((31st of Evening Star/December, 4E 202))
I clutched my head as I stumbled around the Rift's forests. I couldn't discern how I felt, whether I was enraged, melancholic, relieved, or something entirely different. My brain went to the Companions for a moment, lingering on Farkas before moving to the Guild with Brynjolf. I'd upheld my promise- why hadn't that skeever-hearted red-headed bastard?
I bit at my nails as I spoke to myself. "Everything I've ever done," I mumbled, "I trusted you, I needed you, I- I loved you!" Falling to my knees, I tipped my head back and released a long scream that started to morph into something far worse.
Long black claws ripped through my fingers while a thick bushy tail ripped out my spine. My bones shifted in the most painful way I'd ever experienced, shifting me into something horrid and inhuman. A lupine snout, massive teeth, rough red fur, and eyes black at night completed the transformation. The wolf was free.
I stormed through the forest, tearing apart trees and destroying wildlife without a second thought. Along the way, I devoured the hearts of rabbits and bears alike while tearing the corpses to shreds. The moon was at its peak in the sky, and I released a howl as midnight gave birth to a new year. My vigor was endless, and I was unable to repress the desire to go on with my rampage. With my anger aflame, the moon at its height, the hunt had barely begun.
...
((1st of Morning Star/January, 4E 203))
Hours later, the morning sky was still dark when I shifted back into a human, crying in pain as my skeleton rearranged itself. When my transformation was finally complete, I collapsed on my own two legs into the mud. Shaking in the brown muck, I couldn't find it in myself to climb to my feet, and so I resigned myself to lying beside the lake until I recuperated. I couldn't even feel my wolf spirit anymore, and I idly wondered why.
My shoulder stung, and as I searched through my fogged memories, I found the reason. I'd been struck by a huge sabrecat while I rampaged, and the wound had come with me when I'd shifted back. If left untreated, the injury had the potential to become infected.
I waited a few minutes to catch my breath before dragging myself to the lake. Washing the slice was simple enough, and the icy cold water helped numb the pain. Using a nearby birch tree to assist me in standing, I realized that I was bare as the day I'd been born. The only item that had remained on me, curiously, was the pendant I'd taken comfort in so often. It had remained wrapped around my wrist, the chain remaining strong in the shift.
Still dazed from the vicious transformation, I hugged my naked body and stumbled toward the nearest building. It was an abandoned cottage used mainly by smugglers passing through, though I didn't particularly care what it was. All I wanted was to get out of the cold and sleep off my emotions. Soaking wet and shivering, I forced my way into the house, heaving coughs burning as I choked on dust clouds.
Collapsing into the rickety bed full of dead insects and cobwebs, I closed my eyes, trying to stave off my thoughts long enough to relax. Unfortunately for me, it didn't work. For hours, thoughts assaulted my consciousness with no respite.
I didn't know I could feel this way, Brynjolf. I didn't know I could hate you this much. Was my reaction reckless and childish? Or was I justified in shouting and hitting you? I'd thought you'd have given me a chance, but you considered killing me. I don't even know why. You let me go so quickly, so carelessly. What did I do to deserve this?
A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I was cursed with one final thought before slipping into dreamless oblivion. Why did you turn your back on me when I needed you the most?
