Dear Link,

I really like you, I mean I don't like you I LOOOOOOOOVE you. When you run and roll around on that TV I'm just memorized. I have lots of little dolls just like you. Some I feed and some I make out with. I hate Zelda; the princess always gets the hunk. I mean you're so muscular and smart and OMG plEEEEEEEEEEs jump out of that stupid video game and realize your true destiny. You are hot and so am I so we are PUUUUUUUUUUrfect together. Please just like break the TV and jump out before my parents confiscate my LAST LINK DOLL. I sleep with that one and feed it, and watch TV, and Gel it's hair, sing to it, and buy it stuff, and... Ya know what, I don't think you even care. You're just a stuck up hero jerk guy ok. I hate you so don't read my letter. LOOOOOOOOOOOOSER!!!!!

Love, (And I mean it)
Your secret admirer