat, the same one from that morning.)

Voice: I've been expecting you... Jerrica Benton.

(Jerrica realizes that it is the _cat_ that is speaking to her.)

Jerrica: How in the-

Cat: No time to explain! Your friend Sumi is in trouble. You must become
Sailor Moon and save her!

(A picture of Sumi asleep is shown on the screen. Jerrica thinks that her
friend is dead.)

Jerrica: Oh NO! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The cat does a flip in the air and a brooch magically appears)

Jerrica: Wow, what a faboo brooch... BUT HOW WILL IT HELP SUMI?!!!

Cat: Just hold it up and shout "Moon Starlight Power, Make UP!"

Jerrica: Why would I say a stupid thing like that. Why don't YOU say it?!

Cat: JUST SAY THE @#$@!*#&$%*& PHRASE!!!!!!!!

Jerrica: No need for an outburst... yeesh! Moon Starlight Power, Make UP!

(37 second transformation sequence (Listen carefully, I'm only gonna say
this once)

(Jerrica spins around with her hands slightly away from her sides
and her toes pointed. Little sparkly red stars emit from the brooch to
form the main part of the fuku (white with a pink collar), boots (maroon
with white trim) and gloves (white with maroon trim). Next, two large
stars form: one above her head, and one under her feet. The bottom one
moves upwards, and the top one downwards. At her waist they meet, forming
the skirt (maroon). The brooch then clips on where the two parts of her
collar meet, and a bow (pink) appears. A jewel (red) appears on her
forehead, and forms a tiara. Her hair turns pink, and red moon-shaped
earrings appear. Then she poses in the Sailor Moon pose with a maroon
moon in the background.)

[It was then that I realized that my life could never again be normal.]

---------

(Sailor Moon arrives at the candy store, and sees Sumi's three brothers.)

Moon: Hi guys! Have you seen Sumi? I think she's in trouble.

(The three brothers suddenly turn into three evil looking guys with no hair
and each has a tattoo of a skull on his forehead.)

Charlie: We're nobody's brothers!

Sammy: We are minions of...

Josh: The NegaMisfits Musicverse! We...

Charlie: ...Are...

Sammy:...The...

Brothers: SKULLS!!!

Charlie: But who are you?

Moon: Aah... ano... I'm...

(Looks down at the cat, who nods)

Moon: I am Sailor Moon! Defender of the innocent and destroyer of evil!
Instead of the starlight... I'LL punish you!!!

Cat: That's a little over the top...

Sammy: Feel the attack of a thousand baseball bats!

(He runs at Sailor Moon with a bat, but before he can attack, the bat is
grabbed out of his hands by Tuxedo Mask)

Tux Mask: Batter up.



Tux Mask: You can handle these guys Sailor Moon. Use your tiara!

Moon:(hearts for eyes) Aaah.(starts giggling and blushing)

Cat: Oh Good Grief!

(The cat bites Sailor Moon on the hand. Sailor Moon comes out of her
little fantasy world)

Moon: What was that for? Oh yeah, the evil villains.

(Takes off her tiara)

Moon: Moon Starlight Tiara ACTION!

(She throws her tiara at the Skulls, turning them into a pile of dust.
The bat explodes)

------------

(The next day at school everyone is talking about Sailor Moon)

Sumi: ...and then this pretty superhero came in and saved me!

Classmate 1: No Way!

Sumi: Way!

Jerrica: Can you guys keep it down? I was up late and I'm trying to catch
up on my sleep today.

Sumi: I can't believe you missed it Jerrica!


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---------------------------------------------------------------------------


By the Fabu and Truly Outrageous
Dayglo
With Input From
Ashley "Harvi" DuPree, Mayor of Fabuville
Thanks to all friends, family members and hangers-on!


---------------------------------------------------------------------------



Author's notes: Finally! After months of sitting on my hard drive,
BHSJ is online! Yatta!
If you aren't familiar with Jem or Sailor Moon, this may seem a little
screwed up to you. So I'll put a link to me & Ashley's old Jem page at
the bottom of the page to clear things up.
Hmm... notes... ummm... This will probably be my final draft, unless
of course I get any e-mail death threats or anything.
You can send questions, comments, and more to me @ the addy below.

And now, a few previews (Courtesy of Clash, er, Ashley and Dayglo):

The exciting new season of Pretty Soldier Sailor Jem begins with a bang!

Sailor Jem R

The new stars... please meet:
Prince Rioto- the leader of the evil StingerMoon
Minxeraude- one of Rioto's minions
Ericir- another of Rioto's minions
Rapturous- one of Rioto's minions but also the leader of the
StingerMoon Sisters- Pizzasery, Storma, Roxtsy and Jettsy.
Sailor Pluto a.k.a. Danse-a pitiful dancer but the guardian of time and
space... unfortunately (huh)
The story-
A mysterious girl from the past appears from out of nowhere.
She insists on finding her father. She wants the starlight imperial
music crystal. The new and evil villains from the StingerMoon appear.
The sailors get sent to the future: Starlight Music, where they meet
Danse, Neo Queen Jem and Prince Pchecco. The mysterious Chibi-Banee-Usa
turns out to be Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask's loser child...HAHA! Then
the Zipper Phantom transforms Chibi-Banee-Usa into Black Dierdre, An
older, more evil Chibi-Banee-Usa. At the end of the series Chibi-BaNee-
Usa goes home!!! Yippee.

-------

Sailor Jem S

First off all your fave TV super heroes are back in an exiting new
series. Jerrica, Aja, Kimber, Shana and Raya are really those faboo fighters
of justice. But also meet the evil villains Professor Tech-rat and the
Misfits 5!
Professor Tech-rat-he is the evil gimmick loving mad scientist. One
of the sailor's many enemies. He has a deep dark past.
Ericolinite-the leader of the Misfits 5, and the Professor's lab assistant
The Misfits 5:
Pizzazzial, Roxete, Stormu, Jettauy, Clashine and Clashirol.

Now meet the new Sailors:
Sailor Neptune a.k.a. Video- this new sailor's got guts and a fabu
video cam
Sailor Uranus a.k.a. Harriet Horne-she BBQ's her enemies (but not much,
this is a kid's show)
Sailor Pluto a.k.a. Danse-makes a bigger appearance
Sailor Saturn a.k.a. Ashley-also the anti-musiciah
and nooooooooooooooo she sa backa (and a baka!)...
Sailor-Chibi-Banee-Usa a.k.a. pleeeeese don't make me write it out again I
think we know who this person is

Anyways now to the story-
The evil P. Tech-rat is in search of the three Music Records, each is
hidden inside a pure heart. Tech-rat is really... well, you'll find out...

--------

and now, the way-overhyped yet very boring sequel to SJS---

SAILOR JEM SUPERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Starlight hikari ai no message


With Video and friends left for places unknown, and the villains dead, the
girls are living peaceful lives, until...

Chibi-Banee-Usa meets up with a mysterious llama in a strange dream. The
lama calls itself "Rama Pegasus." It warns Chibi-Banee-Usa to tell no one
of its existence. . Then a new evil appears before the Sailor Holograms
with the appearance of "Riot Eye". With his compatriots Zipper Eye and
Tech Eye, they are searching 4 the "Rama Pegasus" hidden in a beautiful
dream. Riot Eye attacks Sumi, and sailor holograms come along. Their
powers don't work! Then the Rama Pegasus appears and Jerrica and Chibi-
Banee-Usa (!!!) power up and save Sumi with new (!!!) powers (And a
really old transformation sequence). The new villains are sent by the
Mysterious "Raptureonisa", a hideously ugly (and square headed ) purple
villain. Or so they thought...



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