valkryies15

Ship of the Valkryies (Part Fifteen)

A Star Trek crossover fanfic by Lt Taya 17 Janeway (TaTTooGaL™)

The men were boldly being kept in a disused shed in the back of the Q Continuum where no one had gone before in the last fifty thousand cycles. Amongst abandoned solar systems, discarded protostars and plans for black hole expansion, the motley group of males had bonded, more or less.

When the women arrived, the men were engaged in their own form of entertainment. Sisko, Worf and Tuvok had formed their own silent niche in a corner, and were bouncing Sisko's baseball to each other in boredom. Picard and Chakotay were in another, exchanging archaeological and anthropological anecdotes to each other and boring the heck out of everyone within earshot (which might have explained the sudden dearth of people around them). Riker, LaForge, Paris and Kim were playing a game of poker with cut-out plans of the Alpha Quadrant. Bashir and O'Brien were playing darts with sharp pointy objects which the Q used to poke wormholes into subspace, placing the target strategically so that any stray shots would drive into Quark's sniveling Ferengi butt. Perhaps as a result of this (or not) the only person who'd had enough guts to approach Quark so far was Neelix, and Odo was keeping one wary eye on them. The Doctor and Data had elected to form a duet, much to the annoyance of all present. Well, they could sing, but it had gotten more than slightly irritating when they'd begun on the four hundred and forty seventh variation to "Ten Green Bottles". The rest of the several hundred ensigns, noncoms and other insignificant personnel were fearfully crammed into the back of the shed, hoping they'd get lost in the flotsam and jetsam of Q civilization and that nobody would recognize them.

Everyone looked up when the women arrived, and delighted smiles spread out throughout the room. With a barely stifled cry, Torres darted across the room and flung her arms around Paris' neck before turning to toss Q a dirty look, as if to say, And don't you dare ever touch my man again…

Janeway gestured to the men assembled before them. "Well, Q, I think you owe them an apology too."

Q's eyes widened. "Them? What have I done to them which merits them the honor of my apologies? All they've done is slack here doing nothing in the relative comfort of the Continuum, while I've been out there slogging to get you hardheaded women to cooperate!"

"They slack and do nothing all the time on our ships anyway, and compared to where we come from, I must say the Continuum is an absolute mess," rebutted Jadzia, eliciting a loud protest of "Hey!" from Bashir, speaking for mankind in general.

Q folded his arms and made a huffing noise. "I won't apologize to these uncivilized, worthless and pathetic excuses for manhood," he said superciliously. "It's demeaning."

The women formed an indignant, intimidating circle around him, and Q began seriously rethinking his actions. Janeway was terrifying enough as a mortal, and now that she was endowed with powers equal to his… he shuddered. Even the weight of the entire Continuum behind him wouldn't be enough to save him should she get really, really incensed. Better to play safe and survive.

"All right! All right! You win again. Alright guys, listen up, this is the one and only time you're going to hear these words from my mouth! I'm sorry you're such uncivilized, worthless and pathetic excuses for manhood!"

Janeway's eyes narrowed.

Q gulped at the intensity of her glare, and quickly added, "And for all the inconveniences I've caused you of course… but that doesn't change the fact that you all are uncivilized, worthless, pathetic excuses for manhood."

"And you're an uncivilized, worthless, pathetic excuse for a Q," sneered Paris in return, drawing shouts of laughter from the rest of the men.

"Laugh some more, and I'll turn you all into primordial protoplasmic slime," Q threatened.

Ro rolled her eyes. "Men."

******

Voyager was one crowded ship. With a snap of Q's fingers, the whole crew of Deep Space Nine, the Enterprise and Voyager had all been transported back. All the senior crew were crammed into the mess hall, giving some appropriateness to its moniker. All around were bubbly spirits, celebrations, and smiles that were making a certain Bajoran major very envious.

The moment they'd been returned to their places the crew had all gathered around their crewmates in delight. Jadzia sought out Worf, her husband, while Torres refused to leave Paris' side. O'Brien enveloped his wife and his daughter in a bear-crushing hug, and Picard seemed more than overjoyed to see his counselor and doctor again. Especially his doctor. Janeway approached Chakotay, smiling. She stood hesitantly before him for a moment, then gave in to her feelings and threw her arms around him in a relieved hug. "Welcome back. I missed you."

Watching from beside Worf, Jadzia turned and gave Ro, who was talking to Riker and Troi, a nudge. The three women exchanged a glance, and giggled.

"Well, I think this warrants a celebration," announced Guinan with her usual wide smile. "Refreshments on Q, of course."

Q rolled his eyes and folded his arms tightly as the room erupted in wild cheers. "I'm going to have a little chat with Cass when I get back to the Continuum," he growled. With a snap of his fingers a banquet table appeared in the middle of the Mess Hall, filled with plates of live gagh, a large platter full of dark blue berries and a huge pitcher of Romulan Ale. "Enjoy."

Cautiously, Seven picked up one of the juicy looking berries and ate it.

An instant later she scrunched her face up in agony and let out a resounding yell of disgust.

"What's wrong with it?" asked Torres, obviously amused by Seven's wild reaction to the fruit. She picked one up and handed it to Paris. "I bet even Tom could stomach this."

Paris, having had the gauntlet thrown down for him, accepted the berry reluctantly and took a tiny nibble from it.

"Aaaaaaaaaaargh! It's SOUR!!" Paris doubled over in agony and spat out the remains of the berry, howling.

Q could hardly keep a straight face as he told them, "Oh dear. I must have forgotten to tell you that they were called sourberries… my, how absent-minded of me."

Seven, on the other hand, was not so amused. In an unusual display of passionate indignance, the ruffled ex-Borg marched over to the table, seized a handful of gagh, and shoved it down the back of Q's psuedo Starfleet uniform.

With a giggled, Ro applauded Seven's move, and the women all converged on Q, armed with fistfuls of the live wriggling worms. When they were done with him he was barely recognizable, covered head to toe in live Klingon food. Well, Guinan had said that refreshments were on Q…

Q scowled deeply, then flashed the mess out of existence. "Very funny. I suppose that getting a person all covered in disgusting material is your concept of high humor. Well, I could hardly blame you. After all, your brains haven't substantially evolved beyond the age of sticks and bones. I'd hardly expect your idea of entertainment to have changed much."

"And of course, feeding others sour fruits to watch them howl is the epitome of civilized Q behavior," noted Crusher dryly.

The rest of the crew burst into laughter, flashing sets of orthodontic perfection as Q realized he'd been caught in his own trap. Annoyed, Kira made her way across the room, searching for Sisko. Much as she liked these people, Kira was ready to get back to Deep Space Nine and away from all these infuriatingly flawless smiles. It was an appalling sentiment, but somehow she thought she might prefer that fringe of Federation space, perched on the brink of an explosive war, because people smiled less. Not that smiling was a bad thing, mind you, just that it made her feel insecure.

Sisko was in the other corner of the room, watching the proceedings with an amused smirk on his face. "Commander," said Kira, "we should return to Deep Space Nine soon."

Sisko turned, saw her, and did the damnedest thing.

He gave her a perfect, brilliant smile.

It was time to go. After spending all those days together and bonding as one, the women were all being split up again, light years apart, serving on their different ships. It was a bittersweet moment. On one hand, they were all happy to get their lives back without any permanent damage. Yet on another they were unwilling to part with their new friends. For all they knew, it would be a long time until they could all meet up again. Everyone gathered in one of the shuttle bays, the only place large enough to hold all of them at the same time.

"Hey," said Kira lightly to Janeway, patting her arm, "keep us posted when Voyager returns to the Alpha Quadrant, alright? Then we could have a reunion." She winked at Torres. "We could reminisce about our dragon-herding session."

"I'll never forget that," said Torres. "You don't get to interact with those critters everyday."

Janeway smiled at her temporary Bajoran first officer. "It was an … experience serving with you. Benjamin Sisko is lucky to have you as a first officer."

"Thanks," mumbled Kira, ducking her head to hide her smile.

"And keep smiling," Janeway advised her.

Kira looked up at her in surprise. "Me? I look awful when I smile."

Janeway raised an eyebrow. "On the contrary. I think you look perfectly wonderful when you do."

"Really." Kira shrugged with a brilliant smile of her own. "I never knew that… wonders never cease, do they?"

"When this war is over, I'll come visiting to the Enterprise," Ro promised the crew. "If you don't throw me into the brig at first sight, of course."

"Why would we do that, I wonder, Maquis Girl?" asked Riker in a mock-innocent voice.

Keiko bid Seven and Samantha Wildman her own goodbye. "Take good care of Naomi," she advised. "She's such a sweet kid."

Jadzia addressed the other two women from Voyager as they made the final preparations to leave. "You two take good care of your men, y'hear?" At Janeway's look, she added, "Don't tell me you don't have one, Kathy, we all know the truth." She winked at Janeway's reddening expression. "I hope I'll get to see you guys soon."

Q, standing in a corner, rolled his eyes. "Yadda yadda yadda… are you done now, or shall I take a nice leisurely walk around the quadrant and come back for you one or two cosmic cycles later?"

"We're ready," said Troi.

The Enterprise and Deep Space Nine crew stood together with the rest of their crews in the shuttle bay, facing the Voyager crew. Janeway swallowed a lump in her throat as in a flash of light, they all disappeared back to where they had come from, fifty thousand light years away. Suddenly the shuttle bay looked forlorn and empty.

Torres blinked. "Well, that's that, I suppose," she said as she scrutinized the mostly empty shuttle bay. "We all had a nice time, learnt to hate Q's guts, and picked up a plethora of other motley talents." She put an arm around Tom. "And now life is back to normal." She sighed. "I guess I'd better get down to Engineering and check that everything's alright and hope that Q didn't put any monkey wrenches in our warp core for making a big fool out of him."

Janeway gave her a tight smile of reassurance. "He wouldn't have dared."

"Well, actually, I'm hungry," said Kim. "Is anyone else in the mood for dinner?"

"A celebratory dinner," insisted Neelix. "For getting out of this ordeal alive."

"Sounds good," said Paris, nodding.

"Then let's go down to the Mess Hall. I heard that Guinan left a few things in the pantry for us," said Neelix, nearly bubbling over in excitement. "Including-" he leaned over to whisper conspiratorially to Janeway, "- a genuine twenty-first percolator, so I heard."

Janeway waved towards the entrance of the shuttle bay, as if to usher the rest of them out first. Chakotay slipped one hand around her waist to escort her out of the bay. Suddenly Janeway remembered a small detail about the past few days, and she stiffened. Chakotay sensed it, and asked, "Is something wrong?"

Over the years of serving under their temperamental (or some would say just plain mental) captain, Kim and especially Paris had developed an uncanny sense of knowing when they were in deep trouble with her, and right now red alert bells were going off in their heads. Paris slowly turned away from the door of the shuttle bay and blessed escape to look at Janeway. "Captain?"

Janeway's piercing stare could have melted the two officers into the ground on the spot. "I was just interested in knowing something," she drawled slowly. Then she paused, and the two men flinched at her next question.

"Just what have you been telling Naomi Wildman about Chakotay and myself?"