If Tomorrow Never...

It's fanfic, I don't make any money from this. :-) Pretty please don't sue! (I also don't own the song. It's Dixie Chicks' Without You from the Fly CD.)

This is an A/U stemming from the three missing years. You're smart; you'll get it. :-)

This was originally going to be the prologue for a longer story, "The Ones You Touch," but that wasn't working out. I couldn't get the story out the way I wanted it, so it's tentatively scrapped. If you want more, though, (um, why? it's depressing!) email or review and give me ideas! J And if you want to email and say I suck, go ahead. I like mail.

If Tomorrow Never… part 1 of 2 - Without You

***I've sure enjoyed the rain, but I'm lookin' forward to the sun

***You have to feel the pain when you lose the love you gave someone

***I thought by now the time would take away these lonely tears

***I hope you're doing fine all alone, but where do I go from here?

Bulma looked at the baby boy asleep in the crib. Today he was 8 months old. Everyone had a party for him last night, but now the two were alone. She tried to smile at last night's memories, but she didn't quite make it. The expression was foreign after so long.

Eight months. She couldn't believe that much time had passed since she had last seen him. No, not everyone had been at the party. Eight months ago Vegeta left "to train." Why the hell had he stayed through her pregnancy only to leave when the baby finally came? To leave when she really needed him?

***Without you I'm not okay

***And without you I've lost my way

***My heart's stuck in second place

***Ooh, without you

She couldn't even get mad at him for leaving. She knew it was her fault. She just couldn't remember what she had done to drive him away. She couldn't remember a lot of things recently. She couldn't remember forming a real smile since he left her, nor one day she hadn't collapsed into tears. Today, though, as much as she wanted to, she couldn't cry. Not even a little.

She thought back, trying to remember how long things had been like this, how long it had been since she hadn't screwed up. It was hard to think back that far.

Sleep. She just needed to sleep. Then things would be better.

***Well, I never thought I'd be lying here without you by my side

***It seems unreal to me that the life you promised was a lie

***You made it look so easy, making love into memories

***I guess you got what you wanted, but what about me?

She reached into her purse and pulled out the bottle the doctor had prescribed for her insomnia a few weeks before. She hadn't taken the pills then, but she was familiar with the drug. Mild in small doses; lethal even in medium ones.

But she wasn't thinking of that. All she could think about was getting away from the pain. Sleep. You can't feel if you're asleep.

***Without you I'm not okay

***And without you I've lost my way

***My heart's stuck in second place

***Ooh, without you

Bulma stared at the bottle for a few more minutes. She could take these. She could just sleep and sleep and never have to think of her former lover again. Or the way he used her. Screwed her until he was tired of her and left. Yes, she could.

She opened the bottle and took a handful of the pills, then placed the now-empty container in her nightstand

The few pills he had allowed her constituted almost a large dose.

***Somebody tell my head to try to tell heart

***That I'm better off without you, 'cause baby I can't live

The baby would sleep, too. He had all day. There was no reason to think he wouldn't stay asleep. Just in case, though, she should write a note. Tell them not to wake her, to just let her sleep.

"Shhh, Trunks. Mommy's tired, ok? You sleep now so she can, too," she cooed to the sleeping child. She climbed into bed, praying she wouldn't wake until the pain went away.

***Without you I'm not okay

***And without you I've lost my way

***My heart's stuck in second place

***Ooh, without you, without you