*I don't know why;

Irony

Chapter 2

Author: Margarita

Email: margarita782@hotmail.com

Category: Liz angst, slight M/L romance.

Rating: R

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Roswell and all of the characters from the show do not belong to me. "In the End" is by Linkin Park, and all lyrics belong to them.

Author's Note: The first part of this is taken directly from the episode "Harvest." All lyrics are in italics. Parts of this piece take place in the future; note the dates at the beginning of the chapters.

Spoilers: "The End of the World," "Harvest."

Summary: Liz deals with the aftershocks of her promise to future Max.

Warning: Character death.

*I don't know why;

It doesn't even matter how hard you try…*

June 2006

"Max, please! Oh God, no! This isn't happening! No! NO!" I woke with a start, tears streaming down my face. How many times would I have to relive this?

"Max, I miss you so much," I whispered to the sky. I got up slowly, wrapping a robe around my shoulders as I walked to the front of my house. I opened the door slowly and sank down onto a nearby chair as I gasped in the cool night air. This was the third time in the past week that I had had this dream, and each time it brought back all of the memories I had done my best to repress. This wasn't fair, and I hated it. Why was I doomed to remember that moment over and over again?

Isabel says that none of them blame me. She's probably right – she became a psychiatrist, after all. I still don't believe her. The fact of the matter is that if I were one of them, I would blame me too.

"What could you have done?" Tess asked me once. "You don't have any powers." I slapped her across the face and watched shock and terror fill her eyes. I think she finally realized just how broken I had become. I know that she was only trying to make me feel better, but it still seemed as if she were saying, "You couldn't do anything, but I could have. I could have saved him."

In two weeks, it will have been five years. Five. I hope that wherever he is, Max has finally forgiven me. God knows I'm far from forgiving myself.