Here is the next chapter. The song I used in this chapter is "You go to my head" The version I used can be found on the CD "Night, Falling – Jazz for long evenings" which can be found at your local Starbucks. As always I look forward to everyone's comments and if you leave your email in the review I'll try to respond as soon as possible. Here you go, enjoy!
Faith is sitting on the floor next to Xander's unconscious form. She is quietly mumbling to herself, "I can't believe I hit him like that!" she says, "I could have broken his neck!" She thinks a few moments and then adds, "It's not like it would kill him though."
Once again Faith is forced to wait because of her actions. "At least I'm not in a coma." She says. Faith hates waiting she isn't a very patient person opting rather to react to the situation around her. A lot of good it did her she thinks. She looks over Xander's prone form and decides to keep herself busy until Xander wakes up. She carefully picks up the knife and puts it into the sink. She then proceeds to clean up the mess of blood using the dishtowel she had dropped earlier. When the towel was saturated she would go back the to sink wring it out rinse it and wring it out again. She did this for a few minutes until most of the mess was cleaned up.
As she was rinsing the towel she heard movement from behind her. Not bothering to look back she says out loud, "Welcome back."
Xander sits up and groans, "You broke my jaw!"
"Serves you right, how did you think I'd take it? Oh look my dead friend just came back to life! Well goody!" She says sarcastically. "You're lucky I didn't pick up the knife and stab you with it."
"Well I guess I lucked then, but you didn't need to break my jaw." He says ruefully.
"It's not like it would have killed you." She shoots back finally turning around to face him.
"No it wouldn't have but it still hurt like hell." He grumbles.
"Look, I'm sorry I hit you. But it's your own fault! Dying in front of someone and then coming back to life is something I don't see everyday and I'm a fucking Slayer! You could have at least warned me."
"I did! I asked you to stay." He says trying to defend himself.
"Stay? How in the hell am I supposed to know that stay meant 'Don't worry I'm gonna die but I'll be back?"
She could see Xander was searching for a rebuke but was failing miserably. She sighed she didn't need or want to argue with him. "Why don't you go and get cleaned up? I'm almost finished here."
Xander nods he stands there as if he wants to say something but thinks better of it and walks off. Faith wipes up the remaining blood and throws the towel into the sink. She takes a deep breath and leans against the counter. She looks herself over and sees that she'll need to clean up as well blood is all over her shirt and warm-ups.
Hearing the shower turn on she walks to Xander's room to get new clothes. She is about to walk into the room when she hears the bathroom door open. Looking around the corner she sees Xander is standing in from of his dresser with only a towel around his waist. She eyes him appreciatively as she notes just how much he has filled out. His shoulders were broader more muscular. His upper body had much more definition than she remembers from their night together. Xander grabs a pair of sweats and turns to walk back into the bathroom. Faith quickly pulls back around the corner not wanting Xander to know that she was looking at him. She stays there until she can hear the shower door open and close.
"What are you doing girl?" She says to herself. "You don't need this right now." She walks into the room opens the appropriate drawers and retrieves a pair of sweats and another shirt.
Quietly she opens the bathroom door intending to get a towel and get out quietly however as she grabs the towel the rack falls off the wall and lands with a loud clatter. The shower door opens a little and his head pops out. Xander says with a grin, "Faith if you really wanted to get my attention you could have just joined me in the shower."
Not to be out done Faith walks right up to the shower door and brings her face right next to his. "Well Xander," She says in a low throaty voice, "you better be careful," the whole time her lips move closer and closer to his, "or you'll get just what you want." Just when he thinks she would lean in to kiss him she backs away.
Xander with his eyes closed leans forward looking for her. Unfortunately he is holding onto the shower door for support with his wet hand. His hand slips and he falls to the ground ungracefully. He can hear Faith's voice as she exits the room chuckling, "You still owe me some answers Xander! And you still owe me a meal!"
Xander proceeds to finish his shower with a smile on his face. He had scared Faith earlier but true to form she had regrouped and was not about to show that she had been rattled. It would make for a very interesting diner.
…
After coming out of his room changed into sweats and a shirt he found that Faith had changed out of her bloodied clothes. She was setting the table with dishes and utensils.
"Hey" He says to her.
"Hey" She says back.
There is a short silence between them as Faith continues to set the table. Xander walks to the kitchen and pulls out a bottle of wine and two wineglasses. It was going to be a long night and the wine would be able to loosen him up enough to get through in one piece. He sets the bottle down and picks up his cooking and puts it into the oven to heat it up a bit before they eat. Picking up the bottle the glasses and a corkscrew he walks to the dinning room table he finds that she had set the place settings next to each other. That has to be a good sign he thinks to himself.
He holds up the glasses and the wine bottle and says, "I thought I'd bring a peace offering."
Faith raises his eyebrow and says, "Sure but I hope you're not think of taking advantage of me. I could probably drink you under the table."
"You could probably drink the old Xander under the table but then again you're not the old Faith either."
Faith looked uncomfortable at that last comment. It was true on so many levels. She had been in a coma for so long and hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since coming out. However ever since coming out she had made an effort to change her ways. The way she acted, the way she thought, the way she talked, everything that reminded her of her past and the decisions that had made her life come crashing down on her. For the time she was on the road she was able to do this with relative ease because no one knew whom she was or what she had done. But now Xander was someone from her past, someone who knew who she was and someone who had seen her at her worst. Yet here he was standing next to her offering her some wine. Looking at him she knew that much about him had changed as well. He was the same person but he was sure of himself, the hesitation she remembered from him was all but gone and what replaced it was an assertive confidence that hung on him nicely.
"You're right, I'm not the same Faith I was then." She replied and reached out and takes the wineglasses from him, "I guess we'll start off slow tonight then."
Xander smiles and takes the corkscrew and opens the bottle of wine. He pours the wine into the wineglasses in Faith's hands deftly twisting the bottle so that it doesn't drip down the side as he finishes pouring. Putting the bottle down he tells her, "I'm going to get the food and we'll eat ok? Then I'll sit here and answer all of your questions."
Faith watches Xander as he leaves. She would finally get her answers. She realized she was mistaken in thinking that Xander was like the mayor. They were both able to heal incredibly fast but the mayor didn't light up when a wound would heal. There was more to Xander now that much was obvious but the change was for the better, it gave him confidence and strength.
Xander returns with the food and scoops up a hearty portion and give it to Faith. The food smells wonderful to her. The aroma is intoxicating, the taste is perfect, and the company she was eating with was good. It was the best dinner she had since leaving Sunnydale. Xander was looking at her with a slight smirk.
"What's so funny?" She asks between bites.
"I had forgotten how much a Slayer eats, you just caught me off guard."
Faith just shrugs and continues to eat. "This is really good stuff you made Xander." She tells him as he serves her another helping.
"Thanks, next time I'll put a little more effort into it and then you'll really be impressed."
She stops eating momentarily and looks at him, "Next time?" She says playfully. "A little confidant of yourself there aren't you?"
"Not a little, a lot. You are free to stay with me as long as you like. I can get my office turned into another room and I'll move my stuff out here. No questions asked."
"Why would you do that for me?"
Xander sat back into his chair and said to her, "Honestly? I'm not sure. You are something from my past and seeing you stirs something in me. I want you to stay. I need someone that I can talk to about who I am and what I have seen. Not many people can relate to killing demons and vampires."
"So you'd use me to ease your conscience?" She says warily.
Sighing Xander replies, "No you'd be a friend who I wouldn't hide anything from. A friend who knows all of my past, no secrets, no lies, everything."
The answer eases some of Faith's worries. "Everything?"
"Everything." He says with absolute certainty.
"Tell me what you are." She challenges. Xander sits there she can see the apprehension on his face as he tries to articulate his next words.
"I have never told anyone about this before and I don't know how to say it so I'll just come out and say it."
"Xander you're rambling"
"Sorry." He takes a deep breath and says, "I'm immortal."
"Immortal as in demon possessed corpse?" Wary again
"No, I'm actually the exact opposite."
"So you are an immortal as in one who lives forever?"
"That would about sum it up, yes. But there is a catch."
"That would be?"
"I'll live forever as long as I have my head attached to my neck."
Confused she asks, "You lost me there. What do you mean you need to keep your head attached?"
" Immortal is not an entirely true name. I'll survive almost anything and come back to life except for one thing."
"That being?"
"Beheading. The total and complete removal of my head from my body."
"Ouch. But why would you cut your own head off? If that is all it takes you could live to see the end of time right?" She asks him.
"Well its not that simple." He starts thinking on how to approach to the subject. Faith is staring at him, waiting for him to continue. "The source of our power comes from what we call the quickening, for lack of a better word, our souls."
"Wait a minute, 'our' and 'we'? You're telling me that there are more of your kind?" She asks.
"Yes, lots more an entire race of people who have been living among mortals since the beginning of civilization. We're just like regular people Faith, we just live longer." He adds quickly to ease her fears. She was taking it very well he thinks.
"How long?" she asks amazed at the thought of living through the times seeing histories unfold.
"The oldest is rumored to be at least five thousand years old."
"Five thousand years." She says just louder than a whisper. The number is incomprehensible to her. As a Slayer her life expectancy is less than twenty-five years.
"Hopefully I'll survive a tenth of that time. Like I said before our power comes from our quickening. If one of us looses their head their quickening is released. If there is another immortal nearby the quickening is transferred into that immortal's body. All that person ever was becomes a part of you, adding to your strengths and memories. The older you are the more powerful the quickening becomes, the more quickenings you take the more powerful you become. Some actively hunt other immortals just for quickenings, others try to avoid fights whenever possible."
"So that's why you carry a sword," Faith says remembering the fight in the alley, "But why hunt at all? I figure after a few thousand years you guys would just back off and stop. I mean if no one hunts, everybody lives forever right?"
"Not exactly." Xander says thinking of the best way to say it. "Let me put it this way. Slayers have a destiny to fight evil and otherworldly threats to the world correct?" Faith nods. "Well immortals are the same, we all share the same destiny; to be a part of the game." Seeing that Faith was waiting for him to go on he continues, "The game states that we will fight each other until there comes a point where there will be only one immortal left. That immortal wins the prize."
"So you live your life being hunted watching your back? After a few hundred years of that you think someone would go crazy or something." She says to him.
"Unfortunately it has. If a quickening is so strong it can overwhelm its recipient, push his consciousness below the surface tainting their actions."
"What happens then?"
"If that person is strong enough their mind will regain control and the quickening will be absorbed."
"If they're not?"
"Then they are like that until someone takes their head. Hopefully that person will be strong enough to take the quickening and control it."
"How can you live like that? Always looking behind you wondering if the next person looking to get his jollies off of you quickening?"
"Well its not that bad. We have an early detection system built into ourselves. When one quickening gets within range of another it creates a 'buzz' I guess you would call it a 'spidey sense' at that point you eith run away or you find the person you see what they want."
"So what is it?" She asks. "What do you win if you survive till the end?"
"No one knows. Only one thing is for sure though, at the end that immortal will have the quickenings of all the immortals that ever lived. Some say that is enough power to rule the world."
"But that isn't true though." Faith says.
"Of course not, no one knows for sure what the prize is…"
Faith cuts him off, "That's not what I meant, the winner at the end couldn't possibly have the quickenings of all the immortals that ever lived. You said that if someone is near by then the quickening is transferred. What happens if no one is near by? Who does the quickening go to?"
"I'm not sure, I guess that the quickening is dissipated and that person's life would be wasted."
"What about you Xander? Have you taken many quickenings?"
"I have taken a few. I have never hunted anyone though and I gave each immortal the chance to turn away and leave me be. But sometimes…" Lightning strikes and thunder is heard a short time later.
Faith finishes his sentence for him. "Sometimes they just don't give you a choice." Faith remembers her fight with Buffy. She hadn't given her a choice back then either.
They sit there in companionable silence as they finish their meals. As Xander is clearing the table he sees Faith stifle a yawn. "Faith you can take my bed tonight. Tomorrow we'll get you some clothes and get a bed and some furniture for your room."
"Are you sure?"
Xander chuckles, "Yeah I'm sure. Don't worry about it I'll grab some blankets out of the closet and I'll sleep on the couch. It's not like it going to kill me." He says.
"I guess not." Faith replies with a smile. "I haven't had a good nights sleep since I left Sunnydale. Good night Xander."
"Good night Faith."
Xander put his dishes in the dishwasher and puts the leftovers into a container, which he puts into the refrigerator. He walks to the hallway closet and grabs a couple of blankets. Walking back to the couch he spreads the blankets out and gets ready to sleep. After he tosses and turns he finds that he can't get into a comfortable position.
Sitting up he says, "I need a pillow." Quietly he makes his way to his room to get one of the spare pillows. As enters into his dark room he can see Faith's form on the bed, he can make her face out every time the lightning flashes outside. She is asleep, her face is peaceful the worry and wariness that is always present on her face is gone. Asleep she is delicate and beautiful. He stands there a moment longer and decides that maybe he could live with a stiff neck in the morning. When he reaches the couch he lies on the blankets and just closes his eyes. Regardless of the uncomfortable position sleep comes to him quickly. He looks forward to the morning.
…
Xander is awakened by the sounds of a struggle coming from his bedroom. His first thoughts are of Faith and her safety. Had another Immortal gotten to his room without him sensing it? No he was no more than twenty feet away from the room. A burglar? He lived in a safe neighborhood and he had an alarm system installed. Then what could it be? He rushes to his room to find Faith thrashing in bed fighting with an imaginary opponent in her dreams. She argues with her adversary words coming out every so often as screams.
"NO!!!" she screams then mumbles more words he can't decipher, "You can't! I won't let you! NO!"
Xander goes to the bed trying to catch her arms so she wouldn't hit him with her considerable strength. He had to wake her up without startling her.
"Faith!" He raises his voice after he pins her arms above her head. He tries to shake her out of her sleep. "Faith!" he yells again. This time her eyes fly open her head turns from side to side trying to get her bearings. As she realizes her hands are trapped above her head her knee comes up reflexively into Xander's side. His ribs break with the contact. Groaning in pain he releases her and she springs off of the bed and backs herself into a corner.
Xander is able to hiss out, "Faith!"
The third time her name is said she remembers where she is and who she is with. Her face over come with worry she returns to the bed to look over Xander's injuries. "Oh my God! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" Her hand goes down to where she had kneed him and hisses in pain.
"Remind me never to surprise or startle you ok?" He says through clenched teeth. "You were having a nightmare and I had come in here to wake you up."
"Are you ok?" She asks again.
Xander sits up in the bed and stretches feeling his bones knit back together. "I'll be a little sore for a while but I'll be ok." Looking over he sees her against the headboard of the bed arms around her knees hugging them close rocking slowly.
"I'm sorry." She says quietly. As she continues to rock herself.
Xander knows the actions very well. It is the act of self-consoling. He had sat in that very same position the night after killing Jesse. He had asked for forgiveness from a picture of Jesse. He had rocked himself to sleep that night. He did the act several times in his life, when Ms Calendar died, when Kendra died, after he had died the first time. He had nightmares about drowning for weeks after dying after the first few nights it had almost become habit, if not for Methos and Cassandra he would not have made past those first few weeks. Looking at Faith he could tell that the dreams had plagued her often, most likely every night. So Xander did the only thing he could think of to help her, "You want to talk about it?"
Looking up from her position she weakly nods no. Xander knows better however and continues to push the issue. "How long?"
Faith looks up again with tear brimmed eyes, "Excuse me?"
"How long had it been since you had a complete nights sleep?"
Her head is still held up so that he can see her face but she is no longer looking at him. She continues to rock. "I haven't been able to sleep through a whole night since I left Sunnydale." She says barely a whisper.
"Why?" He asks softly, gently coaxing her to relax more.
She still isn't facing him, "The dreams come every night." She says quietly.
"What do you dream of? The last fight with Buffy?" Xander says hoping to hit the nail on the head. The more she could share the better.
"NO!" She yells loudly startling Xander. The rain outside is pouring down hard now.
"Then of what? What do you dream of?" He says gently.
"I dream of me."
"I don't understand."
"When I had first come to Sunnydale I was so angry. My life was hard and I had seen my watcher murdered. After killing the monster responsible for that I felt some of the anger fade away. But things happened no matter how hard I tried I couldn't fit into group you know?"
Xander nods and signals her to continue.
"By that time the mayor had approached me. I had refused at first. But things just kept getting worse and worse and there was the mayor telling me things. Telling me how you all hated me, how I would never fit in and they would never understand. I didn't realize it at the time but he was using my anger against me. Towards the end my anger had consumed me. I wasn't the person I knew I was. I was a cold-blooded, uncaring killer willing to carry out any orders the mayor had wanted. Faith was gone, I was just a tool." Faith was crying by this time. She had held all this to herself for so long and now that she was able to let it all go she would stop until she was finished.
"It was like there were two of me. I could see what the other was doing but I could do anything about it, revenge and hate was all there was. Nothing more." Pausing to take a breath and to wipe her face. "Buffy wouldn't have won that last fight." She stated facing him now.
Xander was surprised at the revelation. Buffy had told them that she had no other choice that night.
Seeing his confusion she explained. "I was always the better fighter Xander. She didn't have the heart to kill me Xander, she never did. The person I was would have killed her in a heartbeat. I could have easily dodged the last blow and pushed Buffy over that edge but something happened. The hatred inside of me was gone suddenly. I don't know what had happened to the mayor, you guys must have distracted him enough that I was able to regain control. Suddenly I was myself again and instead of dodging the last blow I forced myself to stand my ground and take what I deserved. While falling I hoped that I would die so I wouldn't have to explain what happened. It would have been easier that way."
"But you woke up with no one to turn to or anyone to listen to your story. So you ran." He finished for her.
"I've been trying to prove that I'm not that person anymore. I try to help everyone that I can. But no matter who I had helped or how much good I had done the dreams come every night. I would dream of the evil things I did. I would fight with my alter-self you know? But she would win every time. I tried to stop her Xander, really I did." She says.
"But you did stop her Faith. You are living proof of that now. In time the dreams will pass. Mine still come once in a while but they get easier to deal with over time."
"Easy for you to say, you have forever to deal with them."
"That doesn't make it any easier to deal with though. I'll be here if you need someone to talk to. I know what it's like."
"Thanks." She says, she is no longer crying she has stopped rocking and for the second time that night she feels safe. Thanks to Xander.
Xander smiles warmly at Faith and says, "You're welcome. I'm going back to my couch, if you need me just holler ok?" Faith nods.
Xander gets up and starts to walk out of his room. He is almost to the door when he hears Faith call his name. "Xander?" She says quietly.
Turning around he says, "Yeah?"
"Do you mind if you slept here tonight? With me?"
Xander couldn't resist, "I hope you intentions are honorable." He says with a grin. The rain outside continues to fall but now it is gently taping against the window.
"Of course they are." She grins back. Slowly the grin fades and she says her next words quietly. "I just don't want to be alone tonight."
"You'll won't be alone anymore, I promise." He walks over to the stand holding up his television and opens the cabinet built into the stand. Inside is a stereo, she realizes the stands holding up the potted plants in his room are actually speakers.
"I hope you don't mind. I like to have music play while I sleep."
"I don't mind, what do you have?"
"You like jazz?"
"Mmmmm, I love it," She says sleepily.
"Then you'll like this." He presses play on the CD player and music fills the room. The dulcet tones of a piano fill the room quietly. The chords are slow, relaxing and beautiful. Then quietly after the first bar a muted trumpet is heard over the piano and the quiet rhythms of a drum. Xander makes his way to the bed and lies next to Faith. She is already half asleep but his warmth in the bed draws her closer to him and she repositions herself with her head on his chest using him as a pillow. He watches the rise and fall of her chest and knows that she is asleep. He watches her beautiful face one last time before he turns off the light. Turning back he can make out her silhouette. Then the gravely voice of Louis Armstrong replaces the muted trumpet he was obviously playing.
You go to my head
And you linger like a haunting refrain
And I find you spinning 'round in my brain
Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne.
You go to my head
Like a sip of sparkling burgundy brew
And I find the very mention of you
Like he kicker in a julep or two.
The thrill of the thought
That you might give a thought to my plea
Casts a spell over me
Till I say to myself
Get a hold of yourself!
Can't you see that it never can be?
You go to my head
With a smile that makes my temperature rise
Like a summer with a thousand Julys.
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes.
Though I'm certain that this heart of mine
Hasn't a ghost of a chance
In this crazy romance,
You go to my head.
You go to my head
You go
To
My
Head
Xander hears the last chords of the song diminish and thinks that maybe he does stand a chance and the good ol' Louis just gave up to easily. With those thoughts in his head he looks one last time at the face sleeping on his chest until he too drifts off to sleep.
…
