These next few chapters will be for mostly character development, please bear with me =]
Xander is sitting at a table books surround him. Some of the books are very old, the pages yellowed, and the spines showing the well worn cracks of usage. Some of them however were newer. Books by Thomas Harris, sit next to Socrates, John Mills next to Stephen King. When Adam said he had much to learn he had no idea that he literally meant it, it was almost like doing research for Giles.
"Except this time the world isn't in dire need of saving." Xander says to himself with a wistful smile. He actually didn't mind all the stuff Adam was giving to him. Xander didn't make it to college, his grades weren't up to par, but mostly his resolve wasn't up to par. He had all but convinced himself that his life was already dangerously short living on top of the hellmouth. He had never even thought of making it past graduation. College wasn't even an afterthought for him, it was a waste of time, time which he had so little of already.
But all of that changed after the night of the accident. Xander shudders at the thought of that night.
…
It was late. Really late. He cursed himself for being on the road at this hour. But he had no choice, he needed some extra cash to get some food and gas for the rest of the week so he went around the small town to find some quick odd jobs for money. It wasn't hard to find work, the only down side was the fact that it was really cold, and most of his jobs were outdoors.
His last job was cleaning up at a restaurant. They were a really nice elderly couple who had owned the place for over thirty years. The problem was they closed at ten thirty. It had taken him about an hour to clean the tables and mop the floors. Another hour to finish the dishes, the couple had paid him in advance and had left after eleven o'clock. On his way out he made sure that the door were locked, and left the keys underneath the register as instructed. Looking back he had to smile, proud of the job he had done. He could have left early, but he wasn't about to do that to the nice couple.
He had made about two hundred dollars today, not bad he thought. The people here in Washington were much nicer to him than some of the other places he had tried to find work. At least here, they didn't call him "boy" or "hey you" or "stupid." He thought that most of what they had called him was true to some degree. He is young, and would probably die young. Not cool like James Dean, but nevertheless young. He didn't get into college, hell he had barely been able to graduate.
He had gotten his gas, some chips and a soda to wash it down. Right now though, he silently cursed himself for not getting some coffee instead of soda. His sugar high was starting to come down, and he could barely keep his eyes open. At least the light from the moon was out; its natural light amplified by the nearby river. A river he was told that emptied out in one of the larger lakes of the area. During these long trips he had begun to reflect on his life and all that it really meant.
Xander looks back on his life. Things had been so much easier before he had met Buffy. It was Jesse, Willow, and himself. No vampires, no demons, nothing. In this case ignorance really was bliss. Then everything he knew, or had known, came crashing down all around him. Looking back at all the trouble, all the heartache, and all of horrible things he was forced to live through, he wouldn't change anything. Throughout the entire ordeal, he had gained something special. Buffy. By meeting her he was able to look at himself in a new light. He knew something about the town that very few would ever find out or even know. That made him special. That gave him the ability to be the hero that he had always wanted to be, the hero that he always was in his fantasies.
The only problem was that in his fantasies, he would save all the good guys and kill all of the bad guys. Real life didn't always match up. He wasn't the hero, Buffy was, but he didn't let that stop him. He wasn't a magic wielder that was Willow. He wasn't the mysterious savior in the night that was Angel. He wasn't even the guy with all the answers Giles was the one who provided the answers. So what purpose did he serve? Research boy? Delivery boy? He was the one who would lend moral support for those in the group. He didn't have any special powers, he wasn't a capable fighter, and he was the one that everyone worried about when the time came for some action. He thought that would change after graduation.
His parents had told them that they had a secret to tell him after he graduated from high school. Xander remembered that promise and after the ascension he had pressed his parents to tell him the secret. Maybe this was it, he would finally know what he would be, something more than just the Zeppo. Was he heir to some monster fortune? Or maybe he was descended from a great line of noblemen and knights! Finally something that would bring him some kind of justification to his life!
"Xander sit down," His father had said.
Sitting he braced himself for the secret that they would tell him.
"Xander, your mother and I had waited to tell you this until you graduated because we thought if we told you earlier you wouldn't be able to handle it very well."
Xander was very curious about this meeting. His father usually said less than a sentence to him a day, but now he was trying to have a whole conversation with him.
"…since you have now graduated and that you are your own man now." Now Xander was really concerned, his father was rambling. He never rambled, he was always clear and concise with his words.
"Dad, what are you trying to say?" His father looked at his mother and took a deep breath.
"Xander, you're adopted."
The hellmouth itself could have opened up beneath him and eaten him whole at that moment, and he would be able to move out of its way. As the words sank in to him, his shoulders sag considerably more, and his head drops ever so slightly. Adopted. It made all the sense in the world. He didn't really look like his parents, aside form the hair, he was taller, and his facial features were different. He never really questioned it before, but then again he barely saw much of his parents before.
Adopted. Now he truly is a nobody. His past once defined and clear, is now just as uncertain and blurry as his future.
He had to get out. Not just out of the house, but out of Sunnydale. Running his hand through his hair and staring at the floor, he takes a deep breath. He looks at his parents and just stands up. They can see the questions on his face, the hurt, and the tears that would not come.
Xander looks at his parents; "Do you know my birth parents?"
Xander's gut wrenches when he see them shaking their heads no, "The orphanage didn't have any records of your parents. We adopted you and moved here to Sunnydale, no one knew we had adopted you. Jesse's parents didn't know, Willow's parents don't know. No one outside this family knows you are adopted." His mother says, trying to sooth her son.
He stared at them a while longer and just walked to his room, not seeing the tears on his mother's face. He spent a long time in his room, lying down on his bed staring at his ceiling. Well it really couldn't be his could it? He didn't even know who he really was. Who is Xander Harris? Is Xander my real name? Scenario after scenario played in his mind, discovering his true roots, his true past. He would never know unless he tried to find out for himself. So he got up, wiped the stray tears from his face and began to pack a bag.
When he finished he stepped out of his room into the living room with his bag, and saw that his parents were still there. His father looked at his bag and nodded. Getting up his father walked into the kitchen for a second and came back out with something in his hand. He tossed that something to Xander. "Those are the keys to your Uncle's old car. I've fixed it up so it should drive pretty well now."
Nodding he walk to his mother and hugged her. "I'll come back, I just need some time…"
"I understand," She said between the sobs.
Shaking his father's hand Xander said his thanks
"It's ok, take your time. If you need anything, just call."
With that he just left and drove off. He stopped by Willow's and Gile's to say goodbye to Willow, Buffy and Giles, but he told them it was a road trip. It wasn't a lie, it was a road trip, but on this particular road trip he hoped to find himself.
He never did call his parents for help. Days stretched into weeks, weeks into months, but he still couldn't find what he was searching for. As his funds started to wane he was forced to find local odd jobs to pay his way. It had been that way for the last couple of weeks. Which brought him to where he is now, driving late at night on a road, alone. He was tired of being a nobody. He was tired of not knowing what his purpose in life, so tired.
These are the thoughts that flit about his mind as his eyelids droop closed one last time.
Xander's car starts to drift closer and closer to the restraining wall, flimsy aluminum held up by rotted wooden blocks. When his car hits the wall, there is little resistance as he drives off the road and into the river below. As the car impacts on the water Xander's head hits his steering wheel, knocking him out. He wasn't able to see his windshield dip below the water line.
The first thing that Xander knew was that it was cold. His legs were numb and the feeling was beginning to climb. Looking around he saw that something was not right. There was no road ahead of him, only a murky cloud. He could feel something warm just above his eye, the eye that wouldn't open for some reason. He reaches up and feels something slick, holding his hand up to his other eye he sees that it is blood, his blood. The blood had covered his eye and congealed, sealing it shut.
Shaking the cobwebs from his head he begins to realize that the car wasn't on the road. His car is starting to flood, the water was already up to his thighs. Looking back through the rear windshield he saw the sky. The front of his car was sinking into the river that was next to the road. WAS next to, he was now actually in the river. He unlatches his seat belt and reaches over to try to open the door. It wouldn't budge, he could hear the lock tumbler turn as he pulls the lever but he couldn't open the door. He tries to shove his way out, but still the door won't budge. After a few more tries he sees the stars begin to disappear from the rear windshield. He tries even more frantically to open the door, but it still won't budge. His head begins to pound and the car seems to spin ever so slightly. The air beings to burn his lungs as continues to weakly open the door.
The water is now to his neck he can no longer feel his hands but he continues to try to pry the door open. He was about to give up but the door finally opens. Taking one last breath Xander opens the door as far as it would go and begins the slow ascent to the surface. The air in his lungs burns as he looks at the moon shining on the surface. His numb appendages flail in a vain attempt to reach the surface. Each movement increases the heat in his lungs. He thinks of his friends, the only real family he has known. He thinks of Willow his best friend, Buffy the one person who brought out the best in all those around her, Giles who was more of a father than his own, Oz a man of few words but a stabilizing rock for all. He thought of all his friends and threw out a silent plea of forgiveness. I'm sorry! He had failed them once again, he had fought with all of his might, but once again it wasn't enough. With that final thought he released his final breath with a muffled scream of frustration and sadness. The water that replaced the air in his lungs froze him to the core. His final thought before the blackness overtakes him is I'm so sorry.
His body washed up on the shore of a small island. He was still floating face down in the water when the two sole inhabitants found him. His presence alerted them to his location. A man and a woman looked at each other and then at the body. The man nodded and they went to the water and lifted the body out. They carried the body to the small cabin located up the trail.
Once inside they pulled off the young man's clothing and replaced them with dry, albeit oversized clothing, and placed him on a cot in the corner of the room.
"What do you propose we do?"
"We wait for him to wake up of course."
"What about our plans? I had asked MacLeod to use his cabin because it was on holy ground, and it was very isolated. We have made some serious headway here this year, I don't know about you but I have been able to heal some very old wounds"
"I have as well, but you know as well as I that he will need our help Methos."
"I know that, I'm just afraid that I will loose all that I have found this year if we stop." He reaches over and grasps her hand. She gently squeezes back.
"Don't worry, you won't. I promise." They gaze at each other for a long time until they hear a gasp from the corner. They find the young man jolt upright in the cot. His eyes are wide and wild. He looks from side to side and focuses on the pair sitting across the room.
The man spoke first, "Hello there young man, I'm Adam, and this is my," he pauses and looks at the woman sitting next to him, she nods and he continues, "my wife Elizabeth. You are probably wondering what you are doing here, in a strange room with strange people. Most importantly you are probably saying to yourself why am I still alive?"
With those two statements Xander Harris's life would begin anew.
