This is fanfic,
so I make no money. I pwomise to put
'em back where I found 'em, Mommy! (Yeah, yeah, the song is BSB's.) Why, oh, why can I not remember the original name of Goku's "Instant
Transmission" thingie? Do you
know? Please tell me!
This was
originally going to be part 1 of a longer story, "The Ones You Touch," but that
wasn't working out. I couldn't get the
story out the way I wanted it, so it's tentatively scrapped. If you want more, though, (um, why? it's depressing!) email or review and give
me ideas! J And if you want to email and say I suck, go ahead. I like mail.
DBZ A/U
If Tomorrow
Never… part 2 of 2 - Don't Wanna Lose You Now
***I never
thought I would lose my mind,
***That I could
control this.
***Never
thought that I'd be left behind,
***That I was
stronger than you, baby.
In a far-off
mountain range, a certain Saiya-jin was absentmindedly perfecting the technique
of snow-blasting. Something was wrong
with his mate, and he knew it.
All these
months apart had done nothing to weaken the bond between them. He knew she was unhappy, but was sure she
understood that he had to train to defeat the Androids. With less than a year left, he was forced to
take a break from his distractions.
The brat had
driven that point home for him. Seeing
the tiny, perfect mini-him made Vegeta realize just how much he had invested in
this planet, in these people, in his family. There was no way he would ever let anything happen to them.
***Girl, if
only I knew what I've done...
***You know, so
why don't you tell me?
***And I, I
would bring down the moon and the sun
***To show how
much I care.
But something
was really wrong with that baka onna, he realized suddenly. He was rarely able to sense her chi; it was something
else that told him to get to her. The
urgency of the situation hit him, and not for the first time he wished he knew
that instant-whatever technique of Kakarotto's. He flew as quickly as he could to her.
***Don't wanna
lose you now, baby.
***I know we
can win this.
***Don't wanna
lose you now,
***No, no, or
ever again.
Her presence in
his mind was fading, fast, and he urged his body past any limit he knew or had
ever thought of in his rush to get to her.
When he got to
the balcony, he thought she was taking one of her "naps," but her
face was off, the color wrong. Not
wrong, per se, but wrong for her. And
he knew what those colors meant.
***I've got
this feeling you're not gonna stay;
***It's burning
within me.
"ONNA!" Screw the door; he had to get to her! "Bulma! Come on! Wake up! Wake UP!" Even as he said this, even as the tears poured down his face,
even as he tried to rouse her, he knew it was too late. Her heart had stopped before he even reached
her.
***The fear of
losing,
***Of slipping
away,
***Just keeps
getting closer, baby.
He clutched her
lifeless body closer, and in the small room a single heartbreaking question was
heard over and over: "Why, onna, why'd you leave me?"
***Whatever
reason to leave that I've had,
***My place was
always beside you.
He sat cradling
her for hours, until the brat started wailing and brought him back to the world
of the living. As he went to pick up
his son, his every step, every movement, showed the effects of this day. The once-proud Saiya-jin was broken.
***And I wish
that I didn't need you so bad;
***Your face
just won't go away.
Mechanically,
he changed his son's diaper and prepared food. Though he had never spent a day in this child's presence, he knew how to
take care of an infant. This wasn't the
first time the responsibility of a child was his, though he'd never tell the
others that.
He was forced
to return to his mate's room - funny how it would never be his again, or
theirs, that was what he wanted - when the brat soiled his clothes.
Vegeta tried to
avoid looking at her body, to keep his mind on the task at hand, his son, but
his attention was drawn to a piece of paper lying near her. When he read it, tears again threatened. *So, she took herself away from me. That is... not acceptable, but I can...
live... with it. But for her dying
words to take him away from me, too... No.*
***I never
thought that I would lose my mind,
***That I could
control this.
Vegeta wasn't
stupid. He'd seen the marks before, the
straight, faint pink scars that seemed to go forever along her wrists and arms,
the smaller, more recent criss-crosses. But they were old marks, old before the two had even met.
He knew what
those marks meant: she had been a cutter. Someone who purposely inflicted pain on herself to make the hurt go
away.
***Never
thought that I'd be left behind,
***That I was
stronger than you.
Mom, Dad,
If Trunks wakes before I do, take him downstairs. Keep him with you, ok? I took some pills, don't remember how many, to help me sleep. Don't want to wake up until it's better.
Thought
today. Still can't figure out why he
left me, what I did. That's ok. He left me, he left Trunks, and he won't see
him again. Son-kun promised.
Don't want to
wake up until it doesn't hurt. Please
don't make me.
***Don't wanna
lose to loneliness.
***Girl, I know
we can win.
He
couldn't lose both of them like this. He packed his son's things, intending to take him away. Training, Androids, Kakarotto, all be
damned! If he hadn't needed to be
stronger, he would have been here! He
could have done something to stop her!
If he had been
here, maybe she wouldn't have broken his heart like this.
***Don't wanna
lose to emptiness,
***Oh, no,
never again.
He couldn't
stay, but he couldn't leave her yet. He
took the brat and sat outside her room, door shut. He was numb. They sat
together, father and son, silent, for another hour.
Finally the
onna's parents come home. Vegeta stood
and asked them to come upstairs.
He handed Dr.
Briefs the note. "I found her like
this when I got here. I'm taking my
son."
The older man
read the note, and with misty eyes noted the defeated look on the prince's
face. He nodded and went to comfort his
sobbing wife, leading her out of the room.
Vegeta paused
before leaving. He had to see her face
once more, to make sure she was really gone. She was. A final tear
rolled down his face. It was wrong to
mourn those who took their own lives. Those who took the coward's way out died an honorless death. But he couldn't stop himself.
Out of respect
for the dead, he drew the sheet over her face. Out of respect for his sanity, he closed the door on this chapter of his
life, just as he had done once before when the one thing he dared cherish was taken
from him. Still, after all this time,
he hadn't learned that it was best to just close off his heart as he did his
emotions. He even pitied himself for
being such a weakling.
Then his eyes
locked with his son's. The defeated
prince had a lot of things to make right, but he had a reason to fix the ones
he could. As he continued to gaze into
his son's eyes, the words of a song he once heard her sing ran through his
head.
"Don't wanna
lose you now,
I know we can
win this.
Don't wanna
lose you now,
No, no, or ever
again.
Don't wanna
lose you now."
And he intended
to make sure he never would.
