If Tomorrow Never...

This is fanfic, so I make no money. I pwomise to put 'em back where I found 'em, Mommy! (Yeah, yeah, the song is BSB's.) Why, oh, why can I not remember the original name of Goku's "Instant Transmission" thingie? Do you know? Please tell me!

This was originally going to be part 1 of a longer story, "The Ones You Touch," but that wasn't working out. I couldn't get the story out the way I wanted it, so it's tentatively scrapped. If you want more, though, (um, why? it's depressing!) email or review and give me ideas! J And if you want to email and say I suck, go ahead. I like mail.

DBZ A/U

If Tomorrow Never… part 2 of 2 - Don't Wanna Lose You Now

***I never thought I would lose my mind,

***That I could control this.

***Never thought that I'd be left behind,

***That I was stronger than you, baby.

In a far-off mountain range, a certain Saiya-jin was absentmindedly perfecting the technique of snow-blasting. Something was wrong with his mate, and he knew it.

All these months apart had done nothing to weaken the bond between them. He knew she was unhappy, but was sure she understood that he had to train to defeat the Androids. With less than a year left, he was forced to take a break from his distractions.

The brat had driven that point home for him. Seeing the tiny, perfect mini-him made Vegeta realize just how much he had invested in this planet, in these people, in his family. There was no way he would ever let anything happen to them.

***Girl, if only I knew what I've done...

***You know, so why don't you tell me?

***And I, I would bring down the moon and the sun

***To show how much I care.

But something was really wrong with that baka onna, he realized suddenly. He was rarely able to sense her chi; it was something else that told him to get to her. The urgency of the situation hit him, and not for the first time he wished he knew that instant-whatever technique of Kakarotto's. He flew as quickly as he could to her.

***Don't wanna lose you now, baby.

***I know we can win this.

***Don't wanna lose you now,

***No, no, or ever again.

Her presence in his mind was fading, fast, and he urged his body past any limit he knew or had ever thought of in his rush to get to her.

When he got to the balcony, he thought she was taking one of her "naps," but her face was off, the color wrong. Not wrong, per se, but wrong for her. And he knew what those colors meant.

***I've got this feeling you're not gonna stay;

***It's burning within me.

"ONNA!" Screw the door; he had to get to her! "Bulma! Come on! Wake up! Wake UP!" Even as he said this, even as the tears poured down his face, even as he tried to rouse her, he knew it was too late. Her heart had stopped before he even reached her.

***The fear of losing,

***Of slipping away,

***Just keeps getting closer, baby.

He clutched her lifeless body closer, and in the small room a single heartbreaking question was heard over and over: "Why, onna, why'd you leave me?"

***Whatever reason to leave that I've had,

***My place was always beside you.

He sat cradling her for hours, until the brat started wailing and brought him back to the world of the living. As he went to pick up his son, his every step, every movement, showed the effects of this day. The once-proud Saiya-jin was broken.

***And I wish that I didn't need you so bad;

***Your face just won't go away.

Mechanically, he changed his son's diaper and prepared food. Though he had never spent a day in this child's presence, he knew how to take care of an infant. This wasn't the first time the responsibility of a child was his, though he'd never tell the others that.

He was forced to return to his mate's room - funny how it would never be his again, or theirs, that was what he wanted - when the brat soiled his clothes.

Vegeta tried to avoid looking at her body, to keep his mind on the task at hand, his son, but his attention was drawn to a piece of paper lying near her. When he read it, tears again threatened. *So, she took herself away from me. That is... not acceptable, but I can... live... with it. But for her dying words to take him away from me, too... No.*

***I never thought that I would lose my mind,

***That I could control this.

Vegeta wasn't stupid. He'd seen the marks before, the straight, faint pink scars that seemed to go forever along her wrists and arms, the smaller, more recent criss-crosses. But they were old marks, old before the two had even met.

He knew what those marks meant: she had been a cutter. Someone who purposely inflicted pain on herself to make the hurt go away.

***Never thought that I'd be left behind,

***That I was stronger than you.

Mom, Dad,

If Trunks wakes before I do, take him downstairs. Keep him with you, ok? I took some pills, don't remember how many, to help me sleep. Don't want to wake up until it's better.

Thought today. Still can't figure out why he left me, what I did. That's ok. He left me, he left Trunks, and he won't see him again. Son-kun promised.

Don't want to wake up until it doesn't hurt. Please don't make me.

***Don't wanna lose to loneliness.

***Girl, I know we can win.

He couldn't lose both of them like this. He packed his son's things, intending to take him away. Training, Androids, Kakarotto, all be damned! If he hadn't needed to be stronger, he would have been here! He could have done something to stop her!

If he had been here, maybe she wouldn't have broken his heart like this.

***Don't wanna lose to emptiness,

***Oh, no, never again.

He couldn't stay, but he couldn't leave her yet. He took the brat and sat outside her room, door shut. He was numb. They sat together, father and son, silent, for another hour.

Finally the onna's parents come home. Vegeta stood and asked them to come upstairs.

He handed Dr. Briefs the note. "I found her like this when I got here. I'm taking my son."

The older man read the note, and with misty eyes noted the defeated look on the prince's face. He nodded and went to comfort his sobbing wife, leading her out of the room.

Vegeta paused before leaving. He had to see her face once more, to make sure she was really gone. She was. A final tear rolled down his face. It was wrong to mourn those who took their own lives. Those who took the coward's way out died an honorless death. But he couldn't stop himself.

Out of respect for the dead, he drew the sheet over her face. Out of respect for his sanity, he closed the door on this chapter of his life, just as he had done once before when the one thing he dared cherish was taken from him. Still, after all this time, he hadn't learned that it was best to just close off his heart as he did his emotions. He even pitied himself for being such a weakling.

Then his eyes locked with his son's. The defeated prince had a lot of things to make right, but he had a reason to fix the ones he could. As he continued to gaze into his son's eyes, the words of a song he once heard her sing ran through his head.

"Don't wanna lose you now,

I know we can win this.

Don't wanna lose you now,

No, no, or ever again.

Don't wanna lose you now."

And he intended to make sure he never would.